What some guys will go through just to keep a girlfriend
"The Thrill Is Gone" just like B.B. King said, and you are "Flirtin' With Disaster" with this chick. Well, I'm sorry my friend, but your relationship is reaching it's end. The only thing you can do now is regain some dignity by dumping her before she does that to you. If you had more girls available to you, then you wouldn't be in this predicament. She is talking to her ex regularly, so why can't you talk with other girls? You should be that doing right now.
Read my thread below that is designed especially for your situation. Some guys might disagree with me, but those are the guys who are always in failing relationships and fail with women. They are afraid to get with the program and get into the game. They only have themselves to blame.
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=202759
This is your own fault. You should never allow a girl to disrespect you in the first place. Once you let her get away with that, she loses all respect for you, and the relationship is over from there. A classic case of it right here. This is what happened to you.
This girl was unhappy with you and the relationship. She started to change her feelings towards you and started talking with the ex. She didn't even try to hide it from you. That shows her lack of respect towards you. You knew about this because she told you about it. She was disrespecting you and you did nothing about it. She saw you as a weak guy with no backbone. She could get away with disrespecting you and that turned her off completely. Suddenly, her controlling ex didn't look so bad to her anymore. He looked like more of a man, you didn't to her. She started comparing both of the relationships and decided that she wanted to start things up again with him. That is why she is talking to him and restarted the connection.
Your words here. She is unhappy with you and the relationship. YOU are her problem. She wants to get rid of her problem. That is you. That is why she reached out to the ex again. Your relationship is running on fumes. She will be back with the ex. Then she will be dumping you.
You wrote this thread on 2-16 and you are still going through this a month later. I assume that this was going on long before you even wrote this thread. Putting your foot down early was the thing to do then. It is way too late to do that now. You have reached the point of no return. You let this go on way too long, and trying to do something about it now will have no effect at all. In fact, it will make things even worse. She has spent a long time talking to him by reconnecting with him. Demanding her to cut all contact with him will just make her resent you more. Do you think she will stop talking to him just because you demand her to? She doesn't respect you. That is why she is talking to him. She will make excuses why she needs to talk to him or flat out tell you "No". She won't listen to you and she will become more disgusted with you. Actually, this will make her want to be with him even more. She will start fighting with you, she will also withhold sex from you, then she will find some way to dump you. This is always how these relationships end.
I've been around long enough to know how these relationships turn out. Let me tell you that the boyfriend who is fighting to save the relationship always loses out to the ex. Your situation is no different and you are just fighting a losing game.
An ex is an ex for a reason. A girl shouldn't be reaching out to a ex or staying in touch with his family if she doesn't still have feelings for him. If she was happy with you, there would be no need to be talking with him. She is not happy with you so that is why she is getting closer with him.
Pretending that there is nothing going on between them while you let them talk is just being foolish. Believing that they can't get together anytime soon is just being dumb. Smiling when she brings up the ex or smiling while you let her go see him is just plain stupid. Basically you are just giving her a free pass to go f**k him. So why would she take you seriously as a boyfriend? You are letting her be with another guy. So why should she respect you? She can tell you anything she wants you to hear. She can say she "loves you" or that they are "just friends" or "there is nothing going on between them" those are just empty words she will use to calm your nerves. In the meantime, she has game plan for getting the ex back and then kicking you out the door.
Right now you are in the denial stage in which you don't want to accept that this thing is over. You come up with all these scenarios hoping that things will be ok. You say the ex is a state away and you try to believe what she says is true. But deep down you know that it's time to pull the plug, but you are scared to do it. You switch your positions by wanting to dump her or to hang on to this farce of a relationship. You are insecure with yourself, and you know that you are insecure with her. She knows this for a fact, so that is why she is treating you this way, and why she is going back to her ex.
Things with her will not get better, they will get worse as the days go by. You will become more miserable and she will further tear down your confidence each day. She will dump you, probably humiliate you, then you will feel very stupid and then angry with yourself for allowing that to happen. But you will only have yourself to blame. This relationship is over, so you should pull the plug now, before she does that to you.
Next time, don't let a girlfriend disrespect you because she will always go to another man.
Dr. Harvey Poon
