Girlfriend asked me for a "break/ open relationship",

[Vespoli]

I was so astonished that she would ask for one but I told her I had reservations about it but she insisted and I agreed. She said she felt really "guilty".

She said it was because we wouldn't see each other all summer, and blah blah blah.

But she still wants to talk on fb, text, and exchange letters like we are stil boyfriend and girlfriend.

I can't do that, emotionally it'd be terrible knowing that she is with another guy while I'm sitting here writing letters to her.

I feel like I should just end it, but part of me still wants to be in contact with her, and the other part feels that this is the only way I can heal.

The way I see it, she is already moving on/moved on and is using this open relationship to confirm her decision to which she will then end it herself later.


Can I save any dignity by ending this? And how should I go about it? Should I even be ending all contact with her?

Honestly, I'd like to end this as DJ as possible so that I can leave knowing I saved some pride. So what I really asking is, how would you end it?


Should I call her up and tell her how much I agree?, I just want to save some pride and leave her with a tinge of regret.
I feel like I should go with it and when she inevitably ends it, I'll act completely fine about it...

 

[kingsam]

if she had high enougth interst in you she wouldn twant to go on a break PEROID.

she want the emotional validation of you and having a BF whilst being able to suck other penises - IE she wasnts to have her cake and eat it too - this is NOT on.....

Just agree to it in a civil manner (dont resist or end on bad terms with arguments) and start banging other chicks.... you are a DJ you are unfazed by this...

if shes contacting you loads, minimal replies... make sure she knows you are getting lots of poontang (and have moved on QUICKLY), put good pics up on Facebook wiht other chicks at parties and on vacation having an awsome time so she can see, and good status comments etc... THAT is how you get revenge...

if u dont knwo what "have your cake and eat it too means " see http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Have_one's_cake_and_eat_it_too

 

[Vespoli]

I agreed with your post, and I kind of figured that was why she wanted to have a break, but what I'm really asking is if I should just outright end it? Because she knows that I didnt want an open relationship and now I've lost any leverage I may of had leaving the relationship.

 

[HolyG]

break up with her, moron

tell her you don't do "breaks"

 

[EFFORT]

She said she felt really "guilty".


Because she already slept with the ex or has been talking to someone else

She said it was because we wouldn't see each other all summer, and blah blah blah.

Has nothing to do with that, her interest level in you just isn't high.

But she still wants to talk on fb, text, and exchange letters like we are stil boyfriend and girlfriend.

She wants to have her cake and eat it too.

I can't do that, emotionally it'd be terrible knowing that she is with another guy while I'm sitting here writing letters to her.

Then don't do it

I feel like I should just end it, but part of me still wants to be in contact with her, and the other part feels that this is the only way I can heal.

Your mistake is the same mistake most guys are making with relationships. Your not entering it from a place of spinning plates. Remove all contact with her (delete her from fb as well) and start meeting new women.

The way I see it, she is already moving on/moved on and is using this open relationship to confirm her decision to which she will then end it herself later.

of course

Can I save any dignity by ending this? And how should I go about it? Should I even be ending all contact with her?

If you were capable of spinning plates you would be thinking "sweet time for variety again" and tell her yeah thats cool a break would be good. Then you get off the phone and call up some women that you've been keeping around you throughout your relationship to fall back on when it ends and enjoy yourself. Your gf will be confused and intrigued by your response. She'll wonder why your not crushed, why your not begging and probably come to the conclusion that you have another girl then she'll be chasing you again, but don't give in and be her bf again keep going with her idea of the break.


Honestly, I'd like to end this as DJ as possible so that I can leave knowing I saved some pride. So what I really asking is, how would you end it?

Read above. The only thing is you don't have other options so you'll have to essentially fake it. Look at the breakup guide.


Should I call her up and tell her how much I agree?, I just want to save some pride and leave her with a tinge of regret.
I feel like I should go with it and when she inevitably ends it, I'll act completely fine about it...

Go with what i said above. This will be good a experience for you to learn from. Read the post on spinning plates as well. As a rule of thumb don't even consider entering a relationship unless your spinning plates.

bold

 

[kingsam]

I agreed with your post, and I kind of figured that was why she wanted to have a break, but what I'm really asking is if I should just outright end it? Because she knows that I didnt want an open relationship and now I've lost any leverage I may of had leaving the relationship.

im not sure id go "well were breaking up then" thats you to you
id just go "ok then" ... then go almost/totally No Contact

 

[jophil28]

I was so astonished that she would ask for one but I told her I had reservations about it but she insisted and I agreed. She said she felt really "guilty".

She said it was because we wouldn't see each other all summer, and blah blah blah.

But she still wants to talk on fb, text, and exchange letters like we are stil boyfriend and girlfriend.
...

When a woman wants " a break " she really wants a slow convenient(to her) breakup, BUT is too chicken sh!t weak to say so. She is also likely to want to keep you around as fallback guy in case her new 'adventures ' do not pan out.
And believe me..she is planning some fun without you. That fun may have already started behind your back.

Here is the SOP for dealing with this kind of crAp -

She ," I think we need a break for a while."
You," I wanted to talk to you about that but you beat me to it. A 'break' sounds good. Just friends with no other expectations, right?"

And then you just wander off to the carpark with your head held high...
You do not enter into "negotiations", nor discussions about her wants, needs or feelings. No pleading, no begging her to "reconsider".

She has just rejected you. Lose her number and if she chases you online, you ignore her..

 

[Warrior74]

When a woman wants " a break " she really wants a slow convenient(to her) breakup, BUT is too chicken sh!t weak to say so. She is also likely to want to keep you around as fallback guy in case her new 'adventures ' do not pan out.
And believe me..she is planning some fun without you. That fun may have already started behind your back.

Here is the SOP for dealing with this kind of crAp -

She ," I think we need a break for a while."
You," I wanted to talk to you about that but you beat me to it. A 'break' sounds good. Just friends with no other expectations, right?"

And then you just wander off to the carpark with your head held high...
You do not enter into "negotiations", nor discussions about her wants, needs or feelings. No pleading, no begging her to "reconsider".

She has just rejected you. Lose her number and if she chases you online, you ignore her..

This. Listen. Be Smart.

 

[Alle_Gory]

You've got two choices.

1. Let her do the breakup. Anything between you two is usually dead once this happens.
2. Break up with her. If she really is innocent of what jophill is saying, you can find out, and you have the option of taking her back. If she's guilty, then you took the higher ground and got rid of a rotten apple.
Win. Win.

She said it was because we wouldn't see each other all summer, and blah blah blah.

All summer? What's that... like 2 months?

I can't do that, emotionally it'd be terrible knowing that she is with another guy while I'm sitting here writing letters to her.

Sucks... doesn't it? Trust me. It doesn't get any easier for anyone here. Despite your feelings, you're a man, and as a man you have the ability to control your emotions even for just a little while.

Can I save any dignity by ending this? And how should I go about it? Should I even be ending all contact with her?
Honestly, I'd like to end this as DJ as possible so that I can leave knowing I saved some pride. So what I really asking is, how would you end it?

She wouldn't be after another guy if she still had something for you. You're slow to the pitch, she's already moved on but hasn't told you yet. You should have paid more attention to her while you had her. Chicks are unbelievably honest... because for the most part, they're stupidly transparent. For the most part. You just have to know how to read them.

Be a man, take charge and break up with her. It's your duty to lead your woman.

"Honey, I don't think we need an open relationship. It's better for us to simply part ways. I think we had alot of fun together since we met at.... and I hoped you did too. Good luck in the future."

*Roll end credits*

 

[todays_news]

When a woman wants " a break " she really wants a slow convenient(to her) breakup, BUT is too chicken sh!t weak to say so. She is also likely to want to keep you around as fallback guy in case her new 'adventures ' do not pan out.
And believe me..she is planning some fun without you. That fun may have already started behind your back.

Here is the SOP for dealing with this kind of crAp -

She ," I think we need a break for a while."
You," I wanted to talk to you about that but you beat me to it. A 'break' sounds good. Just friends with no other expectations, right?"

And then you just wander off to the carpark with your head held high...
You do not enter into "negotiations", nor discussions about her wants, needs or feelings. No pleading, no begging her to "reconsider".

She has just rejected you. Lose her number and if she chases you online, you ignore her..

I concur, you're relationship is pretty much over.

Dont be foolish enough to enter that 'carry on as girlfriend and boyfriend' ****, do not buy that for a second. Move on, if you read the DJ bible then it'll be easier. Good one for joining the forum, welcome to the better life. In a few months you'll wonder why you even asked for advice, as it would have become obvious.

 

[Bible_Belt]

So what I am really asking is, how would you end it?

Drift apart like you don't even notice or care. Dignity varies inversely with the amount of emotion you show her. It's ok to be upset. just don't let her realize.

And then of course go get laid asap.

 

[backbreaker]

we need to bring those old pook womaneze posts back. those were cool


can we have an open relationship=there is this **** i want to suck but i have some sort of feelings for you.. not enough to not suck this ****, but enough to where i would feel kinda bad if we were offiically dating..kinda.. i'mg oing to do it regardless, but at least now i asked, so it's on you not me.

 

[Vespoli]

Thanks for all the advice guys, I really appreciate it. I completely understand what's going on, and that she is using this as an excuse.

The problem was at the time, I half-halfheartedly agreed because I didnt want to lose her, and I convinced myself that we would get back together.

She wants to meet at the end of the summer to see "where our heads are at" regarding our relationship. I took this as us getting back together, but after a moment of clairty, ... literally 10 mins after our conversation I realized what I mistake I made.


I thought she was testing me somehow to see if I cared, so I told her I didnt want to break up and that I wanted to fight for the relationship...HOW WRONG I WAS.


Thats why I'm asking if there is someway for me to salvage MY pride, or at least leave her with some regret..

I AM NOT going to get back together with her. I want someone who wants to be with me, all the time.

Oh and I've found the guy she is gunning for now, I feel so pathetic for believing there was something there.

So what I'm hearing is, since I've already agreed to the open-relationship, there is no point in me calling her to outright end it and I should just let it die on it's natural course. NC has been going for a day as of now.

 

[jophil28]

Oh and I've found the guy she is gunning for now, I feel so pathetic for believing there was something there.

So what I'm hearing is, since I've already agreed to the open-relationship, there is no point in me calling her to outright end it and I should just let it die on it's natural course. NC has been going for a day as of now.

Hmmm, so you've been doing a little snooping, and you found out the real reason that she wanted a break ! Ouch, that must have stung.
However, at least you now know why and how women pull these stunts.

IF I were you I would just maintain radio silence and wait until she contacts you . She will do that because she will want assurance that you are still on the end of the line and available to her - on her terms. You are 'fallback guy' in case 'he' does not work out.

There are a couple of options for you here - ignore her , block her and rip her up OR you could call her out on her cheating annd tear her a new one.

Or you could just say this ONLY when she contacts you -
" I know that I agreed to wait until the end of the summer but I have changed my mind -let's make the break a permanent one."
And you walk away ( or hang up) and cut her out of your life.
She will go nuts because you have taken control and she has lost control OVER YOU .
Then expect a gusher of smarmy BS , " ..but I love you deep down, Vespoli ..I am just confused..I need space for a while .. blah blah.."

Women who connive and deceive like this deserve to be dumped hard.
That is your mission, soldier.

 

[handle]

Go out there and have fun with other girls then? She wants you to not be her focus for the summer. Treat her accordingly... Get with other girls.

 

[Vespoli]

Hmmm, so you've been doing a little snooping, and you found out the real reason that she wanted a break ! Ouch, that must have stung.
However, at least you now know why and how women pull these stunts.

IF I were you I would just maintain radio silence and wait until she contacts you . She will do that because she will want assurance that you are still on the end of the line and available to her - on her terms. You are 'fallback guy' in case 'he' does not work out.

There are a couple of options for you here - ignore her , block her and rip her up OR you could call her out on her cheating annd tear her a new one.

Or you could just say this ONLY when she contacts you -
" I know that I agreed to wait until the end of the summer but I have changed my mind -let's make the break a permanent one."
And you walk away ( or hang up) and cut her out of your life.
She will go nuts because you have taken control and she has lost control OVER YOU .
Then expect a gusher of smarmy BS , " ..but I love you deep down, Vespoli ..I am just confused..I need space for a while .. blah blah.."

Women who connive and deceive like this deserve to be dumped hard.
That is your mission, soldier.

It feels terrible to know that this was going on, I'm not 100% sure of her cheating but let's call a spade a spade. I went through her recent friends, and found that a person I knew was mutual friends with the guy. This girl then told me they had been exchanging messages, and she asked ME if that what my girlfriend because she wasnt sure. Terrible.

I'm mostly to blame, rule #1 Look at a Woman's actions, not her words.

I did the later for the ending part of the relationship. Thanks for your advice Jophil. I'm off to the Just Got Dumped Guide.

And I am definitely going NC till she calls (if) and then Ill end it like you described above.

 

[backbreaker]

the most ironic thing about all this is, if you really wanted to get under her skin, do exactly what she is suggesting.. have an option relationship.

I assure you, she has never considered the fact about you dating other women. the only thing swarming through her mind is her her her her her, her wants and her needs.

i'm not suggesting doing it, but you'd throw this type of woman in a complete loop by actually, having an open relationship and being non chalet about it.

 

[kingsam]

hmm just a thought...
if it doesn't go well with this guy... she will likely come back to you .... you "could" start dating casually non-exclusively again (= sex) then dump her as you've found someone you "connect with better" (make sure you have a backup chick or two)

that'd hit her pride and ego nicely...

 

[ThunderMaverick]

the most ironic thing about all this is, if you really wanted to get under her skin, do exactly what she is suggesting.. have an option relationship.

I assure you, she has never considered the fact about you dating other women. the only thing swarming through her mind is her her her her her, her wants and her needs.

i'm not suggesting doing it, but you'd throw this type of woman in a complete loop by actually, having an open relationship and being non chalet about it.

Goddammit if that isn't the most immature sh!t I've ever heard.


It's brilliant!! lol

 

[Zarky]

No offense to OP but this is sandlot relationship stuff. Really basic. Here's the plan...

Just as a monkey doesn't let go of one vine before having a firm hold on the next one, she's making sure you'll be there just in case her new rel'p doesn't work out.

The best thing you can do for yourself at this point is to call her up or email her and tell her that you're dumping her completely forever. This will startle her and may make her so clingy for the next guy that he'll spook and dump her too. Then you can decide if you want her back (which I don't recommend), because she will for sure come crawling back.

And if her rel'p with the other guy works out after all, it's only a matter of time before she breaks up with you anyhow so it's better if you're the one who pulls the trigger.

In short: break up with her now.

(In more advanced stages, women don't make the mistake of cluing you in about their potential new relps because they know that you'll do the above to thwart it. All the women I date over 30, when they find a new guy they will secretly grab the new vine without making a peep about it. Then if it doesn't work out they can silently go back to your vine without you knowing they ever had a grip on another one. If it does work out then she's suddenly gone and the man is left with mouth agape going, "But I thought everything was going so well."

Asking for an "open relationship" is something teenagers and 20-somethings do.)