Going to singles event

[LDD]

Ok guys, I understand PUAs recommend never going to singles event cos' it puts the woman in the driver's seat automatically, but the one I'm going to is a 3-week tango class where all the folks there are singles, so I thought it's a good chance to practice my skills as well.

In any case, it's not a speed-dating session (which I despise) and I get to learn dance moves, which is cool

I expect the session to be something basic like this type:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7qY0_zp58ow

My question is: during this sort of event (1+ hour each week), should I try to chat up the girl during the dancing training? Or do I just concentrate on the lesson and chat up the girls AFTER the event?


And a side question. In my attempt to go out more, I've also tried a bit of online dating sites.
I message this HB7.5 with the following message:

"Hey XXX! LOL your user name reminds me of a female boss I had many years ago, who sat next to me at work and always nag at me
What movies do you watch usually?"

And 10 mins later, she replied with:

"Hey LDD, that's not funny"

And she blocked me.

So, what am I doing wrong? It was just meant to be playful and start with an opener. Or was she just too uptight and can't take jokes?

LDD

 

[Mike32ct]

If the teacher has you rotate partners, it's customary to introduce yourself to each dance partner immediately. "Hi, I'm Mike" is fine. Or if you pick your own partner, also introduce yourself right away. Remember the names of the cute chicks so you can talk to them later.

I would keep chatting to a minimum while dancing (or during the dance lessons) for a few reasons:

1. If you are new to a certain type of dance, talking throws you off-beat and generally distracts you. (Unless you are good multi-tasker. I'm not lol.) It's better to be quiet and stay on beat and do things correctly than be chatty and F up the steps.

2. There is something sexy about dancing in silence. This is especially true for something like Tango.

3. You can miss what the teacher is showing you.

Talk mostly in between dances when you both are not on the dance floor. Sit next to a chick and talk to her. Then either ask her to dance or keep talking.

Yes, women will most definitely try to talk to you during the dances because they can't shut up lol. But, I like to keep the conversation friendly and a bit flirty but very short so I don't get distracted. Continue the conversation when you aren't dancing.

If you hit it off with a chick, you can get go get a drink or snack and keep talking. Or go back to dancing, etc.

 

[LDD]

Hi Mike, tks!

Another thing which some of my friends who go to these events face, and I'm trying to avoid it.
Say, the event has 20 guys and 20 girls. Out of the 20 girls, only 1 or 2 are hot.

Now, according to them, most of these 20 guys would just go up to the 1 or 2 hot girls and they're swarmed by guys trying to talk to them and asking for numbers.

In such situations, do I just ignore these 1 - 2 hot girls and just talk to the uglier ones? And then maybe at the very end of the session, try to find a way to talk to them for a min or so and get her number?

Tks!
LDD

 

[JaegerPilot217]

I have a feeling singles events, the majority of women that attend those are in their 30's and beyond

 

[abe0]

LDD...do not try to be cute and funny off the bat on dating sites. Try to establish some connection first. You really do not know how they are going to interpret this things. In fact, that is something I would have waited for to tell during a phone call so any misunderstanding could be immediately rectified. Abe

 

[Yewki]

"Hey XXX! LOL your user name reminds me of a female boss I had many years ago, who sat next to me at work and always nag at me
What movies do you watch usually?"

I'm going to give my honest and opinion about your message. It was absolutely terrible. You'll get better, don't worry, but you should know that what you sent was awful. To break it down,

1) "Hey XXX!" - too enthusiastic, comes across desperate
2) "LOL" - never laugh at your own jokes, and again unwarranted enthusiasm
3) "your username reminds me..." - story is completely arbirtary and comes across as pointless. You built your opening message around something senseless. It's also more negative than funny or interesting.
4) "" - again, unwarranted enthusiasm. Too much desperation.
5) "What movies do you watch usually?" - this is actually the worst part of your message. Completely generic, uninteresting question. You probably had already lost her interest before this point, but this basically confirms you would not be interesting to chat with. Asking this in general is bad, opening with it is a huge blunder.

 

[LDD]

Tks guys! In particular,....

I'm going to give my honest and opinion about your message. It was absolutely terrible. You'll get better, don't worry, but you should know that what you sent was awful. To break it down,

1) "Hey XXX!" - too enthusiastic, comes across desperate
2) "LOL" - never laugh at your own jokes, and again unwarranted enthusiasm
3) "your username reminds me..." - story is completely arbirtary and comes across as pointless. You built your opening message around something senseless. It's also more negative than funny or interesting.
4) "" - again, unwarranted enthusiasm. Too much desperation.
5) "What movies do you watch usually?" - this is actually the worst part of your message. Completely generic, uninteresting question. You probably had already lost her interest before this point, but this basically confirms you would not be interesting to chat with. Asking this in general is bad, opening with it is a huge blunder.

1) Isn't it better to start with stuff like "Hey XXX!" I was thinking the exclamation mark makes me feel more alive rather than deadbeat, if you know what I mean. Something like high-energy lol

2) & 4) Noted.

5) The problem with some profiles, like in this case, though, is that the girl mentions almost nothing about herself other than a few cute photos, so it's hard to work on that. ie: no mention of hobbies, or any self-description etc....
So in such cases, I just try to come up with something funny etc.

 

[Mike32ct]

I prefer playful to making fun of a girl.

There are ways to be playful without direct put-downs.

For example, say she's an English teacher...

Wrong:

You remind me of my high school English teacher. She was so annoying.

Right:

I'll be sure to use may and might correctly. Otherwise, you can keep me after class.

IMO, c&f focuses too much on put-downs and too little on being actually playful and fun.

 

[Mike32ct]

Or say she's a corporate type...

Wrong:

I hate corporate people.

Right:

Cool. We can use buzzwords/buzz-phrases together. You and I need to "synergize" and "re-direct our efforts" at meeting for a drink this Saturday.

 

[Yewki]

Tks guys! In particular,....

1) Isn't it better to start with stuff like "Hey XXX!" I was thinking the exclamation mark makes me feel more alive rather than deadbeat, if you know what I mean. Something like high-energy lol

2) & 4) Noted.

5) The problem with some profiles, like in this case, though, is that the girl mentions almost nothing about herself other than a few cute photos, so it's hard to work on that. ie: no mention of hobbies, or any self-description etc....
So in such cases, I just try to come up with something funny etc.

1) The best way to appear alive and upbeat is by being creative rather than the predictable and generic "Hey XXX!". Remember most guys are sending generic crap, you want to stand out and grab her attention. I would not even bother with a formal greeting like "Hey" or "What's up", just go straight into something interesting.

5) When the girl writes nothing tangible about themselves that is OK, try to use her pics as material. Anything at all that pops out, try to formulate something clever with that. If you're still drawing blanks, just write anything interesting but the key is being stylish about it. You can write catchy and effective openers that do not tie into their profile at all. A lot of people on here get results by just mass spamming the same message, but the message is clever. The best openers will tie into their profile in some way if possible though IMO.

 

[JaegerPilot217]

Are singles events usually posted through meet up.com?

 

[3agle 3yes]

Like some others I'm also only going to focus on your message...

...I prefer playful to making fun of a girl...

...There are ways to be playful without direct put-downs...

Making fun of a girl and direct put downs are TWO DIFFERENT things...

...IMO, c&f focuses too much on put-downs and too little on being actually playful and fun...

Again, if you think "c&f focuses too much on put downs and little on being actually playful and fun" then you've been looking at the wrong examples.

For example, say she's an English teacher...

Wrong:

You remind me of my high school English teacher. She was so annoying.

Do you consider this ****y or funny? Because it certainly isn't...

****y and funny is BEST used when she's already interacting with you...NOT as an opener and when it's used towards her behavior around you...not about her profession.

I message this HB7.5 with the following message:

"Hey XXX! LOL your user name reminds me of a female boss I had many years ago, who sat next to me at work and always nag at me
What movies do you watch usually?"

Is this supposed to be a joke? Other than the "LOL" and "" nothing else suggests it is.

Think about it...

If anything your message just says she reminds you of a person you find annoying and the opener about what movies she usually watches comes completely out of the blue...it relates to NOTHING you said before.

The whole point about being ****y and funny is the subconscious messages you are sending.

5) The problem with some profiles, like in this case, though, is that the girl mentions almost nothing about herself other than a few cute photos, so it's hard to work on that. ie: no mention of hobbies, or any self-description etc....
So in such cases, I just try to come up with something funny etc.

If the girl mentions nothing about herself and you want to be funny...use sarcasm as your opener:

"...wow, you're cute and all but there is just so much more about you! And judging from your profile you seem to be quite the daredevil too. Tell me something, what's craziest thing you've ever done? And don't try to play it down...I'm expecting something outrageous..."

Okay, this was a bad example...I've never tried on-line dating, but you get the gist...the sub-textual meaning of the message is "how do you expect people to message you, if you can't be bothered to describe yourself".

 

[LDD]

Hi guys! Appreciate the insight, especially from 3agle

Ok, so I went out with this girl I know from Okcupid last night, and although she looks similar to her pics (so no disappointment here), I must say she's kinda way too short for my liking and her personality isn't my type, and so I didn't feel any motivation to flirt with her or anything. ie: when I saw her in person, I just put her into friend category almost instantly.

So my question is: if you're not attracted to a girl, should you still continue to try to flirt and run routines on her etc? Cos' I find no motivation to do it.
I wonder if I can "force" myself to be attracted to her if I flirt with her.

Or is it better to next and move on?

Tks!
LDD

 

[Nickface]

Hi guys! Appreciate the insight, especially from 3agle

Ok, so I went out with this girl I know from Okcupid last night, and although she looks similar to her pics (so no disappointment here), I must say she's kinda way too short for my liking and her personality isn't my type, and so I didn't feel any motivation to flirt with her or anything. ie: when I saw her in person, I just put her into friend category almost instantly.

So my question is: if you're not attracted to a girl, should you still continue to try to flirt and run routines on her etc? Cos' I find no motivation to do it.
I wonder if I can "force" myself to be attracted to her if I flirt with her.

Or is it better to next and move on?

Tks!
LDD

No, you should next her. Been down that road before and it just ends up being a mess. You don't have to be a jerk about it to her about not meeting up again but you have to do this for yourself.

 

[JaegerPilot217]

So how do you find out about these singles events? Any other way besides meet-up.com?

 

[LDD]

LOL, it's a singles event organized by a community in my country; I'm not from the US btw.

Anyway, I need to find a way to make the girl pay / go dutch in future cases when I go out with them. Like when you're in a restaurant and the bill comes, od course I take out my wallet to pay first, and I expect the girl to ask for the cost and split the bill. But if they didn't, well, I've no way of opening my mouth to ask them to.

Saying things like "Hey XXX, that dinner costs $40. So....." :crazy:

 

[LDD]

Ok, just came back from that singles event.

Now I finally understand why people avoid going to these stuff, cos' it's mostly 3 - 4s that I see. Only the instructor is 7.5. Crap.
And the "girls" there are old enough to be my aunts!

This is my 1st and last time. Never again!

 

[Yewki]

Ok, just came back from that singles event.

Now I finally understand why people avoid going to these stuff, cos' it's mostly 3 - 4s that I see. Only the instructor is 7.5. Crap.
And the "girls" there are old enough to be my aunts!

This is my 1st and last time. Never again!

... well, I guess there's only one thing left to do then.

Bang the instuctor