Girlfriend and I on a freeze out after I ignored her, now what?

[l_e_g_e_n_d]

Distancing yourself from your girl to teach a lesson is ok. Your girl distancing herself from you to teach you a lesson is not ok. That is a double standard. And a relationship will not work with double standards.
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The quote is the summary of your post.

Yes it is a double-standard. A man's role is to govern the frame. In a fruitful relation, you will see the male/female dynamic, as teacher/student, leader/follower, older/younger. Is it not ok for a women to teach you a lesson. It is ok for you to teach her a lesson, as your frame must supersede hers.

You set and enforce the boundaries. This is not to be confused with not respecting her, but rather when games ensue where she is not being forthcoming, you must respond ruthlessly, so she clearly understands the true complementary nature of the male/female relation.

Just take a minute to think this through. Seriously. How do we know that OP's girlfriend has not been trying to make the relationship work and that OP has been clueless to pick up on how he was lacking in some area? We don't know. People just assumed his girlfriend cheated or doesn't like him anymore. Maybe she doesn't. Why couldn't everybody just ask the dude some questions to figure it out before saying to drop her? Is that how we should handle other things in life? Someone who really wants to make the right decision will get all the facts before acting.

From the OP's post, my gut reaction would tell me she's on her way out. And that is yours too. It's just that nobody asked the tough questions just to make sure. That's all I'm sayin here. Don't jump to conclusions when people come here for advice.

I looked at the facts. The facts were not that he wronged her, but rather she initiated distance. I can only advise based on the facts which are presented. Now if the OP were clueless in areas he was lacking, then he would be clueless in giving us those facts with which to work in inquiry.

Inevitably, this is not rocket science. If he did not call her (and I hope he didn't), she will reach out to him irrespectively. Then they can "talk." But a lesson must be taught here, and that lesson is "Distancing yourself from me ends the relation instantly."

 

[SkrooU]

The quote is the summary of your post.

Yes it is a double-standard. A man's role is to govern the frame. In a fruitful relation, you will see the male/female dynamic, as teacher/student, leader/follower, older/younger. Is it not ok for a women to teach you a lesson. It is ok for you to teach her a lesson, as your frame must supersede hers.

You set and enforce the boundaries. This is not to be confused with not respecting her, but rather when games ensue where she is not being forthcoming, you must respond ruthlessly, so she clearly understands the true complementary nature of the male/female relation.


I looked at the facts. The facts were not that he wronged her, but rather she initiated distance. I can only advise based on the facts which are presented. Now if the OP were clueless in areas he was lacking, then he would be clueless in giving us those facts with which to work in inquiry.

Inevitably, this is not rocket science. If he did not call her (and I hope he didn't), she will reach out to him irrespectively. Then they can "talk."

So if you fvck something up then she can't talk about it? If you don't make her feel valued, she has to pretend everything is ok? That is essentially what you're saying. Nobody is going to have a healthy relationship that lasts if they have that attitude.

Games were not necessarily initiated. She could have initiated the distance for good reasons. Haven't you initiated distance because you thought someone was being lazy, selfish, or any number of things, but you were hoping maybe they'd get a damn clue before you permanently threw in the towel, but you were fed up with banging your head against a brick wall? That could be where she is at. But my guess would be this isn't the case because OP probably would've mentioned problems in the relationship. Still would've been more helpful and thorough advice if someone asked him what else was going on.

If OP was clueless in areas he was lacking, then it should be our duty to help him get a clue.

 

[l_e_g_e_n_d]

So if you fvck something up then she can't talk about it? If you don't make her feel valued, she has to pretend everything is ok? That is essentially what you're saying. Nobody is going to have a healthy relationship that lasts if they have that attitude.

Games were not necessarily initiated. She could have initiated the distance for good reasons. Haven't you initiated distance because you thought someone was being lazy, selfish, or any number of things, but you were hoping maybe they'd get a damn clue before you permanently threw in the towel, but you were fed up with banging your head against a brick wall? That could be where she is at. But my guess would be this isn't the case because OP probably would've mentioned problems in the relationship. Still would've been more helpful and thorough advice if someone asked him what else was going on.

If OP was clueless in areas he was lacking, then it should be our duty to help him get a clue.

If you wronged her, the onus falls upon you to redress. If you don't make her feel valued, then she must bring this to your awareness to redress. If she distances herself because she doesn't feel valued without first telling you, then the onus falls upon her.

There is no excuse to distance yourself, period, unless you wish to dissolve the relation. If she were fed up, then end the relation. Perhaps, why she is distancing herself, which is even more reason not to contact her: It's already over. And if the relation is not over in her mind, and she has sufficient IL, then eventually, she will reach out to him.

Irrespectively, if she has interest, she needs to be taught that "distancing" is not acceptable. ABC of frame.

 

[9Volt]

If you wronged her, the onus falls upon you to redress. If you don't make her feel valued, then she must bring this to your awareness to redress. If she distances herself because she doesn't feel valued without first telling you, then the onus falls upon her.

There is no excuse to distance yourself, period, unless you wish to dissolve the relation. If she were fed up, then end the relation. Perhaps, why she is distancing herself, which is even more reason not to contact her: It's already over. And if the relation is not over in her mind, and she has sufficient IL, then eventually, she will reach out to him.

Irrespectively, if she has interest, she needs to be taught that "distancing" is not acceptable. ABC of frame.

Did you accept the onus on you when you were sent to prison? Did you learn your lesson about what isn't acceptable with what you were sent to prison for doing? Did you distance yourself from family or friends who didn't keep in contact with you when you wanted them to while you were doing time?

 

[sazc]

Three years? I would call and ask why I'm being given the cold shoulder.

There was a post on here not too long ago explaining exactly how to handle a break up if SHE initiates it. It essentially says to agree immediately, act very relieved that she feels that way too, then excuse yourself immediately (no need for a talk about everything). Regardless of wshat you are going to do (Email, text, call, carrier pigeon, Morse code) I suggest you review it so you can have a plan in your pockket for the 'in case' scenario.

There is always a chance she is up set and being super passive aggressive in how she is handling her feelings and, when you contact her, the reason s will all spill out. That's not a good way to handle interpersonal communication but to each his own.

Good luck

 

[Milano]

Its not just about this one phone call, its about setting the standard for the rest of this mans life. Dont chase because it never or rarely works, and you dont want to lose your swag by chasing shadows, it drains your soul.

You would probably not gain the strength to get a nice physique etc unless you had this breakup. Once you got some good sex from her it would have made you lazy again.

Breakups force us men to improve, this can make us drastically increase the quality of our women and thus securing better offspring in the long run. The weaker minded white trash girls tend to stay where they are pretty much. Often they get even lower quality boyfriends as they become fat and lazy, as sex is still easy to get, though from the bad bois it will be more and more rare and they will hate their lives. Then she bumps into you some day with your new hot girlfriend and youre like shhhhh

 

[l_e_g_e_n_d]

Its not just about this one phone call, its about setting the standard for the rest of this mans life. Dont chase because it never or rarely works, and you dont want to lose your swag by chasing shadows, it drains your soul.

You would probably not gain the strength to get a nice physique etc unless you had this breakup. Once you got some good sex from her it would have made you lazy again.

Breakups force us men to improve, this can make us drastically increase the quality of our women and thus securing better offspring in the long run. The weaker minded white trash girls tend to stay where they are pretty much. Often they get even lower quality boyfriends as they become fat and lazy, as sex is still easy to get, though from the bad bois it will be more and more rare and they will hate their lives. Then she bumps into you some day with your new hot girlfriend and youre like shhhhh

I like this, and one of my more shaping ideologies is "Embrace failure when given the opportunity."