Girlfriend freaked out

[DJoneday]

Second question in a few days, this one about the first in a way....

So I was with my girl and things were heating up, basically I asked if she wanted to do anything, and she kinda freaked out.

Next two days I saw her, she was kind of tired and didn't seem to enthusiastic...both days she had very little sleep - but seemed to perk up when some guy called her on the phone.

Then two nights ago, i was talking to her over AIM and I asked what was up, she said i creeped her out about asking about sex and she wasn't ready n all of that...I guess she felt a lot more strongly about it than when I first started talking to her about it.

She basically said that that she thought another girlfriend would give me what "i wanted", and that I didn't seem to feel like I cared about sex too much and she did - which is a big problem to her. I ask if she wanted to break up, she keeps saying "I don't know!"

Talked to her best friend, who told me she heard what was going on, but the guy and my gf were just long time friends (and the best friend actually likes him), and that she didn't know anything else about it (BS most likely, seeing as they talk about everything). SHe was supposed to call last night, didn't, and her best friend said to call her around 1AM, I did, no one picked up.

Today I guess I'll either get a call from her or call her...I really do want to keep things together, because other than this we've had a really amazing relationship so far, and anything sexual I'm not getting I'm sure would come by the end of summer if I stuck it out...what do you guys think about this/what I should say to her on the phone?

Thanks.

 

[NRM]

Well, for once, I think you shouldn't say anything. If she wishes to keep the relationship going, she'll call you. What you've done so far seems really whack. Asking her if she wants to end the relationship, asking if she wants to go further, asking her best friends about her (you know girlfriends talk to their best friends), ect.

What you should have done instead of asking if she wanted to go further was insist. If she was turned on enough, she would have done it. Be a man about it, girls like sex just as much as guys do, don't make it seem like she was doing a favor for you. If she pushes you away, she doesn't want it, don't force it. But all the questions asking makes you look weak on your part.

Never ask a girl questions like "Do you want to break up?" if you don't want to hear an answer that she might say. If she wants to break up, she'll tell you. If you wanted to break up with her, you'll say "I want to break up with you." Her response wasn't so dandy either, "I don't know." Okay, if she was really interested in pursuing the relationship, she would have gave you a flat out no. Wanna know why I know? Because you would have. If she asked you if you wanted to break up, you'd give her the straight face with a "NO" attached to it.

Also, keep the things between the relationship inside the relationship. Don't involve other people. When this best friend talks to your girlfriend, she'll add weird details that you don't want her to add such as "He looked worried/curious/suspicious/whatever."

Now, this is where I'm going to give you my suggestion as to what to do. I say break up with her. Harsh I know, but really, I don't think she's interested. She is acting distant, downing on you, not telling you everything, and not acting like a perky excited girlfriend should. You WILL not be getting some by the end of the summer. She turned you down already. She was freaked out by the thought of sex. And what I think, is she wants to break up. All girls know that relationship require maintenance. And she isn't maintaining much.

Break up with her, move on, you wouldn't treat her this way, don't let her treat you this way. If she comes groveling back, it's up to you to give her a second chance or not, but if she's going to act like that, turn her down, you'll meet many girls in the future, don't waste your time on this one.

 

[DJoneday]

On turning me down - I'm her first real boyfriend, second guy she's ever even kissed...and she just thought we were taking things too far.

I didn't just ask out of the blue if she wanted to break up...it was more like she brought up the sex thing and said that she still really cared about me, and loved spending time with me n all that...so I just asked to see where she was going with it.

She didn't stop being perky until I brought up the sex, and even after that I saw her twice after she had barely any sleep (was out doing a two-night thing for her dad where she wasn't getting to sleep until about 3, then had school the next day)

Last night it was actually one of my friends that brought it up with her friend, and I just kind of took over after a couple minutes because I figured if anyone should even be talking about it, it should be me. Her friend has helped me out in the past and even given my gf advice in my favor.

I mean it's really been amazing until the last couple days after I brought up the sex. She's one of those rare hb's that isn't stuck up at all, and really is a blast to hang out with. I have plenty of girls who still call me and ask to do things even despite them knowing I have a gf, who I could easily hook up with. The problem is I honestly don't want to, as I don't enjoy spending time with them nearly as much.

 

[NRM]

I see where you're coming from. But it's really obvious that you are TOTALLY into this girl and I don't think she has the same amount of interest in you. Consider how she is treating you to how you would treat her. Even if she was as interested in you as you think she is, her behavior says more than you think.

If she was talking about caring for you, genuwinely, then she should not have said "I don't know." Because that means she's considering it. The best answer to that question would have been no. If she was utterly interested in pursuing the relationship, she would have said no. But she is not utterly interested, if not not interested at all. You need an interested woman, man. That's all I'm going to say about that.

Okay okay, first real boyfriend, second guy she's ever kissed, so you don't get to have sex with her or go all the way with her? If you insisted and she said no and you backed off. That says you have self control and she should be able to respect that. You got caught up in the heat of the moment and she didn't want it right then. That should have been OKAY and she should not have freaked out that a guy is sexually interested in her, much less her boyfriend. That is just not the typical response.

You mentioned that she perked up for some guy on the phone. You should be the number one man in her life. If she should perk up for anyone, it should be you. Regardless of if she is tired or not. You can believe what you want, but your girlfriend is getting excited over the wrong people, and wrong people would be the people that aren't you.

If other people are going to talk about your relationship, let them. It'll all be gossip. There's no denying that other people around you talk about your relationship, but when you jump in there, you're confirming their thoughts. And the whole passing advice to your girlfriend in your favor. That phrase doesn't sound right at all. What could you not say to your girlfriend that you had her friend tell her instead?

You can believe what you want and drag it on for as long as you like, but look at the cold hard facts about her BEHAVIOR. Look at how she's been acting. Yeah, she's been tired, but not tired for some other guy on the phone. Yes, she was freaked out by sex, but would you be freaked out if your girlfriend was sexually interested in you, and you weren't ready? And the big thing is the whole "I don't know" response. You just shouldn't say that to a guy that you want to be with. It's like saying "Hey, want to be my girlfriend?" and say "I don't know." The self-doubt kills you.

To me, it seems that you are trying to believe what you want to happen. And I understand why. Your interest in her is through the roof and she's not returning the favor. Her interest should ALWAYS be above yours. It keeps her working for you and it keeps her chasing you. Yes, my ideas are harsh, but as a guy, I don't think you should deal with nonsense in relationships, because it's just bound to get worse if you let stuff like this slip by you. You can do what you want, you're free to that, but at least consider the possibility that she doesn't want to be with you and consider how your extreme interest in her is fogging your perception. Good luck with whatever you choose to do.

 

[DJoneday]

I see what you're saying, thanks for the advice man. I'll talk to her today and if she isn't perky as hell and confident in us staying together, then i'm just going to break it off. Thanks for the tips man, if anyone else has anything to add, please do. Wish me luck.


(edit)
Just talked to her for about 30 seconds, but it looks like she lost her phone yesterday which is why she didn't call...her friend also tried calling I guess and she didn't pick up either...not sure it really matters that much but just dropping it in.