Girlfriend with a male roomate?

[Serg897]

Very briefly - My new girlfriend of perhaps 2 months says she is thinking about getting a new roomate, who happens to be a guy. She is getting my opinion and reassuring me its okay - but that she wants to know what I think before she decides.

Her current roommate sucks and is causing her problems, and she says that they are setting ground rules.

Im leaning strongly in favor of trusting her (and I've already sorta made this decision), but I would be lying if I said it didnt bother me.

Discuss!

 

[Scars]

What's your girlfriends prior sexual history?

Has she slept with a lot of people?

Did she remain faithful to her past boyfriends?

How well do you trust her?

How well do you trust her soon-to-be room mate?

Have you even met the guy yet?

Do you realize she is probably going to be spending more time with him than you?

Do you realize whenever she is emotionally vulnerable she already has a guy waiting for her at her house/apartment?

Do you realize how easily it would be to hide something like that from you when they in fact LIVE together?

Do you realize that not only is HE a threat but any of his other male friends who may visit the house at any given time?

Does she drink?

Does he drink?

Do you have a history of being jealous?

Do you think she would be cool with YOU living with another girl?

What does your gut tell you?

 

[TizZle]

What's your girlfriends prior sexual history?

Has she slept with a lot of people?

Did she remain faithful to her past boyfriends?

How well do you trust her?

How well do you trust her soon-to-be room mate?

Have you even met the guy yet?

Do you realize she is probably going to be spending more time with him than you?

Do you realize whenever she is emotionally vulnerable she already has a guy waiting for her at her house/apartment?

Do you realize how easily it would be to hide something like that from you when they in fact LIVE together?

Do you realize that not only is HE a threat but any of his other male friends who may visit the house at any given time?

Does she drink?

Does he drink?

Do you have a history of being jealous?

Do you think she would be cool with YOU living with another girl?

What does your gut tell you?

Do you realize that she will cheat on him regardless of whether or not her new roommate is a dude? All these questions are irrelevant...

Let her do what she wants. If you don't think you can handle it, deal with the problem when it arises.

 

[Serg897]

I dont have all the information I need to answer these questions.

What's your girlfriends prior sexual history?

I am 22. She is 28. All I know is that she said she was virgin until 22. She has mentioned several ex's before (at least 3).

Has she slept with a lot of people?

See above

Did she remain faithful to her past boyfriends?

I have no indication that she didnt remain faithful. But I know little about her past relationships


How well do you trust her?

Pretty well. Communication has been good and she is not about playing games. I believe her age makes her a bit more mature. So I have to say my trust level at this point is good.

How well do you trust her soon-to-be room mate?

I dont know the guy

Have you even met the guy yet?

Nope

Do you realize she is probably going to be spending more time with him than you?

Yes. This argument could be deflected with how seeing someone regularly simply makes you tired of that person, or lowers the potential for attraction. But I realize this and I'd be lying if I said I didnt care.

Do you realize whenever she is emotionally vulnerable she already has a guy waiting for her at her house/apartment?

Yep. See above?

Do you realize how easily it would be to hide something like that from you when they in fact LIVE together?

Yes

Do you realize that not only is HE a threat but any of his other male friends who may visit the house at any given time?

Yes

Does she drink?

Yes. But its minimal

Does he drink?

No idea

Do you have a history of being jealous?

Good question. It has happened before.

Do you think she would be cool with YOU living with another girl?

I dont know

What does your gut tell you?

It seems to be all about trust. Its a question of me trusting her. Like I mentioned, the communication has been good and she really made it clear that my opinion was important to her. Her roomate situation sucks and otherwise she would have to go through the hassle of looking for a female roomate. I have a feeling that I can trust her, but at the same time I also feel just a TAD uneasy about it

 

[Scars]

I dont have all the information I need to answer these questions.

The questions were more for you to ask yourself and answer personally. They were just meant to get you thinking.

In my personal opinion I would not want my girlfriend living with another guy.

I'm sure it would start off with good intentions. She is probably in a financial crutch and needs a helping hand to make the payments.

But all it takes is one time.

One time for you guys to get into an argument leaving her emotionally vulnerable while home boy plays his cards right for a night and gets off to her revenge sex.

One time for her to to drink her horny little cheeks off and fvck this guy because you're not around but they're close enough emotionally so it "doesn't count".

Or one one time for him to bring home a guy friend who happens to be more good looking than you.

The intentions will be good from the start. But let's face it, sh!t happens.

Girls think with their emotions and not their heads. It's really simple, all this guy has to do is get her emotions stirring and play his cards right. She may feel horrible about it the next day, but at the moment it "felt right".

 

[horaholic]

I wouldnt worry about it, unless the guy is a serious slimeball. I prefer living with girls, and have had several girl roomates, and have never done anything with them, cuz thats just stupid, and most people realize this. You can also look at it, that if she is mad at you, and vents to him, he's probably going to at least secretly take your side, cuz he is a guy. You just need to befriend this guy asap. That way , he'll have your back. If they go get a drink together or something, he will be fending off the predators for you. Its better to live with a guy, than with some hor, who'll be a bad influence, and who you KNOW would cover up for her misbehavings. If you guys get to be buddies, he would have your back.

Granted, I would prefer that my girl live with a good girl, but its not too much to worry about. I dont know ANYONE who has ever hooked up with their roomate, honestly. Im sure it happens, though. I dont think you should worry about it.

If the guy has good enough game to steal a girl away from a guy, who he lives with, Im sure he has an abundance mindset and knows better than to hook up with his roomate.

Besides, roomates are definitely freindzoned from the beginning.

 

[Skydiver43127]

It's ok. I also live with 2 female roommates and sex was never on the agenda - few men are stupid enough to sleep with a girl they're living with. I mean - how much time do you usually need before you are ready to move in with a girl after you sleep with her? 1 second?

 

[Semtex]

I had a 29 year old female roommate when I was 19. We used to fool around, when none of the other roommates were around, and went as far as having a mini fling that lasted about a month or so. I would have kept it going, since the sex came in handy, but she all of a sudden found 'god' and the church and felt like she was wasting her life away sinning with me. So she stopped having sex with me. Being 19 and naive, I took it personally and thought it was something to do with me. 7 years on, and I still have no clue, she just went cold turkey on me, and this was a woman that really wanted me and initiated the sex*

She had a boyfriend, who was clueless, absolutely clueless as to what was going on.


*(I was playing PS2 on her tv in her room, lights were dimmed, and everyone else fast asleep... She's lying in her bed, and Im completely oblivious to her until she moans "Semtex, come sleep by my side". I proceed to do so... we're making out extensively and I initiate foreplay. After a while she goes, "Put it in me baby"...the rest was history).

Anyways, the reason I share the anecdote with you is, it depends on the guy. There were 2 other male roommates, and none of them did anything with her AFAIK.

 

[zekko]

The question should be do you want a girlfriend who has a male roommate? I know I wouldn't, but if you're cool with it that's up to you. You can do what you like, but I would most likely jettison the girl just for considering it.

I knew a guy and his girlfriend who shared a house with another guy, to save on rent. Of course, the girlfriend ended up screwing the other guy, and even ended up hooking up with him on a permanent basis. Stuff happens.

 

[moneyisking]

She's going to cheat on you, no doubt. Unless the dude is flaming homo or big time AFC. One thing I learned from seduction is that never trust women b/c they have no logics, just emotions.

 

[Stéphane]

When I lived with 5 girls, I was ****ing one of the girls on a regular basis. She also had a boyfriend in the states, but it I don't think it is a big deal unless they start drinking a lot together.

 

[Da Realist]

There's no hard and fast rule on this because every person is different. I would ask her to tell you how this conversation went down because either she went looking for this guy or he was looking. Without the whole story, I can't say whether this is good or bad.

Either way, I think the best course of action is to get things straight from jump. Don't it in a jealous way, but if she is actually letting the guy move in, you let her know you're not taking any mess from either one of them. And if you're still concerned, the only way I've ever found to keep a woman faithful is in the bedroom. You break them down in there and make them horny for you, she won't be interested in another guy.

 

[Serg897]

Hmmm, mixed opinions here

I've decided to trust. For a few reasons.

Every indication I have tells me that this girl is trustworthy. She has always been a team player with me and has never been about the mind games some girls do. I don't want to start a conflict now over jealousy, or lack of trust.

Second the reason she says she wants this guy as a roomate is because he is guaranteed to pay his bills, keep the apt in order, etc. Her roomate now sucks with these things. So say I make her go through the hassle of getting another female roomate, and she ends up being ex-roomie part 2. Im going to look like a huge ****.

A lot of what horaholic said also makes sense to me

I'll post on here when I meet the roomate if you guys are curious

 

[radiodude]

While he may be alright and she may be totally trustworthy,.... it is still not a very good idea.

Tendancies and past experiences aside, when you put a male and female in close proximity for long enough, unless there is 0 attraction on any level, there is always the threat or inevitability something will occur sooner or later.

It is not a WISE thing to do.

 

[Pathgen]

My ex told me not to have female roommates when i moved off campus in college. It pissed me off and made me feel like she didn't trust me when she had no reason to not trust me.

Well i ended up having female roommates anyway and we broke up a month later because it was a huge turn off to have an insecure gf. (would get pissed at me for going to a party instead of talking to her for hours at night after we had been texting all day and she lived 600 miles away)

Oh and honestly i would never have cheated on her then.... now might be a different story though

 

[slaog]

The question is, did she want a new roommate because of the money or just decided when she met the guy? And what sort of guy is he?


I think trust is important but at the same time you must realise that humans are led by there feelings and sharing a house with a guy could spark something. So if I was you I'd tell her I'd prefer if she didn't.


Another thing to realise is that he will have friends and they could be there too. And you'll also be wondering all the time.

 

[Ease]

Do you realize that she will cheat on him regardless of whether or not her new roommate is a dude? All these questions are irrelevant...

Let her do what she wants. If you don't think you can handle it, deal with the problem when it arises.

Great reply.

Do this.

Care free, deal with the problem if it comes up. ANY comment you might make on this topic to her, WILL be showing your own insecurity.

Indifference is the right thing at the moment. If you get a bad vibe after this guy moves in, then deal with the problem at that time.

You can never control her, but you can dump her and continue your life.

 

[Tyson420]

My G has a roommate. But he's a flaming homo.

She showed me a pic of him on Pride Weekend wearing a tshirt that said "I like guys that sparkle."

Like WTF.

 

[Drewskie]

First off, you know her, none of us do. Second, I think most of your questions will be answered once you meet the guy.

 

[Tyson420]

Head over there, meet the guy. Stay the night with your G, then **** her, make sure he hears that **** too.

He'll know not to try any ****.