going through hard time,,, advice please

[pipe007]

here is my situation fellow DJs.

my ex gf broke up with her boyfriend 3 weeks ago, she has been single since, they lasted a year, but before that, we were together for 3 years, she loved me a lot, but i was the one who messed up a lot, she decided to not see me no more and started dating this guy

anyway, in that period of time that she was with him, we saw each other a couple of times, she said she still loved me and we ended up in bed a couple of times.

she broke up with him, i went to see her, we had sex, i told her i still felt a lot for her, and that i have changed and want to be with her, she agreed, so now am psyching myself up to have a serious girlfriend, im all excited all the past 3 days for that reason, and then she begins to be colder than usuall, and backs off

i talk to her about it, she says she is looking at her exboyfriends pictures, that he already has a girlfriend, she tells me she cant handle that, and that she is sad, i feel like telling her to get the **** out of my life, but i just say " dont worry i understand" blablabla,

so now she calls me yesterday night, telling me that she is going to see him tomorrow, that they are going to talk, and that she wanted to let me know, and that she would call me to tell me what happened.
i was like " listen, you do what you need to do, if you want to go back with him, ill understand, you know. FVcking Shlt

dont know what to do..... feel sad, thinking of her

 

[pipe007]

I guess I wont call her anymore, but I just can't believe things, i hope anyone can relate here... its not about having ONEitis, i mean ive known this girl for 4 years, we had sex 3 days ago, she still feels something for me, but her recent 1 year boyfriend, i mean, i cant compete with that i guess,

im just going to back off, and see if she realizes that, or should i get in the middle of it, and persist? i dont knowwwww

 

[guywhoneedshelp]

Well it depends. I for one can't look at a girl I once loved exclusively after she has had another penis in her. That may be something I'll grow out of, but I don't believe any sort of "destiny" will reunite us when she had the desire to put another penis in her instead of working things out with me.

To me if the relationship got tough, and she wasn't willing to work it out, and you were, she's not worth it. Basically she tried someone else, and is weighing out the pros and cons, being unsure. The whole "I'm here for you now" thing, I don't buy it.

It depends on your personality. Many young couples go away to college and sportfvck people for 4 years and then come back to marry their high school sweet heart. If it was really meant to be, in my opinion, you'd both have no desire to do that, and you'd be planning for the future while staying together.

It depends on your personality. If you could start fresh, give it some time and then start dating her again. Remember how Vince Vaugn was at the end of The Break Up? He realized wow...maybe we're meant to be. And him and Jennifer Anniston exchanged looks, hinting that they would work things out. Maybe they had a happy ending.

But it's my belief that if things were meant to be there would have never been a breakup like that to begin with. Maybe a big fight, yes, which can teach you a lot about how much you love eachother. But anything that involves you leaving the relationship, having feelings for someone else, and then re-entering it, I don't buy it.

Like I said it depends on how you view love and destiny and all that crap.

 

[Igetit!]

Dude,you made some HUGE,HUGE errors with this girl. Imo,those mistakes were AFC 101 mistakes. It's actually hard to believe that you could be a member here for any length of time and do these things.

Mistake number 1:You told her that you still felt for her.

This was is BIG mistake, You shouldn't have done that. And you wonder why she went cold on you. By saying this to her,now she's going to take you for granted. She's going to feel like she can just go off and date another guy whenever she feels like it,and she can stay gone for however long she chooses,and whenever she gets back,you'll still be there waiting for her. And she's right. I call it the "spare tire" treatment. She treats you like a spare tire.
She doesn't really want to use you,but she'll keep you around justin case somethng happens.

Mistake number 2:You've become her therapist. Man,if there were a "Top Ten" listof things not to do with a girl you're interested in this (imo) would rank number 2. You're on the phone listing to her pour her heart out about some other guy!!! Man,that must be humiliating. The girl you love,the girl you have feeling for, crying and obsessed about some other guy. Then,she calls you to tell you that she plans on going to go see him,and that she wanted to just let you know. This is dangerously close to being another casuality of the friendzone. All the classic signs are there. Dude,I've been in you shoes before,and I know it sucks.