Girls with boyfriends: rant

[Austin Allegro]

Met a nice girl at the gym the other day and chatted for ages, got plenty of EC etc.

Saw her again at the gym a few nights later and had the same thing, so asked for her number. She gave me her business card (first warning sign).

Then I emailed her and we went out for a drink, it all seemed to go well. I should have got her number at this point, but forgot.

Emailed her three days later and asked her out again, she turned me down with no counteroffer, I said ok, I'll be at the gym Wednesday, maybe see you there. She turned this down as well, so she got filed in the 'Next-o-dex' under 'reason unknown'. So far nothing unusual.

Then she emails me today saying she hoped I didn't get the 'wrong impression' when we went out, because she is 'seeing someone'.

WTF!?

Why can't these women mention a bf at least ONCE in three meetings!? I mean she didn't say ANYTHING despite me asking about her living arrangements etc etc. She even asked ME at one point if I was seeing someone.

I've sent her a coldly polite reply but wondered if anyone else has had a similar situation?

 

[Genghis Juan]

Austin,

I went through a very similar experience a couple of years ago. It only lead to two dates after a business card.

I think her interest in you initially was moderate at best, as indicated by her only giving you her business card when you asked for the number. At that point, she should definetly be considered a COLD lead.

Maybe she decided she would give you a shot for a coffee date. After the conclusion of the coffee date, she decided that she wasn't interested in you, thus the, "I am seeing someone" response.

In all actuality, she could very well not be seeing anyone.

GJ

 

[JohnJones]

Why is it that women will let a situation get farther than it should (as far as they are concerned) and then say they hope you didn't get the "wrong idea" about what was going on?

 

[Austin Allegro]

Originally posted by JohnJones
Why is it that women will let a situation get farther than it should (as far as they are concerned) and then say they hope you didn't get the "wrong idea" about what was going on?

This is what I can't understand. Obviously I don't expect a woman to scream 'I have a boyfriend' the moment I meet her (although it has happened, LOL!) but you'd think after two 'get to know you' conversations AND a date, she would have mentioned it.

Genghis, you may be right. She also used the words 'seeing someone' which is less obvious than 'I have a boyfriend'.

It's possible she even got worried that I'd nexted her and felt she had to get the upper hand by claiming she wasn't interested all along - or is that me being really paranoid?!

 

[ShortTimer]

Maybe she did have a man but wants to get rid of him. She interviewed you to be the replacement but didn't like what she saw so let you know she was with ****.

 

[Jay Fiedler]

-The girl has no boyfriend. She's just not interested.

 

[JohnJones]

I think its because they [think they] have a categorical distinction between "just friends" and "something more".

The place their logic breaks down is that they go a couple dates or whatever these things are and then they decide that it was "just friends" and that they don't want you to have the "wrong idea"

 

[OpenMind]

Im with Jay, no boyfriend, just not interested

 

[Knicknack]

she had moderate interest in you initially... then you didn't create enough attraction so she NEXT'd you... the "seeing someone" excuse meant her interest in you dropped to nil.

 

[backbreaker]

I can tell you exactly what she is thinking.

she is confused...very confused.

I wouldn't be surprised if she was very attracted to you.

It's kinda like if you are married, and you meet a knockout somewhere, and you become friends. She asks to hang out with you, and you do, a couple of times. But as time wears on, you realize that you are in fact married, and even though you are attracted to her, you can't pursue anything.

the only thing is, woman aren't anywhere near that rational.


This is the best way to respond to that situtation:

Email her/call her, and tell her "hey, I am seeing someone as well, and I just thought you were a fun person to hang out with. I am sorry if I gave you the impression that I wanted more, but at this time I don't, although you are a wonderful person. Whoever the man is in your life is very lucky"

It doesn't matter if you are seeing anyone or not, she doesn't have to know.

 

[Austin Allegro]

Great responses!

I don't think I did anything to lower IL in her, to be honest. I acted exactly as I act with the other two women I'm seeing at the moment, and they ask ME out.

Who knows what goes on in these womens' minds!?

I think Backbreaker is right, she's interested but confused, but hell, I'm not going to chase her. If anyone's interested here's the email. I think it's friendly but has an edge of not taking BS to it and I've got in a line about nexting her before she nexted me...

' Hi X

I think I've been around the block a few too many times to worry about being 'mislead' by women!

I generally assume that if I ask out a woman and she doesn't mention a 'significant other', either before or during a date, that she's at least got 'potential' to be more than friends, so that's probably where the confusion arose.

Since you turned down the offer of a further date, I'd already assumed you weren't interested (for whatever reason!) but thanks for clarifying.

See you around
Austin'

 

[backbreaker]

humm... definatly not bad.. the last couple of lines saved your ass, but it could have been better.

You openly acknowledged the fact that she rejected you. That's never good.

Remember, she has to prove herself to you, not visa versa.

I would "play around" with her. What I mean is, hell, it can't get any worse than it is now? you are already not dating her? Try new lines, techniques. When you are with her, Kinko her like you have never kinkoed in your life. Hell, you JUST MIGHT change her mind.

There is a girl who I dated 3 years ago I ran into last friday. I called and we setup a date for this coming saturday night. She has a BF of 1 year.

I have no doubt that I can get her to have sex with me; the first time we had sex she cheated on her current BF. However, I am not looking to add a "friend" to my resume, so I am going to be pretty aggressive and let my intentions be known, that we can either hvae sex and have fun, or i will see you around. I was doing just fine before we caught up with each other.


Anyway, my point is, you have nothing whatsoever to loose and everything to gain.

 

[Ser_i]

dunno.. if I play my game right, and she eventually puts up the "I'm seeing someone" line I make her feel guilty, saying like, hey I don't know what you are thinking but I enjoyed your company but if you look at me in that way of dating material and you did this while you have a boy friend, it is definatly better we stop seeing each other.

depends on how you play the game, but most of the time it works for me to make her feel guilty, she turns to me with a new attitude seeing a friend in me, and then I either exploit the situation right away.. or put up the patience and we continue having contact for some time before contact is lost or I move in for the kill.

 

[Austin Allegro]

Kinko? Is that some kind of kinky kino?

Thanks for the critique though.

The thing is I have to tread carefully with this woman, because she is a member of my club/gym which is a goldmine of attractive women. I can't afford to have any damage done to that by her going malicious on me. Hence the slightly lame email.

But thanks for the advice, I fully intend to behave exactly as I did before with her, and also to bust her on this person she's seeing 'what does he do...when do I get to meet him...' etc.

 

[JohnJones]

Does this mean she fit your interactions into what she views as "just friends" and that's why she doesn't want you to get the wrong idea?

Shouldn't she have just refused the date in the first place?

 

[Austin Allegro]

Originally posted by JohnJones
Does this mean she fit your interactions into what she views as "just friends" and that's why she doesn't want you to get the wrong idea?

Shouldn't she have just refused the date in the first place?

I suppose it's possible she really only thought I wanted to be friends, but there was quite a lot of flirting going on with C&F, kino and EC. Even if she DID just want to be friends, she still ought to have mentioned she had a b/f.

I think she was mildly interested at first, but then reconsidered and either made up the other guy or decided to mention him instead of keeping him quiet.

I think women just don't think rationally about these things.

 

[JohnJones]

I despise that aspect of some women, which I do feel they hide the ball on themselves over. Often the excuse for why they will do something they would themselves consider to be inappropriate if the b/f did it is that it's just friends when they do it.

 

[OpenMind]

You never know, she could have been dating a guy for a while and she wanted to be exclusive with him and he didn't. So she kept her options open and went out with you and afterwards told this other guy and he changed his mind about being exclusive.. Hence the email... they weren't exclusive before you dated, they are exclusive now..

Some things you just can't sweat. If she had high interest in you she would have never turned down a date. Bottom line.

As for the email I would have kept it short and sweet.. "Thanks for the fun company and I'll see you around." No harm done and you walk away like a gentleman... just my 2 cents..

 

[Austin Allegro]

Openmind, another good post.

The reasoning behind my email was to call her, albeit tactfully, on her somewhat flakey rejection of me, but thanks for the input.

 

[Giovanni Casanova]

Okay, first things first. There is a difference between the following two sentences.

• I'm seeing someone.
• I have a boyfriend.

In the second example, the girl is in an exclusive relationship. In the first, she isn't, but she's telling you that she doesn't want to be in any kind of relationship with you.

It's also a sneaky way to lie without lying. Let's say that a girl isn't actually dating anyone else, but she wants to give the impression that she is. She can say, "I'm seeing someone right now". And that could mean that she is seeing a guy walk across the room behind you. She's seeing him, all right.

In this case, the girl isn't taken. She was vaguely interested. She auditioned you. And for whatever reason, she decided that she didn't want to pursue anything with you, so she decided to cut things off in a way that would theoretically let you down easy (it's easier for her to say she is seeing someone without hurting your feelings personally, than to say that she just didn't like something about YOU).

And backbreaker, this is fine...

Originally posted by backbreaker
"hey, I am seeing someone as well, and I just thought you were a fun person to hang out with. I am sorry if I gave you the impression that I wanted more, but at this time I don't

Until you get to this point...

although you are a wonderful person. Whoever the man is in your life is very lucky"