Girlfriend of 5 years cheated (99.9% sure)

[spax]

Hey guys,

I'm 22 and my girlfriend is too.

The other night my girlfriend went out with a few university people from her class to celebrate the end of the semester. This was at around 6pm.

I didn't hear from her the whole night as apparently her phone had run out of battery. Even her mother called me at around 11pm asking if I had heard from her. Anyway, she got home to her home at around 12:30am. I usually get a call at night before she goes to bed. Not that night.

I met her on Saturday with her best friend and we went out to dinner and it was fine. No problems.

I met her on Sunday and she was very lovey dovey trying to be a good girlfriend and even saying "I'm the perfect girlfriend, aren't I?".

Monday I didn't really hear from her so I went onto her Facebook (yes, I snooped, who cares) and saw she had the following conversation with her best friend.

Best Friend of GF:
Hey

Girlfriend:
hey

Best Friend of GF:
How r things with spax
And how r u feeling about that guy

Girlfriend:
yeh good how about you snd ur bf?
im jst pushing that to the back of my mnid it never happened

***********LATER IN THE DAY**********************

Girlfriend:
hey how r u

Best Friend of GF:
I'm okayy.
When do u plan to tell spax?

Girlfriend:
i dont know if i can
or if i even should

what do u think?

Best Friend of GF:
I'm a bit worried about how he will reacts

Girlfriend:
was it even bad what i did or have i overhyped it?

Best Friend of GF:
He might freak oute
I don't know how he will take it. I don't think its that bad

Not good or something to repeat

But I don't think it was like cheating or anything

Girlfriend:
but im wondering on a deeper lever. is it a sign that our relationship is pretty bad

you know its weird because i feel like at the bieggining someone mentioned something about my boyfriend

and i said "wtf my boyfriend pfft haha

but i think the way i actually said it made it sound like i didnt have a boyfriend!

Best Friend of GF:
Lol

Girlfriend:
does that make any sense?

Best Friend of GF:
Yes
Stop overanalysing

Girlfriend:
ok ill shut up
do u ever feel like being in a long term relationship is too much pressure?

And that is pretty much the conversation.

I also inspected her Facebook further and discovered that our relationship status has been hidden so that only I can see it. I don't think it was like this recently.

What do you guys think is going on here? She talks about the "other guy" and "pushing it to the back" of her mind - but friend says "its not like it was like cheating".

What do you guys think about this situation. It does look likely I will have to ditch her (of course) but I want some thoughts prior to confronting her about what this could be.

Thanks

 

[kyle87]

hey man,
First off don't confront her
2nd go do your own thing you know where you stand.
She is out doing what she wants so should you.
I feel most of us men gave away our manhood to the girls there in control now.
We all chase, want to be perfect by them. Hell no! She did it to you go out and be you!
If you really Care then just don't technically "cheat" me nor you are married lets have fun!!!

 

[kyle87]

By the way I'm freshly out of five year relationship; they all end.
If your not married one or the other has there reasons!

 

[Dgwizdal]

Proof is in the pudding. Tell her you're nexting and don't tell her why. Just drop hints that "you know" until she caves. Don't bust her out about convo on FB or shell use it against you - only last resort.

 

[Serenity]

You have to know where your boundaries are. Would you accept it if she was honest and told you about it showing regret? If not dump her. Would you accept if she didn't tell you? If not dump her.

If you would accept the first situation would you accept it happening again? If not you should make a clear statement that you won't accept her treating you like that again.

You can't ever build a good relationship without honesty and respect from both parts. You're here asking about how to handle it and your girlfriend is asking her best friend. Communication is key to solve this.

 

[XY.]

I would say ,at most, she made out with the guy

or

If her friends are sluts then the guy probably fingered her or she blew him

Either way she cheated.

And that leaves you with three choices..

1. Dump her as harsh as possible (Get her feeling good and loved then proceed to ignore her for the rest of your life with no explanation)

2. Swallow your pride and hope she doesn't do it again

3. Confront her



P.S.


Red = Your only option

 

[Dhoulmagus]

Straight up dump, she broke the contract

 

[kyle87]

Straight up dump, she broke the contract

Agree

 

[In2theGame]

Girlfriend:
ok ill shut up
do u ever feel like being in a long term relationship is too much pressure?

This line was the biggest red flag IMO because by her questioning if a LTR is too much pressure... In her mind she is potentially justifying a future breakup excuse. As if she will talk herself into believing that yes it is too much pressure and need space to figure things out.

 

[In2theGame]

I would say ,at most, she made out with the guy

or

If her friends are sluts then the guy probably fingered her or she blew him

Either way she cheated.

And that leaves you with three choices..

1. Dump her as harsh as possible (Get her feeling good and loved then proceed to ignore her for the rest of your life with no explanation)

2. Swallow your pride and hope she doesn't do it again

3. Confront her



P.S.


Red = Your only option

Maybe she let the guy feel her ass up but then again when it comes to women, they will rationalize anything as not so bad. So possibly in this case a quick Blowj*b is not so bad

 

[XY.]

^^true, especially if it "just sorta happened"


:rock:

 

[Bible_Belt]

She made out with some guy at a bar. Don't tell her or anyone else you read her facebook messages.

 

[HumbleNinja]

Hey guys,

I'm 22 and my girlfriend is too.

The other night my girlfriend went out with a few university people from her class to celebrate the end of the semester. This was at around 6pm.

I didn't hear from her the whole night as apparently her phone had run out of battery. Even her mother called me at around 11pm asking if I had heard from her. Anyway, she got home to her home at around 12:30am. I usually get a call at night before she goes to bed. Not that night.

I met her on Saturday with her best friend and we went out to dinner and it was fine. No problems.

I met her on Sunday and she was very lovey dovey trying to be a good girlfriend and even saying "I'm the perfect girlfriend, aren't I?".

Monday I didn't really hear from her so I went onto her Facebook (yes, I snooped, who cares) and saw she had the following conversation with her best friend.



And that is pretty much the conversation.

I also inspected her Facebook further and discovered that our relationship status has been hidden so that only I can see it. I don't think it was like this recently.

What do you guys think is going on here? She talks about the "other guy" and "pushing it to the back" of her mind - but friend says "its not like it was like cheating".

What do you guys think about this situation. It does look likely I will have to ditch her (of course) but I want some thoughts prior to confronting her about what this could be.

Thanks

Resist as much as you can to not let on you know ANYTHING.

Go out and find a few new girls behind her back.

Once you have few and have fooled around with them and gotten some..

Completely go ghost and disappear from her. Do not go back, contact in any way shape or form. No replies.

That will kill her. Especially if she hears you've got more girls.

You need to show that chick she played herself without ever letting on.

If you can do that. You played it right.

Any other way won't be good enough. You'll talk. Hear BS fight whatever till she dumps you.

Do what I told you. Learn and grow from the experience and NEVER go back. PERIOD.

 

[Slickster]

I wish when I was 22 somebody told me this....

She cheated. It's over. It was probably something minor but it doesn't matter. You will never be able to trust her again. Don't beat yourself up over it. Don't get overly emotional. You're 22 and she is just one of many girls in your future.
Consider yourself lucky to have found out before you waste any more time.

Leave her before she leaves you. Don't tell her or anyone that you looked at her Facebook or what you know. Don't get sucked into a big chick-like drama fest breakup. Be calm and cool and end it quickly. No big emotional "talk". Tell her its over and you are moving on. If she asks for a reason tell her you are too young to be tied down. That is all. She may try desperately to evoke some emotion out of you. Give her nothing. She may ask if you have found someone else or cheated. Tell her nothing. Walk away.

Don't go seeking revenge or try to make her feel guilty. She never will. Especially if you attack her this way. In fact she'll turn it around in her mind and make you out to be the bad guy. The best way to get back at her is to leave her hanging with very little explanation and no show of emotion whatsoever. Do it fast and get out of there. Cut her off completely. No contact. Ever. This type of rejection will sting.

Get out there and enjoy yourself!!! You are 22 and have been tied down for too long! The world is yours. Don't ever let yourself get dragged down by a chick who did you wrong.

P.S. Whether you follow this advice now or during some future breakup it doesn't matter. Sometimes we need to experience the wrong way to do things in order to understand the right way.

Good luck

 

[Jair213]

do not tell her you checked her stuff or her FB ..

i would just traight dump her.. she cheated and that is as clear as day.. who cares how she cheated if it was a kiss a bj watever cheating is cheating.. dump the slvt

keep us updated

 

[user name]

Sneaky, about that relationship status so that only you can see.

Real sneaky.

 

[betheman]

many women only view penetration of the pen into the vag as sex, a BJ to them isnt sex so it isnt cheating, crazy huh?

The OP is quite lucky, he has found out in a good way, what women do far more frequently than their guys will ever know. there are hundreds of thousands of guys out their who think their 'the one' hasnt done anything shady, id say the majority have

 

[In2theGame]

One more thing here to take note IMO is this

Girlfriend:
but im wondering on a deeper lever. is it a sign that our relationship is pretty bad

you know its weird because i feel like at the bieggining someone mentioned something about my boyfriend

and i said "wtf my boyfriend pfft haha

but i think the way i actually said it made it sound like i didnt have a boyfriend!

To me, She's already exiting & acting like she doesnt have a boyfriend so it's only a matter of time. OP you need to beat her to the punch and just leave man. It's going to hurt but better now than later.

 

[HalfPUAHalfAFC]

I wish when I was 22 somebody told me this....

She cheated. It's over. It was probably something minor but it doesn't matter. You will never be able to trust her again. Don't beat yourself up over it. Don't get overly emotional. You're 22 and she is just one of many girls in your future.
Consider yourself lucky to have found out before you waste any more time.

Leave her before she leaves you. Don't tell her or anyone that you looked at her Facebook or what you know. Don't get sucked into a big chick-like drama fest breakup. Be calm and cool and end it quickly. No big emotional "talk". Tell her its over and you are moving on. If she asks for a reason tell her you are too young to be tied down. That is all. She may try desperately to evoke some emotion out of you. Give her nothing. She may ask if you have found someone else or cheated. Tell her nothing. Walk away.

Don't go seeking revenge or try to make her feel guilty. She never will. Especially if you attack her this way. In fact she'll turn it around in her mind and make you out to be the bad guy. The best way to get back at her is to leave her hanging with very little explanation and no show of emotion whatsoever. Do it fast and get out of there. Cut her off completely. No contact. Ever. This type of rejection will sting.

Get out there and enjoy yourself!!! You are 22 and have been tied down for too long! The world is yours. Don't ever let yourself get dragged down by a chick who did you wrong.

P.S. Whether you follow this advice now or during some future breakup it doesn't matter. Sometimes we need to experience the wrong way to do things in order to understand the right way.

Good luck

OP, listen to this guy....

 

[JaegerPilot217]

better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all, at least you got game and are able to get a girlfriend