Girlfriends Gone Wild....what exactly constitutes "inappropriate" behavior?

[STR8UP]

I wasn't really posting this to start a debate about the morality of stealing someone's girlfriend or whatever, but this has turned into a good discussion nonetheless.

I don't think I mentioned this before but that night girl #3 kept saying how she was going to put me on her Myspace top 8 (i think she also said something like "and I don't care what anyone has to say about it" in reference to adding me), that she was going to message me the next day letting me know they made it home ok, blah blah blah. I just blew it off as drunk talk and it turns out that I didn't hear from her until today, but she just sent me a friend request so we shall see how things go.

I don't fancy myself as a girlfriend stealer, but thats the way the world works so I don't have reservations about it if it happens.

To be perfectly honest there was something about this chick that made me wanna fukk the hell outa her, so I just might explore my possibilities. And true to my M.O. she's only 24.....hehehe. I love younger women.

 

[CLOONEY]

You will NEVER, NEVA EVA EVA EVA EVA, find a girl that meets all ten of those.

She danced with one guy for a minute or two, with her back toward him, kind of grinding. Is this disrespect?

I would say that is disrespect, she is flirting with another guy infront of you. You also can find a girl that meets all those criteria, my current girlfriend does. Though, my previous two LTRs didnt. One appeared to, until I saw her out drunk myself. A good little virgin she was, but oh how she changed when she drank! Nonetheless, good girls do exist.

 

[CLOONEY]

Tell me this, how can you "call girls on their sh!t" without looking extremely jealous. All you can do is walk away, or flirt with other girls, which I do sometimes and works wonders.

This is the problem with sosuave.com, it teaches never to look jealous, never to get angry. If my girlfriend did that, I would go OFF, if she did it again, she would be history. Would I look jealous? Yes, would I care? No. Would she do it again, most likely not.

If I did not call her on her sh1t, she would not respect me. If I flirted with other girls infront of her, I would end up with a series of continuous games, and eventual insecurity in the relationship from the party who cares about the other most.

Dont beleive me? No problem, I speak from years of experience and research.

A man tells it how it is and lays down the law, the woman looks after him and respects him, in return for his emotional care and protection of her. You cannot force a girl to do this (I tried with my previous two, and in the end, they did not change), you just have to sort through the sh1tpile until you find that diamond in the rough.

 

[Latinoman]

I want to make one thing perfectly clear. I do NOT prohibit my woman from anything (unless it is going to have an economical or legal impact on me and my kids). She can do whatever she wants...but they are consequences such as me dumping her or even getting annoyed and in the extreme of situations, angry.

And by the way...is either respect or fear. Fear? Not fear for her wellbeing...but fear of LOSING the Prize.

Getting angry ocassionally for a certain offense is more than acceptable. It does not show jealousy (especially if you NEVER show that under other circunstances)...it simply shows that you are big on the respect issue and the line was crossed enough as to show anger. And that anger is proof enough that there is not going to be a "next" time if it happens again.

Now, if you know how to control your anger...then when you truly get angry will get the persons attention.

They will use the "jealousy" crap all the time you show ANY kind of disaproval. They will use the "control" crap all the time you show ANY kind of disaproval. But if you have been easy going, and have a HISTORY of NOT being jealous or controlling...and as importantly...if you have been FAIR....then you can actually say,

"Listen...enough of the 'you are controlling' crap. Let's refocus on the issue at hand...that is....RESPECT for your man. Do you respect me? Because as I said, I'm not going to tell you what to do. I 'm not in this relationship to control you. I'm not that kind of man. In fact, you are free to do whatever you want. I will however tell you what I will do. If I sense that you don't respect me or that you contribute toward others disrespecting me...then I will walk away from this relationship."

 

[speed dawg]

I agree completely with all of you about the disrespect. However, that night, I just didn't get that sick gut feeling that made me mad. I really didn't give a fukk when it happened, and I wasn't threatened at all. I guarantee you, when she's crossed the line before, albeit very few times, I've corrected her. But Friday, we were both just having a good time, and she was kinda ticked off that I'd somewhat flirted with my ex gf's friends earlier in the night. Completely harmless, but it bothered her. I call it a hug and small talk. Who knows.

Just me, but I like to keep a little anxiety in our relationship. Keeps us on our toes, and makes the sex better.

 

[STR8UP]

I agree completely with all of you about the disrespect. However, that night, I just didn't get that sick gut feeling that made me mad. I really didn't give a fukk when it happened, and I wasn't threatened at all. I guarantee you, when she's crossed the line before, albeit very few times, I've corrected her. But Friday, we were both just having a good time, and she was kinda ticked off that I'd somewhat flirted with my ex gf's friends earlier in the night. Completely harmless, but it bothered her. I call it a hug and small talk. Who knows.

Just me, but I like to keep a little anxiety in our relationship. Keeps us on our toes, and makes the sex better.

It's easy for people to say that "I would never allow my woman to do something like that" blah, blah, blah, but if you are:

A) Secure and confident with yourself

and

B) Have no reason to believe she was doing it to try to hook up with someone else

and

C) Aren't bothered by what transpires

Then WHO THE FUKK CARES? You don't have to defend yourself for not being pissed.

I used to hit the clubs from time to time with my last LTR when we first started dating, and she would have guys up on her all the time. Most of the time I would laugh it off and watch her eventually blow them off. I knew she was with me and that was that. If it doesn't bother you and she isn't going overboard it's only going to UP your value in her eyes.

And I agree about keeping a little anxiety there. The second it's gone, it's all downhill.

 

[STR8UP]

Oh yea, and while we are on the subject...what about WIVES gone wild?

I was reminded of this today because I just found out that one of my boys is planning a night out in a couple of weeks. He doesn't get out often but sometimes when he does he invites all of the girls he works with, and by the time they bring all of their friends it's usually about 8-10 women and 5-6 guys, so it's usually a pretty good time.

The thing is, most of these girls are MARRIED. The last time we all went out I had one of them asking me to dance (not the ballroom kind, mind you), holding my hand there and back, all the while telling me "Don't expect anything, you know I'm married".

Another one of them supposedly REALLY likes my business partner. Also married.

Even most of the ones who don't "physically express themselves" give off the "I would fukk you in a minute" look. My boy tells me that they are "Down to party" but don't want anyone to know, since they are married.

Don't know what the world is coming to but this is a pretty good argument to be VERY careful who you get involved with.

 

[Latinoman]

It's easy for people to say that "I would never allow my woman to do something like that" blah, blah, blah, but if you are:

A) Secure and confident with yourself

and

B) Have no reason to believe she was doing it to try to hook up with someone else

and

C) Aren't bothered by what transpires

Then WHO THE FUKK CARES? You don't have to defend yourself for not being pissed.

No one should "prohibit" his partner from doing anything. You simply educate your partner about what you consider a deal breaker, what you consider disrespectful, and how are your morals/values. I mean...she cannot read minds! And every man is different.

I have two examples that I will share with you based on my life:

1) I remember dealing with this "tough" guy that was in our team (sport) several years ago. He was not a bad guy. He actually looked tough and he was a good person too. But his wife pushed him all over the place. It was common knowledge that she went out into drunken fest, etc. She had little respect for him. During a game, I was playing injured. Toward the end, I complained that my knee was bothering me. He, of all people, came with some remarks to which I reply..."Safe your anger and remarks for your wife."

My point? I had ZERO respect for him as a Man.

2) A nightclub stuff about 1.5 years ago. I was already 37. Very sexy young woman (23) and her husband (around 23-25) used to frequent this place with their friends. She danced with other men...he simply watch. It obviously didn't bother him. In fact, it was similar to the story told in here. Regardless, she caught me looking at her a few times. The "eye" to "eye" thing.

Sometimes, she walked from the dance floor and walk by me while I was standing there (note: I'm a very good dancer, but choose to keep that low profile) drink on one hand. And as she walked...the "eye" thing took place. Then the smile.


To make the story short...several weeks later she did the same thing and went to get a drink while the others waited. I did the same and we did the eye thing and then I asked for her name (I never offer mine to see if she is interested enough to ask for it and in this case she did). The next night she went ALONE. And I did not waste time. We danced...and trust me...it was so provocative that it looked like we were making out. Sweating and all that stuff. We got some drinks and she started talking badly about her husband, blah, blah...offered to by me a drink...blah, blah...I used the "you are too young" crap...blah, blah, and that got her to justify that age difference was not an issue...in a nutshell...the ONLY reason I did not phuck her was because I truly did not want too. There is no doubt in my mind I would have destroyed her marriage and as importantly, I sensed she could become a little psycho.

Needless to say...as confident as this dude looked...I had ZERO respect for him as a Man. In fact, if I could have pursue that girl (and by doing so DISRESPECTING him as a Man). And why would I do something like that? Because I had NO respect for him as a Man. And she didn't do anything to safeguard that respect. And we are talking about a WIFE here.

I used to hit the clubs from time to time with my last LTR when we first started dating, and she would have guys up on her all the time. Most of the time I would laugh it off and watch her eventually blow them off. I knew she was with me and that was that. If it doesn't bother you and she isn't going overboard it's only going to UP your value in her eyes.

That's not her fault. The issue in here is NOT how men approach our women. Because of an AFC society...other men will always approach women that are taken. The issue here is HOW our women DEAL with the situation to SAFEGUARD the respect of others toward her man.

By doing what she did...your LTR certainly showed respect for you. And as importantly, you gain respect on the eyes of those men too (when they finally see her - a desireable woman- only having eyes for you). Now...if she would have allowed them to rub their groin on her butt...
Make no mistake about one thing...RESPECT from other men is important. Because that can transcend to other issues. I would have no Respect for a CEO as a Man if his wife was disrespecting him too. I would probably respect his ability to run a company...but never Respect him as a Man. And once that respect is gone...it is hard to do business with a person like that.

 

[CLOONEY]

I agree completely with all of you about the disrespect. However, that night, I just didn't get that sick gut feeling that made me mad. I really didn't give a fukk when it happened, and I wasn't threatened at all. I guarantee you, when she's crossed the line before, albeit very few times, I've corrected her. But Friday, we were both just having a good time, and she was kinda ticked off that I'd somewhat flirted with my ex gf's friends earlier in the night. Completely harmless, but it bothered her. I call it a hug and small talk. Who knows.

Just me, but I like to keep a little anxiety in our relationship. Keeps us on our toes, and makes the sex better.

Just remember, the ground rules for a relationship are established in the first few months. She is trying to see how far she can push the boundaries, and she is trying to validate herself by making you jealous.

But it is good to keep a little anxiety in a relationship, just make sure your in control of that anxiety.

 

[Latinoman]

Just remember, the ground rules for a relationship are established in the first few months. She is trying to see how far she can push the boundaries, and she is trying to validate herself by making you jealous.

But it is good to keep a little anxiety in a relationship, just make sure your in control of that anxiety.

I agree 100%.

And I will add more...the "anxiety" part is important (as long as you control it), because it will give her something to think about: "I cannot take him for granted. If I do, then I will lose him. And his is the Prize!".

 

[Latinoman]

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=110479

On SOME of my views about respect (I admit that it might need some editing for further clarification).

 

[Last Man Standing]

SpeedDawg, I want to apologize for being harsher than normal - I was drinking when I wrote that previous post -- but it irks me to no end when men allow women to disrespect them so harshly!!!

What scares me most is that you do not even think you were disrespected!! You know it was inappropriate behavior thus the title of this thread!! She is a wild girl and if she does this in front of you can you imagine what she does when you are not present?? I think she made you look like a chump -- if other friends and family members were there would you have felt and seen things differently?? I think so!!

You are the only guys I know who are hung up on not looking jealous or angry or insecure or too controlling!!

Don't be afraid to exert your manhood in a strict manner -- all men should value respect above else from a woman!!! Hell, if another dude disrespects you you are ready to pounce on him and get into a fight but when women disrespect dudes they just brush it off!! HUH? Why??

Don't be scared to be a man for fear of a woman leaving you - if she leaves you then good - find a girl that respects you!!!!!!!!

 

[CLOONEY]

You are the only guys I know who are hung up on not looking jealous or angry or insecure or too controlling!!


Don't be scared to be a man for fear of a woman leaving you - if she leaves you then good - find a girl that respects you!!!!!!!!

BAM, there it is!

Sosuave and its teachings of not putting the foot down, but acting like you dont care and not looking jealous, are probably the worst teachings of the entire site! Sound good, but breed disrespect and insecurity in a relationship. Keeping a bit of anxiety and maintaining a healthy relationship, are a very fine line to walk on.

 

[WildCard]

Just a tid-bit

BAM, there it is!

Sosuave and its teachings of not putting the foot down, but acting like you dont care and not looking jealous, are probably the worst teachings of the entire site!

Ok..I'm not sure what frame you are talking about when it comes to these...but let me say this - not being jealous and not caring are the TWO MOST IMPORTANT thnigs when it comes to MANAGING WOMEN - the problem is that most guys don't understand that these two things DO NOT MEAN, "let the chick run over you like a 18-wheeler." RESPECT is PARAMOUNT. If her behavior is for the purpose of AGITATING you then it is disrespectful - otherwise they're just being chicks. Often times, what the "foot-down" process fails to communicate - mainly because its deployed with GENUINE EMOTION, rather than RESPONSIVE ACTING, the girls gain more control because emotions are their battle field. What you do when you "don't care" is you project to her that she can DO WHAT SHE WANTS - but the subcom is that SO WILL YOU...YOU NEVER EVER EVER say it out loud YOU DO IT DO DO DO DO.

Sound good, but breed disrespect and insecurity in a relationship.

I'm not sure what you mean...one of my ladies ran off to Lake Tahoe last weekend and I said to her,

WC: Have fun with the boys.

When she came back she tells me

HB: We didn't go out that much

No whether thats the truth or not...I WILL NEVER KNOW...but the fact is she AT LEAST is acting to please me - that is a GOOD THING - she WANTS TO PLEASE ME

Keeping a bit of anxiety and maintaining a healthy relationship, are a very fine line to walk on.

Undoubtably, as men we must BUILD the bridge upon which we stride ...

~ WildCard ~

Veritas Lux Mea

 

[STR8UP]

BAM, there it is!

Sosuave and its teachings of not putting the foot down, but acting like you dont care and not looking jealous, are probably the worst teachings of the entire site! Sound good, but breed disrespect and insecurity in a relationship. Keeping a bit of anxiety and maintaining a healthy relationship, are a very fine line to walk on.

Thats the secret....to KNOW when to put your foot down versus laughing it off. You should never "act" like you don't care.

If you are normal (not overly jealous) you will be able to tell if you have been disrespected in half a second. It will feel like a hot iron sinking into your gut. That's when you know you need to assert yourself.

But to make a big issue of your girl dancing with some other guy for a minute WREAKS of insecurity and jealousy.

I wasn't there, but from the way he presents it there would be no need to get bent out of shape. If your chick is moving from dude to dude, eyeballing guys as she walks by them and sh!t like that, well that's a different story.

Bottom line is that YOU and only YOU can determine the right course of action based upon an individual situation.

 

[CLOONEY]

Exactly, its upto the individual.

IMO it is disrespectful to grind on another guy infront of you, and hence I would NEVER allow it. Though, my girlfriend would never do such a thing, because she KNOWS I would not allow it.

Of course, you cannot be a jealous freak all the time, the point is to tell her your values, and set the ground rules early in a relationship, then she knows what she can and cannot do. If she crosses that line, let it be known LOUD and CLEAR! If she does it again, gone! Thats the point, anything that is outside the boundry of the rules set in the relationship is disrespect. Some guys like their girls fukcing other guys infront of them, so thats their business, and they love it. But I personally, as a MAN, dont want any other guy touching my girlfriend in any kind of sexual way!

 

[Last Man Standing]

Yes, the key here is to never be with a woman in a serious relationship that doesn't fit your value system!!!! Most of the "relationship problems" will never exist!!

 

[-HPNOTIQ-]

I've read the 3 pages of this thread and there is a lot of good dialogue.

What is unacceptable? Anything she does, intentionally or unintentionally, to disrespect you. Period. Point. Blank.

LatinoMan hits the nail on the head with pretty much all his responses.

It isn't about going back to the 1800's of dating. It isn't about having the girl on a tight leash. It isn't about becoming a jealous insecure freak.

It is, however, about setting boundries...and letting her know that if she crosses those boundries..there WILL be reproccussions.

LatinoMan - Your 'respect' list is a pretty solid list. It maybe too loose for some..and too stringent for others. But, it is a good list. And, every guy here will have his own take on what makes his list.

However, I dont think this point has been driven enough...when it comes down to giving and receiving respect..the most important thing is having a confident, mature, DJ-esq woman. Only that type of woman understands respect.

A childish woman with no confidence who acts like an AFC will NEVER give you the respect a DJ deserves.

I highly doubt that a confident, strong, mature DJ woman in a committed relationship with a confident, strong, mature DJ man would find herself plastered drunk on the floor of some other man's apartment at 3am.