Girlfriend Drinking with Co-Workers...

[foomee]

So my girlfriend got a new job a few weeks ago, and I guess now they have this weekly thing called "humpday" or something where they all get together and get drunk. I told my girlfriend I don't want her drinking with them because she'd have to drive home afterwards. Then she says, "if I find a ride can I?" and I tell her yeah. So she says this guy Steve can drive her because he's the only co-worker that lives nearby. I told her I don't want him driving her, only if it's a girl. Cos I'm cautious of guys and drunk girls, ya know, etc. And it upsets her. Am I going about this right? What other reasons should I tell her not to drink with them? I really don't want her drinking with these people, but she insists that she'll feel out of place, etc.

 

[d2j]

So my girlfriend got a new job a few weeks ago, and I guess now they have this weekly thing called "humpday" or something where they all get together and get drunk. I told my girlfriend I don't want her drinking with them because she'd have to drive home afterwards. Then she says, "if I find a ride can I?" and I tell her yeah. So she says this guy Steve can drive her because he's the only co-worker that lives nearby. I told her I don't want him driving her, only if it's a girl. Cos I'm cautious of guys and drunk girls, ya know, etc. And it upsets her. Am I going about this right? What other reasons should I tell her not to drink with them? I really don't want her drinking with these people, but she insists that she'll feel out of place, etc.

If you dont want a women to cheat its important to make her feel great about you and know that she will lose you almost instantly if she puts a foot wrong

If you try telling a women what to do ..it will go wrong

if you dont tell a women what to do and she feels great about the relationship ..it probably wont go wrong

 

[grr]

If you have that much distrust for her you should tone down the relationship and start looking for other pussay.

Some possible workarounds:

You need to go drinking with them at some point, be her ride, or stop by the office. Establish a rapport with them so you can directly question this steve guy to see if he's married, etc.

Honestly if she didn't have to drive home with one of the guys I wouldn't be worried at all because the group dynamic prevents her from being a ho, but the isolation will getcha everytime.

(Man, work needs to pick up I'm on a sosuave roll, lately.)

 

[dirtyvibe]

So my girlfriend got a new job a few weeks ago, and I guess now they have this weekly thing called "humpday" or something where they all get together and get drunk. I told my girlfriend I don't want her drinking with them because she'd have to drive home afterwards. Then she says, "if I find a ride can I?" and I tell her yeah. So she says this guy Steve can drive her because he's the only co-worker that lives nearby. I told her I don't want him driving her, only if it's a girl. Cos I'm cautious of guys and drunk girls, ya know, etc. And it upsets her. Am I going about this right? What other reasons should I tell her not to drink with them? I really don't want her drinking with these people, but she insists that she'll feel out of place, etc.

think about if she told you not to get a ride home, you'd feel like she was controlling too. she'll only cheat if she really wants to, and if she does then you need to respect that she didn't like you that much, not go into the rage or mistrust that evolution has built into us against other guys stealing our mates.

 

[jonwon]

So my girlfriend got a new job a few weeks ago, and I guess now they have this weekly thing called "humpday" or something where they all get together and get drunk. I told my girlfriend I don't want her drinking with them because she'd have to drive home afterwards. Then she says, "if I find a ride can I?" and I tell her yeah. So she says this guy Steve can drive her because he's the only co-worker that lives nearby. I told her I don't want him driving her, only if it's a girl. Cos I'm cautious of guys and drunk girls, ya know, etc. And it upsets her. Am I going about this right? What other reasons should I tell her not to drink with them? I really don't want her drinking with these people, but she insists that she'll feel out of place, etc.

nothing you can really do.

Trust me on this, if you mona about it or try to control her, jealousy issues suface and you only push her away more.

What i would do is try a completely different approach, let her go out on these nights out, when she is out you go out with your mates and pick up some girls sounds a bit harsh, in the sense that you dont want to cheat.

But lets face it here, your in a no win situation, this steve guy could be her next target, women use smoke screens alot, who knows who this guy is, or what the night out means.

Drinking after work with buddies is not a majour problem, but these are not real mates they are ppl she has just met and getting drunk with.

A responsible girl would not get drunk with work mates, maybe a pint for an hour or so but an all night session, seems very odd to me.

I dont like it, it compramises the comfort zone, how would she feel if you was going out with the mates fromwork to all hours and getting a lift home after with lucy who you just met? Would you even do that?

I say let her go, there is nothing you can say or do other then going out and doing your own thing, at least this way she may realize she as to try a little harder to please you, or you going else where. If she was 100% into you she would not do this unless she was a serial flirt and had LSE and loved the male attention.

you may read this and get jealous if you do this is the wrong way about it, even confronting her about it was very very wrong, you gave her ammunition and believe me she will use it against you.

I would say get a few more plates and get some more girls this one is borderline comfort zone stepping over.

1 or 2 drinks after work once a week should not concern you tbh though, if it does you need to build on your self esteem and not worry so much about a girl.

 

[MacDiddy]

weekly thing called "humpday" or something where they all get together and get drunk.

let her do it a few times, but show your dissatisfaction by being cold... (NOT ANGRY).

Then give her the soft lecture about how much important versus ridiculous it is to get drunk every week and how its chewing up quality time that could have been spent with you...

Also make plans to find a new girl...

 

[Chemistry]

Let the girl bond with her her co-workers... Damn

People spend most of their work dealing with their co-workers simply in a professional capacity, having some time to hang externally, loosen up and forget the tribulations of the office is so valuable, and adds to workplace enjoyment because you learn about them in a second sense...

What the issues boils down to here is you feeling left out. Oh yea, young and insecure too. You know that if you worked at this gig and your girl didn't, you'd be wanting to go out for the weekly 'humpday' too... honestly sounds like you just have a lack of things to do, and want your girl to occupy your time instead when there's six other nights in the week available for her to do that.... but hey, you're young, you'll learn eventually if you stick around long enough

 

[Chemistry]

End of the day, just show your girl the best time she could possibly have when she's with you... don't be that guy who spends 6 average nights a week with your girl, be that guy who spends 2 amazing nights with her

If you start trying to control her then she'll perceive you as an insecure and jealous, and she'll either cheat on you... or ditch you in favour of somethin that lets her live a little...

 

[grr]

But wait a second, won't Steve be drinking, too? How would that help for a ride?

In fact, insist she calls you when she gets home so you can meet him.

When you do, shake his hand, smell the alcohol on his breath and go from there.

 

[DonJuanForever]

foomee, you are in the problem that I tell most people about on this forum
It's the "Boyfriend/Girlfriend Problem."

See, you start out as lovers, you have sex and continue doing so. She becomes your "Girl" you become her "Boy."

But you see, the "Friend" part takes time to build up. You have to get to know her personally, professionally, mentally, spiritually, etc, etc., before you too can EVEN THINK ABOUT becoming a couple. What I mean is, you too have to become like BEST FRIENDS, you don't become best friends with somebody you don't trust and don't know fully yet.

You too are still at the "lover" stage, the "Boy-Girl" stage. She is not your best friend yet, I can tell, because you don't trust her. You don't know her. You can't predict what she is going to do. I can just about predict what my closest friends will do and say in any situation, can you do that with her? I bet you can't.

So why....are you deceiving yourself? You don't have a Girl-Friend, you have a Girl. You have a lover, a sex partner. Tell her you wanna cool down on the relationship stuff for a while because you wanna keep your options open, but you both can be "friends," or "cool." Stay sexual around her, keep fvcking her, but chill out with the boyfriend/girlfriend stuff for a little bit more time, until you really know her. How can you claim someone as a "friend," if you don't know them? See the problem? This is why guy's get cheated on, they are in relationships with girls who they don't know, if they really knew her, they would just fvck her and leave and continue doing so.

 

[trajhenkhet02]

Sounds like your headed for trouble. Your first alarm is a drunken gathering called humpday. Maybe I'm reading into the name too much but that sounds like trouble already. Your 2nd is a designated co worker who lives nearby (supposedly) named Steve who is getting drunk already and is worthless in this sense as a designated driver. If your in a relationship where you two are living together than you have to put your foot down. If your just casually dating and have a light relationship I wouldn't worry about it too much. As others have said, just act cold around her about it and start looking at other ladies. Putting your foot down may go against some conventional wisdom around here but it is neccesary in a heavy relationship. If she bails then hey you know what mattered to her. If she does what you ask then dandy as candy. Maybe she does cheat on him but you can be damn sure it's not going to happen near him. Never put up with disrespect. You may allow exceptions for work but thats it. Keep your options open or get ready to acquire some.

 

[tihash]

Dude, as someone else pointed out, is she your GF or a girl you are dating?

If she is your gf, why is she not spending her Wednesdays with you?

If she wants to bond with the coworkers, why does she not invite you along?

She should be proud of you and want to bring you to events like that.

 

[Chemistry]

Dude, as someone else pointed out, is she your GF or a girl you are dating?

If she is your gf, why is she not spending her Wednesdays with you?

If she wants to bond with the coworkers, why does she not invite you along?

She should be proud of you and want to bring you to events like that.

Why is she not spending Wednesday with a BF? Because there's like ummmm, 6 other nights to spend with a BF...

LOL... these dudes sound like the guys who get with a girl and totally lose their own individual identities...

You know the type... they started out as two distinct entities, 'Dave' and 'Gemma', then simply became 'Dave n Gemma' and only have mutual friends...

The OP is 19 years old... IMO its always important to have your own lives and your own groups of friends / colleagues but ESPECIALLY so at such a young age... occasionally paths will cross for parties / events and chance meetings will occur but you share your experiences in your own distinct lives with a conversation at the times when you are together...

Seriously, I've posted like 3 times in this thread because I don't want to see you fvck yourself up without valid reason by following the majority of replies from guys who should be seeking advice rather than giving it out...

 

[The Bad Ass Canadian]

So my girlfriend got a new job a few weeks ago, and I guess now they have this weekly thing called "humpday" or something where they all get together and get drunk. I told my girlfriend I don't want her drinking with them because she'd have to drive home afterwards. Then she says, "if I find a ride can I?" and I tell her yeah. So she says this guy Steve can drive her because he's the only co-worker that lives nearby. I told her I don't want him driving her, only if it's a girl. Cos I'm cautious of guys and drunk girls, ya know, etc. And it upsets her. Am I going about this right? What other reasons should I tell her not to drink with them? I really don't want her drinking with these people, but she insists that she'll feel out of place, etc.

You need to stop being an insecure idiot... I let my past GF's go drinking with their work buddies all the time. It never once ever bothered me. Hell, sometimes I'd join them and we all became good friends.

You're making up stuff in your head about people you don't even know and you are showing your true colours of what an insecure S.O.B you are, to your GF.

 

[The Bad Ass Canadian]

And yeah, I agree with Ashley Chuckles. most of the replies in this thread are crap. You and your girl are fine and she just wants to go out and build some rapport with her work crew. You really have no right to tell he she can't, because she's doing nothing wrong.

If you keep this up, here's what will happen. Her work crew will eventually become her really good friends. They will see that you're a controling piece of sh!t and will despise you for not letting her be "free" to do as she pleases. Instead of going out with them as part of the crowd, you'll eventually be unwelcome and loathed by her friends... and she'll take their advice to heart and dump your sorry ass.

 

[Nighthawk]

Newsflash - 'Steve' is boning your chick RIGHT NOW.

That's probably not the case. What Bad-Ass Canadian said.

 

[Latinoman]

So my girlfriend got a new job a few weeks ago, and I guess now they have this weekly thing called "humpday" or something where they all get together and get drunk. I told my girlfriend I don't want her drinking with them because she'd have to drive home afterwards. Then she says, "if I find a ride can I?" and I tell her yeah. So she says this guy Steve can drive her because he's the only co-worker that lives nearby. I told her I don't want him driving her, only if it's a girl. Cos I'm cautious of guys and drunk girls, ya know, etc. And it upsets her. Am I going about this right? What other reasons should I tell her not to drink with them? I really don't want her drinking with these people, but she insists that she'll feel out of place, etc.

If she is under 21...then she should not drink. That's the approach you should follow. Of course, you are under 21...so you will have to follow the same approach.

 

[jonwon]

look even if she was going to cheat, she will only do it if she really likes another guy.

Only way to play this game is to be the man she fell for in the first place.
That is the cool guy she met who was not controlling, boring and let her do her own thing whislt YOU DO YOURS.

This is important you must be seen to be leading your own life too, then even if it does fu** up you wont be hit has hard.

Best way to win this if you suspect anything is be the man you should be and not be jealous, easier said then done, but remember she still has to prove herself to you too, if she does turn out to be sour then at least you will have other things in your life then a girl.

Essential.

 

[Latinoman]

"humpday" - Hmmmm, what kind of work place is one that encourage their employees (including minors) to go out and get drunk? I know California has a minimum age of 21 to drink. So, I assume your girlfriend is over 21. And what is so bad about feeling out of place among drunks? I mean, "I am not a drunk and I don't drive drunk...so I feel out of place"; LOL.

Bonding?...co-workers are just that...co-workers. You bond with co-workers by doing company picnics or going to lunch in a group together. In fact, she is already bonding with them by working and spending most of her "wake-up" time with them. Think about it...she spents as much AWAKE time at work as she spends with you.

Alcohol is not a good thing. I would never be involved with a woman that is into getting drunk. That's the decision YOU must make. And it should be a decision you should stand for ALWAYS, regardless of the woman.

Another thing, you are just 19. You should be dating several women.

 

[Latinoman]

look even if she was going to cheat, she will only do it if she really likes another guy.

Only way to play this game is to be the man she fell for in the first place.
That is the cool guy she met who was not controlling, boring and let her do her own thing whislt YOU DO YOURS.

This is important you must be seen to be leading your own life too, then even if it does fu** up you wont be hit has hard.

Best way to win this if you suspect anything is be the man you should be and not be jealous, easier said then done, but remember she still has to prove herself to you too, if she does turn out to be sour then at least you will have other things in your life then a girl.

Essential.

I disagree.

Why?

Because he is only 19.

The way I look at things...what he should consider doing is dump her. I mean...why be involved with somebody that is into drinking with a bunch of guys? Something that obviously bothering him!

He is only 19. He should not be preocupied for this crap. If she is a drunk or feels is cool to get drunk with a bunch of co-workers on a humpday...and that stuff bothers HIM...then he should dump her and find another woman. If he feels that he will have problems finding women in his age group, then he has other issues that he must address first: self improvement.