Divorced w 3
Master Don Juan
- Joined
- Nov 20, 2022
- Messages
- 3,820
- Reaction score
- 2,464
3.5 years ago my girlfriend asked me to be exclusive. Within a few minutes, a guy texted her who she said was a male friend of hers. I was a pretty active participant here at the time and was able to suss out relatively quickly that they hooked up 15 months before I was on the scene. That they were still in regular contactShe tried to tell me that he had a girlfriend and that she encouraged him to go after hers. In my mind, I heard SoSuave telling me this was a deal breaker and so I told her that the dialogue was over with him if we were going to be exclusive. She went full stop. Removed him on instagram, went cold on his texts.
Fast forward to last night - she gets a text from their mutual friend that this guy has an aggressive form of cancer. She tells me that in college, he had another horrible bout of cancer. Then she gets really upset. Then she asks me if I feel bad having kept her from knowing a great friend for so long that is probably going to die. I told her that as much as I hated hearing about his illness, it didn’t bother me about not knowing him as it wasn’t appropriate. She told me that in a different world, a more secure partner would have allowed this and that he also ended up marrying this woman. That she was going to call him, and that if she wanted to have dialogue or see him, she was going to do it, and that it was never up to me to control that social interaction.
I guess what I’m getting at is, I digested some advice here years ago, and a serious real life consequence has resulted from taking some of that advice. Part of me is saying, it’s just a bad break. The guy was an orbiter and that it’s just how this situation shook out. Another part of me is thinking I was just super insecure and I let that drive this situation, where I could have just been super secure and not cared. My friend told me years ago I could just have been a super secure guy and blown so much of this off. And in retrospect, if I had taken that advice, so many things would have just gone so much smoother.
Just curious what people have to say on this.
Fast forward to last night - she gets a text from their mutual friend that this guy has an aggressive form of cancer. She tells me that in college, he had another horrible bout of cancer. Then she gets really upset. Then she asks me if I feel bad having kept her from knowing a great friend for so long that is probably going to die. I told her that as much as I hated hearing about his illness, it didn’t bother me about not knowing him as it wasn’t appropriate. She told me that in a different world, a more secure partner would have allowed this and that he also ended up marrying this woman. That she was going to call him, and that if she wanted to have dialogue or see him, she was going to do it, and that it was never up to me to control that social interaction.
I guess what I’m getting at is, I digested some advice here years ago, and a serious real life consequence has resulted from taking some of that advice. Part of me is saying, it’s just a bad break. The guy was an orbiter and that it’s just how this situation shook out. Another part of me is thinking I was just super insecure and I let that drive this situation, where I could have just been super secure and not cared. My friend told me years ago I could just have been a super secure guy and blown so much of this off. And in retrospect, if I had taken that advice, so many things would have just gone so much smoother.
Just curious what people have to say on this.