Got a job and most of my co-workers are hot girls. How would I go about gaming? (Continued)

[Oatmeal31]

This is a follow-up to my last post. I'm now about a month and a half into this job and since then, I’ve made it a point to start saying hi and bye to most of the girls (and guys) at work, and I’ve been joking around and teasing them here and there. Most of the girls have warmed up to me by now and are pretty receptive. A few stand out as showing more interest than the rest.


I watched this Todd V video a few times—he talks about how directly asking a girl out is a bad idea:

He basically says to keep saying hello and goodbye until they’re warmed up to you, and eventually they’ll start opening or closing you. Thing is, a lot of these girls are pretty reserved until I initiate something. I still have to be the one to open every time. They're still receptive but I want it to get to the point where I don't have to initiate most if not every time.


The problem I feel I’m running into is I might not be striking soon enough when the iron’s hot. Like, this one hostess—hottest girl there IMO—used to go out of her way to hover around me and come up with excuses to interact, like asking me something she already ****ing knew. The very first time she talked to me, I had never even interacted with her before, and she came over wanting me to use her radio. I introduced myself, asked her name, and held her hand for a second, even caressed it a bit. She blushed hard and was super into it. After that, she’d orbit and insert herself into little moments. But over the past few weeks of working part-time, the heat cooled and she’s pulled back.


I had something kind of similar with one of the bartenders. She got flirty, batted her eyes, we always greet each other with a smile, but again—not much more anymore. Things just faded.


There’s also a server I’ve been chatting with, and one day she casually mentioned she used to have a boyfriend who was also Hispanic. Felt like a hint that she’s single now. I engage with her too, and she seems into it. I had her make me some bomb-ass tea today after I told her I was getting over a cold.


Now, more recently, I just sparked something with another one of the hostesses. I only introduced myself a couple shifts ago, and I’ve already been flirting with her. Super cute blonde, bubble butt, and the iron feels pretty hot right now. I’m planning to tell her next time I see her that we should grab a couple drinks because what I’m starting to notice is, if I don’t strike soon enough, the iron cools and they pull back. And I think I might be giving off the vibe that I’m only a flirty guy who never follows through.

That’s not me—I will take it further, but I’m careful because I don’t want to get a bad rep at work. Unfortunately, by waiting for a greener light with the others, I’ve let chances pass me by. Or maybe I need to maintain flirtatiousness with them.

My goal has been to be the cool guy that has fun, lighthearted interactions with everyone and organically is the cool guy but maybe some of them also see me chatting and messing around with other girls and assume I’m not actually interested in them, or think I’m just being flirty with everyone.

So with this new hostess, I’m gonna go for it while the moment’s still hot and make it happen.

Coming from cold approach, I’m so used to being direct and making my intentions known. So honestly, it’s been tempting to be direct and just say something straight up—especially because a lot of these girls are at least solid 8s, hot as hell—but I’ve been patient.

It's annoying because I'm not able to rip off the bandaid and just say I think you're ****ing hot, tease, and say I'll take you out and we'll have a good time. Instead, apparently I have to play a bit of a longer game, and hit the sweet spot before she just sees me as another coworker. But I'm wondering if I can heat things up again with some of them, and have another go

There was a manager that recently got fired and I heard from one of my guy coworkers that it was from photoshopping his allergy card and apparently making inappropriate remarks with the girls, so I think I subconsciously toned down my flirting since then. Which has backfired a bit for me

Anyways, this was kind of an update. I want to see how I can progress and make things work, because I eant to **** multiple girls. If I can make things turn out that way, I want to pass that along. Also, any feedback welcome so long as it's not purely retarded, thanks

 

[Clockwerk50]

It could be a couple of things:

1. Your coworkers show initial interest but lose it after getting to know you. There may be a disconnect between how you perceive yourself and how others perceive you, something in your presence, tone, or behaviour might not be coming across the way you think it is.

2. The coworkers are friendly and receptive at first, helping you get comfortable, but they lose attraction if you rely too much on mirroring their energy, interests, or behaviour without expressing a strong sense of self or clear intent. Early on, reflecting someone’s demeanor or preferences can build rapport, but if that’s all you offer and you never reveal a distinct identity, the dynamic becomes one-sided. People may enjoy the familiarity at first, but without a clear sense of who you are and where you’re taking things, their interest fades.

3. The women may have a no-dating-coworkers rule. They might be willing to break it for someone who stands out, but if the potential reward doesn’t outweigh the social or professional risk, they’ll hold back. In your case, they may see the risk as not worth the squeeze.

The advice remains the same: when you receive signals of interest, you move forward; if you sense disinterest, you pull back. That’s the challenge of dating in the workplace, you have limited opportunities to take risks, and if you ask everyone out, it can come across as desperate. The approach shown in the video helps you avoid this by encouraging the woman to make the move. However, when you ask someone out, if you keep it casual, low-pressure, and give them an easy out puts you in a much better position.

 

[Prepostereax]

I'm no fan of OLD, and have never needed to use it, but in your situation it may be helpful.

Choose your favourite hookup app and tweak your parameters to match your workplace (eg smallest radius etc).
You only need one or two girls to find you, and gossip will soon do the rest, ie putting the word out that you're available and looking.
You may get an occasional comment about whether you struck lucky on the weekend, what you do with that is up to you..

 

[BPH]

I still stand by my initial advice to NOT pursue your co-workers, if you value your job.

Play the long game, and if any of them make it super easy for you, sure, go ahead and invite them out.

Otherwise, I'd probably just befriend them all and use them as social proof whenever I met a cute customer. They could serve as wingwomen, and a few might even wonder why you never tried with them, where THEY might end up opening YOU.

 

[Oatmeal31]

I still stand by my initial advice to NOT pursue your co-workers, if you value your job.

Play the long game, and if any of them make it super easy for you, sure, go ahead and invite them out.

Otherwise, I'd probably just befriend them all and use them as social proof whenever I met a cute customer. They could serve as wingwomen, and a few might even wonder why you never tried with them, where THEY might end up opening YOU.

I hardly ever interact with customers. I am not a server or bartender. I'm a barback/busser so that's not an option

 

[BPH]

I am not a server or bartender.

Yet.

At the bar that I most frequent lately, with the girls who all have a problem with my age, almost every bartender there now was a barback/busser a year or two ago.

They make very good money and are obviously popular with the girls who are vying for their attention to get served first. If you were to couple that with the social proof of being well-liked by all the hot girls who work at this place, you'd probably get quite a bit of pu*** by building relationships with their cute friends and random regulars who would make it a point to come when they know you're working.

Like I said, it depends on how much you value this job. If you don't care, then feel free to be direct with the understanding that you may burn bridges or get fired for harassment/sexual misconduct if any of them develop a negative opinion of you.

Personally, I would value being a professional first. If, and only if, one of these girls really throws themselves at me and makes it easy, would I then consider taking her out and trying to close her. Even then, I would make sure the early stages of this are super public with plenty of witnesses to back you up if she ever gets mad at you and makes accusations. As in, I would cover my own a** first and foremost.

 

[Oatmeal31]

Yet.

At the bar that I most frequent lately, with the girls who all have a problem with my age, almost every bartender there now was a barback/busser a year or two ago.

They make very good money and are obviously popular with the girls who are vying for their attention to get served first. If you were to couple that with the social proof of being well-liked by all the hot girls who work at this place, you'd probably get quite a bit of pu*** by building relationships with their cute friends and random regulars who would make it a point to come when they know you're working.

Like I said, it depends on how much you value this job. If you don't care, then feel free to be direct with the understanding that you may burn bridges or get fired for harassment/sexual misconduct if any of them develop a negative opinion of you.

Personally, I would value being a professional first. If, and only if, one of these girls really throws themselves at me and makes it easy, would I then consider taking her out and trying to close her. Even then, I would make sure the early stages of this are super public with plenty of witnesses to back you up if she ever gets mad at you and makes accusations. As in, I would cover my own a** first and foremost.

Ok, that's fair. That's a fair assessment and the reason why I'm doing this is to become a bartender, and those are the perks but it's likely going to be a while before that happens. I'm talking at least 6 more months.

And you mention friends of my coworkers. How would I even get to that point? From what I see, some of my coworkers hang out at the bar after work, talk, and then dip. No one really hangs out with each other like that outside of work. So I'm banking on invites that will probably seldom happen, or never get to that point

Assume that I'm willing to take the "risk" which I'm currently doing. How would I navigate this? Looks like your answer is to take it if a girl throws herself at me.

But you and I both know that girls almost never take the lead and I can't consistently rely on that with several girls, so I've been doing some legwork (greeting, teasing, humor, convo) so that I get the green lights and pave the way for her to throw herself at me. On the previous post I made someone said that if I play it right, there will be a competition on who will get with me first. I'm seeing bits of that already and that's what I'm trying to navigate

 

[Oatmeal31]

It could be a couple of things:

1. Your coworkers show initial interest but lose it after getting to know you. There may be a disconnect between how you perceive yourself and how others perceive you, something in your presence, tone, or behaviour might not be coming across the way you think it is.

2. The coworkers are friendly and receptive at first, helping you get comfortable, but they lose attraction if you rely too much on mirroring their energy, interests, or behaviour without expressing a strong sense of self or clear intent. Early on, reflecting someone’s demeanor or preferences can build rapport, but if that’s all you offer and you never reveal a distinct identity, the dynamic becomes one-sided. People may enjoy the familiarity at first, but without a clear sense of who you are and where you’re taking things, their interest fades.

3. The women may have a no-dating-coworkers rule. They might be willing to break it for someone who stands out, but if the potential reward doesn’t outweigh the social or professional risk, they’ll hold back. In your case, they may see the risk as not worth the squeeze.

The advice remains the same: when you receive signals of interest, you move forward; if you sense disinterest, you pull back. That’s the challenge of dating in the workplace, you have limited opportunities to take risks, and if you ask everyone out, it can come across as desperate. The approach shown in the video helps you avoid this by encouraging the woman to make the move. However, when you ask someone out, if you keep it casual, low-pressure, and give them an easy out puts you in a much better position.

Solid reasoning. Right now, they don't really know me and vice versa. Hardly get downtime to talk because the restaurant is often super busy. I'm literally on my feet for 8 hrs straight at a time and most others are too at this place. But there are moments, especially on weekdays when it's less busy and I shoot the **** with them

2. I've been pretty stand out for the most part, but maybe I have a blind spot sometimes.

3. Possible, but that's why I gauge interest. And restaurants are known for hook ups apparently, so unlikely

But yeah, I'm so used to cold approaches and making intent known right away that I feel like I'm missing out by not striking in some unknown timely manner. I think I gotta pull back and let them come to me for now cause I have to initiate most times

 

[Isildur1]

Whatever happened to just going out on the street and asking out women- ****ting where you eat is a big risk nowadays , juice isn’t worth the squeeze imo, use these women to build a solid social circle and just build your main leads from regular cold approach

 

[Isildur1]

I still stand by my initial advice to NOT pursue your co-workers, if you value your job.

Play the long game, and if any of them make it super easy for you, sure, go ahead and invite them out.

Otherwise, I'd probably just befriend them all and use them as social proof whenever I met a cute customer. They could serve as wingwomen, and a few might even wonder why you never tried with them, where THEY might end up opening YOU.

Yeah pretty much this- just use them to build a social circle and friendships - they could be good social proof later on with girls you meet from regular cold approach as your main source

in terms of tactics it’s soo difficult - the wrong move could get you in trouble and ultimately I don’t think any woman is worth getting fired for when there are 1000s on the street everyday

 

[Clockwerk50]

Solid reasoning. Right now, they don't really know me and vice versa. Hardly get downtime to talk because the restaurant is often super busy. I'm literally on my feet for 8 hrs straight at a time and most others are too at this place. But there are moments, especially on weekdays when it's less busy and I shoot the **** with them

2. I've been pretty stand out for the most part, but maybe I have a blind spot sometimes.

3. Possible, but that's why I gauge interest. And restaurants are known for hook ups apparently, so unlikely

But yeah, I'm so used to cold approaches and making intent known right away that I feel like I'm missing out by not striking in some unknown timely manner. I think I gotta pull back and let them come to me for now cause I have to initiate most times

That sounds like ****ty working conditions, nonstop pressure with barely any downtime makes it tough to gauge interest, and maybe some coworkers just don’t want to bring work home with them. Regardless, there has to be a point in time where one person has to lead things romantically regardless of the gender.

Maybe the advice that someone dropped earlier about getting a dishwasher job might not have been so hot after all.

 

[Oatmeal31]

That sounds like ****ty working conditions, nonstop pressure with barely any downtime makes it tough to gauge interest, and maybe some coworkers just don’t want to bring work home with them. Regardless, there has to be a point in time where one person has to lead things romantically regardless of the gender.

Maybe the advice that someone dropped earlier about getting a dishwasher job might not have been so hot after all.

Yeah, makes it tougher. You hardly have time for lengthy conversations. Pay is pretty damn good though and being surrounded by pretty girls is nice

Dishwashing is definitely not it.
You're stuck in the dish pit, there is no talking and they're pretty much always piled with dishes. I've slnever seen a dishwasher younger than 40 either

 

[Solomon]

Yeah, makes it tougher. You hardly have time for lengthy conversations. Pay is pretty damn good though and being surrounded by pretty girls is nice

Dishwashing is definitely not it.
You're stuck in the dish pit, there is no talking and they're pretty much always piled with dishes. I've slnever seen a dishwasher younger than 40 either

OP do you have plans to become a bartender in the near future? I know some places you have to go to school and some you don't just curious but that's a gamechanger for guys working in the nightlife scene

 

[Bible_Belt]

It sounds like your job sucks. Start looking for a better one. When you find one, you can put in your two weeks notice, and then do whatever you want for those two weeks:

- YouTube

Enjoy the videos and music you love, upload original content, and share it all with friends, family, and the world on YouTube.

youtube.com

 

[Oatmeal31]

OP do you have plans to become a bartender in the near future? I know some places you have to go to school and some you don't just curious but that's a gamechanger for guys working in the nightlife scene

Yes, that's why I became a barback. Best route but any way you go takes time

It sounds like your job sucks. Start looking for a better one. When you find one, you can put in your two weeks notice, and then do whatever you want for those two weeks:

- YouTube

Enjoy the videos and music you love, upload original content, and share it all with friends, family, and the world on YouTube.

youtube.com

It doesn't suck. I actually enjoy it. Like I said, good pay and pretty girls. It's just really busy and I basically get to flirt here and there. I don't mind busting my ass since I just moved here and it's a PITA to get a job here. I got lucky. I'll likely be here a while

 

[BPH]

Ok, that's fair. That's a fair assessment and the reason why I'm doing this is to become a bartender, and those are the perks but it's likely going to be a while before that happens. I'm talking at least 6 more months.

And you mention friends of my coworkers. How would I even get to that point? From what I see, some of my coworkers hang out at the bar after work, talk, and then dip. No one really hangs out with each other like that outside of work. So I'm banking on invites that will probably seldom happen, or never get to that point

Assume that I'm willing to take the "risk" which I'm currently doing. How would I navigate this? Looks like your answer is to take it if a girl throws herself at me.

But you and I both know that girls almost never take the lead and I can't consistently rely on that with several girls, so I've been doing some legwork (greeting, teasing, humor, convo) so that I get the green lights and pave the way for her to throw herself at me. On the previous post I made someone said that if I play it right, there will be a competition on who will get with me first. I'm seeing bits of that already and that's what I'm trying to navigate

You wouldn't usually hang out outside of the bar, at least not initially. You would just make small talk with whoever's there at the end of the shift and establish yourself as a cool, chill guy. I would assume your girls' friends may show up to see them at work, in which case they would also see you - even if they don't hang around until closing time.

But ok, if you're willing to ignore all warnings, my suggestion would simply be to ask these girls if they want to grab a drink at some other bar after your shift/some other night.

There's really not much to it other than that. But by doing this you're essentially committing to ONE girl, who may not be interested in you, and if any others are interested they may no longer be after seeing they're not your first choice - hence my recommendation to let them throw themselves at you and play the long game.

There is certainly some novelty to being the mysterious "new guy", but I doubt they're in competition to sleep with you, or anybody else, first.

 

[SW15]

Whatever happened to just going out on the street and asking out women

That's a difficult path that I would not recommend. It's the lowest probability of success non-bar venue.

I still stand by my initial advice to NOT pursue your co-workers, if you value your job.

@Oatmeal31 isn't a white collar worker.

In service sector work (McJobs), it's acceptable to hit on your co-workers. Most retail and restaurant jobs are short term jobs with high turnover. Having romantic/sexual relationships in this space is acceptable. The rules there are different than the rules for the office worker.

 

[BPH]

@Oatmeal31 isn't a white collar worker.

In service sector work (McJobs), it's acceptable to hit on your co-workers. Most retail and restaurant jobs are short term jobs with high turnover. Having romantic/sexual relationships in this space is acceptable. The rules there are different than the rules for the office worker.

I am aware. But the bartenders I know who maintain their jobs, and by extension, their income, are not hooking up with the other staff members.

My brother lost his job last year doing this.

My friend who used to manage this bar almost lost his job due to claims made by an ex lover he had to fire.

I do not think it's worth it.

 

[SW15]

the bartenders I know who maintain their jobs, and by extension, their income, are not hooking up with the other staff members.

My friend who used to manage this bar almost lost his job due to claims made by an ex lover he had to fire.

I do not think it's worth it.

It depends on the importance of the bartending job. It is easier to get another bartending job than office-based job that typical requires a bachelor's degree or higher and experience.

While I never recommend any office workers try to date/seduce co-workers, there's way more gray area in the service sector space.

 

[BPH]

It is easier to get another bartending job than office-based job that typical requires a bachelor's degree or higher and experience.

STRONGLY disagree with that. Do you know how much money bartenders make on a decent weekend?

They do NOT want to give up their shifts. The bartenders at the college bars on the strip where I've been frequenting are the same bartenders as when I went to school there. Their top earner makes my monthly wages in a weekend - and this is while being tipped by college kids who can barely afford the drinks. Imagine how much one could make at an equally popular spot with people who aren't broke.

For a short time, I was looking into getting work as a bartender and had some affluent friends at my old gym try to set me up with some people they knew at popular spots in town. I could not even get a job as a barback.

The barbacks who are now bartending at these college bars are often bartending at multiple bars, since they cannot get the in-demand shifts and sections, seeing as the veteran bartenders get first pick of those.

Not to say that getting a non-sales, non-commission-only office job would be much easier, but I wouldn't want to lose my job for some pu**y if my goal were to become a bartender.