Originally posted by Cesare Cardinali
man, this is some terrible advice these guys have been giving you. Sometimes it's easier to just say "dump her" than to actually figure out what's going on and how to correct it. However, you'll be no better off by dumping her, and in fact could let a very good thing go.
Now, it's been a long time since I've been 17 years old, however, I think it's totally normal for chicks that age to feel weird about having a sexual relationship. Unless if she's a sl*t, I'd view her behavior as quite normal. She's facing feeling like being a slut and wants to know whether you care about her enough, or if you're only interested in the sex.
Here's what I would do:
She says "we should stop having sex for a while"
You say: "yes, I think we should. there's so much more to our relationship than just sex, and we should both feel really comfortable about that level of intimacy".
She says: "I feel dirty when we have sex"
You say: "I think you're beautiful, but we'll take things slowly. Now worries babe".
If you appear to truly be into her, without being attached to the outcome, then she'll wonder what's going on. Why don't you push for sex? Why are you being such an understanding guy?
Then she'll get a little insecure, a little worried that you're getting it somwhere else, and the dynamic will change.
In general, you're always better off appearing like the whole thing is what you want to, than resisting it. Even during a break up. The girl says "I think we should just be friends" you say "Oh my god, I was thinking the exact same thing".
Now, with regards to you "taking too long", what do you define as too long? How long does it take? Most women like it long provided you have foreplay before and mix it up a bit.
Cesare Cardinali
Although your point is valid, I think he would be better off to move on.
First off, he says they've been dating "on and off" for 6 months. At this age (and I'm only 18), that usually means that they've been playing around multiple times. They'll break up, then get back together, and so on. He says they recently got back together.
The point I'm trying to make is that it sounds like another immature relationship.
Even though your point MIGHT be right--that she is wondering whether he actually feels attraction for her that's deeper than just the physical--I'm more leaning towards the view that she's just getting curious about other guys and wants to explore some more.
This is normal. I had a gf when I was 17 (she was 19), and we had been going out for about 6 months, like this guy. Well, I noticed the same things he's noticing: she began to lose physical interest in me. She eventually came out and made the point clear, just like this guy's gf did.
She already established her trust and security in me before proceeding to have sex with me (and losing her virginity with me), so the whole theory of "she wants to make sure you're not dating her just for sex" would go out the window.
Case in point, she was just curious about other dudes. She didn't explicitly state this, but this was the main reason, as I came to find out later when she was dating another guy.
Anyway, here's what I suggest for guambobo:
You don't need to just dump her right away man if you don't want to. But at the same time, don't get all exclusive with her either. Go out and have fun. Date some other chicks on the side. See what's out there. With regards to her, no amount of pressure is going to change her mind. Tell her that if she doesn't want to have sex, then that's her choice, but that you VALUE sex as a very IMPORTANT part of a relationship. Make this point very clear to her, and make sure she knows that you won't back down from this conviction. Then tell her that with this in mind, you are going to go out and date other women but do not mind, if she wants, to date her as well.
In this way, you've established to her that you aren't AFC and that you can do without her if she doesn't meet up to your standards.
Remember, cutting through all the bullsh*t and talk, the real person who has power in a relationship and who ultimately controls the direction and duration of it is the one who needs the other person less than the other person needs him/her.
