Going out to Play Open Mic

[ParrotHead420]

I play guitar and sing, sometimes do originals but mostly covers as the creative well has run dry in the last few months. So I'm going out to play tonight for the first time in a while. Had some bites in the past, chicks coming up to me to complement me after a good set and stuff, but I was never able to go anywhere with it. Hopefully some of that will change with some of the game I have picked up from here. I'll report back on my approaches and stuff later, but if anyone wants to drop me a few hints/cheat sheet stuff in the next hour or so while I get ready it would be appreciated.

 

[Jeffst1980]

May be too late, but if a girl asks you where else you play or expresses interest in coming to a show, that's an IOI. Get her #, then call her and invite her out to anything BUT a show. If she agrees, you know you're in.

I did the cover band circuit for 3 years and SHAMELESSLY used the "mailing list" to game chicks.

 

[ParrotHead420]

Yeah I wish I had shows other than open mics to play, but I have not been able to put a band together. Thanks for the tip though - I would have thought to invite to a show if I was in a band, I guess something other than a show would work much better. Thanks. BTW what is a good way to say you're not in a band but still keep up interest? Invite her to a "show for one" or something? LOL

 

[ParrotHead420]

OK, so early in the evening I was feeling a bit down. I looked around the crowded room at what appeared to be a sea of couples. So I just bided my time and waited til I took the stage. Now, early in the evening someone had done a version of "Hallelujah" and I took a swig of my beer and said, "No fvcking way!" to myself cause I had been working on that same song all night.

However, I was ninth on the list, so by the time I got up the crowd had turned over a bit. So I do my first two songs - "Brian Wilson" by BNL and "Mekong" by the Refreshments. Then, I go ahead and do "Hallelujah" cause fvck it, no one's gonna notice after the band that went ahead of me (which sucked). So I notice while I'm playing that this cute redhead comes up to the stage and is dancing and swaying to the song. After my set I get a lot of congrats from packs of strangers, and as I approach the bar I notice she is sitting there and the seat next to her is free. So I approach, take the free seat, and order my drink. She starts talking to me. We shoot the sh!t a bit, she lets me have a sip of her dirty martini and then goes off to dance to the set her friend is playing in. As she is dancing she keeps giving glances in my direction, heavy eye contact. So as I'm leaving the bar after her friend's set I go in for the close. She has a boyfriend, but I get the number anyway under the pretense that I'm always looking for friends too (her friends were flanking her so I'm guessing the whole "I have a b/f" speech was for their benefit). So I'm gonna give it a few days, give her a call on Thursday or something and see if there are any parties over the weekend and just go from there. Never number-closed like this before, and the tips on here have helped me a lot. I probalby would have fumbled it before I found this website. Now I'm gonna get to bed cause I have class in the morning.

 

[Mandiblard]

Thanks for letting us know how it went

 

[ParrotHead420]

OK so here's the thing:

I think it would be cool to be friends with the girl I number closed on, but I don't want to get too deep into the "friend zone" if she is somewhat interested in me. I saw a guy at the bar that night that might have been her b/f, but I can't be too sure. He was kind of a flake anyway. But even if it isn't her b/f the fact that she's out without the b/f kinda says something. So any tips on how to play this out - get friendly without being too much of a friend?

 

[Jeffst1980]

The reports of "friendzone" are grossly exaggerated on this site. It really doesn't exist after a certain age, usually after college.

An adult women (ESPECIALLY one with a BF) simply DOES NOT repeatedly hang out one on one with a straight male she just met unless she is attracted to him. Think about: When you see a (straight) man and woman going to the movies together, or shopping together, or even driving together, you ASSUME they are more than friends...and you're usually correct. A woman with a BF that hangs out ALONE with a guy she just met would no doubt raise strong suspicions of infidelity, even if she claimed they were "just friends." Furthermore, anyone who's ever been in the TRUE friendzone can tell you that once they made their intentions known, things got uncomfortable and the girl stopped hanging out with them.

Similarly, if you ask a woman to accompany you on an activity one-on-one, she KNOWS it's a date. You don't need to wonder if "she only likes you as a friend," because she wouldn't be there if she was. The only exception is if a woman constantly brings up a boyfriend or a guy she's seeing--but that's rare. Girls don't keep straight male confidantes.


In your situation, the girl's actions indicate that she is attracted to you, but the BF thing could mean she's just an AW. However, most attractive girls DO have boyfriends, and this one could very likely be on the way out. You need to find this out indirectly by inviting her on a non-threatening group date with your friends. If she has a BF that she is serious about, she will likely not accept, but if she's "testing the waters" and planning on leaving him, she'll find a way to join you. Asking her out one on one is a no-no; it's too obvious, and even if she's attracted to you she will say no (unless she's a cheater, and those are never quality girls). The line about the parties is a good one, but it may be stronger if you actually plan an outing and bring her into YOUR world.

 

[Jeffst1980]

Another tip about the "mailing list" thing: Ask those people (most importantly, girls) that congratulated you after you performed if they'd like to give their email address so you can keep them posted about other places you're playing, even if you aren't playing anywhere. Then periodically send emails to the whole list--either about places you yourself are playing or about other good shows to check out in the future. Make the emails brief and humorous, and give them a personal touch--this will keep you in people's minds. If a girl responds favorably to this email ("OMG I have ALWAYS wanted to see that blah blah blah), take it as an IOI and go from there.

This is a bit like text messaging something obviously sent to others like, "Happy 4 day weekend to my overworked friends- who's up for the beach??" to a bunch of girls at the same time.

 

[ParrotHead420]

Thanks for the advice, Jeff. Just one thing, most of my circle of friends are back home for the summer while I get the joy of actually living in the small town I go to college in (yippee). Do you think it would work in reverse for me to get into her circle of friends?

 

[ParrotHead420]

OK, well I have a few things to add to this thread.

First is something I forgot to mention or at least didn't think of until later. When I first asked for the number, she said she was seeing someone but didn't specifically say she had a boyfriend.

The other thing is, OK, I waited until Thursday to call, she did not answer so I left a message. She has not yet called back, how long do I wait to try to call again, if at all?

EDIT: So I just did an interesting thing. A girl I've been talking to on MySpace for a while, I just invited her to come see me play open mic at the place where I met this girl. Now, if they both show up on a given night, and I show interest in one over the other is there an opportunity to create some attraction?