Girlfriend says I'm never sweet

[SayWhat]

Hi

In the quest to become a don juan, I've come to the point where I don't let my emotions shows and I don't come over as needy.

This has led to my girlfriend saying that I'm never sweet, I never tell her I miss her and stuff like that.

Is this good that she says this, or am I going a bit too far and should I let ocassionally see some emotions that she knows I like her?

 

[BraddH]

As far as i am concerned, I won't ever open my heart up to someone who won't open theirs. Also, if one opens way too much too soon for me, I would also run.

 

[mikey2012]

Once she says you sweet then its beginning of the end

 

[adam225]

^^ exactly. She'll be fvcking someone else in no time.

OP, you need to hang around the forum more often.

 

[El Payaso]

Keep it up. As terrible as it sounds, if she claims you're never sweet to her, you're doing a great job. She says she wants sweet but what she really wants is someone just to treat her like a little b*tch.

 

[BraddH]

Holy shvts. How psycopath can some people go in this forum. Their mother must have treated them like a lil bvtch.

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

Okay, look. Don't be a complete a$$hole that no one likes. Just don't take sh!t from her. Don't show her necessarily that you love her, but that you are just happy. With or without her. She can just come along if she likes being around you or happy people in general. Just show happiness. Just keep doing what you are doing, but with happiness. Because that happiness will rub off on her and she will like you more and associate you with happiness. If she does something that you don't like, then don't get mad. Just show that you are not happy.

Don't be rude and disrespectful to her, but don't take sh!t either.

 

[Yewki]

Holy shvts. How psycopath can some people go in this forum. Their mother must have treated them like a lil bvtch.

There's a fine line between being distant and needy. Ideally you want to be inside that line, but it's not easy because it varies from day to day, person to person. It's better to err on the side of caution and be a little distant. Sometimes you gotta be a bit of a jerk to ensure you don't cross over that line. But yes, it can be taken too far.

 

[SmooveMooves]

Lol, @ 'Keep it up'

Look dude, don't let becoming a DJ, or the bitterness here turn you into a cold hearted bastard. One key factor men seem not to account for when taking info on this site in, is moderation.

They take everything to extremes like you've seemed to already.

You read, 'Don't be soft. Don't be a pùssy.' and you take it to the opposite end and become a total díckhead.

But don't get me wrong, díckheaded is cool, If that's your style. But you can't always be one. That's what pushes a girl away. Making a relationship fail.

There's got to be Balance


If you keep at it like this, she'll go and get the emotional support she needs from someone else. This doesn't mean I'm telling you to supplicate, but MODERATE your coldness.

You should be able to be solid as stone but still sometimes able show her you care a lil bit. Me and my buddies call them 'treats'. Which really is just validation.

We limit a woman we deal with seriously to 2-3 'treats' every 2 weeks.

Its not a rule we really follow adamantly or set in stone, it just keeps up conscious and awar of the way we come off to our women.

You want a healthy relationship, where you're in power, not an abusive one.

 

[dasein]

Lots of straw man in this thread, I haven't seen anyone suggesting OP should treat this girl cruelly or badly in any way, he is not, and should not, treat her badly. Of course it is OK to show a woman affection and care, within limits and in very measured doses.

OP, that is exactly what you want to hear from a girl. Her saying that results from what she perceives as a power imbalance but will never frame it in those terms, she needs you more than you need her and it makes her insecure. She doesn't realize that the insecurity she is feeling is a necessary part of maintaining her attraction for you, and I and many others here can assure you that it is.

It would be swell in some ways if we could have completely even-handed emotionally balanced relationships with women, but that is NOT how it works. Their physiological and neurological makeup dictates this, not any game or manipulation we "run" on them. It is what it is. There could be exceptions out there, but I've never met one. Keep up the good work and good luck.

 

[Jaylan]

Lol, @ 'Keep it up'

Look dude, don't let becoming a DJ, or the bitterness here turn you into a cold hearted bastard. One key factor men seem not to account for when taking info on this site in, is moderation.

They take everything to extremes like you've seemed to already.

You read, 'Don't be soft. Don't be a pùssy.' and you take it to the opposite end and become a total díckhead.

But don't get me wrong, díckheaded is cool, If that's your style. But you can't always be one. That's what pushes a girl away. Making a relationship fail.

There's got to be Balance


If you keep at it like this, she'll go and get the emotional support she needs from someone else. This doesn't mean I'm telling you to supplicate, but MODERATE your coldness.

You should be able to be solid as stone but still sometimes able show her you care a lil bit. Me and my buddies call them 'treats'. Which really is just validation.

We limit a woman we deal with seriously to 2-3 'treats' every 2 weeks.

Its not a rule we really follow adamantly or set in stone, it just keeps up conscious and awar of the way we come off to our women.

You want a healthy relationship, where you're in power, not an abusive one.

This.

Emotional support is very important. If your girl is not getting it from you, she'll soon get it elsewhere. Which either means you'll be dumped or cheated on. You don't need to be a dang robot. A girl needs to feel you really care for her if you're in a relationship.

 

[El Payaso]

This.

Emotional support is very important. If your girl is not getting it from you, she'll soon get it elsewhere. Which either means you'll be dumped or cheated on. You don't need to be a dang robot. A girl needs to feel you really care for her if you're in a relationship.

Emotional support is different from emotional validation. Don't get it mixed up. What she is asking for is emotional validation. I'm not saying it is a bad thing just be careful of mixing those two up.

 

[Trump]

This.

Emotional support is very important. If your girl is not getting it from you, she'll soon get it elsewhere. Which either means you'll be dumped or cheated on. You don't need to be a dang robot. A girl needs to feel you really care for her if you're in a relationship.

Do people really care about "emotional support?"

I think we got things mixed up. For women, men getting emotional support from another women is cheating, they don't really care about a sexual relationship.

For men, women getting sex from and man is cheating, they don't care a emotional relationship.

I could care less if my gf told a guy everything, as long as he doesn't TOUCH her.

 

[MOTU]

OP, how old are you and GF? How long have you been together?

Remember, the DJ bible taught us that attention and affection are hard currency to women. We should give it when earned, withdraw it when needed. I personally don't believe in using negative attention at all. You don't want to give so much that it becomes meaningless, but you also don't want to starve her of it and send her looking elsewhere.

So, with my GF, when she looks nice, is being sweet and attentive, is cooking for me, etc, she gets the affection (positive attention) she craves. If she were to be distracted, selfish or disrespectful, she doesn't.

I want the positive attention to be meaningful and fulfilling to her so that when I withdraw it, she craves it. This is very subtle; if you are too blatant you could cause he defenses to come up rather than making her work harder to please you and get your affection back the way she craves it.