Good Friend NEEDS help..

[christopher09]

I dont think anyone talks much about marriage on the site, however i thought maybe my good friend might be able to use some of a "dj's' insight to help him recover his marriage. I was listening to him a couple months ago when things began to get pretty rocky. I had told him that i thought a couple of things were out of line..#1) being that i knew from my readings here on our site that a big no no was buying your partner fake t1ts, which he had done a year ago. Also, she has been working as a bartender for at least 4 years of their 7 year marriage. Now,they have a 4 year old daughter together and yesterday she drops this bomb on him...:

Im not happy.

I feel no connection with you, my husband.

I feel like a paycheck to you.

Im not good at relationships, it's not fair to you.

I Fell a little out of love with you.

Love you because you're the father of our child.

I dont want to leave.

Now those are things that he told me and my opinion to him was this.
Look man, from what ive learned, the things she has said shows me that she is to far gone and u need to let her go. I also said that her working at that bar is probably not the greatest atomsphere for her lingering emotional status. I told him i think she has some serious insecurities considering the breast implants. Also, as some of you may know, sometimes we seem to talk down a bit on our partners when in a relationship or married for an extended amount of time and things become repetative, and although they look at us like they understand, they are secretly thinking"who the hell does he think hes talking to!". I think my friend has talked down a bit to much on his wife as well(she told him he often talks to her like she knows nothing, like hes being a d1ck).

Anyway, i told him i would seek advice to try to help because, not having ever been married, i wouldnt or didnt know what to suggest to him in an effort to salvage his marriage. I thought \maybe some guys on here might be able to help direct him in the right direction. I told him i didnt think kissing her azz was a great idea, but what do i know about being married ya know? Thanks guys 4 your time -

 

[romangod]

Sorry to say it but it's over.


The best thing you can do for him is be there for the upcoming crash.


Cheers!

 

[STR8UP]

There's no "fixing" problems like this.

When a woman tells you (either through her words OR her actions) that she is "no longer in love" with you, it's OVER, point blank.

I laugh when I hear most people say that they need to "work on" their relationship problems. Aside from a temporary crisis causing marital strife that CAN be worked through, 99% of the time you are trying to plug the Titanic with a stick of chewing gum by "working" on it.

I don't know about you, but a marriage that becomes "work"..... that's not what I would have signed up for.

 

[KontrollerX]

Here is my advice...

Tell him to quietly get an attorney ie he doesn't tell his wife about this.

Also tell him to act understanding towards his wife's concerns and then ask her if she ever cheated on him with anyone during her bad feelings for him.

Tell him to re-assure her that its ok to tell him this as he won't get angry etc. Just make sure to have him tell her something manipulative that she will believe so he can get to the truth of the matter.

All the while he is asking this tell him to make sure he's got a hidden tape recorder on him or some kind of recording device.

The idea of all of this is in some states if its found out a woman cheated on her man she gets nothing as the result of a divorce unless of course they have a kid together.

So once he consults with the attorney and finds out if proving she is a cheater could play a factor in getting him a better divorce deal where he loses as little of his property as possible have him do all that I said.

Also before revealing that they will be getting a divorce to her tell your friend to wait until she goes to work or something of the sort and then get all of the items that are important to him packed and ready to go so that they and he will be gone when she gets back or if the lawyer says it'd be alright to kick her out have all of her items waiting for her on the front lawn for when she gets back to find out she is now out of his life.

Str8up is absolutely right.

There is no fixing a broken relationship or marriage.

Once a woman says some outrageous sh!t like she's fallen a little out of love with you its over.

Thats woman speak for I'm no longer attracted to you or in love with you at all.

Aside from that its also a massive disrespect and disqualifying of you as a man and only the most pathetic unwitting AFC out there or an AFC with scarcity mentality too afraid he'll never find anyone else if he loses her would put up with this and try and fix the situation giving her the power by his trying to re-qualify himself to her.

No sir.

DJ's don't re-qualify themselves to any woman.

If a woman stops loving you, liking you or whatever thats all on her, thats not your problem, she can get the fvck out. A man disrespects himself by trying to re-qualify himself to a woman that loved him previously as her wants changed not him. He's perfectly fine the way he is and if the woman doesn't like that its time to go. Not stick around and insult you or stick around pretending she wants to make it work when in reality all that she now wants is the financial stability of a marriage and any social benefit that comes with it via outside appearance to others that all is well with her life.

So yeah this guy needs to divorce this woman after he explores options with his attorney that I've brought up to get himself the most benefit possible out of the divorce and the least hassle.

Oh yeah and if he's still emotional over her and wants to try and make it work just inform him that trying to win back her love will just push her farther away from him emotionally because that is how women work. They love distant unemotional men. They say they want a guy to be all loving and sweet always but thats not the truth. They want that in little bits here and there of course but they most desire distancing so they have something to chase.

 

[christopher09]

Yep i called him and told him all of this....Hes going to try these things...so thanks 4 the help. Also - he was asking me what forum i discussed this on haha i said listen guy, WHEN your single, ill give you the link hahaha. Thanks again..ill let you know how he fares out in the future.

 

[sodbuster]

YOU can do a web search for Palladin Press. They have a book Screw the B**ch. It's a divorce primer for men.

For right now,he has to decide if he wants full custody of his daughter or joint etc. Find out the state laws in some states, if you have been the primary caregiver, you can get custody[maybe he wants to start]. Other things I'd do right now is cancell credit cards so she can't charge stuff on them that he has to pay for after the divorce. Get one she doesn't know about so she can't cancell them all on him. Start building up a stash of cash.

I've heard of women moving out,taking everything including the kid, leaving the guy with no money, no credit cards,no place to live etc. So, when he should be finding an attorney and fighting, He's just trying to survive until his next paycheck. waiting just lets her pick the time and place to screw him over[don't recommend marriage counseling,she's not willing to change,you just waste your time]

When my wife filed, I'd been planning for it for years, I had 60k hidden that she never found. My valuable stuff had been hidden at my parents or my office.

 

[decades]

I would say, "you know dear, I was feeling the exact same thing but I wasn't sure how to tell you about it yet." btw, this was predictable, the only question is what took her so long? Two Telltale signs. One, he foolishly bought her a boob job (and she promptly used them to "hook" some other chump(s)) and she works as a bartender. Now how many guys here would want their WIFE working as a bartender any time, but especially after buying her fake boobs?