Girl's toxic friends

[sceneparade]

I have been seeing a girl. I went out on a a few dates and everything was going well. At the time, I was acquaintances with her friend. So I told her friend about how well the date went - that she seems a nice lady with good personality etc. Anyway, after I spoke to her friend the date girl went cold.

I recently found out from my friend who works where her friend works. He overheard the friend say to another colleague (which date girl also knows) "she really liked him, but I had to put a stop to it because I did not want her dating a white guy" This friend is white, but thinks she is black. She hates white people. She also displays signs of BPD. She recently changed her schedule to fit around the date girls schedule, which I think is a little possessive.

I then managed to ask her out on another date. I dressed casually, but she done her self up - makeup, hair, nice dress etc. She seemed to be trying to impress me.

So the other colleague found out (I didn't realise she was fake) I took date girl on another date. She gave orders for her not to date me because I am white. This other colleague, in my opinion is toxic. On one occasion, she went up to my friend, who is happily married, and grabbed his privates at work. She then proceeded to grab his hands and place them on her boobs. On another occasion she suggested he follows her to the toilet and she would perform a sex act on him. On yet another occasion, she criticised him for being married to a white woman and told him to leave his wife and get with a black woman. She then asked him to take her to a hotel to **** her. This colleague is Black woman.


To me, her friends seem really toxic, nasty people. I think I should walk.

Any advice?

 

[SW15]

To me, her friends seem really toxic, nasty people. I think I should walk.

Any advice?

If you think you should walk, then you should walk.

Your feelings are valid.

 

[CornbreadFed]

I dropped a girl because I met her bff who was probably the hottest I’ve ever girl I’ve seen but toxic AF. I just imagined them going to any bar and her friend magically drawing negative attention. It wasn’t the only reason, but she later started playing games like I expected and I was like Nahh!

 

[BPH]

@sceneparade I don't get it. Her friends are needy, toxic bit**es, yes, but why does that affect your relationship with the girl?

It sounds like she was willing to go on 2 dates with you, the second of which her friend protested and she ignored. So she likes you enough to see you again despite this friend, and they likely aren't all that close.

I don't really see a problem.

Sure, it's a red flag that may make things difficult if this is a close friend who is frequently intruding on your relationship, but it sounds like this girl is still happy to see you despite the tantrums her girlfriends are throwing.

 

[sceneparade]

@CornbreadFed @BPH @SW15

The friend frequently intrudes in her relationships - if the girl is not dating a black guy. She cannot accept her friend dating a white guy or any other guy that is not black.

Regarding the girl: she has co-dependency issues and needs other people to guide her/tell her how to be or live her life. She does not appear to have an identity of her own without their input. Furthermore, she seems to befriend people younger than her. The girl is 35 years old, but befriends friends that are 21/22, and 28 years of age. Two of her friends are 28 but act like teenagers mentally.

Setting that aside, the girl also has poor judgement when it comes to who she selects as friends or who she wants in her life. For example, one of her male friends comes from a broken home. His parents abandoned him and shipped him into foster care. As a result, he is hot-headed and angry all the time, constantly chases after any woman, even sleeping with his female friend who has a boyfriend. He recently got married to a woman from Africa, despite people telling him she is using him for a visa.

Another friend of hers is the lowest of the low. I cannot prove this, but I suspect he obtains money illegally. A friend of his slipped up to me that the said girl's male friend has a new luxury car even 3 months. When I questioned him he said the friend has "links." I pushed a little more about what does that mean. The friend who slipped up got defensive and tried to back track. My interpretation is that the lowest of the low friend deals drugs. He works in a transport industry, where there is no way he could afford a luxury car every 3 months. I have overheard the friend and the low class friend mentioning selling drugs while we were all in the canteen. In addition, he got into a disagreement with another colleague and, rather than deal with it himself, he got some guys to meet the guy after work to beat him up. Low life.

The female friend of hers screams BPD - along with other issues. For example, she is as white as can be, but is actually mixed. Her dad is mixed race and her mother white. Yet she hates white people. That is someone with MAJOR mental issues. She can have a Jekyll and Hyde personality. If she likes you, you will see her good side. But if you do something that she perceives rejection, she can become really bitter and nasty. She controls her friends. As above, she changed her work schedule to fit in with her friend so that she can spend all her time with her friend. She also dresses like a man.

 

[BPH]

@CornbreadFed @BPH @SW15

The friend frequently intrudes in her relationships - if the girl is not dating a black guy. She cannot accept her friend dating a white guy or any other guy that is not black.

Regarding the girl: she has co-dependency issues and needs other people to guide her/tell her how to be or live her life. She does not appear to have an identity of her own without their input. Furthermore, she seems to befriend people younger than her. The girl is 35 years old, but befriends friends that are 21/22, and 28 years of age. Two of her friends are 28 but act like teenagers mentally.

Setting that aside, the girl also has poor judgement when it comes to who she selects as friends or who she wants in her life. For example, one of her male friends comes from a broken home. His parents abandoned him and shipped him into foster care. As a result, he is hot-headed and angry all the time, constantly chases after any woman, even sleeping with his female friend who has a boyfriend. He recently got married to a woman from Africa, despite people telling him she is using him for a visa.

Another friend of hers is the lowest of the low. I cannot prove this, but I suspect he obtains money illegally. A friend of his slipped up to me that the said girl's male friend has a new luxury car even 3 months. When I questioned him he said the friend has "links." I pushed a little more about what does that mean. The friend who slipped up got defensive and tried to back track. My interpretation is that the lowest of the low friend deals drugs. He works in a transport industry, where there is no way he could afford a luxury car every 3 months. I have overheard the friend and the low class friend mentioning selling drugs while we were all in the canteen. In addition, he got into a disagreement with another colleague and, rather than deal with it himself, he got some guys to meet the guy after work to beat him up. Low life.

The female friend of hers screams BPD - along with other issues. For example, she is as white as can be, but is actually mixed. Her dad is mixed race and her mother white. Yet she hates white people. That is someone with MAJOR mental issues. She can have a Jekyll and Hyde personality. If she likes you, you will see her good side. But if you do something that she perceives rejection, she can become really bitter and nasty. She controls her friends. As above, she changed her work schedule to fit in with her friend so that she can spend all her time with her friend. She also dresses like a man.

Bro, I don't really care.

If you want to talk yourself out of a relationship because of the company she keeps, that's fine. I'm just saying it sounds like she still wants to see you despite her friends' protesting.

 

[sceneparade]

Bro, I don't really care.

If you want to talk yourself out of a relationship because of the company she keeps, that's fine. I'm just saying it sounds like she still wants to see you despite her friends' protesting.

There's a bit of misunderstanding. After the two dates she seems to have listened because she is more distant and less responsive. Taking a day to reply. Was super quick before that. Last few messages has taken a day to respond. And she is super close to the friend, like best friends and does what she says

 

[BPH]

I then managed to ask her out on another date. I dressed casually, but she done her self up - makeup, hair, nice dress etc. She seemed to be trying to impress me.

This makes it sound like she still wants to see you despite her friends.

If that is not the case and she seems distant, then just invite her out again and see whether she accepts.

In either case, the long and short answer to this problem is you should be seeing more women.

 

[SW15]

you should be seeing more women.

Seeing more women is always solid advice.

 

[BaronOfHair]

Anyway, after I spoke to her friend the date girl went cold

You confided in date girl's FRIEND, about you and her's private life. Are you still surprised that DG wasn't thrilled?

 

[Divorced w 3]

You confided in date girl's FRIEND, about you and her's private life. Are you still surprised that DG wasn't thrilled?

Yeah that’s definitely true. Women do this stuff, men are not supposed to.

On another note… I was all ready to rant on toxic friends but then I see theyve only been out twice!!

OP is doing a lot of projection onto the friend and even the woman he is seeing.

For him to spend this much energy to unpack two dates, and the friend group also, is in itself, probably anti-social.

Someone in a better frame of mind, probably, would do what @BPH said and realize he’s dating the woman, not the group.

The act of telling the friend how great the date was is itself, likely, approval seeking, (and, who cares what she thinks, your date should care what you think - goodbye mystery!) and puffed her up after one interaction and that’s exactly what puts women off.

If I had to guess, the compliment and the chatty behavior to the friend became red flags to her.

The name of the game is to be fun and confident, and if this thread is anywhere near the tone of the date, I would doubt it’s either fun, or confident.

If you see her again, just keep it cool.

I do hear you on one thing though, the friend sounds like an a$&hole. Did it ever occur to you that maybe this woman saw you as a nice outlet and she was so attracted because you weren’t like the friend? Way to be a male version now, of the friend

go take her axe throwing , have a couple drinks and go blow her back out. Watch how fast this issue disappears.

 

[Bible_Belt]

There's a bit of misunderstanding. After the two dates she seems to have listened because she is more distant and less responsive. Taking a day to reply. Was super quick before that. Last few messages has taken a day to respond. And she is super close to the friend, like best friends and does what she says

Anyone "super close" to a racist person is beneath you, I hope. Don't lower yourself.

 

[sceneparade]

Anyone "super close" to a racist person is beneath you, I hope. Don't lower yourself.

I called her friend out on her racist behaviour but she said she does not care and told me to **** off. But yes, I ignore the friend when I see her. I find her racism repellant even if she doesn't

 

[sceneparade]

​

OP is doing a lot of projection onto the friend and even the woman he is seeing.

​

For him to spend this much energy to unpack two dates, and the friend group also, is in itself, probably anti-social.

Someone in a better frame of mind, probably, would do what @BPH said and realize he’s dating the woman, not the group

If I had to guess, the compliment and the chatty behavior to the friend became red flags to her.

The name of the game is to be fun and confident, and if this thread is anywhere near the tone of the date, I would doubt it’s either fun, or confident.

If you see her again, just keep it cool.

I do hear you on one thing though, the friend sounds like an a$&hole. Did it ever occur to you that maybe this woman saw you as a nice outlet and she was so attracted because you weren’t like the friend? Way to be a male version now, of the friend

go take her axe throwing , have a couple drinks and go blow her back out. Watch how fast this issue disappears.

Yeah that’s definitely true. Women do this stuff, men are not supposed to.

On another note… I was all ready to rant on toxic friends but then I see theyve only been out twice!!

OP is doing a lot of projection onto the friend and even the woman he is seeing.

For him to spend this much energy to unpack two dates, and the friend group also, is in itself, probably anti-social.

Someone in a better frame of mind, probably, would do what @BPH said and realize he’s dating the woman, not the group.

The act of telling the friend how great the date was is itself, likely, approval seeking, (and, who cares what she thinks, your date should care what you think - goodbye mystery!) and puffed her up after one interaction and that’s exactly what puts women off.

If I had to guess, the compliment and the chatty behavior to the friend became red flags to her.

The name of the game is to be fun and confident, and if this thread is anywhere near the tone of the date, I would doubt it’s either fun, or confident.

If you see her again, just keep it cool.

I do hear you on one thing though, the friend sounds like an a$&hole. Did it ever occur to you that maybe this woman saw you as a nice outlet and she was so attracted because you weren’t like the friend? Way to be a male version now, of the friend

go take her axe throwing , have a couple drinks and go blow her back out. Watch how fast this issue disappears.

Why do you mean by projection?

And she did seem me a second time despite what her friends said. She just went behind their back and didn't tell them.


Why is it anti-social? People have told me i am friendly to everyone. People seem drawn to me and my laid back nature.
Should I not discuss women with friends? Where i work, all the guys talk about women they are banging.

If I see her again, what's the best response? At the moment I am just saying hello and keeping it moving.

would you blank the friends that are actively sabotaging things?

Regarding her friend. Some people that loosely know of her friend hate the friend. They use words such as "hateful," "angry," "bitter," and "resentful" to describe her. She makes it difficult for anyone to date the friend because they need her approval or she sabotages it