Girls often ask me if Im gay should I be concerned?

[Matt Rogers]

Quite a few times in the past girls I've been seeing, girls I interact with ask me if Im gay and when I say I am not they never seem convinced. This continues even after Ive kissed them, slept with them etc.

If I ask them why they give answers like:

"You are always dressed so well", "You seem very in touch with your emotions", "You seem somehow unavailable", "You seem camp", "You hold good eye contact", "Your gestures and movements remind me of my gay friends". "I always feel very comfortable around you and I've never felt that way around straight men"

This all seems weird. I do not know if it is a feminine ploy to make me insecure. Or if it is just because I am good looking, sophisticated and dress well. Or if it is because I am not obsessed with sex.

It doesn't seem to stop me getting girls. But it gets on my nerves when girls ask me things like this.

Any idea how to deal with this other than just ignoring it and telling them to think what they like

 

[Night Owl]

"Girls often ask me if Im gay should I be concerned? "

YES !!! - Girls have excellent radar for gays and spot them miles off.

Get some balls and start acting like a real man, or otherwise you will be forced to the darkside due to the lack of p*ssy

 

[Stavrogin]

"Girls often ask me if Im gay should I be concerned? "

YES !!! - Girls have excellent radar for gays and spot them miles off.

Get some balls and start acting like a real man, or otherwise you will be forced to the darkside due to the lack of p*ssy

It's pretty obvious you don't know what a real man is.

 

[SuavePlaya]

Some girls will ask this when you show no interest in them. This could be a good thing if you havent slept with them or had sex with them. In your case it looks like a problem because you kissed them and slept with them and they still you are kind of queer. Next time you sleep with one of these chicks be dominate. I think you were acting too passive or something.

 

[DJDamage]

You are over analysing this, all you need is one good comeback and this will blow over fast:

Girl: "Are you Gay!!??"

You: " Why don't you come over to my place and find out??""

Then after you fvck her:

Girl: "That was incredible, that was my first ONS, I never done this before, now I know you are not gay!"

You: "Are you a Slut??"

 

[Juando]

I've been told the same thing by a couple of exes, but the way they put it was that they thought I might be gay when they first met me, mostly because I have some depth and an artistic sensibility.

Their wondering ceased once and for all after the first time in the sack.

So my question to you is to get an honest reading of the sex; if it's good everybody knows it and the questions should end right there.

If the sex is good and the questions persist, change women; go for higher quality.

 

[ZenGodMod]

I am disappointed with the quick negative reactions others have posted. A preprogramed response to the term gay.
Being called gay from women does seem negative because we relate it to homosexuals.
You have slept with these girls and they are still convinced your gay, meaning your not.
What these women trying to say is that you connect with them pretty dam good, that they can not be convinced that you are part of the regular male species that generally are jerks and *******s. They feel comfort and a kind of peace when around you because they can be themselves with someone who has a **** and actually use it on them.
If they truely believe you to be really homo then you'd have not been able to sleep with them or get them wet in the slit.
Use Damage's response tool to get by.

 

[Matt Rogers]

Yeah I laugh it off and I will start using DJ Damage's line.

I think it could be something to do with not showing enough sexual interest or not being dominant enough. Maybe for whatever reason they do not feel wanted enough and rather than think they are not attractive enough to protect their ego they blame me and accuse me of being gay.

It might also be because these girls feel very comfortable and safe around me and I actually listen to them and pretend like I give a damn. But I'm guessing that is a good thing

 

[mrRuckus]

You may very well carry yourself fruitily.

I know straight guys who hold their drinks with dainty bent wrists and everything. Everyone notices and it leaves you unsettled when you notice guys doing it. I've been asked before by people if these guys are gay when i'm out with them.

 

[DJDamage]

I think it could be something to do with not showing enough sexual interest or not being dominant enough. Maybe for whatever reason they do not feel wanted enough and rather than think they are not attractive enough to protect their ego they blame me and accuse me of being gay.

I think you have answered it better then anyone regarding your situation. Girls are so used to guys fawning over them that if a guy keeps to himself he is automatically lumped sum with gay dudes (which is by itself is a fallacy, since gay dudes are very comfortable talking to chicks since they are both overtly feminine and the sex part never enters the equation).

It might also be because these girls feel very comfortable and safe around me and I actually listen to them and pretend like I give a damn. But I'm guessing that is a good thing

Now that's the part where I will disagree with you. Since I became better at this game,
NO GIRL HAS EVER FELT 100% COMFORTABLE AND SAFE AROUND ME. . What I mean by this statment is that these girls know I am a good guy but if they hang around me, I ain't going to be talking down to their level and agree with them like a sheep or another one of their girlfriends. I am going to be using alot of C&F and some Negs (if I have too) to make the conversation more interesting for myself with masculine overtones, and to ensure that when you are talking to me, I ain't going to be your pet or your non sexual friend.

Therefore I am not a 100% safe since all what I described above will create sexual tension and that's the level I thrive at and feel more comfortable when I talk to women. I am never mistaken for a gay guy by chicks because when I look at them in the eyes, they know I want to potentially fvck them.

 

[Heretolearn]

I am disappointed with the quick negative reactions others have posted. A preprogramed response to the term gay.
Being called gay from women does seem negative because we relate it to homosexuals.
You have slept with these girls and they are still convinced your gay, meaning your not.
What these women trying to say is that you connect with them pretty dam good, that they can not be convinced that you are part of the regular male species that generally are jerks and *******s. They feel comfort and a kind of peace when around you because they can be themselves with someone who has a **** and actually use it on them.
If they truely believe you to be really homo then you'd have not been able to sleep with them or get them wet in the slit.
Use Damage's response tool to get by.

Best post of the thread, dissapointed in the other responses too.

Lets recap, you get this reaction AFTER you have slept with girls. Now it is probably just your behaviours and ways so 2 parts.

1) Analyse self/situation and make it what you want FOR you not for any label.

2) If happy with above, I would assume the girls comments are just tests/attention games eg. You like Mary don't you (some girls test you saying you like another girl because it lets them 'feel' how you feel about them but in this case they are using a guy not a girl.

Anyway, just enjoy life and don't let this stuff get to you if you are happy with yourself.

 

[MoveYourAss...]

Maybe you're just "gay" ENOUGH

my 5 ct:

As long as everything is going well for you, don't think too much, making problems where there aren't any.

Years ago I went through some David D'Angelo stuff and somewhere he mentioned the positiv female reaction "He's just gay enough", meaning carrying himself well, having nice style concerning clothes etc. This is a GOOD thing.

Then (if before sex) "are you gay" could just mean "why are you not that all over me like all the others", again good thing.

About the "more dominant" sex: Well, check it out. I love it. But do what you feel comfortable with. For me, having ONLY dominant sex is NOT enough. There once in a while has also to be some kind of spiritual stuff, as in tantric experiences. Some women have no experience with that, so what. Some can't deal with it, so what.

I personally believe that the standpoint of "behave like a man - behave like an *******" is an ego problem, trying hard to APPEAR like a man. This will not make you happy. It will also drive people AWAY from you. I mean people who offer real connections. It's better (in terms of getting pu$$y) than AFC though.
It thus helps to get sexual confidence to some level. In the long run, however, it doesn't make you happier (at least this is what happened to me), because it is just not "yourself", not even the DJ-Part of yourself, and you try all to hard to play a role. This is the road to frustration.

 

[Vulpine]

Girls are so used to guys fawning over them that if a guy keeps to himself he is automatically lumped sum with gay dudes (which is by itself is a fallacy, since gay dudes are very comfortable talking to chicks since they are both overtly feminine and the sex part never enters the equation).

This has been somewhat my experience. When you don't supplicate, have good eye contact, are relaxed, are confident, and you are clean, women are sometimes confused. There are so many AFC's that virtually beg for pu≈y, they have a hard time believing, or recognizing that a Man could actually be "the real deal".

Couple that with a lack of interest, and a woman's looks to her gaydar since you aren't registering on the AFC-o-meter. "This dude isn't stuffing a hand down my pants?" So, to be sure, they throw out a sh¡t test of sorts: "Are you gay?" This sort of test seems more common with the HB4-HB6's (hence your lack of interest) who believe that they are hotter than they are.

 

[bigjohnson]

Sometimes it's just the chick version of a neg. They have a million of these things but if you're well groomed and dressed, smell good etc. it defuses most of the other routes.

They are trying to get your attention and need an excuse and a sharp stick. This line gives them both.

 

[mikeraw]

I know that negative reactions are not good but dude, you should not even rationalize this. Act like a man and act like a man now! American society has gotten many to justify certain things... I'm here to tell you that there's no way that "gay enough" is a good thing.

You should be able to dress well, but not gay. Look at all of history's men's men. Gregory Peck, Humphrey Bogart, Charlton Heston, Dean Martin, Sean Connery... they dress well, they have style, and they don't peacokk extensively either... I'm of the opinion that taking peacokking too far is one of the gayest things you can do. So flashy chains and/or many bracelets and rings sholud come off.

Don't take care of yourself too much... metrosexual is borderline gay. No "products" on your hair! What the hell is conditioner anyway?! NEVER COLOR YOUR HAIR OR HAVE IT IRONED OR CURLED OR WHATEVER GIRLS DO.

If you have a girly voice, WORK ON IT.

Mannerisms? Can't help you there, but start with the basics... no wrist-bending, no emotional outbursts if you have to dance... wait, do you dance a lot? STOP IT. Do you complain a lot? Don't. Are you always dieting and/or letting people know about it? Oh boy... Do you have a perfectly fit body? Try going one or two days without proving it... Don't admire yourself on every reflective surface.

Don't talk about your feelings.

Man, I just got worked up about this... I don't know how I'd react if a girl ever asked me that!

 

[Vulpine]

Damn, I just got asked AGAIN!

But, considering the context, and the followup, it was understandable.
.....
I shut my bar down, and these two gals made it a point to tell me they were going to up the street to another.

V: "I'll try to get out of here in time for last call up there. I'd really like a drink. *EC's target, EC's friend who turns, looks back to target with a 'you really know why' look and smirk* If I don't see you, have a good night!"

I got there, and one girl was walking out already:

V: "Really? I just got here!"
HB7(non-target): "Huh? Oh! Hey!" *stops, recognizes, turns around to head back in* "HB9 is going to be like 'WTF' when she sees me."

We go in, I see the HB9 friend (target), we nod hellos, HB7 gets hung up by whoever, I break to get drinks before last call, they hit the floor to dance, I moved past them to say "Hi" to another chick I recognized [ social proof!], then I posted at the bar, set my drinks down, sat and organized my gear for a moment, and instantly the environment starts interacting. A chick I was next to turned and started drunk blah-blah blahing. The dude next to her had some cool bling on, and I complimented his style. He reciprocated on mine, and the chick between us calls over some HUGE amazon chick with an equally huge rack. She stands behind and me puts her cans on either shoulder as she is rattling on about drunken whatever. Amazon rubs my shoulders and starts asking "do you want to get your face slapped with my titties? You got no idea what's about to happen, huh?" This chick stood a full foot-and-a-half taller than me... YIKES!

V: "I've had plenty of titty slappings: I'm good, thanks."
Amazon: *gets all fussy, backs off, starts talking about her ass and trying to get me to handle it*

Oh, and amazon's name was "Sparkles"... lol@stripper name :crackup:

Anyway, about that time I look back at the HB9... she is, and has been, staring. I gave her a sort of "help?" playful look, and she came up with her empty drink to get another. No dice, after last call, the crowd empties out. HB9, HB7, and myself part ways and meet back up outside (they were obviously waiting).

The target was chatting up some guy who pulled up as he was leaving that she knew, and I was chatting with HB7. From the interaction at my bar, I gathered that she was a hair stylist. And, she was foaming about what a good job she did on her friend's (HB9's) cut/dye. I looked over and her (HB7's) blonde roots were showing like crazy, and, of course, I busted her about them.

V: "She dyes her hair? What color is she naturally?"
HB7: "You can tell by her eyebrows."
V: "I didn't see her eyebrows past her eyes, so, I'll ask again: What color is she naturally?"
HB7: "Light Brown."
V: *looking at HB9* "Oooph! Well, I'm a fan of it dark. Yeah, you did a good job." *looks over at HB7, who's hair is dark* "Uh..."
HB7: "What?"
V: *says nothing yet, reaches up and messes with her part*
(HB9 target returns)
V: "Your roots are showing about a quarter inch, kitty-kat. Busy lately?"
HB7:
V: "I see, your eyebrows are light, too. You can color those to match, you know." *turns to HB9, EC's, smiles lightly*
HB7: "Are you gay?"
V: "Because I'm 'not supposed' to know about this stuff?"
HB7: "Yeah!" *looks at HB9 in shock/feigned disgust* "You're over here picking at my hair like a monkey..."
V: "Don't worry, monkey, you're clean. I was kinda hoping for a snack, though." *plucks at her hair and gestures as though putting imaginary bugs into mouth*
HB9: (laughing)
HB7: (somewhat embarrassed now) "Seriously, are you gay?"
V: *says nothing, gestures with the wrist*
HB9: "NO you're NOT!"
V: *looks at HB9, smiles, looks back to HB7, raises eyebrow, nods sideways towards HB9 as in 'she said it', turns toward toward HB9 and begins another topic*
.....


In this situation, the topic was hair coloring. I could see how she might be genuinely confused once I popped her about some things that average guys wouldn't notice. What can I say? I like hair.

Anyway, then, when I didn't buckle or flinch when she brought out the "gay" guns, she still couldn't tell. In fact, me joking and being perfectly comfortable about it made her ask again.

I was having a pretty good time with those two. Aren't men allowed to have a good time?

This time, the context was such that I could see why they would ask. Other times, however, when it comes out of the blue, out of context, I see it as a sh¡t test.

____________postscript__________________
Damn, I kind of surprised myself with this interaction.
I haven't 'operated' in several months because of my situation and focus - I'm just too damn busy, tired, and behind. I can't help but to smile when I step back and think of the whole night.

If anyone is interested, I could bump up my FR. For now, though, I need to crash.

 

[jophil28]

Smartass woman says , " Are you gay?"

Smarterass Jophil replies, " NO, but I have my doubts about my boyfriend."

 

[Jeffst1980]

It all depends on context. If you reject an HB's advances, you'll certainly get the "Are you gay?" question (because of societal conditioning, HB's can not fathom a straight guy who will not jump into bed with her when given the green light). In this case, it's just an ego-preserving neg. You might also hear it as a s#it test, particularly if you dress well. This line flusters guys pretty easily, so the way to pass the s#it test is to ignore it and continue gaming. DON'T overcompensate and try to act "manly" all of a sudden, and DON'T start acting insecure. It's just a test.

However, the OP is hearing this in a different context, with girls that he is currently sleeping with. I don't think this is a very sign.

It's great to have a girl feel secure around you (AFTER you've banged her). This shows that she looks to you as a protector. If she's equating it with homosexuality, though, something's wrong. You don't want her to feel the kind of "security" she feels with her gay friends--security that they won't have sex with her!

Furthermore, if a girl DOES feel safe and secure around you, it makes sense that she would say nice things to you to reinforce this---things like, "I feel protected around you" or "I love how strong you are" etc. She wouldn't say something that so obviously will be taken by you as an insult.

You can be good looking, sophisticated, and trendy without coming off as gay. In fact, that stuff has nothing to do with it. You can go out wearing a dress, but if you move and act like a guy, no one will mistake you as gay. It's really more about body language, speech inflection, etc.

Sometimes straight guys that have a lot of female friends or are in a female dominated profession (fashion, theatre) pick up these mannerisms. It probably won't hurt you initially in picking up girls, but those girls may view you as beta and leave you for a more masculine guy down the line. Girls like masculine guys that remind them of their fathers, no matter what a metrosexual will tell you.

Keep the cultural sophistication and stylish clothes--they're assets to you. Just be conscious of your gestures and mannerisms. If you feel theyre too feminine, hang out with your guy friends more and do masculine stuff. It sounds obvious, but it'll work.

 

[reset]

I've been told the same thing by a couple of exes, but the way they put it was that they thought I might be gay when they first met me, mostly because I have some depth and an artistic sensibility.

I used to get this especially in high school as I was one of those art weirdos. You're just a sophisticated guy, and to some they associate that with gay. It's because they don't know any better. But you can be a masculine guy who still has "cultural sophistication".

Think of someone like David Bowie. Is that guy not a DJ? He even wrote a song called "DJ".

Yet he's been playing around with these gender concepts for years. And he always pulled chicks. Even before he was famous.

NO GIRL HAS EVER FELT 100% COMFORTABLE AND SAFE AROUND ME. [/b].

Good points here. Girls shouldn't feel "safe" emotionally around you all the time. They should be kept on their toes. You know this is working when they can't not be around you but are afraid to look you directly in the eye for fear the light will blind them but when they do their whole face lights up. There's got to be crazy non-safe chemicals going on inside her for this to happen.

 

[Faded Image]

"Your gestures and movements remind me of my gay friends"

That's the numero uno right there.