Girl who is so secretive cannot be trusted?

[pikachu69]

Can you trust a girl who is so secretive?

I know a lot of you experienced DJs have been seeing HB9-10s who have lots of male friends, constantly have coffee with guys but you're happy cos you're the 1 who's railing them and don't have to listen to their BS. But I'm sure some of you have gotten into relationships with girls like this, did they tell you every time they were going out for coffee with guys?

I know it comes across jealous if you're overly concerned who she's going out to see, my issue is less to do with the fact that she's seeing guys for coffee it's the fact she's so secretive about it AS IF she is doing something wrong.. what is your usual way of dealing with this? and can i trust this girl?

I think she was traumatised when she was younger because she's very closed off and finds it hard to trust people so keeps them at a distance. Daddy issues probably as well, lack of attention when a child.

 

[ThatMysteriousGuy]

I think she was traumatised when she was younger because she's very closed off and finds it hard to trust people so keeps them at a distance. Daddy issues probably as well, lack of attention when a child.

Project much?

 

[pikachu69]

Project much?

Actually most of this stuff she told me, as in lack of attention as a child. Put her attention into animals/pets. She's very closed off, even her female friends here say the same thing which is strange cos I then realised I actually got closer to her then them.

Her friends think she's 1 of those people, when I asked them what did they think she was doing when she used to be going off somewhere and would say 'oh im just going off somewhere to do something, busy busy' when they asked her where she was going, then they'd find her just having coffee with a girl. I asked them 'dont u think shes out seeing guys?' they said 'no she's just pretending to be busy and important.'

I know for a fact she's seeing guys for coffee, but needs to conceal it, why doesn't she see that keeping stuff like this secret makes her look bad? it's probably innocent and all.

 

[Proselytiser]

Privacy is cool, secrecy isn't. But you sound very confused

 

[WC2]

Go with your gut instinct. And it sounds to me like your gut instinct is, No, she cannot be trusted.

If you're that deeply entrenched into a relationship with another person, you should know how they work for the most part.

If it smells like sh!t, it probably is sh!t. Going out to get coffee with other guys, unless it's for school or business purposes, is sh!t. It's a sign of her testing the waters and swaying on her branch (aka you), via branchswinging philosophy.

There's really nothing you can do/say to change her mind over the whole thing; she will do what she wants. Go question her about her meeting other men and I guarantee she will not stop doing it. Instead, she will most likely tell you that you're being nosey and jealous and she will start considering you as a pest, more than a lover.

But this doesn't mean she necessarily at fault. Things can work both ways. If you're overly insecure or jealous, women will NATURALLY start looking for other men. For all you know, your insecurities could have sparked this.

It's no secret that when we are at our weakest (aka jealous and insecure), women cheat. They sense these things and they feel the branch (you) breaking, so they must swing to a stronger branch.

The branch swinging philosophy isn't just a woman's doing; it's ours as well.

 

[pikachu69]

Go with your gut instinct. And it sounds to me like your gut instinct is, No, she cannot be trusted.

If you're that deeply entrenched into a relationship with another person, you should know how they work for the most part.

If it smells like sh!t, it probably is sh!t. Going out to get coffee with other guys, unless it's for school or business purposes, is sh!t. It's a sign of her testing the waters and swaying on her branch (aka you), via branchswinging philosophy.

There's really nothing you can do/say to change her mind over the whole thing; she will do what she wants. Go question her about her meeting other men and I guarantee she will not stop doing it. Instead, she will most likely tell you that you're being nosey and jealous and she will start considering you as a pest, more than a lover.

But this doesn't mean she necessarily at fault. Things can work both ways. If you're overly insecure or jealous, women will NATURALLY start looking for other men. For all you know, your insecurities could have sparked this.

It's no secret that when we are at our weakest (aka jealous and insecure), women cheat. They sense these things and they feel the branch (you) breaking, so they must swing to a stronger branch.

The branch swinging philosophy isn't just a woman's doing; it's ours as well.

This makes sense. Though I know she won't change if I get more serious with her, I can deal with her seeing other guys for coffee but I have issues with it if she's all secretive.. she'll be like 'oh i'm going to have coffee with a 'friend'.. if i say male or female? she'll either lie and say female or tell me male with a look of uncomfortableness.. my reply would be 'ok have a good time '

There's no point being jealous about it, but will I still come across insecure?

I've noticed that no matter which hot girl you go for they all have suspicious male friends around them just waiting for their chance or have been friend-zoned. It's almost impossible to prevent or educate these women about how giving your number out is not acceptable when a guy is trying to pick u up.. their response will be 'so i cant have male friends???' i'm like 'how f'ing dumb are these girls?'

Anyway, if i do the same thing and be out for coffee with other girls that won't necessarily stop her seeing other guys for coffee right? it'll just give her justification for her actions.

Seems lose lose, is the only way to find a girl who doesn't behave so secretively? she'll just do the same thing and see other guys for coffee but be more upfront about it.. it's not really any better now is it?

 

[rocksoff]

The reality is, no female can be trusted.....it's just in their nature to lie and be sneaky as fvck. Just embrace it and learn to love it, if you just dont give a fvck what she's doing anyway, well then youre good to go.

 

[WC2]

This makes sense. Though I know she won't change if I get more serious with her, I can deal with her seeing other guys for coffee but I have issues with it if she's all secretive.. she'll be like 'oh i'm going to have coffee with a 'friend'.. if i say male or female? she'll either lie and say female or tell me male with a look of uncomfortableness.. my reply would be 'ok have a good time '

There's no point being jealous about it, but will I still come across insecure?

I've noticed that no matter which hot girl you go for they all have suspicious male friends around them just waiting for their chance or have been friend-zoned. It's almost impossible to prevent or educate these women about how giving your number out is not acceptable when a guy is trying to pick u up.. their response will be 'so i cant have male friends???' i'm like 'how f'ing dumb are these girls?'

Anyway, if i do the same thing and be out for coffee with other girls that won't necessarily stop her seeing other guys for coffee right? it'll just give her justification for her actions.

Seems lose lose, is the only way to find a girl who doesn't behave so secretively? she'll just do the same thing and see other guys for coffee but be more upfront about it.. it's not really any better now is it?

Yes, she definitely won't change her mind as you get more serious with her. The opposite might actually be true.

At this point you're already in a hole. She's got you by the balls and she knows it. At this point you either A) Break the whole thing off or B) Change your attitude on your whole relationship.

B) Involves you saying "Oh go ahead babe" when she says she's going to have coffee with someone. This also involves you being allowed to have 'coffee' with other females as well. Double standard, just the way females wanted it, right?

My bet is that she'll start becoming suspicious as to why you don't care so much anymore and she'll stop investing time in these dates, and start investing time in getting affirmation from you. I've seen this happen a million times and it's happen to me a bunch of times with EX's as well. As soon as you stop caring about what they're doing, their antennae go up and they sense that they're losing you. Unfortunately these women haven't grown up and still want to 'hop around' with partners. So have fun.

And as far as female education goes, it's not them who need an education, it's you (sorry to say). Times are changing and women are allowed to flirt with anyone now. If a woman is taking down a man's number, or vice versa, it's clearly not for friendly purposes. Ever. If you don't know this, then you should. The only way to cut this BS from women is to show them that you're of higher value. And walking away when she's already taking down numbers will not work; it's already too late. If your woman doesn't have the respect to at least take down numbers NOT infront of you, then she doesn't respect you at all. It's been over for awhile now. This value must be displayed from the start by displaying that you want her, but you don't need her. If you exhibit this mentality in all your actions, she understands that she can't overstep the line. And she won't want to, because if you don't need her, you MUST be a good catch.

 

[teacha]

The reality is, no female can be trusted.....it's just in their nature to lie and be sneaky as fvck. Just embrace it and learn to love it, if you just dont give a fvck what she's doing anyway, well then youre good to go.

THIS!!! TRUST NOBODY.

 

[boomerick]

Hows about assume that she is with other guys. Practice safe sex and don't get hung up on her. If she had any interest in being exculsive she would ask you. If this just doesn't work for you next her and find someone who is more in line with what you really want. I don't think you can really will someone into being exclusive or faithful.

 

[jnice48146]

I just went NC on a chick for the EXACT SAME S*IT! If I didn't know better, I'd think it was the same girl. I invested WAY to much into that relationship (which in hindsight she should have just been a plate, one of many) and caught the one-itis. It took me too long to realize that I'm NOT OK with this behavior, and it sounds like you're not, either. One aspect of being a DJ is to NEVER SETTLE FOR SUB-STANDARD TREATMENT! Don't accept her behavior if you expect more/ better from her. Walk away instead, sooner the better. Take it from me, I did it 6 months too late!