Girlfriend is becomming a drain on my life

[Mr.Fantastic]

Unfortunately, some of the best sex is had when a chick is in love with you. If you like being with her, then stay with her, but the benefits must make it worthwhile. However, I see you value your offsprings genetic inheritance so that is a positive sign.

You should not confirm or clarify the relationship with her. Doing so at this late stage will force her to call your bluff and push her into a position where she will call it off in order for you to see what you are missing and take her back. You need to operate with diplomatic ambiguity. Neither confirm nor deny, everyone stays happy.

The thing is, she likes to call me her 'boyfriend', she says it a lot, like she is deliberately stating that that is whats going on, and that we are in a 'relationship'. She was keen to get to this stage after just one month. I think she wants me for the long run, she realises that she has a lot of health problems.

Last night we were joking about all her illnesses and we managed to come up with around 10 different things that were wrong with her, - bad back (needs operation), bad tonsels (needs em out) numerous allegies (including latex) dyslexia, bad eyesight (needs contacts) and a whole bunch that she came up with. Now, a lot of these are not a problem, but when thought about together they kinda take their toll on a man, especially when I very rarely have to go to the doctors. She constantly goes on about how ill she is and it makes me think that I kinda wanna be with someone who isnt so needy. (also, this comes on top of what I know about her past).I joked about it (her illnesses - she makes jokes too), and then she asked if all this scared me off. Usually I say 'no of course not' or something, but this time I said something along the lines of 'it scares me a little', because she is allways going on about how ill she is, and how she has to go to the doctor all the time etc. I think she could tell that it was all getting to me a bit. I was being more honest with her. Thing is, I feel like a jackass now, because i'm kinda holding her problems (which are out of her control) against her. I mean, she is a wonderful girl, and treats me great. What do you guys think I should do?

She said to me last night that 'if I backed out now she would not be too hurt', and that 'if I wanted to take a step back she would understand'.

 

[MacDiddy]

She said to me last night that 'if I backed out now she would not be too hurt', and that 'if I wanted to take a step back she would understand'.

The truth is and you know this too, is that she is of course lying. She will be hurt and she will not understand but if you look at it from a purely tactical viewpoint, she's just dropped a sympathy bomb on you. How could you be sooooo cruel now!!!..

But life is a biatch... and no sense letting your children and your childrens children suffer the legacy of your bleeding heart.

Like I said, best to play this thing with diplomatic ambiguity.. that way no one gets hurt...

 

[Mr.Fantastic]

The truth is and you know this too, is that she is of course lying. She will be hurt and she will not understand but if you look at it from a purely tactical viewpoint, she's just dropped a sympathy bomb on you. How could you be sooooo cruel now!!!..

But life is a biatch... and no sense letting your children and your childrens children suffer the legacy of your bleeding heart.

Like I said, best to play this thing with diplomatic ambiguity.. that way no one gets hurt...

Ok, I hear what you are saying...but how exactly am I to be ambiguous about this? She refers to me as her 'boyfriend' etc. Could you give me an example of 'diplomatic ambiguity'? Thanks.

In any case I wont be doing anything yet. She is still pretty ill right now, it would be really harsh to do anything right now. I guess I have to just drop hints and try n drift apart a bit?

I guess what I am thinking is that we are pretty young, and I just don't see any relationship that I'm in at the moment being totally long term, I mean I just don't think in those kind of terms. But I have a feeling that she might, well, at least her friends do. So perhaps when she is better from her current illness we will both be in a better situation to move on. She says that she is friends with several of her past boyfriends still, so I'm hoping that we can do the same. I guess I could always be a bit AFC? hahaha...get LJBF'ed??!

 

[MacDiddy]

Ok, I hear what you are saying...but how exactly am I to be ambiguous about this? She refers to me as her 'boyfriend' etc. Could you give me an example of 'diplomatic ambiguity'? Thanks.

You avoid giving her an answer... or give her an answer that is neither here nor there. eg. Q. Do you love me? A. you know, love is such a funny word.. blah blah blah. so anyway... blah blah blah..

In any case I wont be doing anything yet. She is still pretty ill right now, it would be really harsh to do anything right now. I guess I have to just drop hints and try n drift apart a bit?

Best to do your own thing and get really busy... the busy excuse is something that just can't be beat.

I guess what I am thinking is that we are pretty young, and I just don't see any relationship that I'm in at the moment being totally long term, I mean I just don't think in those kind of terms.

We all have different ways to justify how rotten we will be...

I guess I could always be a bit AFC? hahaha...get LJBF'ed??!

Its only non-needy, chick in her prime and good health that will dump an AFC. Being AFC is probably her wish coming true in her time of need.