Girl who likes casual texting

[BJP1991]

Have seen a girl twice now. Dates both went well, made out first date and we went back to my place on the second one - she didn’t stay the night but I drove her home late.

This girl tried initiating what she calls “casual texting” with me the night before our second date. I replied to a couple messages and cut it off by wishing her a good evening and that I’d see her the next day.

On the date, she brought up that I must not be a casual texter. I brushed it off, saying I text when needed and that her and I can “talk right now about whatever your heart desires” with a smirk. We talked briefly about nowadays everyone texts and nobody calls anymore - I told her I prefer calling, she agreed to it (but I honestly think she only agreed because I was saying it).

All in all, this girl seems to have high interest. My shutting down the text convo the night before our date definitely spiked her interest, because I wasn’t giving in to what she wanted and maintained my frame when discussing it in-person.

With girls who like casual texting, I’ve noticed in the past that if they pickup i’m not a texter, they just won’t do it as often and let me initiate and they’ll accept my date offers.

The current girl is legit HB8.5-9, and I’m seeing other girls still but I find myself wanting to see this one more and more as the days go on.

How do you handle a girl who is a “casual texter” when you are not one yourself? I have witnessed multiple times now how less texting can get a girl hooked faster, since they don’t have your attention at the tip of their fingers, AND THEY KNOW IT!

Call her? Or play her dumb game and text? I like the call, shows confidence and is most direct and doesn’t allow wishy-washy texting back and forth to reach a conclusion.

Thoughts on girls who love love love texting?

 

[backseatjuan]

I'm not sure! But I watch this video recently, and basically it looks like she giving you too much attention. But you are not dating down since she is a legit 8.5. Maybe she's a girl who don't get a lot of none sexual attention from boys. Check it out for yourself.

 

[EyeOnThePrize]

I only respond when I feel like it. If a girl's texts are entertaining then I'll respond to every one. Not as a rule or out of desperation or succumbing to her frame or something, simply because I want to express myself back. Generally a girl is always positive, even when I don't respond. She enjoys chasing and getting a couple responses out of me. If the amount of attention I give her(or lack thereof) or the kind of attention I give her pushes her away then oh well, guess it wasn't meant to be.

It's cool that she agreed that calling is better, and it's cool that you are aware enough to think she did so just to agree with you, this is high interest imo. Now lead her and show why it's better. Hopefully that's what you actually believe and aren't just going off what pua or dating coaches say so that should be easy. It it's not what you believe then it'll seem awkward. Either way the truth will be revealed.

 

[BJP1991]

Did you have sex with her? On that second date?

Yes - one time

 

[BJP1991]

Now lead her and show why it's better. Hopefully that's what you actually believe and aren't just going off what pua or dating coaches say so that should be easy. It it's not what you believe then it'll seem awkward. Either way the truth will be revealed.

I do actually prefer calling over texting to make plans. I just don’t do the same mindless chitchat nonsense (casual texting) that some people do.

I get she may like casual texting and, who knows, maybe she wants a guy who is a casual texter. If so, it just won’t be me then.

 

[BJP1991]

Your stressing over her frame. Your basically giving it to her. Im thinking if you have closed the deal you wouldnt be stressing so much about her frame. You are contemplating following her lead. If you like calling then just call.
If you call though and get voicemail or no answer. Don't text. Wait her out. You said yourself you like calls. Stick with it.
My girl is not a texty type of woman. Those types are the easiest to deal with IMO.

I hear ya. I guess moreso I’m thinking if a girl is a casual texter, does she expect more contact. Some interesting context I haven’t relayed yet, but here is what she told me during our second date:

On the second date, she said at one point she “wasn’t even sure if she would see me again” because she didn’t receive the typical “I had a good time” text from the guy (aka: Me, in this case) and that is why she texted me two days after the date, asking how my XYZ plans went over the rest of the weekend. I just laughed and said “well, you kissed me and I kissed you back, remember?” - (the first date kiss was entirely initiated by me, which made this funny. I pulled her in for the first kiss, and she pulled me hard into her once I went for it and almost wouldn’t let me pull away).

All in all, I want to just keep dating her and keep hooking up. Just looking for how to “not **** it up” with a girl who you know would love to text you more. Don’t give her what she wants? Seems to have worked positively early on

 

[Barrister]

I've actually had some great success with "casual texting." I don't think there is anything wrong with building rapport through texting before (and sometimes after) the date so long as she reaches out first. That is key.

I think it is really easy to overthink texting. I am certainly guilty of that. Just like anything else you have to be able to read the situation. If things are going really well and she is showing heavy interest through texting, I would not hesitate to respond back in kind. Just don't overdo it on your own.

 

[BJP1991]

I've actually had some great success with "casual texting." I don't think there is anything wrong with building rapport through texting before (and sometimes after) the date so long as she reaches out first. That is key.

I think it is really easy to overthink texting. I am certainly guilty of that. Just like anything else you have to be able to read the situation. If things are going really well and she is showing heavy interest through texting, I would not hesitate to respond back in kind. Just don't overdo it on your own.

I hear ya. Of course I’d never be cold or rude in texting her - I’d keep it light and playful. However I’m not going to just hit her up to “casually text”. I believe the phone is best used for setting dates only with girls, at least early on in the first month or two of knowing them.

I’m also not going to just change my behavior and become a “casual texter” with her. That would be a shift of frame and I’m sure any normal woman would pickup on that, after the premise has already been established like it has (meaning she doesn’t have a pen pal buddy in me - romantic interest only).

 

[BJP1991]

Cool, great feedback - I’ll keep my train on the rails and stay true.

I’ve been gone on business the last 3 days immediately after our 2nd date and got back into town just this morning - she knows of my absence too. I like that she didn’t bother me knowing I was gone - it was partly a trip to visit family as well.

I’ll probably give her a call sometime tomorrow evening. Don’t think I need to call her the same day I get back into town - feels unnecessary and a might come off bit needy, if she sees me calling her the same day I got back into town. I know that may be overthinking, but to be honest I’d rather just let it marinate another day and call her up for a date this weekend or next week tomorrow instead. Exhausted from traveling all morning and about to head into the office for the remainder of the day.

 

[Barrister]

I hear ya. Of course I’d never be cold or rude in texting her - I’d keep it light and playful. However I’m not going to just hit her up to “casually text”. I believe the phone is best used for setting dates only with girls, at least early on in the first month or two of knowing them.

I’m also not going to just change my behavior and become a “casual texter” with her. That would be a shift of frame and I’m sure any normal woman would pickup on that, after the premise has already been established like it has (meaning she doesn’t have a pen pal buddy in me - romantic interest only).

I agree with you that if you've been doing it a certain way thus far I wouldn't change or she will wonder what's up. I think a lot us have a tendency to over-analyze texting as far as how much is too much, etc. I don't believe in any of the formulaic strategies people post about "only setting up dates" and then nothing else and/or "only reach out to confirm" before a date or "wait three days to text" after the date. If she is showing high interest and is texting you I think texting back (and keeping it light/funny/fun of course) is a good way to build rapport and build some anticipation for the date and give yourself a better chance of having sex with them. I can personally attest to this.

However, I am certainly not saying that YOU should be the one reaching out just to chat it up. In fact, I think that would be a mistake. I do agree with Amante Silvestre above that there is also a caveat that if she is texting too much then not responding for an appropriate amount of time is a good strategy to set your own boundaries. There is a balance there.

 

[BJP1991]

I agree with you that if you've been doing it a certain way thus far I wouldn't change or she will wonder what's up. I think a lot us have a tendency to over-analyze texting as far as how much is too much, etc. I don't believe in any of the formulaic strategies people post about "only setting up dates" and then nothing else and/or "only reach out to confirm" before a date or "wait three days to text" after the date. If she is showing high interest and is texting you I think texting back (and keeping it light/funny/fun of course) is a good way to build rapport and build some anticipation for the date and give yourself a better chance of having sex with them. I can personally attest to this.

However, I am certainly not saying that YOU should be the one reaching out just to chat it up. In fact, I think that would be a mistake. I do agree with Amante Silvestre above that there is also a caveat that if she is texting too much then not responding for an appropriate amount of time is a good strategy to set your own boundaries. There is a balance there.

Similar to you, I don’t like to follow formula or play games, but sometimes I feel that “waiting it out” just a little bit after a date is a good idea. For example, our second date was Saturday, and I’m planning to just hit her up Wednesday, which just happens to be 3 days, but it’s not because of some rule I want to follow. I genuinely just want to let it be for another day - she knows I was traveling today, so I’m not going to make her think I’m prioritizing her and dying to call and see her again immediately after I finally get back home

 

[Barrister]

Start blowing your plates phones up and s3nding a shyt load of smiley faces and lol's. See what happens. Text game is crucial game where im from.
Its so easy to give a chic feminine vibes through texts. I err to the side of not over texting. 2 in a row is a no no
[/QUOTE]

It's tough for me to ever go for any bright-line rules when it comes to texting -- even something like "two in a row" being taboo. I agree that generally that is a bad idea, but I think context is important. If she is showing heavy interest via text and sending multiple messages before I reply then maybe I send a couple back in a row in response to multiple messages from her. I don't think that makes me feminine or over-eager in any way and I have never gotten that vibe - IF it is done right. I certainly think you can get yourself into trouble. Again, balance is key.

Agreed on the emoticons, smileys and otherwise. I guess maybe that is one rule I will go for!

 

[BJP1991]

Yea dude icing after a date is a good idea. Thats how she feels the attraction. As far as text. Think about how they feel when they read those romance novels. Those sentences stirring the vaginas. I think women react different to text then guys. IMO.

Haha, yep! Pretty much spot on. I think that’s why women are more apt to be the ones who text, text, text all day long with their friends and will try to do it with guys too. A lot of jabronis out there will play along with it and do it with them. I refuse to be that guy - a woman won’t earn my daily non-sexual attention until she has earned it and is what I’d refer to as an (ahem) “girlfriend”.

For example, really close friend of mine does this. Goes on a couple dates with a girl, tells me all about her and how great she is, and when we chill or go out they will be texting CONSTANTLY the entire time. Well, another week or two rolls by and “suddenly” she isn’t interested in him anymore or he doesn’t know why she “got cold” all of the sudden...seen it happen with this one friend of mine many times. Great dude - attractive and hilarious, but can be a total afc sometimes, which is hard to see, but everyone’s gotta learn somehow.

It’s because he’s playing text-pen pal with her all day and night and she knows she had him wrapped around her finger, and at that point, women generally lose attraction - correct? No more mystery, no more chase/challenge, and they want something new.

There’s a song by The Cars called “it’s all I can do”, where the lyrics go “and as soon as you get it, you want something new” - basically single women in a nutshell, at least a really big portion of them who date around and filter out potential suitors.