comic_relief said:
btw Rollo, I haven't been monogomous (until recently for almost a half year) and I got a lot of experience from a variety of different girls.
You're 20 years old, you haven't had a "lot of experience" yet,..which is why
comic_relief said:
It just isn't me at this point in my life.
That's right, it just ISN'T you, because you're identifying with what this girl is and what you think is expected of you in an LTR (which you shouldn't be in in the first place). Thus you had the predictable, posessive and insecure response you did when she mentioned a GNO (girls night out).
If you had the experience you'd know this is a very common sh!t test. Don't even pause to think about it and do NOT let her perceive for a second that you're even contemplating it. Be mater-of-fact and tell her you'll see her when she gets back. Don't tell her to call you, and don't you call her. If she calls be concise and ask her if she's enjoying herself, nothing more - no details, nothing. Let her be as forthcoming as she wants and never for a minute give her the impression you're suspicious or posessive. This is the surest way to pass this test. When and if she asks about what you've been doing, tell her you've been busy with work/school, your family, etc., (i.e. something unavoidably responsible). Do NOT say you're out with the boys in some lame effort to counter her going off with the girls. Do NOT give her the impression that you are doing anything as a reprisal to her going off with the girls. Do NOT give her the impression that you are pacing around the house waiting for her to call. In fact I'd advise letting your voicemail or message machine pick up the call and then call her back half an hour later.
This is an excellent opportunity to display confidence behaviors. The secret of the GNO (girls night out) sh!t test is, the truth of the matter is, that if a woman is going to cheat on you, there's really nothing you can do about it. Whether it's on a GNO or with some guy from the office - if a woman wants to fvck, she'll find a way to fvck and all the psychological, possessive arm twisting in the world only makes her want to bang anyone but you that much more. The covert message in this is what's important.
Remember, a woman's default is to communicate covertly. When you encourage her to a GNO it sends the message that you are confident enough in your own ability to replace her should she cross that line. Women love to think to themselves, "he trusts me implicitly", but the covert message is really a veiled threat AND exemplifies your self-confidence in your own options. Bear in mind it's what she feels in this communication. If you leave her with the feeling that you're clingy, possessive and worried, the impression she has that you're weak and are the kind of guy that women settle for not compete for. Essentially you make her the PRIZE. But a Prince isn't worried about the behavior of one woman when he has several more on the royal speed-dial. This may or may not be the case, but the impression of it and the covert communication of it is vital. If, by your actions you can leave her with the feeling that you have a lot going for you; that you are a commodity that other women will compete for; that you are the PRIZE, you plant the seed of doubt and she will voluntarily curb her desire to go on GNOs - and this is the outcome you're striving for. You want your attention to be more rewarding than the attention she'll receive on a GNO. You can't force this into being so, but you can covertly manipulate desire.
I should also add that this in no way excuses the woman who CONSTANTLY goes on GNOs as some kind of ritual with her girlfriends. This is symptomatic of a larger problem and this is based in desire. If you ever find yourself in this circumstance your best recourse is to remove your attentions entirely. Women who have a regular GNO in LTRs are seeking something vicariously through their friends and it's only a matter of time until the right circumstances arise. Better to cut your losses on a bad investment than play the cuckold for a woman who has no genuine desire for you and regularly demonstrates this in her behavior.
In my past, I've been the guy who nailed the drunk bachelorette and I've been the guy who's tapped the 'taken' girlfriend while she was out with the girls. Trust, I know why girls go out for a GNO, but nothing is going to stop a woman from doing what she wants to do in the first place. Oh, they'll blame it on the liquor or the circumstance, and they'll go through all of the requisite melodramatic self-loathing guilt afterwards, but the fact still remains that the idea of going out and doing things like this are appealing loooong before her girlfriends hit her up for a GNO. They just present the opportunity to actualize what they'd like to participate in. It's not spontaneous and it's not accidental.
That said, this is precisely why your default should be to give her free reign to do what she wants. Not from a 'giving her permission' point of view, but from a planting a seed of doubt point of view. You wont change a woman's mind in this respect by keeping her on a leash with possessiveness or turning into a whiny, clingy AFC by sulking over it - this will only confirm her decision to do so. You need to change her mind before she committs to the GNO and before it seems like a good idea. If you are the PRIZE your attention will be more attractive than any spontaneous, random encounter she'll blame on the booze. You need to plant that doubt with confidence. She needs to intrinsically understand your personal value to the point that she'd feel guilty of even considering a GNO.
