Hey everyone,
Been seeing this girl for roughly 3 months. Things started out well until about 2-3 weeks ago and I asked her if we were going out or what the deal was. She said she never really thought about it and that was the end of that conversation. After that conversation things started to go down a bit. Her responses to texts took longer, and she didn’t initiate text convos as much. Really no big deal, as we’re both working and we were both busy so perhaps that wasn’t even the cause.
She was a virgin when I met her, and she’s never had a boy friend. She also doesn’t have many friends and in the past admitted she pushed people away who got too close. She’s a bit quirky and odd, which I like about her. After the second month warmed her up to the idea of sex and she lost her virginity. Wasn’t the best sex as it was her first time and she was in pain, etc. which I think pushed her away from it. Second time I lost my erection due to using condoms/tightness after. After I asked if we were going out I noticed she was a bit more prudish. She wouldn’t take off her pants, but she’d give me hand jobs, etc. but no sex.
So this week I kinda want to figure out what’s going on. I told her I’m thinking about a school closer to home so we can hang out but I wasn’t sure if we’re dating or if I should even consider that into my school selection. She told me not to worry about her, go to what school I please, and that she doesn’t want a relationship or anything.
I talked to her this week in person to figure out what the deal is. The notion of talking about it made her uneasy it seemed. I asked her about the text and if she had concerns about me going to school, or what the deal was. She tells me like 7 different things.
1. Thinks relationships lead to fighting (her mom is like 2 times divorced)
2. People get too attached and care too much.
3. She doesn’t like me as much as she did and she likes this other guy sorta now.
4. Is afraid of a relationship.
5. Wouldn’t know what to do in one.
6. Is afraid to get too close to someone.
On and on, changing her story. Then she tells me she thinks she’s weird in a bad way and she thinks it’s cause her dad hit her when she was younger. Complete news to me, but she tells me he would call her stupid, say she was on drugs for grades slipping, and even pulled her up by the hair and threw her up the stairs for deleting a computer file when she was younger.
I consoled her a bit as she started crying and she told me she’s only a couple people ever about this.
Obviously father-daughter issues are never a good sign but I can’t tell if I should completely move on from her due to a lack of interest on her part or if you guys think it’s some other issue that’s scaring her away from a relationship. I’m cool with being friends with her, but it seems like everything was good until I started wanting to attach a label to it and perhaps that scared her. She also told me she was a bit shocked I went for the kiss on the second date.
I asked why she let me keep doing what I was doing if she wasn’t into me and she said she didn’t mind the touching, kissing, etc. but admitted she wasn’t much of a sexual person and said she never really gets aroused.
I like her personality and she’s got a good body but some issues. Do you think it’s her issues pushing me away or her interest levels genuinely dropped?
I planned on dropping conversation for a while, say a week, then let her know I’m cool with remaining how we were. I’d drop kino for a while and maybe introduce light contact eventually and work a bit slower this time. Perhaps never having a boyfriend, connection issues, and me charging in full blast freaked her out?
Been seeing this girl for roughly 3 months. Things started out well until about 2-3 weeks ago and I asked her if we were going out or what the deal was. She said she never really thought about it and that was the end of that conversation. After that conversation things started to go down a bit. Her responses to texts took longer, and she didn’t initiate text convos as much. Really no big deal, as we’re both working and we were both busy so perhaps that wasn’t even the cause.
She was a virgin when I met her, and she’s never had a boy friend. She also doesn’t have many friends and in the past admitted she pushed people away who got too close. She’s a bit quirky and odd, which I like about her. After the second month warmed her up to the idea of sex and she lost her virginity. Wasn’t the best sex as it was her first time and she was in pain, etc. which I think pushed her away from it. Second time I lost my erection due to using condoms/tightness after. After I asked if we were going out I noticed she was a bit more prudish. She wouldn’t take off her pants, but she’d give me hand jobs, etc. but no sex.
So this week I kinda want to figure out what’s going on. I told her I’m thinking about a school closer to home so we can hang out but I wasn’t sure if we’re dating or if I should even consider that into my school selection. She told me not to worry about her, go to what school I please, and that she doesn’t want a relationship or anything.
I talked to her this week in person to figure out what the deal is. The notion of talking about it made her uneasy it seemed. I asked her about the text and if she had concerns about me going to school, or what the deal was. She tells me like 7 different things.
1. Thinks relationships lead to fighting (her mom is like 2 times divorced)
2. People get too attached and care too much.
3. She doesn’t like me as much as she did and she likes this other guy sorta now.
4. Is afraid of a relationship.
5. Wouldn’t know what to do in one.
6. Is afraid to get too close to someone.
On and on, changing her story. Then she tells me she thinks she’s weird in a bad way and she thinks it’s cause her dad hit her when she was younger. Complete news to me, but she tells me he would call her stupid, say she was on drugs for grades slipping, and even pulled her up by the hair and threw her up the stairs for deleting a computer file when she was younger.
I consoled her a bit as she started crying and she told me she’s only a couple people ever about this.
Obviously father-daughter issues are never a good sign but I can’t tell if I should completely move on from her due to a lack of interest on her part or if you guys think it’s some other issue that’s scaring her away from a relationship. I’m cool with being friends with her, but it seems like everything was good until I started wanting to attach a label to it and perhaps that scared her. She also told me she was a bit shocked I went for the kiss on the second date.
I asked why she let me keep doing what I was doing if she wasn’t into me and she said she didn’t mind the touching, kissing, etc. but admitted she wasn’t much of a sexual person and said she never really gets aroused.
I like her personality and she’s got a good body but some issues. Do you think it’s her issues pushing me away or her interest levels genuinely dropped?
I planned on dropping conversation for a while, say a week, then let her know I’m cool with remaining how we were. I’d drop kino for a while and maybe introduce light contact eventually and work a bit slower this time. Perhaps never having a boyfriend, connection issues, and me charging in full blast freaked her out?
