girls that are too busy, worth it?

tony-montana

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i'm seeing a girl who has two jobs AND studies AND plays sport. so i only get maybe once a week with her on weekends. i mean we aren't gf/bf yet (i'd like to be) - i would like to see her more though but obviously she has no time or is that just bullsh1t? surely there's gotta be places in the week to come over and fool around or chill out for an hour or two. i'm busy but i'm not THAT busy. *sigh*

seems like almost every girl i know is busy... like .. really busy.
 

Wilko

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Is there any problem spinning more plates can't solve?

I say that only because all my plates at the moment (there's only three) are ridiculously busy. Taken one by one, none of them would be worth investing time into; they're just too busy and too tricky to hook up with. But by spinning all three, the cost/benefit starts to look a bit better, plus, I don't need to tell you this, your perspective on each becomes so much clearer, much easier to then make the right decisions.

I know you're into this girl, but spinning more plates is win-win. She still gets the benefit of your time now and again and her life stays undisturbed. With some other plates to shift your attention away from her, you'll be getting your plans shot-down less often too, god that's frustrating even when it's legit.

I'm willing to bet she's not going to chase when you pull back, the really busy ones don't seem as willing to do that. Spin those plates anyway, it'll put you in a much better position to evaluate what you really want and how she realistically fits into that.
 

tony-montana

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Wilko said:
Is there any problem spinning more plates can't solve?

I say that only because all my plates at the moment (there's only three) are ridiculously busy. Taken one by one, none of them would be worth investing time into; they're just too busy and too tricky to hook up with. But by spinning all three, the cost/benefit starts to look a bit better, plus, I don't need to tell you this, your perspective on each becomes so much clearer, much easier to then make the right decisions.

I know you're into this girl, but spinning more plates is win-win. She still gets the benefit of your time now and again and her life stays undisturbed. With some other plates to shift your attention away from her, you'll be getting your plans shot-down less often too, god that's frustrating even when it's legit.

I'm willing to bet she's not going to chase when you pull back, the really busy ones don't seem as willing to do that. Spin those plates anyway, it'll put you in a much better position to evaluate what you really want and how she realistically fits into that.
i WAS spinning plates but they are all gone just like that. i had three girls and now i only got the one i mentioned above. the other two girls were just not my type and didn't work out at all. i felt like i wasted my time dating them, buying coffee and travelling. dating can be frustrating :)

i think a lot of those busy girls choose their work & study over guys.
 

Wilko

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i WAS spinning plates but they are all gone just like that. i had three girls and now i only got the one i mentioned above. the other two girls were just not my type and didn't work out at all. i felt like i wasted my time dating them, buying coffee and travelling. dating can be frustrating
Damn, that's all I got, I'm out! Just confirm something for my own curiosity, when you dropped the other busy plates, did they make any last ditch effort to make themselves more available, or did they just go merrily on their way?
 

tony-montana

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nope. i didn't really like the other two either. it's not that they were busy or anything, only had one date with them and it didn't go well that's all. just saying, i had 3 plates at one stage then just like that its back to this one girl, who i like. the date with her was great and i cant wait to see her again. i even feel a little exausted with all this dating business. i'm just gonna chill out for now, had enough. at least i got one girl happening and its going alright so far.

and no they didn't contact me again the other two girls. not that i'd go out with them again.
 

Victory Unlimited

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Yo Tony-Montana,


Here’s the truth:

Girls who are “too busy” to see you are just THAT. They are too busy to see “you”. Do you think for a second if you were some famous celebrity, athlete, actor or whatever that she would STILL be too busy to get with you.

I think NOT.

The reality of it all is that women put guys into categories such as:

1. “Guys that I’ll get with whenever I find the time to.”

2. “Guys that I’ll NEVER really get with, but I’m either to non-confrontational or inconsiderate to ever TELL him that-------so I’ll keep him around to use as a tool to stoke my own ego.”

3. “Or…guys that I’ll DROP EVERYTHING to get with-------even if it means missing partying with my girls, calling in sick for work, or even if I have to SHARE him with other girls!”

The best thing for YOU to do Tony, is to do a quick assessment of your situation and determine WHICH category of guy you are to her. And here’s a hint:

If it’s ANYTHING other than category 3---------lock, load, and mobilize your dating/relationship forces towards another more eligible, more agreeable, more available, and more enthusiastic chick. There’s nothing like getting with a girl who WANTS to get with you.

Accept NOTHING less.

And until you find it…

Soldier on.


VU
 

johnca2010

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tony-montana said:
i'm seeing a girl who has two jobs AND studies AND plays sport. so i only get maybe once a week with her on weekends. i mean we aren't gf/bf yet (i'd like to be) - i would like to see her more though but obviously she has no time or is that just bullsh1t? surely there's gotta be places in the week to come over and fool around or chill out for an hour or two. i'm busy but i'm not THAT busy. *sigh*

seems like almost every girl i know is busy... like .. really busy.
Lol you sound like a girl right now. In fact, you sound like many of the girls I'm dating right now. You need to reverse this. The way to make them want to see you more is to restrict the amount of time so much that you see them that they nearly beg you to hang out with them even for an hour or two.

You do this by seldom calling them back, scheduling to see them every couple weeks, always being busy on the weekends. Even if they're not that into you, they'll end up forming this imaginary picture of who you are and ultimately will want to see you.

Even though you might not tell her what you wrote here, it easily comes out in your actions. What a turn off...no wonder she's always "busy." She's probably out there getting busy with some guy who doesn't give a fuk about seeing her!

Case Study 1: I know this hot ethnic girl, 22 yo, and I consistently put her on ice. I'll see her on average once every 3 or 4 weeks, between the hours of 11 PM -3 AM (after I'm done partying, of course). Basically, she meets up with me, we do our thing, then she leaves within a few hours. This has been going on for nearly a year.

I have two other girls in the exact same kind of situation. You don't need to act rude or anything. Just be so busy that you don't have time for them. You'll be surprised how much they come to you.
 

omkara

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Victory Unlimited said:
Yo Tony-Montana,


Here’s the truth:

Girls who are “too busy” to see you are just THAT. They are too busy to see “you”. Do you think for a second if you were some famous celebrity, athlete, actor or whatever that she would STILL be too busy to get with you.

I think NOT.

The reality of it all is that women put guys into categories such as:

1. “Guys that I’ll get with whenever I find the time to.”

2. “Guys that I’ll NEVER really get with, but I’m either to non-confrontational or inconsiderate to ever TELL him that-------so I’ll keep him around to use as a tool to stoke my own ego.”

3. “Or…guys that I’ll DROP EVERYTHING to get with-------even if it means missing partying with my girls, calling in sick for work, or even if I have to SHARE him with other girls!”

The best thing for YOU to do Tony, is to do a quick assessment of your situation and determine WHICH category of guy you are to her. And here’s a hint:

If it’s ANYTHING other than category 3---------lock, load, and mobilize your dating/relationship forces towards another more eligible, more agreeable, more available, and more enthusiastic chick. There’s nothing like getting with a girl who WANTS to get with you.

Accept NOTHING less.

And until you find it…

Soldier on.


VU
Ok, but how long should you give her to get to know you first? Or does she place you in one of these categories instantaneously? I mean sometimes a girl can grow to like you as she gets to know you better right?
 

Victory Unlimited

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omkara said:
Ok, but how long should you give her to get to know you first? Or does she place you in one of these categories instantaneously? I mean sometimes a girl can grow to like you as she gets to know you better right?
Yo OMKARA,


What you said is TRUE. A girl can grow to like you, but most of the time, how a girl responds to you INITIALLY is her most HONEST appraisal of you. So the thing is...if you're the recipient of a low level of interest and enthusiasm from a girl you want, you should probably ask yourself a few questions:

1. Is this REALLY the way I want to start off a possible date/relationship type of situation with a girl?

2. Would I rather have a girl who had to "grow" to like me as opposed to one who had an obvious and measurable degree of attraction for me from the start?

Your answers to these questions will help you decide what's right for you. I'm sure that nearly every guy on earth who has reached adulthood has had SOME girl really, REALLY "into him" before. Now, that chick may or may NOT be a girl he wanted, but regardless of that he KNOWS what it feels like by experience to have a certain degree of what I call "SWEATLESS VICTORY" with a woman.

Sweatless Victory is defined as a woman that is clearly more eligible, more agreeable, more available, and more enthusiastic about you than the average, lackluster chick. Sweatless Victory is what you tend to get when you're with a woman that WANTS to get with you.

Women who have an initial attraction to you are USUALLY more consistent in their GOOD behavior towards you, more accessible to you when you want her to be, and play fewer head games with you.

Now, this is NOT to say that there aren't girls out there that you don't have to invest a little time into "seeing where her heads at". Some girls ARE worth this. But there's a difference between investing time into seeing where a girl's head is at as opposed to WASTING time trying to "get her head where you WANT it to be at".

This is always an individual choice for every man. BUT-----a good way to tell when you've crossed the line from INVESTING time over into WASTING time is when you find yourself doing shyt to get a girl that make you start thinking LESS of yourself for doing it.

Whenever the choice is between getting some girl OR keeping your self-respect--------then KEEPING your self-respect will always serve you BEST in the long run.
 

omkara

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^^Thanks man. This is something I come up against a lot, so I appreciate it. I guess it's kind of hard to come up with a specific rule that would fit every situation. But as a general guideline, this makes sense.
 

romanticman

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Years ago there was a girl too busy for me because the fact is she didnt like me. Later I found out she was busy with other guys. Don't Lower yourself. If a woman likes you .... She will make an effort. If not she thinks she is above you. Don't even give her a thought. You'll overinvest in her then get right royally dumped.
 

tony-montana

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thing is, when we were on our date we were both enjoying it very much. she loved talking to me a lot and i even had to end the night because she would of kept going and didn't seem like she wanted to end it. i think she really is just busy working two jobs and studying. she looks after people all day, both jobs. finishes at 6.30pm or so. and she also admits she had a great time too the next day. i think she's been busy for a very long time and only now has just started dating again. you know you can just tell when you see a girl and the way they act that they don't hang out with guys much. she was really really nice and polite. because she's so polite and soft, i was in control of the whole date. i've been with other girls who are dominant and experienced. you just know.

don't get me wrong i don't contact her at all or nothing and talk to other girls still. the only time i ever contacted this girl was before the first date to tell her where to meet and after saying i had a good time. then i just wait till the date happens etc. it's only been one date anyway, i guess after a few dates with me she will start making more time to see me. i don't expect her to be over my place or anything after the first few dates. this one feels like a keeper. beautiful sweet girl... but i won't keep this goin if she eventually doesn't make more time for us. btw, i am looking for a relationship with a nice girl, not just sex and those nice sweet down to earth girls are hard to find.
 

Victory Unlimited

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tony-montana said:
don't get me wrong i don't contact her at all or nothing and talk to other girls still. the only time i ever contacted this girl was before the first date to tell her where to meet and after saying i had a good time. then i just wait till the date happens etc. it's only been one date anyway, i guess after a few dates with me she will start making more time to see me. i don't expect her to be over my place or anything after the first few dates. this one feels like a keeper. beautiful sweet girl... but i won't keep this goin if she eventually doesn't make more time for us. btw, i am looking for a relationship with a nice girl, not just sex and those nice sweet down to earth girls are hard to find.
Yo Tony-Montana,

Yes, the fact that you want to be a "stand up guy" is good. There's NOTHING wrong with being with a nice, sweet, down to earth girl. And when it happens----it's great. But I'd advise you to pay close attention to what I said earlier about NOT crossing the line when you're pursuing a girl.

KNOW when you've reached the point where you're doing things to stay on this girls radar that compromise your self-respect. If you can manage to do this, you should be able to adequately "self-regulate" your maneuvers towards her.

ON THE SUBJECT OF BUSY WOMEN:

You say that this chick is just naturally really, REALLY "busy", and I believe you. But there'll come a point when you have to ask yourself:

Am "I" getting the kind of time, the quality of interactions with this girl that "I" want? You have to make sure that your wants and needs are being reciprocated by ANY woman that you get with. I know that you're not actually in a relationship with her at this point, but still. Even if you DID officially get with her, is this woman actually AVAILABLE to be in a relationship with you???

Never forget that in the end it doesn't really matter whether or not it's another "guy" taking up her time or her other legit priorities are taking up her time, if YOU are not getting the kind of time you want with a girl------YOU LOSE.

Make no mistake----you'll lose NOT becausse you're a "loser", FAR FROM IT. You'll lose because you would have knowingly signed up for LESS than you want from a relationship.

And one more thing, a lot of women (especially mid-twenties and younger) can "like you" one minute and "like someone else" the next. Many are flighty and flaky and see no duplicity in "changing their minds" about some guy at the drop of a hat-------and WITHOUT WARNING or EXPLANATION.

I'm not saying that this is what has happened, BUT-------I stand by my earlier assessment when I said that women who are REALLY interested in you WILL find the time to get with you. And they'll MAKE it happen with very little effort exerted on YOUR part.

Keep this girl in your peripheral vision and SOLDIER ON until she chooses to "un-busy" herself.

Soldier on.


VU
 

shizz702

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I can just tell you based on experience to not put all your chips on the table with a girl like this. Keep her around for obvious reasons but continue to look elsewhere for more plates or something better.

I made the mistake in the past of putting a lot of time and effort with a girl who was a full time student with a job and tons of extracurricular activities and minimal time for me, and ultimately it did not work.
 
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