Good Date...Ended Weird

[Disco]

Last night I went out on a date and it easily was the easiest date ever. We had tons in commong without putting on personas. The whole date she's sliding her hand up and down her martini glass, playing with her scarf, etc. while talking to me. I kept it funny and sharp, but never tried hard.

Well we get in the car and go for the drive back to her house, when she tells me how she wants to date one of her friends??? Through me for a loop, but I acted like I didn't here her. So we get to her house, I was only going to walk her up but she went in and let me in. While inside I wanted to make a move, but after that conversation we had I was kind of put off...so I only stayed a minute and left. Weirder is that in the car while talking she was tapping me in the chest, breaking the touch barrier. But as I was about to leave there was an awkward space between us. Not even close enough for a hug...it was awkward.

2 Questions:
1) Why mention other guys?
2) I figured on a first date when they invite you in they are wanting to play, but as I was leaving there was a huge gap?

(I'm sure I ****ed up so let me have it)

 

[DJDamage]

You let a Sh1t test get to you.

When she mentioned that she wanted to date one of her friends, it was either she is hinting that she doesn't want to see you anymore or she wants to see how you will react.

You should have went with it in a cool and calm matter:" really so you want to date this guy? I can drop you off by his house if its on the way."

The point is to see that you won't blink when she throws you a curve ball. Her response after that statment would let you know pretty quickly if she was testing you or you should NEXT her.

By the way what did you mean when you said "she let you in"? if your mind was not focused because she got to you, you should have dropped her a$$ at home and stayed in the car or you should have told her you don't have time you got a few things to do that night. By refusing you let her know that you got the upper hand and you are the one that is taking control and dictating how this relationship going to evolve, not her.

 

[myfriendblu]

this is NOT a shi t test. Its called low interest level. Her IL in you isn't that high. A chik with high IL in you would NOT EVEN DARE to mention that she wants to date anyone else around you.

Low IL = Next

 

[Disco]

LOL, whatever it is I didn't like it and didn't care for it at all. when we went inside...i just said "i'm about to go home and play with my dog." hahaha, i'm a ****ing dork

 

[DJDamage]

this is NOT a shi t test. Its called low interest level. Her IL in you isn't that high. A chik with high IL in you would NOT EVEN DARE to mention that she wants to date anyone else around you.

Low IL = Next

It could be a Low IL, however during the date Disco mentioned how easy and how good was the date. Women with Low IL either sabotage that date early on with bad behaviour or at the end of the date after her date did something wrong ( bad behaviour) or didn't do something right ( He was too much of a nice guy, moving more towards the "friend zone" rather then relationship zone.)

Her statment could either mean that he failed to attract her and she has Low IL in him or that she is not sure about him and is letting him know that for the next date he is better bring his game up a notch because she has other options.

If he did not let her statment bother him and would try to kiss close this date or make plans for the next one, he would be in better position to find out her true IL.

 

[Paradox]

Great reply DJDamage,

Your assessment of the situation seems to be on the money.

What gets me also is the statement that she wants to date someone else. To me that could be very low IL. It could be a variation of the LJBF line. Or, it could be a "hurry up and get me before I'm gone" line. I would lean towards the low IL though.

I would like to see some follow up from Disco on the next date.

 

[backbreaker]

i honestly think she was giving you a tale tale sign to snatch her up, and got soo fed up by the end of the night she started getting desperate that you hadn't made a move.

 

[Paradox]

Originally posted by backbreaker
i honestly think she was giving you a tale tale sign to snatch her up, and got soo fed up by the end of the night she started getting desperate that you hadn't made a move.

I felt this way also but when he went in for the kiss close she flaked out. That's why I leaned towards low IL.

 

[Disco]

No there was no kiss close attempt. This is what happened.

-We got out of my car and I walked her up to the door
-I thought that I would leave after she was inside, but she left the door open and went on in.
-But, I didn't want to hang out b/c it was late...plus the conversation in the car kind of put me off. I'm not one to hesitate on making a move, but we have mutual friends that know me for hooking up with a lot of girls. Didn't want to leave the impression.
-So I just blurted that I needed to get home and take the dog out. I'd been at work all day.

The space I'm talking about was when I was getting ready to leave. It wasn't like she was backing off, it was just a space with huge question mark in it.

I texted her on my way to work, she works at 8 too, just saying "i enjoyed last night, thanks". don't know if i'll go for another date.

 

[DJDamage]

I texted her on my way to work, she works at 8 too, just saying "i enjoyed last night, thanks". don't know if i'll go for another date.

Up to this point, I was thinking you might get a second date but you did a very AFC thing by texing her the following night saying you enjoyed last night??!! her IL just went lower.

Next time you go out with a chick you don't know much about, ask her to meet you in a certain place rather then supplicating and drive her around and back home without knowing her IL in you.

 

[stalluproar]

When she is figiting when she is talking to you while playing with her scarf and martini glass, obvious she is bored.

When you have eye contact, she is interested.

 

[Disco]

either way, i did what i wanted to do. today i'm clay, yesterday i'm clay and i'll be clay tomorrow as well. i don't think having a little class means your afc. it's pretty clear that i'm not to whoever talks to me.

 

[Disco]

and by the way, we did have eye contact while she was fidgeting. (now i go back to my batcave)

 

[Slickster]

Whether it was a shyt test or low IL it doesn't really matter. What matters is how you respond.

Imagine if the situation was reversed and YOU mentioned a certain female friend that you wanted to date. How do you think she would've reacted? Most women wouldn't respond well. Most definately her IL would plummet real fast. She wouldn't be impressed by that comment at all!

Now I'm not telling you to act like a chick and throw a fit but I think its kind of funny how guys will let a chick shyt test or let them get away with bullshyt comments like that one. I know better than to over-react to shyt tests but I still think you should've acted differently.

With the limited info you've given about this date I can still tell you one thing for sure.

You aren't the prize. She is. And she knows it.

You let her get away with that comment and then still walked her to the door. Went inside still hopeful. And the next day you are still concerned about this date and this disrespectful chick.

If it was me I wouldn't have freaked at the comment either. You guys are on the first date, there are no strings attached and she has every right to be out on the scene dating. However that comment lacked class and I would let her know it with a smile and in a playful, sarcastic way.

"Ooo, that's classy! Talkin' about other guys while your still on a date. Very impressive."

Basically let her know that she's lost value in your eyes and she's down on the bottom of your list until further notice.

 

[myfriendblu]

Originally posted by Paradox
. Or, it could be a "hurry up and get me before I'm gone" line. .

I don't think so. If a girl has high IL, she knows she aint going anywhere. There is no rush and no hurry. No thoughts of being gone. This is simply a case of LOWER IL, not basment low IL just not high IL. I would put it at like a 5.5 or a 6 IL. Not enough to warrent a 2nd date. NEXT

 

[myfriendblu]

Originally posted by Slickster
Whether it was a shyt test or low IL it doesn't really matter. What matters is how you respond.

I disagree bigtime. Low IL is the kiss of death, a dagger that bleeds. Your done. End of story. How you respond means nothing. As all the long time DJ's here like myself have found, its never even worth it to call a girl out on her shi t. So what if he can come back with a witty remark or some neg hit bullsh it. It means nothing. It gets him nowhere. And most certainly, its not worth your time. Time is precious. I wouldn't waste it and neither should he.

Its not about being the prize or looking great or talkin great. You can be all that and a bag of chips, but if a girl doesn't have IL in you, she just doesn't and thats it. I have been on dates with girls that are way way way below my league and ability. Yet if the IL isn't there, I can be the best prize in the world and it aint gonna mean jack sh it.

 

[Disco]

Like I said before, either way I don't really care. Girl is cute, but she's like a 6.5 at best.

 

[Slickster]

Originally posted by myfriendblu
I disagree bigtime. Low IL is the kiss of death, a dagger that bleeds. Your done. End of story. How you respond means nothing. As all the long time DJ's here like myself have found, its never even worth it to call a girl out on her shi t. So what if he can come back with a witty remark or some neg hit bullsh it. It means nothing. It gets him nowhere. And most certainly, its not worth your time. Time is precious. I wouldn't waste it and neither should he.

Its not about being the prize or looking great or talkin great. You can be all that and a bag of chips, but if a girl doesn't have IL in you, she just doesn't and thats it. I have been on dates with girls that are way way way below my league and ability. Yet if the IL isn't there, I can be the best prize in the world and it aint gonna mean jack sh it.

Myfriendblu, I agree with your disagreement However if you re-read my response you might realize that I wasn't giving any advice on how to get the girl here.

My point was that whether it was a shyt test or Low IL a DJ should respect himself first and foremost. And he does that by responding to these situations appropriately!!!

If you are out on a date and the chick starts pulling shyt tests or showing Low IL then its done! You shouldn't over react. But you shouldn't drive her home. You shouldn't walk her to the door or go inside. And you definitely shouldn't call or text message her the next day! All you are is a puppet to her at that point and its sad.

Guys write on here all the time about passing and failing shyt tests. Why is she giving the shyt test in the first place? Because of Low IL most likely. It seems like most guys don't even acknowledge that. They figure "Ooo that was a shyt test. I PASSED! Woohoo." And they carry on hope. Its dumb.

So how should a DJ respond? I'm trying to get the point across that if you are being given attitude then you should give some back.

You are right Myfriendblu, there aren't any snappy comebacks that are going to help Disco get the girl here. However he shouldn't be holding on to hope (walking her to the door, texting, etc.) He should be pulling out some attitude of his own. He should comeback with something appropriate to the level of disrespect he has been shown.

That way he leaves the situation confident about himself and where he stands. He doesn't worry about how the date went and whether he should ask her out again. He throws her to the bottom of the pile and keeps on going.

 

[myfriendblu]

Originally posted by Slickster

If you are out on a date and the chick starts pulling shyt tests or showing Low IL then its done!

Oh i agree there. Many people often discuss shi t tests and stuff and how to deal with them without looking at an obvious point - if a girl has IL in you she won't give you a shi t test in the first place.

On the issue of calling a girl out on her shi t, I dunno, to each there own I guess. I have found that its not worth the hassle. I just let it be and let it die. I cut it off. I know when a girl has low IL, gives me a sh it test. No need to call her out on it. I think the BEST thing to do is to NEXT. That puts them in there place better than any witty comeback or neg hit ever could. It might not sting them right away, but it eventually settles in that your a man and you don't want any part of them. Done deal.

 

[Kaine]

if a girl has IL in you she won't give you a shi t test in the first place

I disagree with you. I believe all girls sh1t test you, the degree and occurance of these test do vary however depending on several factors, ones I can identify would be

1) normality of the girl is i.e. attitude and self esteem
2) your dominance
3) performance on previous tests
4) and as you mentioned her interest level

However I will agree that high IL girls will sh1t test you less often.

Girls can do it consciously or unsconciously, it can be a as a means to know about you or as a means to exert or extend her control over you. This by all means not an exhaustive list.

Kaine