Illuminatus
Don Juan
I was just reading Sleazy's new posts about talking to stupid women (over on his blog at http://aaronsleazy.blogspot.com/).
This strikes a chord with me because this is generally how I've always felt when out talking to girls. Back in the past, I had low self-esteem and thought it was my problem. Now, however, I have very high self-esteem, and this search for some basic intelligence in women has led me to some interesting experiences. This is less about just trying to get sex and more about choosing who I wish to spend my time with. However, the drive to find people with intelligence who can challenge me does often conflict with the more basic sex drive which says to me: "But she's still good looking... you still would have sex with her." Lately, the intelligence drive has been winning.
I'm not particularly going out just to get sex. It is just not a channel I'm particularly effective at communicating on. I rarely get horny just based on a girl's looks alone. This is because I find intellectual stimulation more exciting to begin with, and it does raise the value of the woman considerably in my eyes. This doesn't have to be a dry intellectual exchange (in fact that would probably bore me too) -- more about her demonstrating that she does have something interesting going on in her mind, or having her own ways of demonstrating fun and vitality.
I spoke to a group of really attractive girls the other night at a club. We broke the set in two and my brother was speaking to the other girls. I just picked the one who seemed most into me and broke her off from the group (she actually said "Let's go and sit over here!", intentionally isolating us), and then we had a conversation which started with her asking me what I do for a living. I told her I'm an author. Her first response was "You're not! You're lying." I just matter-of-factly said that I was an author and I have no interest in telling lies. So she started asking me about all of this, what I write about, and I said I write articles and books on personal development. She again started calling me a liar, and I reminded her to pack that in. She was interested in all of this, and it turned out she was doing a degree in psychology, which shows at least a basic ambition towards improving one's intelligence, so she received a mental "check" from me for that. However, that was premature. Her main issue which she simply could not seem to deviate from was that I was doing things such as writing books, giving personal coaching etc. without having a degree or qualification for it. She simply could not let this go. "But you HAVE to have a degree! How do you know if what you're writing is true!" and I just said "I know it's true for me because it's from my own personal experience, and therefore others can benefit." She then said "This is all bull**** isn't it? You're lying to me, aren't you? Are you lying? How can this happen? How can you write books without a degree?" This conversation was becoming interminable. I glanced at my brother and saw from his returned look that his girls were also just pissing him off. We walked off from the girls mid-sentence.
Now at the time, my thoughts were simply: these girls are too dumb and annoying for me to spend time with. It was a perfectly valid opinion, and a judgment made about who I am prepared to spend my time with. However, I also had that other voice saying to me: "But they were hot! Doesn't that count for something? Why didn't you push on!"
Well it seems to me now that their hotness really is not as important a factor for me personally than basic intelligence (or at least showing a willingness to challenge her own perspectives). I never thought I would find myself in a position where looks would not compete with other qualities. I guess this means I have become more discerning. I believe that that directly comes from having high self-esteem.
We went to a takeaway shop, and two girls, also hot, came in and approached us (yes, girls do approach guys, in varying degrees on a spectrum of obviousness). They asked if we were students etc. I said no, I'm an author. Now, I'm not being a hardass or unsociable when I'm talking to them. I'm a social, open guy. But again, they started saying "You're not an author!" and I got this whole "You're lying!" thing again (!?!). I just turned away and ignored them. Again, the voice saying, "But they are hot and have approached you, CAPITALIZE!!!" But then the louder voice saying: "These girls are stupid and are annoying me." I believe this voice saying "CAPITALIZE!" is the voice of desperation cultivated through being in the seduction community. The focus is literally just on sex in the seduction community. I guess that that does come from its mission statement, which is basically: "Get laid." Sex is kind of touted as the be all and end all of everything in the seduction community for this reason. Things such as self-respect and appreciating other factors of a social interaction seem to have taken a back seat (or often aren't acknowledged as valuable at all). Well I'm here to say that I do not feel bad for not taking everything that comes my way. I do place a value on my time and on quality social interactions. If the seduction community has made you desperate and had you try and change your values to something which doesn't fit who you are, I'm saying it's okay to be yourself and turn people down if they aren't meeting your standards.
I spoke to Bliss about this, who is a massive player, and does sleep with dozens of women from month to month. He said: "You are right. Most of them are dumb. Most of them are annoying. It's up to you to steer the interaction to some form of fun you can both get something out of." I think that's a really valid point. There are other forms of fun in which a good exchange can take place. He makes the conversation light and fun to begin with and only brings up that he's a record producer when some rapport has developed (he says they often still don't believe him, and he just tries to get off that subject if it's doing his head in). So you are ultimately responsible for the style of interaction you wish to have, and getting the interaction to that level.
My message here is that you can have your own set of values, which comes from your self-esteem, and you don't have to compromise those values for the sake of sex or racking up lays. However, it is up to you to get the interaction to a place whereby you can both take some form of value from it. If it's not going the way you enjoy however, you can turn people down and move on to someone more interesting to you personally.
As a "silver lining" ending, there are girls whose company I really enjoy on the intellectual level. Girls who can listen, and offer some different perspectives (or at least try to), and where we can both get something out of the exchange. I am very very forgiving if girls do indeed show some willingness to learn and challenge their own views. I will gladly spend time with them and enjoy their company. If girls are a closed book however, they're not for me. And having such standards, and even making the choice to compromise on those standards, is entirely up to you. I will never berate anyone for passing on a hot girl if they are just annoying. There can be more to socializing than just trying to get a lay so you can write a field report or brag to your friends or whatever. And that level of setting standards is completely your choice.
I have decided however to practise getting the best from people, even dumb girls, to find out whether there are other levels of interaction where I can still enjoy myself.
This strikes a chord with me because this is generally how I've always felt when out talking to girls. Back in the past, I had low self-esteem and thought it was my problem. Now, however, I have very high self-esteem, and this search for some basic intelligence in women has led me to some interesting experiences. This is less about just trying to get sex and more about choosing who I wish to spend my time with. However, the drive to find people with intelligence who can challenge me does often conflict with the more basic sex drive which says to me: "But she's still good looking... you still would have sex with her." Lately, the intelligence drive has been winning.
I'm not particularly going out just to get sex. It is just not a channel I'm particularly effective at communicating on. I rarely get horny just based on a girl's looks alone. This is because I find intellectual stimulation more exciting to begin with, and it does raise the value of the woman considerably in my eyes. This doesn't have to be a dry intellectual exchange (in fact that would probably bore me too) -- more about her demonstrating that she does have something interesting going on in her mind, or having her own ways of demonstrating fun and vitality.
I spoke to a group of really attractive girls the other night at a club. We broke the set in two and my brother was speaking to the other girls. I just picked the one who seemed most into me and broke her off from the group (she actually said "Let's go and sit over here!", intentionally isolating us), and then we had a conversation which started with her asking me what I do for a living. I told her I'm an author. Her first response was "You're not! You're lying." I just matter-of-factly said that I was an author and I have no interest in telling lies. So she started asking me about all of this, what I write about, and I said I write articles and books on personal development. She again started calling me a liar, and I reminded her to pack that in. She was interested in all of this, and it turned out she was doing a degree in psychology, which shows at least a basic ambition towards improving one's intelligence, so she received a mental "check" from me for that. However, that was premature. Her main issue which she simply could not seem to deviate from was that I was doing things such as writing books, giving personal coaching etc. without having a degree or qualification for it. She simply could not let this go. "But you HAVE to have a degree! How do you know if what you're writing is true!" and I just said "I know it's true for me because it's from my own personal experience, and therefore others can benefit." She then said "This is all bull**** isn't it? You're lying to me, aren't you? Are you lying? How can this happen? How can you write books without a degree?" This conversation was becoming interminable. I glanced at my brother and saw from his returned look that his girls were also just pissing him off. We walked off from the girls mid-sentence.
Now at the time, my thoughts were simply: these girls are too dumb and annoying for me to spend time with. It was a perfectly valid opinion, and a judgment made about who I am prepared to spend my time with. However, I also had that other voice saying to me: "But they were hot! Doesn't that count for something? Why didn't you push on!"
Well it seems to me now that their hotness really is not as important a factor for me personally than basic intelligence (or at least showing a willingness to challenge her own perspectives). I never thought I would find myself in a position where looks would not compete with other qualities. I guess this means I have become more discerning. I believe that that directly comes from having high self-esteem.
We went to a takeaway shop, and two girls, also hot, came in and approached us (yes, girls do approach guys, in varying degrees on a spectrum of obviousness). They asked if we were students etc. I said no, I'm an author. Now, I'm not being a hardass or unsociable when I'm talking to them. I'm a social, open guy. But again, they started saying "You're not an author!" and I got this whole "You're lying!" thing again (!?!). I just turned away and ignored them. Again, the voice saying, "But they are hot and have approached you, CAPITALIZE!!!" But then the louder voice saying: "These girls are stupid and are annoying me." I believe this voice saying "CAPITALIZE!" is the voice of desperation cultivated through being in the seduction community. The focus is literally just on sex in the seduction community. I guess that that does come from its mission statement, which is basically: "Get laid." Sex is kind of touted as the be all and end all of everything in the seduction community for this reason. Things such as self-respect and appreciating other factors of a social interaction seem to have taken a back seat (or often aren't acknowledged as valuable at all). Well I'm here to say that I do not feel bad for not taking everything that comes my way. I do place a value on my time and on quality social interactions. If the seduction community has made you desperate and had you try and change your values to something which doesn't fit who you are, I'm saying it's okay to be yourself and turn people down if they aren't meeting your standards.
I spoke to Bliss about this, who is a massive player, and does sleep with dozens of women from month to month. He said: "You are right. Most of them are dumb. Most of them are annoying. It's up to you to steer the interaction to some form of fun you can both get something out of." I think that's a really valid point. There are other forms of fun in which a good exchange can take place. He makes the conversation light and fun to begin with and only brings up that he's a record producer when some rapport has developed (he says they often still don't believe him, and he just tries to get off that subject if it's doing his head in). So you are ultimately responsible for the style of interaction you wish to have, and getting the interaction to that level.
My message here is that you can have your own set of values, which comes from your self-esteem, and you don't have to compromise those values for the sake of sex or racking up lays. However, it is up to you to get the interaction to a place whereby you can both take some form of value from it. If it's not going the way you enjoy however, you can turn people down and move on to someone more interesting to you personally.
As a "silver lining" ending, there are girls whose company I really enjoy on the intellectual level. Girls who can listen, and offer some different perspectives (or at least try to), and where we can both get something out of the exchange. I am very very forgiving if girls do indeed show some willingness to learn and challenge their own views. I will gladly spend time with them and enjoy their company. If girls are a closed book however, they're not for me. And having such standards, and even making the choice to compromise on those standards, is entirely up to you. I will never berate anyone for passing on a hot girl if they are just annoying. There can be more to socializing than just trying to get a lay so you can write a field report or brag to your friends or whatever. And that level of setting standards is completely your choice.
I have decided however to practise getting the best from people, even dumb girls, to find out whether there are other levels of interaction where I can still enjoy myself.
If she's got the mentality of a 7-year-old girl, then TREAT her like one.