Girlfriend tells me about guys hitting on her etc

[The North Dragon]

Have only been dating 3 months but this has happened a few times now.

Girlfriend works at a bar at weekends and usually text back and forth . Couple times she tells me she gets hit on, she gets lots of tips, attention from loads other guys. I know all this already coz I've even told her that she's a good looking girl and expect her to get hit on a lot nd told her it doesn't bother which doesn't as long as it doesn't go any further and she's always honest n upfront.

Tonight she told me again this guy was teaching her Spanish bla bla. I was like cool, and then she kinda went ' yeah he's just this old guy bla bla' kinda seems like she's doing it to see if I'am jealous?

Always kept my cool in these situations n never shown jealousy, even when she constantly tells me guys used to private mail her on facebook before we started dating.

I know I ain't the only guy this is happened with but was wondering how you every1 else dealt with it? I ain't jealous just wondering why she would even want to tell me about these things in the first place?

 

[OhDamn]

Shrug it off and laugh at it from time to time. Would you rather her not tell you about it and flirt with them behind your back? She's only telling you about it because they come off as pathetic. Chances are shes talking about it just to make conversation and subconsiously **** test you. If you EVER come off as jealous when she talks about guys hitting on her, you lose.

My last girlfriend was a high social status "icon" so to speak, so she would get hit on all the time and tell me about it. I would laugh and make jokes about her and the people hitting on her.

 

[foreverAFC]

its all downhill from here

 

[OhDamn]

I wouldn't shrug it off. You said this is a repeating pattern. I would look at it as a red flag, she seems like a VERY insecure and damaged girl. Also, girls that work at bars are usually wh0res. This is not just a normal sh!t test.

It all depends on the girl and her history.

If shes a 10, shes going to get hit on and she's going to talk about it just because she will be annoyed by it. I'd rather a girl I'm dating tell me stuff like that than hearing about it second hand and leaving it to someone else to tell me about it, and then wondering why she hasn't mentioned anything.

Just because she tells her boyfriend about guys hitting on her doesn't mean she's "damaged" or "VERY insecure." Is she seeking validation? Probably. Is she insecure? I haven't meet one girl that isn't to a certain extent. I really don't see a big deal unless you make it a big deal. She works at a bar. Lots of drunk people around. Easy money for a girl that is willing to listen and play along until they pay the bill.

I think you'll be fine. Just laugh it off and frame them as "sad" and "pathetic" for hitting on her when she's yours, while not directly calling them that or using those words. Whatever you do, don't get insecure over something like this.

I guess my entire point is that there's really nothing you can do about it if it really bothers you that much other than break-up with her. Bringing it up in any shape or form is going to come off as insecure since she's not really doing anything wrong, and it shows you're worried that the guys hitting on her might be higher value than you, and everyone knows being insecure is the easiest way to lose a girl.

 

[Purefilth]

I wouldn't shrug it off. You said this is a repeating pattern. I would look at it as a red flag, she seems like a VERY insecure and damaged girl. Also, girls that work at bars are usually wh0res. This is not just a normal sh!t test.

She's a bar maid. Nuff said.


I've been with a few, don't expect this to be a long term thing.

 

[djjizzyjeff]

Have only been dating 3 months but this has happened a few times now.

Girlfriend works at a bar at weekends and usually text back and forth . Couple times she tells me she gets hit on, she gets lots of tips, attention from loads other guys. I know all this already coz I've even told her that she's a good looking girl and expect her to get hit on a lot nd told her it doesn't bother which doesn't as long as it doesn't go any further and she's always honest n upfront.

Tonight she told me again this guy was teaching her Spanish bla bla. I was like cool, and then she kinda went ' yeah he's just this old guy bla bla' kinda seems like she's doing it to see if I'am jealous?

Always kept my cool in these situations n never shown jealousy, even when she constantly tells me guys used to private mail her on facebook before we started dating.

I know I ain't the only guy this is happened with but was wondering how you every1 else dealt with it? I ain't jealous just wondering why she would even want to tell me about these things in the first place?

None of us know this chick nor you let alone other details for the reason she is doing what she's doing so we can only guess.

The telling you about dudes flirting with her could mean a few things and all possibly roll into one sort of language she's "speaking to you".

1) She's insecure and is trying to "keep up" with you if she suspects chicks hit on you a lot. Kindof like she sees you as competition to her own self esteem. IF that's even going on. If not..

2) She's insecure and is doing a slow form of psychological abuse where she knows you're faithful and or don't get hit on a lot but she's trying to be the boss in the relationship and let you know by telling you as a "good girlfriend". (She can claim she's just doing it to be honest with you.) So you believe on one hand she KEEPS telling you about dudes hitting on her for "honesty" purposes but she's also doing it to slowly make you insecure about yourself and put herself as the boss in the relationship by letting you know so many other dudes "want" her. So it's NOT really a good thing that she's doing even IF she wants nothing to do with those other dudes or future dudes. She doesn't even have to be cheating or nothing could be going on with any of them. It's the point of her constantly having to tell you.

Think of it with logic. If some friend of yours kept telling you how many chicks hit on him after a while you'd be like "Ok dude. Got it." But that same "friend" is doing that even IF true to one up you and be the "man" and make you feel like crap.(It wouldn't matter if you don't care or it doesn't bother you it's the point of someone who keeps doing that disguised as just being 'honest'.)

OR think of it as you doing that to you GF instead? The only reason you or anyone would continue to keep telling a chick that chicks are hitting on you is you are insecure and are also projecting and trying to slowly psychologically abuse her with "truth" to have her under your thumb.

A normal well adjusted person who cares about their BF/GF may at times laugh and tell them someone has hit on them but not constantly.

If it's constant with the excuse of "I work in a bar/ with lots of people so i get hit on a lot etc." they aren't just doing it to be a good gf/bf to their partner they are doing it for a power trip.

3) She could also be doing it to "keep you in line/on your toes" so she gets her way more often in disagreements or what she wants as she keeps planting the seeds of "other guys always hit on me and want me"...you know...just so you know..


What you need to do is next time she tells you another guy hit on her for "honesty" purposes nip it in the bud.

Tell her: "Look babe I trust you you don't need to tell me." and leave it at that.

IF she KEEPS doing it after you tell her that? Then you know for a fact she's doing it more for a power play on you and you might want to re-think the relationship.

 

[zinc4]

bar maids are sluts...good luck having one as a GF...i wouldn't care either way if i were you and not take the relationship serious in the first place ebcause she is a bar maid

 

[Chase24]

I had a similar thing happen to me with my last girlfriend. She went on a bachelorette weekend and told me how two guys tried to kiss her. First was some dude from her past that has been a chump and tried to come "visit her" from out of town while I was dating her (lol failed). The other was some random doctor who thought she was drunk. She called me right away both times. Her telling me right away let me know nothing happened, and all I said was "That's alright."

Then after the weekend she would bring it up every now and then for 2-3 days (looking to get more control and test me). After she told me multiple times I just said look "Look I don't care, I trust you." Once she realizes you're not worried about it and you're confident in yourself then she'll stop trying to test you. Show insecurity and you're screwed. Don't be worried, but do pay attention, because you never know - girls are sluts.

 

[zekko]

First off, never date a bartender.
Secondly, you knew she was going to be hit on a LOT, but now you seem to be surprised that it is happening.

Shrug it off and laugh at it from time to time. Would you rather her not tell you about it and flirt with them behind your back? She's only telling you about it because they come off as pathetic.

People always say this but I guarantee you that there is going to be that guy (or more likely, several guys) who don't come across as pathetic. Quite the opposite in fact. The guy will be attractive, interesting, and get her imagination going.

That said, as long as you're going to be dating a bartender, there isn't really anything else you can do but laugh it off. Just be ready to lose her and have your own other options in the pipeline.

 

[GotED?]

Generally speaking, most women now-a-days have huge egos that is actually a front/facade for high insecurity and low self-esteem.

I had dated/girlfriended women who would act all this sh!t in the beginning of a relationship that she is 'so distraught at men looking at her' that one gf actually asked to wear a baseball cap on a public transportation (major drama) to hide her face and good looks. Granted she was a HB8+, it was a major display of indirect 'control' towards me since this was our 2nd or 3rd date.

She was basically through her insecurity about how she looks, trying to prove to ME that she was a hottie and went a bit overboard and ridiculous. If you can read women correctly and not be intimidated by this exertion of manipulation, then you can understand this is a high sign of interest towards you because she's not sure if she's attractive enough in your eyes.

But be careful, that can be mixed with a woman who's got way too much ego and AW-mindedness. Usually the more HB+ the woman, the more of this sh!t personality you are going to get. No fugly woman is going to make a drama of how much they are being approached/looked at because they know that is ridiculous.

HB+ going upwards = more bullsh!t for you. Life isn't fair, is it.

Exodus

 

[The North Dragon]

Yeah I always shrug it off and joke about it.

Quite a well known person around my area and she knows that I personally know a lot if people. She's forever complaining that I know to many people so I think she knows I will have a few options .

 

[Chase24]

haha dude she probably cheated and has a somewhat guilty conscience/enjoyed toying with you.

Haha I doubt it. She had some major flaws which is why we broke up, but cheating wasn't one. But if she did, whatever. Don't care!

 

[Mike32ct]

I had a girl tell me once...

HB: I have plenty of guys hitting on me.

I replied....

Mike: I have guys hitting on me too, but I DEFINITELY wouldn't brag about it.

HB: haha you're so bad

 

[plate's_empty]

It all depends on the girl and her history.

If shes a 10, shes going to get hit on and she's going to talk about it just because she will be annoyed by it. I'd rather a girl I'm dating tell me stuff like that than hearing about it second hand and leaving it to someone else to tell me about it, and then wondering why she hasn't mentioned anything.

Just because she tells her boyfriend about guys hitting on her doesn't mean she's "damaged" or "VERY insecure." Is she seeking validation? Probably. Is she insecure? I haven't meet one girl that isn't to a certain extent. I really don't see a big deal unless you make it a big deal. She works at a bar. Lots of drunk people around. Easy money for a girl that is willing to listen and play along until they pay the bill.

I think you'll be fine. Just laugh it off and frame them as "sad" and "pathetic" for hitting on her when she's yours, while not directly calling them that or using those words. Whatever you do, don't get insecure over something like this.

I guess my entire point is that there's really nothing you can do about it if it really bothers you that much other than break-up with her. Bringing it up in any shape or form is going to come off as insecure since she's not really doing anything wrong, and it shows you're worried that the guys hitting on her might be higher value than you, and everyone knows being insecure is the easiest way to lose a girl.

^^^^This. I feel you're handling it how you should OP.

When you start dating 9's and 10's you're going have a whole new world of issues to deal with. It's not all peaches and cream.

She is telling you about her day, which, while working in a bar, consists of getting hit on. She is letting you know what her life consists of: Guys hitting on her ALL THE TIME. Can you handle it?

What about when:

-Drunk guy grabs her ass while you're right next to her.
-A group of jealous guys pull up in their car next to you and her and start talking ****.
-borderline stalker makes an appearance

How are you going to handle all of these situations? Can you? Are you a man that is strong enough to deal with the situations that come about from dating her? This is what she is trying to find out.

However, if it is starting to reach an annoying level, and it's beginning to bother you this is what I would suggest:

Her: tonight at the bar this one guy asked for my phone number again, and then he offered to buy me a drink and blah blah blah

You: uh huh

Her: blah blah blah blah

You: uh huh

Her: blah blah blah

You: Hey, did you happen to catch the final score of the Yankees game while you were there?

 

[PoonChaser]

This girlfriend of yours sounds annoying. I hope this isn't a live-in.

Don't you have any other plates spinning? If you did, you probably wouldn't care about this girl and her games. Right now, she's playing you like a fiddle, because she's got you trapped in her claws and she knows it. To her, you are beta all the way, like it or not.

I would suggest you put her on ice for a few weeks. She is probably getting bored with you as you're probably not much of a challenge for her any more. Time to whip up a little drama for her so she can re-focus.

Or maybe you should just next her ass. That's what I'd recommend. But don't do it overtly, just start flaking on her and demonstrating your disinterest by cutting conversations short, etc. You could still salvage things by turning her into a non-exclusive FWB situation if you're careful.

But really, it's probably over, so just work on a graceful exit plan. Make sure you tap that ass and come in her face a few times just for a friendly send-off.

 

[PoonChaser]

I had a similar thing happen to me with my last girlfriend. She went on a bachelorette weekend and told me ...

If your girlfriend is going out for "girls night out" or a "bachelorette weekend" TRUST ME she has no respect for you and is probably doing a whole lot more than kissing other guys. Have you even been around a bachelorette party? You can basically walk around with your **** out and all the married women will line up with mouths open. It's disgusting what women become at these events.

If she is trying to test you by telling you things that she thinks will upset you, the ONLY way to handle it is to not get upset AND start distancing/rejecting her actively so she understands that there is a consequence. Don't be upset, but be very firm and uncompromising. Don't put up with disrespect in the slightest, let her know she is ALWAYS hanging on by a thread (and this should actually be the truth if you have other plates spinning).

 

[plate's_empty]

If your girlfriend is going out for "girls night out" or a "bachelorette weekend" TRUST ME she has no respect for you and is probably doing a whole lot more than kissing other guys. Have you even been around a bachelorette party? You can basically walk around with your **** out and all the married women will line up with mouths open. It's disgusting what women become at these events.

If she is trying to test you by telling you things that she thinks will upset you, the ONLY way to handle it is to not get upset AND start distancing/rejecting her actively so she understands that there is a consequence. Don't be upset, but be very firm and uncompromising. Don't put up with disrespect in the slightest, let her know she is ALWAYS hanging on by a thread (and this should actually be the truth if you have other plates spinning).

Huh? So you're saying she can't have friends? She's not allowed to go out? If she does she's cheating on you?

Bachelorette parties are the worst for any single guy that happens to get sucked up into their charade. It's a free night for the girls to run around, get attention from everyone. Then the one sober, butch, non drinker of the bunch rounds them all up and takes them home. I've never even heard of someone banging some chick he met at a bachelorette party.

Anyway

OP, your girl may be trying to make you jealous or trying to show value, if so, she doesn't feel 100% secure in the relationship, which in turn means, you're running the show.

If she was planning on cheating on you then why would she tell you about all of these guys hitting on her....so you would suspect she's cheating? It doesn't make sense.

Bottom line: If she's hot and a bartender, she's going to get hit on, pretty much every day she works. She's telling you about it. Is that the worst thing she's doing? It's a $hit test to you, you handle it the way you think it should be handled, and if you pass, she will follow you.

You're posting because you want some advice on what you should do, you want to keep her. I believe you are handling it correctly.

Besides that, there's a whole thread here that talks about how bartenders won't bang their customers, simply because they are customers, one guy said he's never even heard of that.

I have no idea what dimension the poster above is in. No woman is perfect for fvckin christs sake. You're always going to have to deal with something.

And, IMO, this is not that big of a deal.

 

[OhDamn]

^^^^This. I feel you're handling it how you should OP.

When you start dating 9's and 10's you're going have a whole new world of issues to deal with. It's not all peaches and cream.

She is telling you about her day, which, while working in a bar, consists of getting hit on. She is letting you know what her life consists of: Guys hitting on her ALL THE TIME. Can you handle it?

What about when:

-Drunk guy grabs her ass while you're right next to her.
-A group of jealous guys pull up in their car next to you and her and start talking ****.
-borderline stalker makes an appearance

How are you going to handle all of these situations? Can you? Are you a man that is strong enough to deal with the situations that come about from dating her? This is what she is trying to find out.

However, if it is starting to reach an annoying level, and it's beginning to bother you this is what I would suggest:

Her: tonight at the bar this one guy asked for my phone number again, and then he offered to buy me a drink and blah blah blah

You: uh huh

Her: blah blah blah blah

You: uh huh

Her: blah blah blah

You: Hey, did you happen to catch the final score of the Yankees game while you were there?

Thank you. It's pretty obvious some people in here have never dated true 9s or 10s. The whole game when you start dating hotter girls is to be congruent and unaffected almost all the time. Guys will hit on her and try to make advances, and as long as you're not insecure about it, she will probably just shut them down.

Let her deal with it, it's her problem, not yours. Stop overthinking. There's really nothing you can do about it.

 

[yougottaknow90]

my ex used to tell me about all these hollywood actors she was attracted to. went even as far as saying she would marry one of them.

my response was simple. i agreed and amplified. i encouraged her to do it as long as she provided access to the backdoor connections that would come with it. she wasn't too fond of that.

try working at it from an angle like that.

 

[Chase24]

If your girlfriend is going out for "girls night out" or a "bachelorette weekend" TRUST ME she has no respect for you and is probably doing a whole lot more than kissing other guys. Have you even been around a bachelorette party?

Of course girls go on bachelorette weekends and to say they don't is just dumb or controlling. Saying you can't go out with your girl friends or a bachelorette is just asking for bs. The fact that she called me right away made me not worried. Going on a "bachelorette weekend" does not make you beta or make her not respect you. Maybe she just has friends? Mandating a girl follows your every wish is cool and all, but it gets boring.. I enjoy the mystery and insecurity anyway.

She was totally **** testing me. I acted like it wasn't a big deal and she stopped. I agree with plate's_empty. But regardless, it doesn't matter. I said it didn't matter and she stopped testing me. I distanced myself and she immediately started crawling back.

Honestly, I think half the problem with people on here is how robotic they are. Just act natural and play hard to get. People serious way overthink things. It's not ****ing science. It's just natural