Girlfriend did something bad, and how I handled it. Very well :)

[DanelMadr]

No, I'm not wrong on anything. You didn't prove me wrong at all. Show me where I said he didn't have the right to date who he chooses. If anything you agree with me that she has the right to take drugs at her own discretion. Forcing someone to give up something they had in their life before you is risky and fool hearty. As I said, if he guilts her into something HE thinks is wrong, but SHE doesn't she's not going to want to hear it. She'll either keep it from him or just break up with him. You can't get that mutual respect with those kinds of ultimatums.

That's were you are wrong. Drawing lines and setting no-go zones is acceptable. Ultimatums are acceptable once you want to enter serious relationship. It is a wussy way to silently observe and then go out to by smokes and never return. That's passive-aggressive behavior.

Ultimatums are acceptable with a condition that they are about important things. Fakking other people and doing coke is important issue. But that is where we probably disagree (I mean the coke). And I am trying to say that doing coke is RED Flag...maybe not for everyone but it is legitimate RED flag as opposed to leaving toilet seat up (might be red flag for someone but in common sense it's BS).

Smoking causes lung cancer. Pot makes a lot of people lazy and a lot of people use it for escape. Drinking causes liver damage, car accidents, birth defects. Sex can lead to stds.

Yep that's true. But Coke is way too dangerous compared to alcohol. You need to put way more effort in to alcohol to be build addiction. That's why "hard" drugs are considered more dangerous.

Not everything (including drugs) is going to destroy you if it's done in moderation. Sorry, but grow up. There are plenty of people with addictive personalities who SHOULDN'T use drugs. There are plenty of people who use drugs sparsely and are fine.

I'm sorry, but these arguments you can hear from almost every junior junkie.
When professionals hear this from their junkie-"patients" they tell them "OK. So let's try to not use it for say 2 months." And you know what...most of the time, they can't stop using. They lie to themselves they can't stop, because it is their free will and if they would want to stop they could but they really don't want to. bla bla bla

I've heard about one alcoholic pouring shot of whiskey saying "I have my drinking problem under control. I have strong will power. If I don't want to drink I DON'T. See..here is a shot of whiskey...I don't want to drink it and I don't. .....Now I want to drink it , so I drink it." And he drank it.
That's their logic.

You can be moderate weed smoker, drinker whatever but you have to be pretty fakking ninja level moderate to not be fakked up by coke.

No sh!t. In a perfect world no one would be drinking or smoking weed. That's not the case and it probably won't be at this time in our human evolution. In the meantime, if you don't like what a person is doing (especially when they were doing it before you) find someone who you're compatible with.

Or tell them to stop doing that...to make the world more evolved place. And if they can't you can leave unless you are their parent or you really care about them.

He gave her a chance by telling her he does not approve. I don't think he made a mistake. Since it is not common sense "COKE"= Red flag. She learned and failed. And he made the right thing...no white knight shyt...he left.

 

[kingsam]

To the OP: If I was in your shoes, I would have just said to her that she has betrayed your trust by taking drugs behind your back and that is unacceptable. Then I would have left her and found someone new.

not really yes he wernt there, but she did telll him

the drugs are not the fundamental issue here
the guy only saw things from his perspective - its important that you are able to put yourself in the other persons POV, in the girls POV she didnt really do anything wrong, and he got angry at her, so next time she just wont tell him....

ULTIMATUMS DO NOT EVER WORK.....they only cause resistance --> and resistance = resentment and an entrenchment in the other persons beleifs (that they are in the right, or their behaviour was accceptable)...

we'd have to define ultimatums tho!

AND were talking about a 20yr old here!
s.hit happens at that age!

 

[Black suit]

The needs to be nexted.