After reading a Doc Love article that basically says you shouldn't get serious with a girl who's still in contact with her ex, I remember that I dated this girl who's close friends with her ex. They broke up 5 years ago because of distance and now they still communicate often, even Skype-ing once in a while. She once told me that they're just close friends and I shouldn't worry. Now I'm not seeing that girl anymore but I'm just curious what should've I done when I knew she's close friends with her ex? And what's the general verdict for girls who're close friends with their exes? Thanks.
Why "Whatever You Want" Keeps You Single
She says the movie looks dumb; you suddenly agree. She tests you with a little attitude; you apologize for nothing.
You think you're being easy to get along with. She reads something else entirely: a man with no edges. Nothing to hold on to. No friction, no tension, no reason to wonder what he really thinks.
The "22 Rules" taught me to push back — playfully, calmly, without needing her approval. Strange things happened after that.
Girls who are close friends with their exes: your verdict?
- Thread starter Fela Kuti
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"She's Out of Your League"
You've said it a hundred times. Maybe a thousand. And every time you say it, you train your brain to freeze the next time she walks into the room.
Leagues are a myth invented by guys who are scared of women.
She's a person. She has bad breath in the morning. She picks songs she can't sing in the shower. She overthinks her own texts.
Walk over. Say something. The league dissolves the second you open your mouth.
iwanttofight
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F*ck that. I wouldn't want my girl doing that sh*t. Come on they are not "just friends". They f*cked each other probably hundreds of times. Evertime you go down south on your girl you imagine you girl's X boyfriend been in that same hole hundred of times. F*ck that, no way I would deal with that sh*t.
haha, he's actually in another country, dude. he hasn't returned since his departure 6 years ago. she's the one who broke up with him because she said she hates distance. but anyway that's beside the point.iwanttofight said:
PrettyBoyAJ
Master Don Juan
Easy Question.... Don't get serious with her. There is a reason they are still "close."
BlackMack177
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As a man who's still 'close' friends with his ex, I'm gonna say it's not usually a good idea to get serious with these girls.
There is a difference between being close and just being cool. I have no problem with a girl being cool with her exes, but if she's still hangin with him every day and shares everything with him then she's more than likely banging this dude. Like said before, there is a reason they're still close.
Girls swing from guy to guy. They won't let one go until they got a tight hold on another one. So any girl who's still close with her ex means she still wants him
There is a difference between being close and just being cool. I have no problem with a girl being cool with her exes, but if she's still hangin with him every day and shares everything with him then she's more than likely banging this dude. Like said before, there is a reason they're still close.
Girls swing from guy to guy. They won't let one go until they got a tight hold on another one. So any girl who's still close with her ex means she still wants him
"You'll Never Feel READY to Walk Over"
Next Monday you'll feel more confident. After the gym you'll feel more confident. After one more drink you'll feel more confident. After you get a better haircut, a better jacket, a better job.
You've been "getting ready" for two years.
She's standing ten feet away right now. She'll be gone in four minutes. No amount of preparation will manufacture the courage that only comes from moving your feet.
Walk over. Stumble through the first sentence. Let it be clumsy. Let it be imperfect. You will feel more alive in those ten seconds than you have all month.
Alex DeLarge
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Anytime I've been "still close" with an ex, it's cause they wanted me. I don't know if this applies to all women.. But that's my experience.
SgtSplacker
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Technically it's not wrong. Practically it's very fishy.
I would let her know I didn't like the relationship and see how she takes it. Dump her ass if it gets stupid.
I would also want to meet the guy and just ask him whats up with you two? I don't think the question would need to much explanation. See what he says...
I have very little patience for this BS...
I would let her know I didn't like the relationship and see how she takes it. Dump her ass if it gets stupid.
I would also want to meet the guy and just ask him whats up with you two? I don't think the question would need to much explanation. See what he says...
I have very little patience for this BS...
P
perseverance
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That's a red flag to me, I wouldn't enter a relationship with a woman still in regular contact with her ex.
I have seen too many women hook up with a new fella only to be seeing her ex behind his back to tolerate the potential for the same thing to happen to me.
I have seen too many women hook up with a new fella only to be seeing her ex behind his back to tolerate the potential for the same thing to happen to me.
Well, if my LTR ex was still talking to me, emailing me, wanting to hang with me. Guess what, I'd feel like her current boyfriend is a chump and is being totally disprespected. Now, if she is just still in the dating phase with the other guys, thats fine. But if its her boyfriend of a say, 6 months or so, then yeah, thats not good.
"Why Women Dump the Guys Who Try the Hardest"
You paid for dinner. You drove. You said "whatever you want is fine" every single time. All the effort, no expectations.
And she left anyway — probably for a guy who makes her pick up the pizza.
Painful. Also predictable. Her mind quietly concludes that anything requiring zero effort from her is worth exactly zero. You became a free sample, and free samples get taken for granted.
The 22 Rules flip the dynamic. Small shifts that get her investing effort, money, and time in you — until SHE'S the one afraid of losing YOU.
Yeah. That sounds like a problem. Listen to Doc love. Its just a waste of time. If a girl is still close friends with someone she banged already. Big red flag. And major disrespect to you. You did the right thing to move on. Let that be someone elses head up.
I dated a girl in this category. It just makes things complicated. She says they are just friends. They be talking on the phone or hanging out. I don't tolerate that at all now. I write it off real quick.
I dated a girl in this category. It just makes things complicated. She says they are just friends. They be talking on the phone or hanging out. I don't tolerate that at all now. I write it off real quick.
5string
Master Don Juan
By simply creating this thread, the OP knows it's bad news.
Rollo Tomassi
Master Don Juan
5 minutes of Alpha trumps 5 years of Beta. When a woman is still 'close friends' with her Ex usually it's because he did the dumping – which is the ultimate in DHV. In most scenarios the Ex was the most Alpha guy she knows and she's clinging to that energy until she finds a suitable substitute. If she's still 'close' with the Ex while you're dating her, you're NOT the substitute she's looking for.
If you need a crystal ball, read how this guy's story ends:
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=187684
If you need a crystal ball, read how this guy's story ends:
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=187684
"How I Made Sure No Woman Ever Friend-Zoned Me Again"
She calls you when her car breaks down. When she needs help moving. When some guy she's actually dating treats her badly.
You're the listener. The reliable one. The guy who would treat her so much better, if she'd just open her eyes.
She won't. You trained her to see you as the low-effort option — the friend who requires zero risk and zero investment. Every favor dug the hole deeper.
The "22 Rules" break the pattern. You'll stop auditioning for a role she already cast and become the man she chases instead. It starts with Rule 1.
I agree, but remember that early in the relationship, no matter how charming or handsome you are, the ex still has the upper hand if he dumped her. This is simple human nature: you want her and he doesn't so he seems (to her) to have higher value.Rollo Tomassi said:
Often she will be on the rebound and will come on really strong, but only because she is pretending you are him.
For example, did you ever lose a pet and get another pet right away? You then find they just aren't the same? Even if over the long run you grow to like the second one better, at first you are simply trying to force a replacement.
Sometimes you can overcome the ex having the upper hand with time. However, after 3 dates or so, if she's still talking about him then she likes him better. Dump her immediately.
A girl I was dating dumped her ex (she said he started to be extra needy) but it was clear she still had feelings for him. One time we were fooling around in her car and then someone calls after(I figure it's a family member or something) so I hear "You with your new boyfriend?" in the kind of way a parent would say to a girl to make her blush and she said "Oh just with my friend Rhcp83" and she was smiling over the call. Granted we weren't official, just seeing each other...but I regret not calling her out on it. We didn't end up dating much longer anyway.
To be honest, I wouldn't be surprised if she got back with him. I saw his pics and heard all about him...he wasn't alpha at all...very short, needy etc., but for whatever reason she "loved" him.
But my point is...I wouldn't do it again...date a girl that wasn't over her ex. Ironically, I'd talk about her a lot from being not over her with other women and they'd be like "You talk about your ex a lot." So it's not a good thing for either side.
To be honest, I wouldn't be surprised if she got back with him. I saw his pics and heard all about him...he wasn't alpha at all...very short, needy etc., but for whatever reason she "loved" him.
But my point is...I wouldn't do it again...date a girl that wasn't over her ex. Ironically, I'd talk about her a lot from being not over her with other women and they'd be like "You talk about your ex a lot." So it's not a good thing for either side.
Nope. My LTR ex used to talk to me about the new guy she was currently in a relationship with and I would humor her, didn't care, offered my opinion about him, etc. Problem is she was always trying to get me to go over her house and f*ck her. SheFela Kuti said:
was practically begging me to bang her. I never took the bait cuz i was totally over her and didn't even care to bang her.
She ended up moving in with this new guy and they are still together i think. Funny thing is this guy has no idea what was going on, but I guess it really doesn't matter from his perspective. What you don't know wont hurt you I suppose.
She can have wonderful awesome me in her life, or she can have her ex.
Her choice.
She can't have both.
She doesn't dictate to me.
My only choice is to accept it or leave. I choose not to accept it, and amazingly, it doesn't happen.
Funny how that works out.
When I started dating my ex-wife, she kept mentioning this other guy she had been seeing. And this was back in my AFC days. At first I blew it off, then after she had brought it up several times that she had been seeing this other guy, I just told her straight up:
"Go ahead and do that then. If you want him that's fine with me. But I'm not going to hang around while you try to make up your mind."
In retrospect it might have been better if she had chosen him instead, but that's another story.
Her choice.
She can't have both.
She doesn't dictate to me.
My only choice is to accept it or leave. I choose not to accept it, and amazingly, it doesn't happen.
Funny how that works out.
When I started dating my ex-wife, she kept mentioning this other guy she had been seeing. And this was back in my AFC days. At first I blew it off, then after she had brought it up several times that she had been seeing this other guy, I just told her straight up:
"Go ahead and do that then. If you want him that's fine with me. But I'm not going to hang around while you try to make up your mind."
In retrospect it might have been better if she had chosen him instead, but that's another story.
“The 22 Rules That Turned Me From Invisible to Irresistible With Women… Starting Tonight”
You can skip the expensive cars, the fancy clothes, and the endless gym selfies. Completely unnecessary.
I used to freeze the second a beautiful woman looked my way. Frustrated. Awkward. Watching other guys walk away with the girl while I stood there tongue-tied.
Then I discovered 22 simple rules that rewired my entire dating life. The anxiety vanished. Conversations flowed effortlessly. Women started chasing me for a change.
These rules trigger a woman's subconscious attraction switches. And you can start using them tonight.