"I just moved here from Florida."

That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?

She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."

She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.

I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.

Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.

Read more...

Girls who dont put out, this is hillarious

jdawgmcb

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Girls Please have a sense of humor!
I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.

FOR EXAMPLE:

One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, 'I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me.'

I said, 'WHAT??!! What was that?!'

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear...

'You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.'

She responded to my puzzled look by saying, 'Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?'

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, 'Lets get a pair for each outfit.'

We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you... she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis.

I think I threw her for a loop when I said, 'That's fine, honey.' She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, 'I think this is all
dear, let's go to the cashier.'

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, 'No honey, I don't feel like it.'

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, 'WHAT?'

I then said, 'Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.'

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, 'Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?'

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either....but at least that ***** knows I'm smarter than her.

--

I didnt write it, but i thought it was funny

http://mustreadfiles.blogspot.com/2008/01/when-girls-dont-put-out.html
 

"She Made Her Decision Before You Finished Your Sentence"

Three seconds. That's how long it took. Your shoes. Your posture. The way you held your drink. Whether you looked at the floor or looked at her.

She already filed you away. Interesting. Boring. Safe. Bold. Before you even opened your mouth.

Everything you say after that is just her confirming what she already decided.

So stop rehearsing lines. Fix the first three seconds. Stand tall. Look up. Smile like you mean it. Walk like you belong wherever you're standing.

The words come later. The impression comes first.

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Cinamon

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Oh yes. I have read this before, it's very funny. Do women actually say that stuff. I don't think I have ever said anything like that. Does being refused sex occassionally make the times u get it extra special? Should I be practicing this?I don't think I could keep my legs crossed even if I wanted to.
 

Igetit!

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This is funny. It would be a trip if a guy actually said that to his girl.
 

Ice882

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YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSsSSssSSSSSSS! YEH-HE-HE-HESSSSSSSSSS.
 

Evzone

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Cinamon said:
Do women actually say that stuff.
In my experience, no. A healthy woman will want sex just as much as a man.
 

"So, What Do You Do for Fun?"

She asks it casually, mid-sip. And you feel the floor open up, because the honest answer is work, gym, and a couple shows you're half-watching.

Women rarely say this out loud, but a man with a life is attractive before he says a word. The guy who spent Saturday deep-sea fishing and came back with photos and a story — he walks in already interesting.

The "22 Rules" pushed me to build a life worth talking about. Turns out the fastest way to be interesting to women is to be interested in your own life first.

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King Turi

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I have never heard anything like those words come out of anyones mouth for real. ._.

Seems to 1800's.
 

Nutz

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Kinda old, but still funny. Plus I've never see this version the way it's worded, despite having essentially the same thing up at work for well over a year now.
 

3countriesPlan

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When your gf is in bed with you and says she doesnt want it, just reach down and feel how wet she is. If she is wet obviously she just wants your to manhandle her. Ha
 

"Stop Asking Your Friends What to Text Her"

Your buddy Dave has been single for three years and thinks "hey u up" is a valid strategy. Your other buddy Mike just got dumped and told you to "just be yourself."

You showed them her text. You asked them to decode the emoji. You drafted four responses and sent the screenshot to the group chat for a vote.

She's been waiting forty minutes.

Put the phone down. Stop crowdsourcing your love life. Type something that sounds like you. Hit send. Then go do literally anything else with your evening.

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Smack

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Cinamon said:
Oh yes. I have read this before, it's very funny. Do women actually say that stuff. I don't think I have ever said anything like that. Does being refused sex occassionally make the times u get it extra special? Should I be practicing this?I don't think I could keep my legs crossed even if I wanted to.
No. Refusing sex deliberately will get you cheated on or nexted if you are with a man. (Note the emphasis on 'man'; if you're with a spineless wimp then you can pretty much do whatever you want and still be worshipped like a goddess.)
 

Four_Aces

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3countriesPlan said:
When your gf is in bed with you and says she doesnt want it, just reach down and feel how wet she is. If she is wet obviously she just wants your to manhandle her. Ha
THIS IS THE CASE. If she's wet, game on. Some women like that rape fantasy ****.
 
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