Glad to be here!

[LayercakeBryan]

I just wanted to thank you all for the info you post. I have recently broke up with a BPD she also had PTSD and depression, i know this because I went to one of her sessions after her first rage episode. I wont go on about the events because it will read like all you have posted (It's like they have a script to follow) I was with her only 7 months that's all I needed to know to get out. Here is the catch, I broke up with her on 7-24-10 and the first few weeks were great I did not contact her and didn't want to.
Out of the Blue she text me never to call her again or contact her in any way, I text back jokingly and said "Your the one that contacted me!" I heard nothing back. I'm sorry I forgot to mention that when we talked immediately after the break up she was nice and calm not begging or any weird stuff. We talked about her mail and such since she moved in after the first week, well there were 3 calls and each one got worse to the point she acted very cold. I made a joke about her ex that kept in touch our whole relationship she showed me all the text and he said he will not be surprised when she shows up on his door step after I kick her out, well she didn't like that and hung up. That was the last time I talked to her.
So some package showed up for her and I tried to call and she had changed her number, that for some reason turned the tables on me. I thought it was odd she would go to such extremes with me when I broke up with her and she aloud her ex to keep in touch our whole relationship. I feel she has painted me black and has went back to him as I am not stupid. but yes I am now going through the withdrawal symptoms that we all love so much Well again thanks for any input, I'm trying to stay the course.

 

[jophil28]

I am now going through the withdrawal symptoms that we all love so much Well again thanks for any input, I'm trying to stay the course.

"Withdrawal symptoms" are indeed what you are experiencing. Stay "clean and sober" , one day at a time by not initiating contact and eventually the 'urge' will subside and leave you.

NC = abstinence

You may not fully grasp this, but all the general advice available to recovering AA members equally applies to a guy who is recovering from a toxic relationship. Perhaps you might like to attend a few meetings and take notes.

 

[jophil28]

So some package showed up for her and I tried to call and she had changed her number, that for some reason turned the tables on me.

The way to handle packages and mail for her is "Return to Sender".
It is vital that you make NO attempt to contact her for any reason.
YOu are now experiencing a "relapse" of sorts because your sense of victory after having removed her from you life has been replaced with a sense of defeat by her blocking you. Possibly you now feel 'rejected' by her and therefore SHE has had the last word, and now has the upper hand.

Your situation is a perfect example of why NO CONTACT means( or should mean) NO...Contact.

 

[LayercakeBryan]

Yes I do understand the benefits of NC, I know that BPD's are wired so different from NON's and they play head games. This was my first experience with a BPD, she was just starting to get out of hand when I ended it so I think I disrupted her timetable and made her very angry nevertheless I ahve never been "Painted Black" and It's an adjustment.

 

[LayercakeBryan]

Aww Hell who am I kidding I need some help I'm having a bit of a hard time this is why. So yes I broke up with said BPD for valid reasons but literally the day after I broke up my car needed to go in the shop far a major transmission problem, I was already sad because I did care for this girl but had to do it, then there's the car and get this it's been in the shop for the whole time of my break up, with the exception of a few days where he thought it was fixed. Well it wasn't so I'm stressing about that and the fact that I know she has jumped in with someone else and I am stuck home rotting, and before you say go rent a car I used all my savings to repair and he is still working on it. I have a very small business and am losing work on top of that so this is why I feel weak when it comes to her. I just can't stand how these BPD's can move on so fast! Thanks for any input or help.

 

[jophil28]

I just can't stand how these BPD's can move on so fast! Thanks for any input or help.

The explanation for their ability to do this may be found in what the psych people call "Object constancy" ..
Apparently BPD women lack the ability to accumulate and hold feelings for a man in his absence. They cannot 'carry over 'very well so every date feels like you are doing it for the first time instead of a natural progression from the previous one...
When you are out of sight, you are out of mind (and out of her heart) and to her, you barely exist when you and she are aapart..
Did you ever notice or ponder why you and she never seemed to progress in your mutuality. Didn't you find it bewildering that you and she just tread water at best and slipped and slid backwards at worst.
Wasn't every meeting with her just like another first date ? You were constantly 'on edge' and wondering what was going to happen next.
BPD women are unable to bond and attach in healthy ways, so your relationship with one will be filled with endless doubt and confusion about her incongruent behavior.
Just when YOU thought things were stabilizing, the relationship repeatedly mysteriously crashed again and again for often trivial reasons.

And so it is after the breakup. Her 'feelings' switch just flips to "off" and she moves onto her next hapless victim.

 

[LayercakeBryan]

Thanks for the guidance, I have realized something since I last posted something was nagging at the back of my mind. I completely forgot that I had dated a BPD stripper about 5 years ago and they were identical in their patterns, I actually made a list. The only difference was one was a stripper and I expected drama and knew what I was getting into, also I didn't care for her so I was immune to her Siren song. We dated for 2 months and I broke it off and then she disappeared for 4 months eventually Hoovering me in which I just used it as Booty calls, this went on for the 5 years since up to my last BPD girl friend. Well after coming to this realization It's not as bad because I see them as almost the same person based on the list, I am assuming this latest one will do something similar and if not no big deal. Just to be clear I do not want either one back.