Girlfriend complaining about not calling enough or showing enoguh interest

[shark]

She has been making comments to me like "are you embarassed of me" and saying stuff like I don't care, and i never call or message her ever. She still likes me but seemed frustrated kind of. She actually was very upset and we had a 5 minute argument and i basically told her it was ridicilous and we were fine.

Is this type of complaing GOOD to hear? Or should I call/msg her more?

note--i do love her but don't show it THAT much and i rarely, rarely call/msg here EVER. She's also usually the first one to initiate convo even tho i want to..i just force myself to be more DJ and less AFC..

 

[darth yoda]

Give and take, seems like you're just taking...

 

[Tboner]

Don't argue. There's nothing to gain. When she complains, blow it off with C7F, ignore it and move on or punish her because it's her fault (she started the arguement).

As for communication, I've found it best to respond to her calls sometimes and ignore her sometimes. It's a balance. Don't be consistent.

 

[Wyldfire]

Originally posted by shark
She has been making comments to me like "are you embarassed of me" and saying stuff like I don't care, and i never call or message her ever. She still likes me but seemed frustrated kind of. She actually was very upset and we had a 5 minute argument and i basically told her it was ridicilous and we were fine.

Is this type of complaing GOOD to hear? Or should I call/msg her more?

note--i do love her but don't show it THAT much and i rarely, rarely call/msg here EVER. She's also usually the first one to initiate convo even tho i want to..i just force myself to be more DJ and less AFC..

Increase the affection and attention you give her gradually (a little at a time) until she stops doing things to force you to give her the attention she needs.

In a LTR you have to do this or it won't work. Just as men need sex in a relationship women need to feel loved. Don't go overboard and smother her, though, because that will push her away. Find a healthy balance.

 

[Maximus_Decimus]

Originally posted by shark
She has been making comments to me like "are you embarassed of me" and saying stuff like I don't care, and i never call or message her ever. She still likes me but seemed frustrated kind of. She actually was very upset and we had a 5 minute argument and i basically told her it was ridicilous and we were fine.

Is this type of complaing GOOD to hear? Or should I call/msg her more?

note--i do love her but don't show it THAT much and i rarely, rarely call/msg here EVER. She's also usually the first one to initiate convo even tho i want to..i just force myself to be more DJ and less AFC..

Standard female behavior. She is frustrated with you and it's an attempt by her to turn you into a nice guy or "Project Betaise the Alpha male" as Franco would call it. It's a control mechanism that women instinctively possess. It seems that she is finding you as a challenge.

Tell her you live by your rules and if she doesn't like it, she is free to leave. You set your reality, not her.

Maximus_Decimus

 

[Maximus_Decimus]

Re: Re: Girlfriend complaining about not calling enough or showing enoguh interest

Originally posted by Wyldfire
Increase the affection and attention you give her gradually (a little at a time) until she stops doing things to force you to give her the attention she needs.

Wyldfire, I doubt that advice will work. The reason being, after he gives in, she will ask for more. And if he gives in again, she will ask for yet more. The cycle will continue until she realizes he is a wimp that doesn't stand up for himself and by then it will be too late because she will have lost all respect for him.

You're a woman yourself. You ought to know women never stop complaining, no matter how much you try to satisfy them. Shark's responsibility is to spend quality time with her and treat her well, not to badger her constantly everyday.

Most of us have been there and done that. Why do you think we're on this forum?

Maximus_Decimus

 

[wheelin&dealin]

Originally posted by shark
She has been making comments to me like "are you embarassed of me" and saying stuff like I don't care, and i never call or message her ever. She still likes me but seemed frustrated kind of. She actually was very upset and we had a 5 minute argument and i basically told her it was ridicilous and we were fine.

Is this type of complaing GOOD to hear? Or should I call/msg her more?

note--i do love her but don't show it THAT much and i rarely, rarely call/msg here EVER. She's also usually the first one to initiate convo even tho i want to..i just force myself to be more DJ and less AFC..

Listen to Wyld, she changed my life!

I've been in exactly the same position as you. You need to show more affection no matter how bad a$$ a DJ you think you are. Women need affection, just not too much.

 

[( . )( . )]

Re: Re: Girlfriend complaining about not calling enough or showing enoguh interest

Originally posted by Maximus_Decimus
Standard female behavior. She is frustrated with you and it's an attempt by her to turn you into a nice guy or "Project Betaise the Alpha male" as Franco would call it. It's a control mechanism that women instinctively possess. It seems that she is finding you as a challenge.

Tell her you live by your rules and if she doesn't like it, she is free to leave. You set your reality, not her.

This is the best piece of advice you going to get. It's that simple. Bring the b!tch into YOUR reality, never the other way around. She's trying to get you to supplicate to her reality.
Give her what she wants and your going to fail her beta test.

 

[Wyldfire]

Re: Re: Re: Girlfriend complaining about not calling enough or showing enoguh interest

Originally posted by Maximus_Decimus
Wyldfire, I doubt that advice will work. The reason being, after he gives in, she will ask for more. And if he gives in again, she will ask for yet more. The cycle will continue until she realizes he is a wimp that doesn't stand up for himself and by then it will be too late because she will have lost all respect for him.

You're a woman yourself. You ought to know women never stop complaining, no matter how much you try to satisfy them. Shark's responsibility is to spend quality time with her and treat her well, not to badger her constantly everyday.

Most of us have been there and done that. Why do you think we're on this forum?

Maximus_Decimus

Oh, it will work like a charm.

This is the single MOST important thing a man needs to understand to have successful LTRs. Just as you NEED sex in a relationship, a woman NEEDS love. This site discourages men from showing love. That protects you from becoming too clingy and needy, but it also destroys your LTR.

When a woman isn't feeling loved in a relationship she will test the hell out of you and create all kinds of drama, chaos and conflict. She does this because it FORCES you to pay attention to her. All women are different in regards to how much attention and affection they need, which can be a little tricky. If you overdo it with the attention and affection (like AFC's do) you smother and suffocate her so badly that she can't deal with it. She gets overloaded and just wants to get away so she can breathe.

If a man learns how to find that perfect balance for the woman he's with in a LTR it will all but eliminate all the testing, conflict creating and dramatics from your relationship. You simply slowly and gradually increase the amount of attention/affection you give her (tiny bit at a time) until the testing and crap stops. When it stops you have found the right balance to give her the level of "felling loved" that she needs to be content but not chased away. Finding that balance takes a little bit of effort, but since it puts an end to her forcing you to give her attention it's well worth it and doesn't take any more time than you were wasting dealing with nonsense.

Most women don't even realize that they test and pull drama stuff because they aren't getting enough attention. They know they need more love and attention but they don't make the connection between their needs and their behavior. And even if they did, they wouldn't likely be able to effictively communicate it to the guy. So...most guys have no idea just how simple it is to manage your LTR just by doing this one thing.

If you think about it, it should make so much sense to you. Anyone who behaves badly does it because they need attention. Unruly kids do it because they aren't getting enough supervision and attention at home, too.

 

[Blue Phoenix]

Re: Re: Girlfriend complaining about not calling enough or showing enoguh interest

Originally posted by Maximus_Decimus
Standard female behavior. She is frustrated with you and it's an attempt by her to turn you into a nice guy or "Project Betaise the Alpha male" as Franco would call it. It's a control mechanism that women instinctively possess. It seems that she is finding you as a challenge.

Tell her you live by your rules and if she doesn't like it, she is free to leave. You set your reality, not her.

Maximus_Decimus

Franco's explanations are quite interesting. I have his book.

Have you ever read it? What do you think of his book?

 

[mrRuckus]

Originally posted by shark


note--i do love her but don't show it THAT much and i rarely, rarely call/msg here EVER. She's also usually the first one to initiate convo even tho i want to..i just force myself to be more DJ and less AFC..

I'd up the attention entirely gradually. GRADUALLY. Especially if the only reason you withhold the attention is to appear "DJ." It's not AFC to love, like, or show affection for your gf. I just wouldn't do it all the time. I don't understand what other posters are saying about her thinking she can bully you into catering to her demands.. because if you up the attention gradually she won't even notice you caved to her because she naturally had less to ***** about.

I got dumped for this reason a year and a half ago. She felt completely ignored and didn't even tell me. I had to hear it from multiple friends after the breakup that she had told earlier. At least this gf of yours is telling you. Months later after the breakup we talked again and she admitted that was pretty much why we broke up. "I always felt like you didn't care." I NEVER called her.

My current gf i tend to give most of my attention to when i see her but on days i don't the most is a couple txt msgs, if any, and never about anything too interesting or important. She feels like she's in contact and i care about what she has to say but still wants to come see me in person a day or two later for some real attention and be able to blabber on about whatever the hell she's been doing on our days "off."

It keeps me from zoning out on her too because i start to feel smothered sometimes when i just need to be able to play Grand Theft Auto or something for 4 hours straight without being bugged by the outside world.

 

[Bible_Belt]

You simply slowly and gradually increase the amount of attention/affection you give her (tiny bit at a time) until the testing and crap stops.

Wyldfire, notice that your formula puts the woman in control. She throws fits until she gets what she wants. That does not sound like an ideal LTR to me. It sounds like a spoiled child.

I say keep the woman guessing. If she knows you will ignore her, and you do, then that's almost as boring as being an afc. Try to anticipate what she is predicting, and then do something different. Never giving her exactly what she wants and never being predictable will keep her interested.

Also, some women think that you are not marriageable if you are not whipped. Your girl may be one of these.

 

[Wyldfire]

Originally posted by Bible_Belt
You simply slowly and gradually increase the amount of attention/affection you give her (tiny bit at a time) until the testing and crap stops.

Wyldfire, notice that your formula puts the woman in control. She throws fits until she gets what she wants. That does not sound like an ideal LTR to me. It sounds like a spoiled child.

I say keep the woman guessing. If she knows you will ignore her, and you do, then that's almost as boring as being an afc. Try to anticipate what she is predicting, and then do something different. Never giving her exactly what she wants and never being predictable will keep her interested.

Also, some women think that you are not marriageable if you are not whipped. Your girl may be one of these.

By your rationale, it too would be "spoiled" for you to ask for more sex if you weren't getting all that you needed.

Feeling loved is to women what sex is to men.

If a woman doesn't feel loved she will leave or cheat just as a man will leave or cheat if his sexual needs aren't being met.

 

[flyinshark]

I totally agree with the last 2 replies by Wildfire. I am doing what she suggests the man should do in a LTR and my girl is very happy to be with me. She even indirectly mentioned that maybe one day we could get married. Ok, that's maybe too much, so i guess i need to stop being so perfect

But yeah, you guys need to learn to also GIVE, as you tend to be selfish and only want to receive. Calling once or twice a week won't do any harm and is a small price to pay to keep your woman happy and to keep banging her.

 

[frivolousz21]

Calling once or twice a week won't do any harm and is a small price to pay to keep your woman happy and to keep banging her.

also beyond this..communicate...


today my girl has college and work..I work today for 10 hours.

so she is calling me on her way to work from school...so we can make plans tonight or tomorrow.


this way we can keep the balance with a busy life.


COMMUNICATE!

its not about who calls first of this and that..just both give 100 percent

 

[frivolousz21]

A chick will generally "cheat" just as fast if not faster than a guy if her sexual needs are not met, men have a far greater reputation for laziness and settling when it comes to unfullfilling sexual intimacy than women, make no mistake.

well....if she doenst feel loved or doesnt get her sex..then we have a problem...since all of us guys even you and I Titman...want sex everyday pretty much all day.