"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"

You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.

Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.

Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.

Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.

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Girlfriend problems . . .

Dixieland

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Hi, I'm a little bummed because it seems like my girlfriend (we'll call her Sarah) doesn't want to talk to me anymore. We've been going out for just about 2 weeks but problem is we haven't been able to do anything outside of school. She's busy with prom prep and college stuff and I've been in and out of town and busy with rehearsals for 5-6 hours everyday including weekends. I hate to sound like I'm making excuses but I really am and it sucks.

I only see her one period everyday and she never approaches me and it seems so awkward. We used to have phone conversations that were great and lasted for hours but I haven't called her the last couple of days. A couple of days ago I talked to her after school and pretty much told her I thought things were really awkward but she said she didn't think so. Sarah said she was really stressed out with everything going on but how long am I supposed to buy that for? Before I asked her out, she always stared me down and approached me but now I don't know. It's great when we talk but it's just that it happens so scarcely.

I think she's great and I really enjoy being with her but it just seems like the relationship isn't going anywhere. I just kinda got tired of calling her everyday so I guess I quit. Should I start calling her again? Should I approach her more often? I welcome any advice. Thanks y'all . . .:down:
 

"I just moved here from Florida."

That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?

She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."

She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.

I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.

Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.

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wabu07

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Dixieland said:
We used to have phone conversations that were great and lasted for hours but I haven't called her the last couple of days.:
yeah thats usually relationship beginner mistakes. never talk to a girl that long no matter how great the convo is. i mean yes there are some times exceptions once in a while you can have a good and long conversation with her but the more you talk with her the more likely your going to run out of things to say. so keep it exciting and short and shell want more. also shes your girl man dont worry about it. shes busy and your busy eventually you two will have some time just worry about your rehearsels and other stuff you got going on right now eventually when she wants to talk shell call you. and try not to meet her that pd make yourself scarce. go a diff way that day then the next day shell be more eager to talk to you.
 

GaryUranga

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well if she inicially lost some bits of interest then you definetly killed the interest with all that needyness and pushyness, so just.. dump her or ignore her completly, shift the balance youre pretty much screwed for killing the attraction
 

Dixieland

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But the thing is we never ran out of things to talk about . . . but I get what you’re saying.

Are you saying I should totally ignore her? I don’t want to dump her- yet at least. I think I should not approach her at all and see if she approaches me at all. Then go from there . . . How do I regain the attraction? It'd be hard to do that if I'm ignoring her . . .



Seems like you’re joking, but no I have not had sex with her.
 

GaryUranga

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you messed up the balance in the relationship, shes in control cause you gave her control being needy, so Id just say pull it completly to your side by ignoring her for a while
 

"She Laughed All Night. Then She Ghosted You. Here's Why."

Dinner ran three hours. She laughed at everything. You walked her to her car thinking this one's locked in.

Then: nothing. Two texts. No reply. What happened?

You did what most men do on a great date. You filled every silence, answered every question, and left her with nothing to wonder about. No mystery. Nothing to sit with when she got home.

Rule 3 of the "22 Rules" changes the ending: tell her a little, hold back the rest, and let her imagination do the chasing. The ghosting stops too.

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shydude

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Stop being so desperate, she has her own problems and she doesnt need you. There is a lot more to life than dating. Everyone has to take responsibility on themselfs. Be a man and be busy with life, as i can see you already seem busy, but your problem is overthinking. Stop thinking about her and stop runnin after women. If she has no interest you drop her, of shes busy you give her space and let her loose.
 

Dixieland

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Thanks for the replies so far all.


Looks like it's lost. I can't imagine her not talking to me at all even if she was busy. Whatever . . . I'm just going to ignore the whole situation and let her be. If she wants to continue a relationship, she'll come back and I'll decide then. For now, I'll look at it like it's over. . . Sucks but hey that's life.
 
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