"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"

You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.

Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.

Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.

Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.

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Girlfriend says other girls look at me, but I'm oblivious to that

Atom Smasher

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This post is probably of dubious ultimate value, but I was thinking about how many of my girlfriends have told me that other girls are checking me out, and yet I have been completely and absolutely oblivious to that fact. Social proof at work here.

I honestly think I've gone through most of my life (until the last 3 years or so) having no idea that women were giving me the eye, and therefore thinking I was completely invisible to them.

Nowadays I see the looks. I guess I wasn't tuned into the subtlety of it in previous years. I've also noticed that the looks of interest and inviting smiles increase exponentially with the quality of clothing I'm wearing, especially shoes. When I'm dressed casually and sloppily, I'm the invisible man. When I'm dressed neatly with nice, clean shoes, I'm the king.

I've decided that clothing is the male analog to female makeup. Even ugly women can paint on femininity and health and simulate these things to a degree. A man projects his power and self-respect through his clothing. Men today don't know how to dress. It's ridiculously easy to rise above the "competition", for lack of a better word.

To be attractive, you do not need expensive designer clothes. That's not really what most women are evaluating. They are evaluating neatness and a subtle sense of style, and they are focusing especially on your shoes. A well-fitting shirt/pants combination along with nice shoes is the equivalent to a female with the perfect amount of makeup on.

Your clothing is the suit of armor that tells a woman all she needs to know about you (in terms of initial attraction). Given that fact, how hard is it to stand out among your peers? Easy peasy.

I did an experiment at a place where I conduct business. I usually spend a few hours a week on-site there. I recently bought a nice new pair of shoes, and decided to wear them to this place to see if there was any difference in how females regard me. Over the course of my two week experiment, here was an obvious spike in interest from the ladies, and it translated into what I would call respect and attention. The respect aspect actually surprised me.

We often throw away old phrases as trite and non-relevant for today, but there is often deep truth in them. I refer to the phrase, "Clothing makes the man". That age-old saying has been around forever for a reason. Your clothing is the shiny, sparkling suit of armor that catches the ladies' eyes and tells her you're a powerful man who cares about how he presents himself to the world. It's sooooooo easy. Women have to go to massive trouble to compete with each other. All we have to do is work out (which has lasting benefit to us) and dress just a little better than the next guy.

WTF? I started this thread about my girlfriends telling me that other women are checking me out, and my obliviousness to that, and it turned into a treatise on clothing. Well, you've all come to expect a little rambling from your Uncle Atom from time to time, haven't you? ;) At any rate, comments on any of the above are welcome.
 

"Nervous Around Beautiful Women? There's a Rule for That"

I could talk to any woman I wasn't attracted to. Charming, funny, relaxed. Then a gorgeous woman looked my way and I'd become a sweating, babbling mess.

The fix took me years to find and ten minutes to learn. Nervousness and excitement are the same physical state — pounding heart, adrenaline, flushed face. Your brain just picks the label. And you can pick a better one.

Rule 16 shows you how. You feel the nerves, relabel them as excitement, and let that energy pour out as enthusiasm. Women notice the guy radiating it. They always do.

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5string

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WTF! I check you out all the time and your girlfriends never say anything to me.

Love your skinny jeans brother! Way hot!

Seriously though. When Mrs.5string agreed to meet me for the first time, I just wore jeans, a sweatshirt, jacket and hiking boots. I just figured, this is what I look like after hours so, what you see is what you get. Maybe this is a component of indifference on my part. Anyway it worked.
 

EastWind

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The thing is, your experiment isn't really valid. That is, the premise that your shoes are what makes those women look at you more might be valid, but cannot be verified in this way.

See, the way you feel wearing shoes that you believe make you look good (whether they do or not) is enough to influence the way you carry yourself in a manner that might make women look at you more.

What you would need here is a double-blind experiment. You'd need to put on a random pair of shoes in the morning, without knowing which pair you just put on (so they would need to feel the same, too), measure the amount of interest you are getting (another subjective thing), then at the end of the day, write down how much attention you got, together with the pair of shoes you were wearing. Repeat one hundred times, and we might be getting somewhere.

This isn't to say that the way we dress doesn't have an effect on the attention we get. But when I see the kind of attention poorly dressed bad boys get (albeit from a certain class of women), the thought crosses my mind that you dress to attract said specific class of women. Additionally, the way you're dressed should probably be in sync with who you are - if you dress like a bad boy but act like a, well, let's say "not bad" boy, women will notice.
 

zekko

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Some days I go out and it seems like every girl is looking at me. Other days I go out and it's like I'm invisible. And some days are in between.

I have yet to find any common reason for why one day is different than another. It doesn't seem to matter how I'm dressed, how I feel, how confident I am, anything. It just seems completely random. It's a mystery to me.
 

5string

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zekko said:
Some days I go out and it seems like every girl is looking at me. Other days I go out and it's like I'm invisible. And some days are in between.

I have yet to find any common reason for why one day is different than another. It doesn't seem to matter how I'm dressed, how I feel, how confident I am, anything. It just seems completely random. It's a mystery to me.
Good post. There really is no answer. Just depends on the woman I guess. Some are into style, some are into good looks, some are into money and some just don't care. Who the fvck knows what the hamster is thinking or what makes it spin in it's wheel.

Maybe that's what we are all trying to figure out on this forum.

You can go to the gym, get a tat, wonder how to answer a text but it really does not matter. If the attraction is there, the panties come off.

We should not overanalyze, just be ourselves. If we all simply concentrate on being better men, the panties will fly and the high heels will be airborne. :D
 

"How I Made Sure No Woman Ever Friend-Zoned Me Again"

She calls you when her car breaks down. When she needs help moving. When some guy she's actually dating treats her badly.

You're the listener. The reliable one. The guy who would treat her so much better, if she'd just open her eyes.

She won't. You trained her to see you as the low-effort option — the friend who requires zero risk and zero investment. Every favor dug the hole deeper.

The "22 Rules" break the pattern. You'll stop auditioning for a role she already cast and become the man she chases instead. It starts with Rule 1.

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The Duke

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I used to wear a pair of black dress shoes that had a cool tribal like design stitched on them in silver thread(similar to whats stitched onto the upper half of cowboy boots). They were very unique and I got regular compliments from women about them. It was like I automatically had good taste in style because of my "cool" shoes. It definitely made me more attractive to them.

Here's some food for thought:

-Shoes are a big deal to women, they all own at least 100 pairs.

-If you are hanging out in high dollar luxury bars and clubs, I'd definitely recommend a unique pair of stylish shoes. The type of girls found there are definitely into this sort of thing. Its just like when you go fishing, if you want the fish to bite you need the right bait!

-If you aren't getting compliments on your footwear, you aren't wearing the right pair of shoes! ;-)
 

taiyuu_otoko

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Atom Smasher said:
This post is probably of dubious ultimate value, but I was thinking about how many of my girlfriends have told me that other girls are checking me out, and yet I have been completely and absolutely oblivious to that fact. Social proof at work here.
Fact #1

Everything else equal, a guy with a girl is more attractive than a guy who's not.

Fact #2

Guys are generally clueless about female signs of interest, except maybe the super obvious ones.

Fact #3

Most females can scan a room and quickly tell who's into whom.

Fact #4

A girl who's with a guy is going to be even MORE sensitive to signs of interest.

Supposition #1

A girl who mentions all the girls checking him out may very well be testing him.

Supposition #2

Two possible answers to such a test may be:

1) "Hmm, I didn't notice."

2) Looks at her and smiles. "I know. Did you want to get some sushi?"

Supposition #3

Being able to read signs of interest is an incredibly valuable skill, and should ALWAYS be improved upon. No matter how much experience a guy has, and no matter how strong his game is, girls will ALWAYS have the upper hand in this area.
 

"So, What Do You Do for Fun?"

She asks it casually, mid-sip. And you feel the floor open up, because the honest answer is work, gym, and a couple shows you're half-watching.

Women rarely say this out loud, but a man with a life is attractive before he says a word. The guy who spent Saturday deep-sea fishing and came back with photos and a story — he walks in already interesting.

The "22 Rules" pushed me to build a life worth talking about. Turns out the fastest way to be interesting to women is to be interested in your own life first.

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Down Low

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I've said it before and I'll say it again. You just zero the scale when you wear "business casual" (or otherwise weekend apparel / classic men's casual clothes). When you're dressed down, you get negs. Going back to standard men's clothes just gets rid of the negs.

Society has gone so overboard into slumming and self-deprecation that most people are totally ignorant about it, and call casual clothes a "suit." When I wear a tie, I invariably run across several people a day who go totally ape sh1t about it, give me dirty looks and comments, try to shame me for doing it, and even carry their slovenliness around like a badge of honor, bragging about it as if their abject laziness were some sort of consciousness-raising project. But do these people or their kindred raise a hand of friendliness when I dress as do they? Hell no! They take it as a license to sh1t on me.

When a man dresses down, he's been punked. Gentlemen, stop letting yourself get clowned. Dress like a man and be treated like a man.
 

zekko

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5string said:
We should not overanalyze, just be ourselves. If we all simply concentrate on being better men, the panties will fly and the high heels will be airborne. :D
I'm a firm believe in the "Be yourself" philosophy. Improve all you can, remember you're a man, and be your best self, but still ultimately be yourself.
 

Boilermaker

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taiyuu_otoko said:
Fact #1

Everything else equal, a guy with a girl is more attractive than a guy who's not.

Fact #2

Guys are generally clueless about female signs of interest, except maybe the super obvious ones.

Fact #3

Most females can scan a room and quickly tell who's into whom.

Fact #4

A girl who's with a guy is going to be even MORE sensitive to signs of interest.

Supposition #1

A girl who mentions all the girls checking him out may very well be testing him.

Supposition #2

Two possible answers to such a test may be:

1) "Hmm, I didn't notice."

2) Looks at her and smiles. "I know. Did you want to get some sushi?"

Supposition #3

Being able to read signs of interest is an incredibly valuable skill, and should ALWAYS be improved upon. No matter how much experience a guy has, and no matter how strong his game is, girls will ALWAYS have the upper hand in this area.
Great post.

One of the many skills of this guy is how quickly he can put disorganized thoughts into perspective.

+1
 

Dedication

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Boilermaker said:
Great post.

One of the many skills of this guy is how quickly he can put disorganized thoughts into perspective.

+1
If you take it with a grain of salt, i would agree.
 

wiiliamcooper52

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I think it happens with every man who dress up and looks good on a day, sometime it happens, sometime not! it all depends the way you are looking on that day. I also experienced it many times so it is so obvious.
 

"I'm Not Looking for Anything Serious Right Now"

When a woman says it, guys hear a confession. A heads-up. A scheduling conflict.

Here's the translation: I don't feel anything. Right now. With you.

Watch what happens when a man triggers actual attraction. The busy career, the recent breakup, the "not in a place to date" — all of it evaporates instantly. The same woman who was guarding her freedom is suddenly free every night.

The "22 Rules" explain why. When the right switches flip, her timeline rearranges itself around you.

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Golden Arms

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zekko said:
Some days I go out and it seems like every girl is looking at me. Other days I go out and it's like I'm invisible. And some days are in between.

I have yet to find any common reason for why one day is different than another. It doesn't seem to matter how I'm dressed, how I feel, how confident I am, anything. It just seems completely random. It's a mystery to me.
For me, it's the attitude. If I'm relaxed and in a good mood, more girls seem to check me out.

Problem is, most of my life (and I bet plenty of others make the same mistake), I'd been putting the cart before the horse. I.e. - good mood/confidence only comes after you get attention from girls. It's actually the other way around.
 
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