"I'm Not Looking for Anything Serious Right Now"

When a woman says it, guys hear a confession. A heads-up. A scheduling conflict.

Here's the translation: I don't feel anything. Right now. With you.

Watch what happens when a man triggers actual attraction. The busy career, the recent breakup, the "not in a place to date" — all of it evaporates instantly. The same woman who was guarding her freedom is suddenly free every night.

The "22 Rules" explain why. When the right switches flip, her timeline rearranges itself around you.

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girlfriend crying leads me to AFC-ism!!! O NOES!!

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Enjin 7

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so basically... cliff notes:

I've known this girl for 4 or 5 months, have been dating her for like 2 months. We have actually gone thru a lot since we've started dating. kind of weird how close we've gotten.

anyway. Im leaving to go home for 3 months during summer break. she is going to the same college as I am in the fall, yet we have 300 miles separting us for 3 months.

last night, we did the thing high school students do on the cliff overlooking the city in the 50's movies. she came pretty hard actually TONGUE RING FOR THE WIN!. anyway, when she was done (and after I got mines:)), we were chilling in the car. I played DJ perfectly, telling her how good she was, she said the same, bla bla bla.

then... she started crying. telling me that she had never loved anyone like she does me. she is worried that although I say the same, that my feelings will change over summer. so I tilted her head up by her chin and looked into her eyes and told her "Ive never loved anyone the way that I do you. I can't see that changing."

BIFF! all of that work making the relationship "one step from over because all of these other girls are around and I wont hesistate to dump you if you **** up" is probably gone now. I hope she doesnt take that as "you can cheat on me this summer and I'll forgive you... because thats not true. any way to recover? lol FOR THE LOSE!

or did I do the right thing?
 

"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"

You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.

Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.

Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.

Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.

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Jariel

Jariel

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I don't think you messed up as bad as you thought. Some girls want relationships and need to be reassured, and if she said these things first, then she's not going to be scared off by you saying them. A girl like this would be more likely to cheat if she had no faith in your relationship. What you said could be what gives her the faith and reassurance she needs to hear.

My girlfriend and I have said almost the exact same thing and since then our relationship has become stronger and better than ever! However, she still knows she can't take me for granted. I've told her that I don't give second chances to anyone and she knows I have plenty of women waiting for me to be single. I know she has options too and I cant take her for granted either.

I haven't given her any direct warnings, but I talk about friends whose girlfriends kissed or grinded on other guys, for instance, and say something like "I know he loves her, but that would be an instant turn off for me! I'd just move on and look for someone better". Funnily enough, my girlfriend says the same things to me...although she is more direct sometimes, telling me she'd cut something off if I cheat on her! :)

Just make sure you maintain your confidence and your role as the man and you should be fine!
 
S

Skilla_Staz

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Hm. I agree it isn't THAT bad. After 2 months though I wouldn't have used the love word. I would told her that she had nothing to worry about, and that it takes a lot to get me to fall for a girl, so she should feel secure in knowing that I have no intentions of going anywhere.

No love. Assurance, yet no emotional confessions.
 
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Enjin 7

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yeah... cool! I do get the feeling that jariel is right. I feel that sometimes she needs reassurance. from what you say, our relationships... and what we say to our girlfriends is quite similar :)

the key is to have her understand that she has nothing to worry about with you, but also to convey that you have no problem leaving if she disappoints you in that way... right?

p.s. I truly do think it is love staz head. Ive been around long enough to understand the difference between infatuation and love. I think I truly love this girl, and I know that she truly loves me. so why not say it? I've always been able to express my emotions... I guess it is something girls like about me, because I am secure enough to be able to tell them whatever I feel.

cool cool
 
Jariel

Jariel

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Enjin 7 said:
the key is to have her understand that she has nothing to worry about with you, but also to convey that you have no problem leaving if she disappoints you in that way... right?
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Spot on! ;)

I think I truly love this girl, and I know that she truly loves me. so why not say it? I've always been able to express my emotions... I guess it is something girls like about me, because I am secure enough to be able to tell them whatever I feel.
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A lot of guys are guarded and afraid to express any kind of emotion to women, scared to take a risk. Whereas you told her confidently how you feel, and I'm sure that confidence showed. Let's face it, you could have said nothing and played it safe. It takes balls to tell a girlfriend you love her and risk everything!
 

"She Made Her Decision Before You Finished Your Sentence"

Three seconds. That's how long it took. Your shoes. Your posture. The way you held your drink. Whether you looked at the floor or looked at her.

She already filed you away. Interesting. Boring. Safe. Bold. Before you even opened your mouth.

Everything you say after that is just her confirming what she already decided.

So stop rehearsing lines. Fix the first three seconds. Stand tall. Look up. Smile like you mean it. Walk like you belong wherever you're standing.

The words come later. The impression comes first.

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Desdinova

Desdinova

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then... she started crying.
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After you've been around women who are always bawling their eyes out, you get used to it and it really doesn't affect you.

telling me that she had never loved anyone like she does me. she is worried that although I say the same, that my feelings will change over summer.
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That's when you take the woman and give her a nice tight hug. Body language works better than words.

You didn't fvck up badly since she probably didn't make an effort to remember it while bawling her eyes out. It takes a bit of time to figure out how to react to the tears. Teardrops are just the spilling over of emotion.
 
M

Macgyver

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Ah, high school love. So little time and of course it was neve rmeant to last and it won't.
 
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Enjin 7

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lol damn. stone cold man. I just finished my first year of college. honestly... I've been with a goooood number of girls, and I can see a future with this girl. you dont think it will last? why not?

the only thing that I can think of is that when she gets to college she will realize that if she stays with me, she will probably end up marrying me. if she still wants to do the whole college thing and be single and in a sorority, that is the only thing that I can see that would break us up.
 
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Enjin 7

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ah. yes. Ive read that before. nice insight. I guess I should give it more time and just see how it works out. continue to act the way I do and keep attraction up. If things work out, then they work out. If not... then they dont. :)
 

"The Coffee Shop Girl You Never Spoke To"

You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.

For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.

Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.

The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.

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C

Charm

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A few words often seal our fate but in your case, only time will tell. It really isn't about what she thinks of what you said as much as it matters what you think.

Are you going to start acting like an AFC every time you and her hang out now?

Are you going to give up your freedom and become a total pushover as a result of what you said?

If so, then yes, you're totally screwed. If not, then you had a mushy moment in relationship history, we all have.
 
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