Got broken up with...

[outofleftfield1987]

I met my girlfriend about two years ago, have been dating ever since, with little
to no blips on the radar. She goes to school out of town, but we're both from the same place, and we have made distance
work, and seen each other for about 5 days every 3 weeks, and its always
been great. Fast forward to near christmas time 2012, and
we go to a party, and maybe I have a little bit too much to drink, and
have a jealous freak out on her.


She never gave me any reasons not to trust her before, so I honestly don't
know what spurned that kind of reaction in me. Everything was honestly
perfect, she was busy with school things, yet still made time to talk
to me every day, and felt like we were moving forward, after dating long
distance for 2 years, in three weeks we'd both be back settled in at home,
what we'd always wanted.

She came out to visit three times this semester. Our only other issue was when she got a great job and she got "mad that I wasn't excited enough"
for her when she told me the news, but in reality I was happy for her, but
I was out with parents, therefore not really
conducive to yelling and shouting and being excitable, though I actually
was. We moved past that, and she realized that maybe she was a little bit
over emotional about it, which I appreciated. We had discussed the new
years incident, and it still really bothered her, although she kept quiet
and we kept our relationship going, and I thought things were fine.

Moving to this past weekend, she goes out of town to see her cousin, I
go home for the weekend, and all of a sudden I notice that she's
acting kind of cold. We had booked a trip to Asia together a month ago
(for this summer) and now that just isn't going to happen. I was also supposed
to go to her graduation banquet, but I could tell
she was making excuses suddenly for me not to come, which seemed very out
of left field to me.

Then, the past couple days, she ignored my call and my reaching out to
discuss what is wrong. She says she'll call me the next
morning. Sure.
Understandable.

Finally, we arrive at yesterday morning. She phones me, and says that she
"doesn't see us together past this summer," and that we shouldn't go to
Europe together. I'm instantly crushed, and confused. That segways into
her telling me that we're in different places in our lives (what? we're
both graduating at the same time, moving to the same city etc.) Then, she
mentions that perhaps there are some "fundamental differences" between us,
but doesn't give me much of an answer about that. So essentially, we break
up over the phone, and I am literally shocked/confused/hurt.

After two years, all the I love you's, the trips to see each other, this
and that, she discusses that she hasn't quite been able to get over my one
and only jealous outburt (our only fight). I have owned up to that incident,
taken full responsibility time and time again, and honestly thought we had
moved past it, but it was obviously still irking her.

So really, our relationship sort of went out with a wimper. This is my
first serious relationship, and I know she loves/cares about me (we also
haven't talked since the call yesterday), but is there anything I can do
to try and get her back, and prove that we can move past that incident? I
know its still a fresh breakup, but its sort of ridiculous to part from
your best friend of 2 years, over one isolated incident.

Do you think there is a chance or opportunity at all to get her back? If
so, what would you suggest?"

 

[Kbomb]

Every emotion you feel right now is bull****. It is a biological mechanism in your brain to hold onto a valuable reproductive asset. You will not feel this in one month if you are doing it right.

Go out and meet new people. Feel your emotional crippling and heal and move from there. It is done, there is no salvaging it because your headspace is so desperate and pathetic. She is actually doing you a huge favor, as much as you can't see it it is true. The fact that you wanted to hold onto a long distance relationship itself was the problem. You will meet other women now who will also be important to you. Stop the mind games.

 

[MikeOck]

I think this quote from the movie Swingers says it best:

Mike: Okay, so what if I don't want to give up on her?
Rob: You don't call.
Mike: But you said I don't call if I wanted to give up on her.
Rob: Right.
Mike: So I don't call either way?
Rob: Right.
Mike: So what's the difference?
Rob: There is no difference right now. See, Mike, the only difference between giving up and not giving up is if you take her back when she wants to come back. But you can't do anything to make her want to come back. In fact, you can only do stuff to make her not want to come back.
Mike: So the only difference is if I forget about her or just pretend to forget about her?
Rob: Right.
Mike: Well that sucks.
Rob: Yeah, it sucks.
Mike: So it's just like a retroactive decision, then? I mean I could, like, forget about her and then when she comes back make like I just pretended to forget about her?
Rob: Right. Although probably more likely the opposite.
Mike: What do you mean?
Rob: I mean at first you're going to pretend to forget about her, you'll not call her, I don't know, whatever... but then eventually, you really will forget about her.
Mike: Well what if she comes back first?
Rob: Mmmm... see, that's the thing, is somehow they know not to come back until you really forget.
Mike: There's the rub.
Rob: There's the rub.

 

[outofleftfield1987]

Well we were gonna be home forever in 2 weeks, that's whats most frustrating part, so all I could do now is push her away, huh....?

 

[cordoncordon]

The 'incident' has nothing to do with this. She is just using that as an excuse.

I can tell you with 99% certainty that she has met someone else, and that is the real reason behind all of this. Now, did it start after the 'incident' or was it going on before? Who knows. But having been through something very very similar to this before with a girl who I thought was "the one", I know the signs of this to a T. There really is nothing you can do at this point either except to disappear and DO NOT BEG OR CRY OR IN ANY WAY LET HER KNOW HOW THIS HAS DEVASTATED YOU. Her heart is set on this other guy right now, and she is just looking for reasons to validate what she has done. I mean, she knows what she is doing is wrong and horrible and everything else, so she is looking for validation. Don't give her any. IF you cry she is going to say to herself "what a wussy". If you get angry she will call you psycho. So just MAN UP and move on. At least let her think that is what you are doing.

From here on out, disappear. IF she calls tell her you respect her decision and get off the phone. Don't respond to any of her texts. Don't ask why. Don't ask for her back. Don't do jack. And mark my words, someday she will come back wanting to get back together, and this time YOU can have the honor of telling her to Fawk off and she will forever regret her decision.

 

[Night-hawk]

You had one incident of jealousy, a little outburst...so ****ing what. Do not shame and beat yourself up for it, she is using that as an excuse and a way of manipulating this to make her feel deniability for her decision. I would have told her to get over it long time ago.

I understand you probably feel like **** over this and you have a right too, you invested a lot in her. And for the most part you are feeling you need to win her back mostly in an attempt to heal your imagined sense of failure that she is placing on you. I know it is hard to take the emotional blinds off and see this from an outside pov, as your natural instinct is to find reason to make her 'not behave like this to you' because her act of rejection defies your predefined status with her feeling loved and wanted. Don't give her any satisfaction for her decision by chasing her. Stay strong, bro.

PS: I Recommend you watch Swingers if you haven't yet. Epic film.

 

[JoeMarron]

Everyone else has pretty much said all that needs to be said. Unfortunately if you're like most other guys here who end up in this situation asking for help you'll ignore all of this and try to get her back anyways. That's ok though. We all have moments of weakness. Just pull yourself together and continue on as if she never existed. The cliche phrase "time heals all wounds" is applicable in your situation. Oh and read the no contact thread. It'll motivate you.

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=160056&highlight=contact

 

[SamTheHobit]

Message her and tell her that you Hate her for what she has done to you.. And that you hope she chokes on the next guy that she kisses tongue.

Tell her she's the scum of the her and hope she dies in a horrible car crash.

Fvck being cool, calm and collected.

Don't tell her you want her back etc.. This will only make you feel weak.

It's not about her, who care how she feels. She doesn't care a fvck how you feel.

People are far to nice these days and it's unnatural. So yeah.. Do that and the no contact.

For how long?? You may ask.

Until the point you don't want to contact her anymore..

On another note, If you want to get her back you better stomp that thought out quickly because it will fvcking consume you.

 

[JoeMarron]

Message her and tell her that you Hate her for what she has done to you.. And that you hope she chokes on the next guy that she kisses tongue.

Tell her she's the scum of the her and hope she dies in a horrible car crash.

Fvck being cool, calm and collected.

Don't tell her you want her back etc.. This will only make you feel weak.

It's not about her, who care how she feels. She doesn't care a fvck how you feel.

People are far to nice these days and it's unnatural. So yeah.. Do that and the no contact.

For how long?? You may ask.

Until the point you don't want to contact her anymore..

On another note, If you want to get her back you better stomp that thought out quickly because it will fvcking consume you.

Indifference will hurt her worse than anger.

 

[cordoncordon]

Message her and tell her that you Hate her for what she has done to you.. And that you hope she chokes on the next guy that she kisses tongue.

Tell her she's the scum of the her and hope she dies in a horrible car crash.

Fvck being cool, calm and collected.

Don't tell her you want her back etc.. This will only make you feel weak.

It's not about her, who care how she feels. She doesn't care a fvck how you feel.

People are far to nice these days and it's unnatural. So yeah.. Do that and the no contact.

For how long?? You may ask.

Until the point you don't want to contact her anymore..

On another note, If you want to get her back you better stomp that thought out quickly because it will fvcking consume you.

No no and no x infinity.

Doing that just proves you are a psycho and validates in her mind that she did the right thing.

The opposite of love is not hate. It's indifference.

 

[SamTheHobit]

Ok its not about hurting her. It's about healing yourself.

Who cares how she feels? Who cares if she thinks his psyco?

How she feels is irrelevant.

It's about directing his anger in one fowl swoop to a girl that couldn't care less if she never heard from him again.

She should know what she is..

I'm so sick of he same theory being used over and over.

 

[Zion]

Message her and tell her that you Hate her for what she has done to you.. And that you hope she chokes on the next guy that she kisses tongue.

Tell her she's the scum of the her and hope she dies in a horrible car crash.

Fvck being cool, calm and collected.

Don't tell her you want her back etc.. This will only make you feel weak.

It's not about her, who care how she feels. She doesn't care a fvck how you feel.

People are far to nice these days and it's unnatural. So yeah.. Do that and the no contact.

For how long?? You may ask.

Until the point you don't want to contact her anymore..

On another note, If you want to get her back you better stomp that thought out quickly because it will fvcking consume you.

Yeah OP. Definitely do this. Act like a spoiled brat and lose every shred of dignity. To be honest , you'd be better of begging her to come back than doing this. Worst advice possible.



Ok,on to the matter at hand. OP , sorry to hear the sh!t you're going through. I'm pretty sympathetic considering I went through something similar not so long ago. Here's what you need to know:

1. The 'your outburst' is just an excuse. Nothing more. Do not for a second think it's the actual cause of your brake-up. That lie is so paper-thin ,everyone can see through it. Even you , as you have already.She either wants to give up the commitment ,or has already found someone else.



Ok,secondly, when relationships don't work the first time I rarely ever think about getting back together. Not any time soon ,anyway.

Say after 2-3 years when you both will have dated other people and still believe that you are the best match for each other , miss each other , than yeah , a second shot at it would be good because you both have a different , healthier perspective ,more life experience and a + to the "I know what I have and will appreciate it this time" factor.

What you should do ?

This is absolutely crucial:

Go NC(No Contact - you can read the stickies on it too). Now,some people misinterpret this.No contact doesn't mean not initiating conversation with her. It means cutting every form of visual / audio or written reminder of her. Did I mention how crucial this is ? Not only will it help you not lose every shred of dignity you might have , it will also serve to heal you the fastest possible way.

-If you have her skype ID , delete that ****.You don't need your eyes glancing at the bottom right of your screen everytime someone comes online , just to see if it's her. At some point you will , she'll be online and you'll start wondering what she's doing / who she's talking to , you'll see her profile picture , you'll secretly hope she'll start a convo with you...all those things are very unhealthy. Delete the contact ID and feel liberated.

-Facebook. Same ****. Unfriend her. Why ? You DO NOT need to see her profile updates , pics she's taking in clubs or whatever with this guy or that guy. You don't wanna see her conversations with other people either. And most importantly , you do not want to see when / if her relationship status updates. Unfriend her and unfriend most of her friends which you don't care about. She might get tagged in their pics. Again , all this only contributes to mind**** and nothing else.

-Phone number. If you think you can control yourself,no reason to delete it. I didn't delete my ex'es number when we broke up , I never was the 'drunk caller' . When I'm drunk I just don't give a **** and hit on anything that moves (almost) , I'm a happy drunk as opposed to the sad ones. Anyway,it's your call here.

-Photos / emotional gifts (stuff like stuffed animals , love letters , you get the point). Destroy them or banish them. If you don't wanna destroy them (I didn't destroy mine. It seems stupid to destroy any evidence of 3 years of your life -my case- or 2 of yours) put everything in a box and stash it somewhere you won't stumble across them on a daily basis. I stashed it in my garage.

-Clothes. If she got you a cool t-shirt / dress shirt / shoes / stuff like that ,no reason to give it up. Wear that **** if you like it. I have no problem wearing clothes she bought me on different occasions. But again,if you find it difficult , stash those away too.

-Sex tapes / hot / nude pics of her or of you both. That **** has to go. Either you delete them or put them on a flash drive which you bury in cement under the foundation of your house. This is the first and most powerful 'regret' a man will have. My best friend went through a brake-up about 9 months ago (he had 2.5 years with her,something like that). The idiot didn't delete his home made porn with her. Needless to say he was jerking off like a dog and then would fall in a vicious depression. Eventually I convinced him to move everything on a flash drive. He then gave it to me ( he said he wants me to kick him in the balls if he ever asks for it back and I consider he's not over her). To this day I still have it. That girl was insanely hot and for 9 months I'm still not sure weather I should take a look or not. I REALLY wanna see that chick naked but something about seeing my bro's **** is very unsettling. I probably won't do it.:crackup: .

When you clean these things up , make sure you do it properly. I recently found a love letter from my ex with whom I broke quite recently in one of my books that I did not open in 1.5 years. Needless to say I was pretty ****ed up after seeing and reading it. I felt like running back on my knees to her - thank God I didn't. Anyway,make SURE there's no reminders left.

-Music. DO NOT listen any song that makes you think about her. Nothing about heart brake / cheating girls / love. Nothing like that. Spend 10 hours on making a pump-up playlist. Put in there songs that get you fired up. For me rap & hip-hop works the best. Those beats turn me into an animal and I feel invincible. Play me a love song and I'm on the floor rolling in tears. I exaggerate ofcourse , but my point stands. You might think you find closure in love songs , but you're only torturing yourself. Your mind is very flexible. If you surround yourself with positive music , and a positive environment ,you'll find it much easier to get over her.

-Hobbies and Passions. Definitely work on those. Hit the gym like a beast , learn a new dance style if you're into dancing , learn MMA. Pretty much any physical activity will release dopamine and endorphines. You want those , it will keep your mind happy and positive. You will relapse from time to time and find yourself in a dark spot. At which point your pump-up playlist should be used to it's full effect.

-Don't masturbate. Seriously just don't. At all. I mean NO FAPPING. For how long ? For as long as you can. I mean that ! If you can reach 3 months,YES 90 DAYS , you're golden. I realized that after my brake-up , during the orgasm and a few minutes afterwards you're all "**** her,I'm so good without her". 5 minutes later your curled up in a ball sad and pathetic. The higher your testosterone levels are , the more emotionally stable you'll be. Your sex drive will be through the roof and you'll feel invincible. Also , you feel an unstoppable urge to go out and socialize. If you're out and see a sexy girl , you'll be all over her.
The best part ? That emotional stability I was talking about.You won't feel as sad and pathetic any more. Not even close. Add to that the energy boost you get and it's all out fantastic.
Don't think it's easy though. Every time I see a hot pic on facebook my hands shake. I wanna devour that ****.The temptation will seem unbearable at the time. Turn it into motivation to do...well,anything , and you'll be very happy.

-Lastly , being single after all that time will enable you to 're-acquaint' with yourself. You'll find it pretty awesome to be single again. You'll think of her less and less and start enjoying your own self more and more.

With NC , if she initiates a convo with you , you can either ignore it or respond. But responding is a thin line to walk. You might relapse pretty nasty. If you do respond , keep it short and casual. Anything beyond that should be shot down immediately. Again, I strongly urge you not to respond. You threaten to effectively kill whatever progress you made in a matter of seconds.


Once more,a failed relationship is failed. Think of it as a car. You buy a car and it fails you. It doesn't suit you. Would you buy that same car again ? or would you rather go out and try different brands ?
After you tried several other cars and you're not as pleased with any of them as you were with the original one, you might consider buying it back. But at least now you come from a place of abundance and actually know how good it was,right ?
Besides , there are tons of different brands and models , chances are VERY HIGH you'll find one that suits you great,if not perfectly.


Most importantly , you have to realize that the healing process is not a linear progression. It's a circle. You might have 10 days of feeling invincible and the 11th when you feel like crawling to her on your knees like a slave begging for mercy. Push through and stay strong.


As far as the immediate future goes , take this to heart:

Decisions made with a judgement clouded by intense emotional distress are the worst possible ones you'll ever make. Also the ones you'll regret the most. Do yourself a huge favor by allowing yourself to clear your head.Time is your best friend right now.

Best of luck.

 

[casaanova]

She goes to school out of town

Game over. Forget what TV tells you; in 2013 long distance relationships DO NOT work. I guarantee you 100% there is another guy/guy(s) involved in her "decision". Women aren't aliens: they don't go hot/cold for no reason

 

[Bokanovsky]

After two years, all the I love you's, the trips to see each other, this
and that, she discusses that she hasn't quite been able to get over my one
and only jealous outburt (our only fight). I have owned up to that incident,
taken full responsibility time and time again, and honestly thought we had
moved past it, but it was obviously still irking her.

It was irking her, but no for the reason you think. I am willing to bet good money that your jealousy was not unwarranted. You need to realize that she decided to break up with you a long time ago. However, she did not mind maintaining the status quo while you were living in different cities. She could have fun in college while keeping a part-time boyfriend to give her attention and validation. The best of both worlds.

This is why you never, ever engage in a long distance relationship. 90% of the time, it doesn't work out.

 

[Big Nuts]

I remember in my university days, in the first 2 months I must have banged 5 chicks with boyfriends (another 5 without--those were the days). Chicks from the middle of nowhere who end up in college are spoiled with attention from high quality males....it's inevitable they stray.

Chances are she is interested in another guy. This is not really a slight against you, it just IS.

You'll have your answer soon, as she'll be dating the other guy really soon... or already is.

Go no contact, work on yourself, you're young and have a whole life of pursuing hot women ahead of you. Things will work out.

 

[casaanova]

I remember in my university days, in the first 2 months I must have banged 5 chicks with boyfriends (another 5 without--those were the days). Chicks from the middle of nowhere who end up in college are spoiled with attention from high quality males....it's inevitable they stray.

Chances are she is interested in another guy. This is not really a slight against you, it just IS.

You'll have your answer soon, as she'll be dating the other guy really soon... or already is.

Go no contact, work on yourself, you're young and have a whole life of pursuing hot women ahead of you. Things will work out.

Real talk. +1 rep

 

[VladPatton]

The 'incident' has nothing to do with this. She is just using that as an excuse.

I can tell you with 99% certainty that she has met someone else, and that is the real reason behind all of this. Now, did it start after the 'incident' or was it going on before? Who knows. But having been through something very very similar to this before with a girl who I thought was "the one", I know the signs of this to a T. There really is nothing you can do at this point either except to disappear and DO NOT BEG OR CRY OR IN ANY WAY LET HER KNOW HOW THIS HAS DEVASTATED YOU. Her heart is set on this other guy right now, and she is just looking for reasons to validate what she has done. I mean, she knows what she is doing is wrong and horrible and everything else, so she is looking for validation. Don't give her any. IF you cry she is going to say to herself "what a wussy". If you get angry she will call you psycho. So just MAN UP and move on. At least let her think that is what you are doing.

From here on out, disappear. IF she calls tell her you respect her decision and get off the phone. Don't respond to any of her texts. Don't ask why. Don't ask for her back. Don't do jack. And mark my words, someday she will come back wanting to get back together, and this time YOU can have the honor of telling her to Fawk off and she will forever regret her decision.

↑↑↑↑ - This 100%. It is what I was thinking as I was reading your post and cordon pretty much laid it out how it is. This will be your best bet for your own peace of mind.

 

[buzzin_frog]

Fast forward to near christmas time 2012, and we go to a party, and maybe I have a little bit too much to drink, and have a jealous freak out on her.

she now has an excuse to use to dump you!!

Our only other issue was when she got a great job and she got "mad that I wasn't excited enough"

she is losing interest in you....that is why she is mad at you for nothing.

Moving to this past weekend, she goes out of town to see her cousin

she was banging another guy while she was out of town......which is why she returned back acting cold to you.....then dumping you!!

After two years, all the I love you's, the trips to see each other, this and that, she discusses that she hasn't quite been able to get over my one and only jealous outburt (our only fight).

which is why "words of love" and future plans really don't mean sh!t....yeah, well she had that outburst excuse to use when she needed to use it....she used that as an excuse to dump you....she had no other excuses!!


Sorry dude....but the truth is...she (has banged) is banging another dude (or dudes) and will be with her new guy soon....there is nothing you can do except to move on and find new some girls. Beating yourself up over this won't help...you will just feel worse....You were a good bf and she is a b!tch...let her find out the hard way....and don't ever take her back!!

Not to sound like a d!ck here....but...why would she want you back? She dumped you to get rid of you!! That was her plan man!! She used that excuse to dump you!! Why would she dump you and want you back? C'mon man...get with it!!

She treated you like sh!t....so why would you want her back? She didn't appreciate the good bf that you were. She didn't love you like she said she did. So why would you want her? You can do a lot better than her!! You can have a girl who actually loves you and means it!! You will forget about this b!tch in a little while and you will realize that she was never worth it!!

It happens the same way all the time!! Some incident happens that she can use against you....she gets mad at you for the smallest things....she starts to detach from the relationship....some other guy (or guys) are in the picture...she has sex with them....she is getting ready to be with the new guy and needs you gone...she acts cold to you (because of what she did)....then she uses her ultimate weapon (the excuse) as a reason why she has to dump you....she then dumps you...and you are left being confused by saying wtf has just happened?

As soon as these chicks leave for school the relationship is on its way of being over. They will still last for a little while, but with all the parties, weekends at the bar with a ton of new guys they are exposed to, your chick forgets about you and focuses on the guys that are around her all the time. They are new and exciting...while you are old and boring.....they see their friends getting banged by dudes so they want in on the action too. So when they come back to see the bf on trips it isn't the same for them because they lose feelings towards the guy. Then you have the incidents and then the fights she can use for a excuse to later dump you. They get all this attention from other dudes...the bf is gone....they are horny....so they bang other guys....then they dump the bf. It is bvllsh!t but that is what happens and why long distance relationships never work...actually this can still happen in your own town!!

I've seen this sh!t happen all the time...these same girls who have their facebook pics with their bf 's back home...then on the weekends they're getting pounded all night forgetting all about them...not long after that the pics are down and the single status goes up. College life my friends...it's pvssy paradise!!