Girlfriend Too Dependent On Me?

[A-Man2151]

I have been dating my girlfriend now for 5 months, and it's pretty safe to say that we are in love, and although it hasn't been a very long time, I have a good feeling that this could be the one. We go to college about a half an hour away, so we see each other about once or twice a week, and always look forward to the next time we see each other. The thing is, although we are both busy with our college lives, I normally have more going on than her, and she is starting to get really jealous of the other things that I do that cut down on the time we can spend together. In short, I feel like she is becoming too attached to me. I know there are some guys out there that get really freaked out by those girls who become way too attached to them, but I have been with my girlfriend for a long enough time to know that I love her a lot and I don't want to be with anyone else, so I want to try and work on her new 'dependent on me' attitude. When we are together, we are really happy and there is no sign of the attitute she aqcuires once we are apart. We are so happy together when we hang out, but once we are apart, and talking on the phone or whatnot, she is always mentioning how she is always sad when we aren't together and that she gets so stressed out. I tell her that we love each other so much and that she shouldn't be sad that we're apart, but rather happy that we were just together, and be happy for the next time we see each other. I feel that even when I tell her this it doesn't get through. What do I do? I don't want her so dependent on me that she can't function when we aren't together because she is constantly depressed, but I love her so much that I don't want her out of my life. She gets so jealous when I go to parties at my college without her. I always tell her that if she trusts me (which she says she does), that she shouldn't worry about anything, but she is still a total worrywart. How do I get her to realize she has an amazingly successful life ahead of her, and I want to be in it, but I don't want her to think that I am all she is living for...

 

[KontrollerX]

Times like this are very stressful dude you have my sympathies.

There really isn't anything you can do that you haven't already done, I mean you have talked to her but its not sinking in what you are trying to convey.

Other than making more time for her it seems like the relationship strain will go on.

Be warned that she will either stick by you and become increasingly frustrated causing you two to fight or she will begin looking for someone to fill her emotional needs behind your back or someone may worm their way in and break you two up and she'll rationalize it as being ok because you weren't paying enough attention to her.

If you can make more time for her do it, or cut her loose at the first sign of real trouble where your gut instinct tells you something is seriously wrong in Denmark.

 

[A-Man2151]

It's not that I don't pay attention to her, we talk every single day and keep in touch all the time...And since she loves me so much, her searching for someone else to fill her needs is the last thing I would ever expect to happen...So I guess I all I can do is just hope that she matures out of this phase and accepts the fact that we will probably only see each other once or twice a week, and looks at things in a positive instead of negative way, like I do...maybe I will eventually rub off on her if I continue to stay positive...

 

[SaucyBoy]

Difficult to respond rationally here. I sense a lot of conflicted emotions.

Can I suggest that you might want to start taking charge more and find out from her what she wants and then push her in that direction. You should be happy that she is going to grow and you are too.

Tell her that you have a full life and she is part of it. Never say she is the center of your universe (guilty!) -- make it clear that happiness comes from within. Get her set on achieveing some goals of her own. Hell, makes her a better wmn for you, man.

 

[honeyshark]

I have been dating my girlfriend now for 5 months, and it's pretty safe to say that we are in love, and although it hasn't been a very long time, I have a good feeling that this could be the one...

I don't mean to be rude, but I wish I had a dollar for every time I have heard this from somebody. I would be a little bit more skeptical of her being the one if I was you.

Anyway, try telling her the truth in an open, honest fashion. That is to say, don't tell her that you love her, think she is the one, and don't want to be with out her, but let her know that you appreciate that she has her own goals and own life and that her jealousy is bothering you. If that doesn't work, just about nothing else will.

Peace.