Girlfriend usually dates older guys, and I feel like I need to compete with them

[Brighty]

I underwent a huge fitness change for the first time in my life (lost a lot of weight, gained a lot of muscle) and right now I'm sitting at the strongest I've ever been and I'm getting attention from gorgeous girls that used to be way out of my league. It's been kind of surreal, to be honest, maybe I'm just not quite comfortable with it yet. Anyway, along comes one of the top gorgeous cardio bunnies at my gym and compliments me on my weight loss, and I decided to ask her out for coffee.

Fast forward a month and now we're in a relationship. She's fit as **** and absolutely gorgeous. We have great chemistry together, the sex is fantastic, she loves the passion/ambition I bring to the table, she loves that I'm an artist, and we really get along and connect. The only problem is that she's 24 (I just turned 25), and (like a lot of high value, HB9+ girls at that age) she tells me that I'm the youngest guy she's dated in a long time and that she usually dates men 5-10 years older than her. Her reasoning behind is more of the same that I've heard before from other girls, that men in their twenties usually are still figuring **** out and take longer to mature. While it's encouraging to know that my best years of game are ahead of me and it's only going to get better as I get older, I can't help but focus on the here and now.

Honestly, sometimes it can feel a little intimidating if I dwell on it - the guys she's used to dating have around a solid decade more of life experience that I do. I want to be able to take her out to all of these places but I'm working on figuring my own **** out - finances are tight right now and there's no way that I can compete with a 32-35 year old financially that has his life in order. I've got my own condo downtown and I can pay the bills - which isn't bad for a 25 year old - but I don't have a ton of spending money right now. I can see it playing out both ways, I can see this situation being an inspiration to me to work harder and be more aggressive with my life (because admittedly I'm not pursuing a lot of my ambitions as hard as I could and I can see her inspiring that) but I can also see myself beating myself up over it and losing my frame of confidence around her and it hurting the relationship.

I know some of you guys have been in this position. In your experience, did being in a relationship with a girl like this push you to get your **** together and be more proactive (i.e. a positive influence) or did it phuck with your head?

 

[grayclif]

I underwent a huge fitness change for the first time in my life (lost a lot of weight, gained a lot of muscle) and right now I'm sitting at the strongest I've ever been and I'm getting attention from gorgeous girls that used to be way out of my league. It's been kind of surreal, to be honest, maybe I'm just not quite comfortable with it yet. Anyway, along comes one of the top gorgeous cardio bunnies at my gym and compliments me on my weight loss, and I decided to ask her out for coffee.

Fast forward a month and now we're in a relationship. She's fit as **** and absolutely gorgeous. We have great chemistry together, the sex is fantastic, she loves the passion/ambition I bring to the table, she loves that I'm an artist, and we really get along and connect. The only problem is that she's 24 (I just turned 25), and (like a lot of high value, HB9+ girls at that age) she tells me that I'm the youngest guy she's dated in a long time and that she usually dates men 5-10 years older than her. Her reasoning behind is more of the same that I've heard before from other girls, that men in their twenties usually are still figuring **** out and take longer to mature. While it's encouraging to know that my best years of game are ahead of me and it's only going to get better as I get older, I can't help but focus on the here and now.

Honestly, sometimes it can feel a little intimidating if I dwell on it - the guys she's used to dating have around a solid decade more of life experience that I do. I want to be able to take her out to all of these places but I'm working on figuring my own **** out - finances are tight right now and there's no way that I can compete with a 32-35 year old financially that has his life in order. I've got my own condo downtown and I can pay the bills - which isn't bad for a 25 year old - but I don't have a ton of spending money right now. I can see it playing out both ways, I can see this situation being an inspiration to me to work harder and be more aggressive with my life (because admittedly I'm not pursuing a lot of my ambitions as hard as I could and I can see her inspiring that) but I can also see myself beating myself up over it and losing my frame of confidence around her and it hurting the relationship.

I know some of you guys have been in this position. In your experience, did being in a relationship with a girl like this push you to get your **** together and be more proactive (i.e. a positive influence) or did it phuck with your head?

From the sound of it it seems your life is more together than most 35 year old. I really wouldnt worry about those older guys at all, she knows what she has.

Whatever you do do for you and not to keep a woman around. Continue to excell.

 

[Yewki]

You pedestalize your gf too much. This is why you're so concerned about losing her.

You need to come to terms with the concept that you don't need her to be happy. As you get older you'll realize more and more how much this is true. Might as well try to get a head start on that.

 

[PrettyBoyAJ]

Your logic is all messed up buddy. Your thinking should be the exact opposite. What can she do for you is what you should be thinking Why should you keep her and not bang other hot girls. Don't ever let a girl intimidate you. I don't care how good looking she is. You need to be confident and set that tone as a leader.

IDC how she used to do things. It sounds like your paying for all the dates. A relationship is all about reciprocity. Make sure she puts into the relationship. Financially, mentally, and emotionally.

 

[Brighty]

Solid advice all around. Reminds me why I come to this site. Thanks to everyone who put some things in perspective - I guess I was so caught up in dating/phucking a girl that I perceived to be out of my league - until these last few months when my fitness and health really took off - that I didn't pay much attention to what I really wanted or what she can provide for me.

Your logic is all messed up buddy. Your thinking should be the exact opposite. What can she do for you is what you should be thinking Why should you keep her and not bang other hot girls. Don't ever let a girl intimidate you. I don't care how good looking she is. You need to be confident and set that tone as a leader.

IDC how she used to do things. It sounds like your paying for all the dates. A relationship is all about reciprocity. Make sure she puts into the relationship. Financially, mentally, and emotionally.

So far with our dates we pay pretty evenly - but we haven't gone out on more than a handful of dates so we'll see what happens. Without me saying anything, she brought over wine the next night because we drank my alcohol the night before, and she brought over some thanksgiving chocolates that she made, etc. Again, it's still in the infancy of the relationship so both parties are likely on their best behavior. We'll see.

And honestly, I don't even know for a fact that she was spoiled financially by her exes, I guess I'm just assuming that a 35 year old will have more disposable income than a 25 year old.

I'll be really observant these next few weeks.

 

[Don Israel]

Compete with who you might be later down the line if you don't take steps to compete with your current "self". Don't focus on them old dudes, you are the future..at least in your own eyes which is the most important anyway..

 

[handle]

Congrats on the weight loss.

Your scenario reminds me a bit of a relationship I was in. I was dating this very attractive, put-together girl who was 5 years older than me and had usually dated guys older than her. I didn't match the profile of her usual "type" at all. Every so often I would have similar anxieties.
However, every now and then I'd get these insights into her dating past that reminded me that there's more to it than being an "older, experienced man" vs "young naive boy." Like for instance even though she'd dated more than me, she'd never had longer term things with the comfort level to try out different sexual fantasies with any of these guys. She'd also dated a certain "type" for so long that certain things I did seemed special to her even though to me they were completely normal for me.
Also, I came to realize that a lot of these guys didn't have their sh*t together the way I did, and that a lot of them weren't very... How shall I say it... They didn't have an openness to changing in their lives, whether it was self-motivated or not. Didn't have drive. It seems like you're similar to me in this way.

Anyway, this was eye-opening for me. She still had a lot to learn even though I was younger. And I was still very much the man in the relationship even though I had more ambition than I had money. So what I'm trying to say here is it really doesn't matter at all.
In fact, my best relationships were with girls who openly admitted that I'm not their "type."


As for what the other posters have said: they're right. You should try to avoid thinking the way you are. Especially equating spending money with maturity. Sounds to me like you have nothing to worry about with the dynamics of spending habits in the relationship - there's no need to change things.
Definitely don't become suddenly 'on guard' to try to "take her off the pedestal" or whatever. That's horrible advice. You're doing fine. Just stop yourself next time you have these thoughts and remember the age thing ain't a big deal.

 

[FCB]

She is **** testing you and trying to see if she can control you by making the comment about older guys. Older guys are worrying about younger guys and want to trade places to have easy access to all the younger girls out there so don't fall for that ****. Look, don't ever spend time analyzing your status in a relationship because of fears of inadequacy or losing what you have, that is the best way to lose what you have. Enjoy the relationship, keep working on yourself at all times and don't get stagnant or get desperate to keep what you have. In the end you'll look back and regret not just enjoying the **** out of yourself, she's ****ing you not the older guys and you are different and have shown the make up of a guy who will work his way out of a rut, you sir are resilient and don't let where you are now limit who you are or where you're going, you are ahead of the curve and she's with you not them, but if you show that you are in fact weak and don't have the ability to power through then you aren't that resilient and the qualities that attracted her or helped you improve your life may not be as anchored to you as it seems. Just remember girls want a guy who won't get caught up in insecurities or who will spend all his time worrying about who she's with, what she's doing or if he's going to lose her, pass the test my friend and become aloof in that department, I'd even look for ways of teasing her that she can only get old men and that she can't keep up sexually with a guy your age. Turn the perceived negative into a positive.

 

[RangerMIke]

I wouldn't worry about it. When women talk about their exs and telling you what they liked and didn't like they are trying to help you, it's a good sign. In your GFs case she telling you the reason she likes you is because you have your sh!t together, you have a focus and a purpose and are moving towards goals. BTW ALL women are attracted to this.

Now if she keeps this up and won't stop talking about her exes then it just becomes aggravating and you should withdraw your attention when she does this.

 

[NSX-R]

She either likes the package she has right now or not. She has to go with your rules. If she feels weird that she has a young bf she should return back to the ex grandpas she used to date.

As other people said, stop putting her on the pedestal.