LuisGarcia10
Senior Don Juan
Through a combination of this website and my own personal experiences, I've learnt a lot about dating and dealing with girls. Several lesssons I now hold close to me and observe them like the bible, but if I had to pick one key piece of advice it would be this;
"Girls will almost always lose interest at one point or another, you need to learn how to deal with this."
I can only speak for myself here, but I've never dated a girl that hasn't suggested she might want to "just be friends," at one point or another, I think this is especially true for younger girls (18-25) who have lots of options, and also aren't always too certain about what they want. The thing that makes this especially tricky to deal with is that it often comes totally out of the blue, so you're often not thinking logically when you respond.
So you get a text message along these lines, I'm sure many of you will recognise it;
The Dump Text
"Hey you're a lovely guy but I'm not sure this is going anywhere, but I do like hanging out and I'd love to stay friends."
Now I have had the above message, or similar, countless times, and I've dealt with it in several different ways. Here are a few of them;
Route A) Anger
"You're sending me this by text message because you don't have the guts to say it in person, and it's totally out of the blue, no we can't be friends, go to hell"
Without trying to patronise, the above is obviously a bad, but inevitably natural reaction. You're hurt, it's come seemingly from no where (although the girl has probably thought about it for a week or so at least,) and you don't know how to react. The trouble with this is it sends a message that you care too much, and that you're immature and can't handle rejection.
Route B) Logic
"You just want to be friends? What? What's wrong? But we love each other? What did I do wrong? Whatever the problem is we can fix this, I don't want to lose you."
Yes I have done the above several times. Women do not respond romantically to logic, not at all. You cannot talk a woman into dating you, she'll either feel it or she won't. In the original "dump text" that I posted above, a girl will often cite a reason for her dumping you, often her job, or being hurt in a previous relationship, usually something along those lines. Listen up here, the reason she gives you is 90% of the time absolutely nothing to do with it. Ask yourself this, would she dump Brad Pitt because she's been hurt before or because she has a demanding job? No, of course she wouldn't. It's an excuse, an easy way out that causes no offence, and is a damn site easier to come out with than it is to tell the man that she no longer finds him attractive. So now we've established that the reasons a woman gives for dumping you are usually irrelevant, logically we can agree that it is 100% pointless in debating them with her. Whatever reason she gives you, go with it, humour her, pretend it's cool and don't try to talk her round. Agreeing with being dumped by a woman may sound like dating suicde, but it is absolutely the best way I've found to deal with it...which brings me onto response numero three.
C) OK, thats cool (the following is a text I sent to a girl yesterday, pretty much word for word)
"Erm, ok, well I'm not going to say that I'm not disapointed, because I liked you and it seemed to be going well. But if that's how you feel then there's not much I can do to change that. It's come a bit out of the blue but I guess I've been away and I guess the fact I work a lot doesn't help. Yeah we can be friends that's fine and yes I'd still like to meet you tomorrow (she had suggested breakfast) just give me a call on xxxxxxxxxxxxxx"
She had no answer to it. The response she eventually came out with was "I'm rubbish at this stuff" I'd bet she was expecting me to do either A) or B) and was totally shocked that I barely even seemed to care. I will stress though, I personally think it's important to signal some kind of disapointment. You obviously like the girl, and the girl knows this, so she's not going to believe you if you act like you literally don't give a ****, you need to make it known that you do care, and you're disapointed, but not enough to provoke any great deal of emotion. Incidentally I met the girl today, acted exactly the same as I had before, treated it as a normal date and didn't even entertain the message that she'd sent me, didn't bring it up once, ended up making out on the sofa for half an hour and I'm going round to her house later in the week.
I don't profess to be some expert, the stuff I've learnt I have purely gained from doing the absolute WRONG thing. And making a complete idiot out of myself several times. Some people may accuse me of stating the obvious, but the above is simply the one piece of advice which I swear by. I can't stand here and tell you it will 100% work everytime, sometimes a girl just isn't intnerested, but what it will do 100% of the time is maintain your self respect. You're handling the situation well, calmly, and not allowing yourself to lose your cool and make yourself look like an idiot.
I'm not interested in people telling me I'm stating the obvious. I'm not stupiud but I have made this mistake so many times it's ridiculous, I've lost girls that I could have probably salvaged had I known what I know now, and I've made myself look like an immature 5 year old by the way I've dealt with these situations before, and I still regret the way I've dealt with stuff like this to this day. So if somebody reads this before they **** up, and they implement it, then I've done something productive by posting it.
I will stress this one more time;
Do not put the emphasis on getting the girl, put the emphasis on being a man. And by that I mean not acting like a child, or losing your cool and getting emotional, women are emotional, they want to date a man, a strong man, if you act like a girl on her period you'll look like an idiot.
This advice is not focussed on getting girls back that are thinkind of dumping you, invariably if you implement the advice I've given you several times then it's pretty much guarenteed that it will make some girls change their mind, but the main point I'm trying to get across is to learn to become a stronger man, and one who can handle any situation with strength and respect. I'm not there yet but it's the goal, and this paticular advice has helped me a lot.
Take it or leave it
"Girls will almost always lose interest at one point or another, you need to learn how to deal with this."
I can only speak for myself here, but I've never dated a girl that hasn't suggested she might want to "just be friends," at one point or another, I think this is especially true for younger girls (18-25) who have lots of options, and also aren't always too certain about what they want. The thing that makes this especially tricky to deal with is that it often comes totally out of the blue, so you're often not thinking logically when you respond.
So you get a text message along these lines, I'm sure many of you will recognise it;
The Dump Text
"Hey you're a lovely guy but I'm not sure this is going anywhere, but I do like hanging out and I'd love to stay friends."
Now I have had the above message, or similar, countless times, and I've dealt with it in several different ways. Here are a few of them;
Route A) Anger
"You're sending me this by text message because you don't have the guts to say it in person, and it's totally out of the blue, no we can't be friends, go to hell"
Without trying to patronise, the above is obviously a bad, but inevitably natural reaction. You're hurt, it's come seemingly from no where (although the girl has probably thought about it for a week or so at least,) and you don't know how to react. The trouble with this is it sends a message that you care too much, and that you're immature and can't handle rejection.
Route B) Logic
"You just want to be friends? What? What's wrong? But we love each other? What did I do wrong? Whatever the problem is we can fix this, I don't want to lose you."
Yes I have done the above several times. Women do not respond romantically to logic, not at all. You cannot talk a woman into dating you, she'll either feel it or she won't. In the original "dump text" that I posted above, a girl will often cite a reason for her dumping you, often her job, or being hurt in a previous relationship, usually something along those lines. Listen up here, the reason she gives you is 90% of the time absolutely nothing to do with it. Ask yourself this, would she dump Brad Pitt because she's been hurt before or because she has a demanding job? No, of course she wouldn't. It's an excuse, an easy way out that causes no offence, and is a damn site easier to come out with than it is to tell the man that she no longer finds him attractive. So now we've established that the reasons a woman gives for dumping you are usually irrelevant, logically we can agree that it is 100% pointless in debating them with her. Whatever reason she gives you, go with it, humour her, pretend it's cool and don't try to talk her round. Agreeing with being dumped by a woman may sound like dating suicde, but it is absolutely the best way I've found to deal with it...which brings me onto response numero three.
C) OK, thats cool (the following is a text I sent to a girl yesterday, pretty much word for word)
"Erm, ok, well I'm not going to say that I'm not disapointed, because I liked you and it seemed to be going well. But if that's how you feel then there's not much I can do to change that. It's come a bit out of the blue but I guess I've been away and I guess the fact I work a lot doesn't help. Yeah we can be friends that's fine and yes I'd still like to meet you tomorrow (she had suggested breakfast) just give me a call on xxxxxxxxxxxxxx"
She had no answer to it. The response she eventually came out with was "I'm rubbish at this stuff" I'd bet she was expecting me to do either A) or B) and was totally shocked that I barely even seemed to care. I will stress though, I personally think it's important to signal some kind of disapointment. You obviously like the girl, and the girl knows this, so she's not going to believe you if you act like you literally don't give a ****, you need to make it known that you do care, and you're disapointed, but not enough to provoke any great deal of emotion. Incidentally I met the girl today, acted exactly the same as I had before, treated it as a normal date and didn't even entertain the message that she'd sent me, didn't bring it up once, ended up making out on the sofa for half an hour and I'm going round to her house later in the week.
I don't profess to be some expert, the stuff I've learnt I have purely gained from doing the absolute WRONG thing. And making a complete idiot out of myself several times. Some people may accuse me of stating the obvious, but the above is simply the one piece of advice which I swear by. I can't stand here and tell you it will 100% work everytime, sometimes a girl just isn't intnerested, but what it will do 100% of the time is maintain your self respect. You're handling the situation well, calmly, and not allowing yourself to lose your cool and make yourself look like an idiot.
I'm not interested in people telling me I'm stating the obvious. I'm not stupiud but I have made this mistake so many times it's ridiculous, I've lost girls that I could have probably salvaged had I known what I know now, and I've made myself look like an immature 5 year old by the way I've dealt with these situations before, and I still regret the way I've dealt with stuff like this to this day. So if somebody reads this before they **** up, and they implement it, then I've done something productive by posting it.
I will stress this one more time;
Do not put the emphasis on getting the girl, put the emphasis on being a man. And by that I mean not acting like a child, or losing your cool and getting emotional, women are emotional, they want to date a man, a strong man, if you act like a girl on her period you'll look like an idiot.
This advice is not focussed on getting girls back that are thinkind of dumping you, invariably if you implement the advice I've given you several times then it's pretty much guarenteed that it will make some girls change their mind, but the main point I'm trying to get across is to learn to become a stronger man, and one who can handle any situation with strength and respect. I'm not there yet but it's the goal, and this paticular advice has helped me a lot.
Take it or leave it
