Girl wont make effort to come see me

[SpazzAttackk]

She lives 30 minutes away. Ive been on 2 dates now in her area and I told her next time Ill give her a tour of my neighborhood, hinting that next time we go out itll be here.

She says shes nervous of new areas and wants me to travel from city to city again. Im obviously not going to do this because 1. Show some respect and come to my area 2. Im not her puppy dog she can take wherever 3. Put some effort into it

How should I go about approaching this? Theres nothing in between cities either.

There are too many green flags to let this be a big issue so dumping her isnt really an option. I can probably convince her but

 

[VladPatton]

If dumping her isn't an option:

Drive or fly to every single town/city/state she is in and always make her geographic location your top priority in life. Make sure she is 100% comfortable where she is and stop at nothing to seek that comfort.

 

[SpazzAttackk]

If dumping her isn't an option:

Drive or fly to every single town/city/state she is in and always make her geographic location your top priority in life. Make sure she is 100% comfortable where she is and stop at nothing to seek that comfort.

Yeah I was expecting this. I guess that means the ***** gets an ultimatum. Either make an effort or get the **** out. Lets see how this goes.

 

[VladPatton]

It's only fair to you, man. You put in effort, she puts in effort. But take note..these far away relationships are notoriously difficult.

 

[SpazzAttackk]

Talking to her about it now after 24 hours of radio silence. A movie and some drinks should ease her into the neighborhood.




Edit: Okay. She booked a day off of work to see me, and claims shes working early the next day so she doesnt want to come down. Quite a ****ty situation. I can see this turning into a 'Well I booked a day off from work so the least you can do is come here' bullshvt

 

[Cremasta]

Sorry, but correct me if I'm wrong.

You wrote "She lives 30 minutes away"?
Ok, maybe in your part of the world you're used to stepping outside your door and having everything right there... but 30 minutes is nothing!

Unless she's either under 16 or doesn't have a car, then this is rubbish.
She's nervous of new areas? Give me a break!

If she was interested, she'd make the effort!

 

[SpazzAttackk]

I may have overlooked that she doesnt have a car and the bus ride is a good 2 hours lol. My cars out of commission so I cant pick her up. But im sure she has someone who can drive her

To be honest (And you guys may disagree) I might be overreacting myself. I mean, she did take a day off of work just to see me. She cooks me food when Im over etc etc. I wont continue because Id be pedestaling her. 2 hours is quite the journey. Im making it clear when Im with her though, if she actually wants to hang out again its going to have to be here. Or shell never see this face again. Unless shes a facebook stalker

 

[zorg198]

If she was interested she would make the effort to come and see you,,30 minutes distance? give me a break.

Joe.

 

[Zerro]

Sorry, but correct me if I'm wrong.

You wrote "She lives 30 minutes away"?
Ok, maybe in your part of the world you're used to stepping outside your door and having everything right there... but 30 minutes is nothing!

Unless she's either under 16 or doesn't have a car, then this is rubbish.
She's nervous of new areas? Give me a break!

If she was interested, she'd make the effort!

Yeah, 30 minutes is nothing. There was a girl who wasn't that interested in me and would often try to get me to drive 45 minutes to hang out but wouldn't do the same to see me. On the other hand I got woman who lives an hour away but she comes out and spends the weekend with me maybe 10 times more often than I'll drive out to see her. Now that's a woman with high interest.

 

[SpazzAttackk]

Alright guys. I wont lie. It will take her 2 hours to get here via bus. I dont want to go because im piss poor broke at the moment. Ive recently been let off, my car is being fixed and bus fare ($20 there $20 back plus the actual date) im in a massive ****ing rut. I cant even afford my brothers wedding which is coming up in a week.

This is way too ****ing embarrassing. I dont let it show but I definitely feel like a scrub. How can one make $150 in a week (Not for her, my brothers wedding. Family is priority)

I mean ****, just a couple months ago I was making decent income. Now I have **** all. Definitely down on my luck, pride and everything.

Im at the point where collecting liquor bottles is viable. Up here in Ontario they only take liquor cans and bottles at 10 - 20 cents apiece depending on size. Theres a man that goes around my neighborhood collecting from recycling bins, and not too long ago I was thinking to myself.. if I was ever in that position I wouldnt look at myself the same. Guess what? Im here. Im not looking for pity, just help.

Any suggestions?

 

[RedScorpion]

Join the military. It's not all good, but overall it's a good job. Pay kinda sucks the first couple years, but gets good after that. The key is picking a trade that you'd actually like (and only that trade as an option - dont get sucked into other ones by the recruiters). That is if you want.

I think focusing on solving the financial situation is the higher priority though. This is more for you than for her, but if you have your financials set up, then it's definitely less stress on you (and your potential relationships).

 

[zorg198]

Family comes first! Ditch this b1tch and let her come to you...

 

[Megaman XIV]

You mean red flags?

A woman who wants to see you will move mountains to see you! She's just not that into you. Sorry.

 

[SpazzAttackk]

Join the military. It's not all good, but overall it's a good job. Pay kinda sucks the first couple years, but gets good after that. The key is picking a trade that you'd actually like (and only that trade as an option - dont get sucked into other ones by the recruiters). That is if you want.

I think focusing on solving the financial situation is the higher priority though. This is more for you than for her, but if you have your financials set up, then it's definitely less stress on you (and your potential relationships).

I was thinking about this. Its actually my dream to enlist. I know its not much of a dream but its something Ive always wanted to do. Thing is, Im in Canada and our armed forces dont get payed as much (Correct me of Im wrong, this is what I heard). However our reserves dont go to fight, they stay in Canada in case of invasion. Lets be honest, who the **** is gonna invade innocent ol Canadia.

I might join the reserves, get trained and use it as a part time job. Hopefully those Ruskis dont invade us for the oil in the ocean to the north lol.

Or... god help us, Kim Jong sends his glorious nukes our way. That was a joke.

 

[May_Day]

There are too many green flags to let this be a big issue so dumping her isnt really an option.

From what I've been reading, you showed nothing but red flags in your situation. You are holding on to this woman, because she is your only option. She should make an effort to come visit you, if she really liked you.

Ive been on 2 dates now in her area

She says shes nervous of new areas and wants me to travel from city to city again.

Talking to her about it now after 24 hours of radio silence.

I may have overlooked that she doesnt have a car and the bus ride is a good 2 hours lol

My cars out of commission so I cant pick her up.

But im sure she has someone who can drive her

It will take her 2 hours to get here via bus. I dont want to go because im piss poor broke at the moment. Ive recently been let off, my car is being fixed and bus fare ($20 there $20 back plus the actual date) im in a massive ****ing rut. I cant even afford my brothers wedding which is coming up in a week.

All of the above, is a reason why you should not be dating at this moment. You should not be trying to date, if you do not have any money to date. Right now, getting your life in order should be your first priority over dating, You should not date women who do not have transportation, it causes too many problems. She would make the effort to come see you, if she really liked you. Use the $40 on your brother's wedding, that's more important than going to see her.

 

[J Roc]

30 minutes is nothing. I do 45 mins commute to work everyday. This girl isnt feeling you much.

 

[pinkfl]

I may have overlooked that she doesnt have a car and the bus ride is a good 2 hours lol. My cars out of commission so I cant pick her up. But im sure she has someone who can drive her

To be honest (And you guys may disagree) I might be overreacting myself. I mean, she did take a day off of work just to see me. She cooks me food when Im over etc etc. I wont continue because Id be pedestaling her. 2 hours is quite the journey. Im making it clear when Im with her though, if she actually wants to hang out again its going to have to be here. Or shell never see this face again. Unless shes a facebook stalker

You should put this in the original post.

This isn't the ordinary situation of where it's super convenient to see you. She has to schedule her entire day around it, find a method of transportation (a public one at that) and rely on it to see you. That's nervewracking until she's more comfortable with you.

If you want a relationship with her, you're going to have to take turns seeing each other and schedule dates in advance. Otherwise it's just not going to work out. And if you're in a rough patch financially, you ought to plan inexpensive or even free dates.

Personally though I think you should focus more on yourself and the fact that your car is out of commission rather than pursuing her at the moment.