Girl went through my phone

[JonnyD123]

I'm sure this is the first time in the history of dating this has ever happened *eye roll* but I'm looking for some advice.

She doesn't know that I know she went through my phone, but I found out through a mutual friend she had been saying how she found texts from other girls in my phone. Makes more sense now the way she's been acting. I feel this is a huge trust boundary, but I wanted to wait for her to bring it up. Any suggestions?

 

[Glassguy]

Why wouldnt you just say "so and so said that you found things in my phone and told him. Why did you do that and why did you feel as if you had the right to do that?"

If its a gf, ask her. If its a plate, next her.

 

[sazc]

yea, if you address it, you're opening a huge can of worms.

What do you want from her? If she's just a plate then stay silent. If she exits, there will be more plates.
If she's more than just a plate, and you want her to stay, you're going to need to talk to her about it.
If she is more than just a plate she needs to understand that communication is the key to a good relationship, she should have just asked you if there were other females.
So I guess she believes that you would lie to her if she asked this question, and that is why she went thru your phone. She def doesn't trust you.

 

[Dan Bautista]

She doesn't trust you. Stop waiting for the right time and confront her about it. Ask her if there's anything bothering her or why she felt the need to go through your phone.

 

[Glassguy]

The alpha male would directly ask her about. The beta faggot would act like it never happened. Put her in her place or next her.

This type of behavior needs addressed or you need to tell her to go kick rocks. It is not reward-able behavior. Dont put up with it.

 

[macallik]

I'm sure this is the first time in the history of dating this has ever happened *eye roll* but I'm looking for some advice.

She doesn't know that I know she went through my phone, but I found out through a mutual friend she had been saying how she found texts from other girls in my phone. Makes more sense now the way she's been acting. I feel this is a huge trust boundary, but I wanted to wait for her to bring it up. Any suggestions?

She is definitely in the wrong. With that said, do your actions encourage someone to snoop around? Are you protective with your phone? Has she caught you talking to other women before? Are you actually talking to other women? Etc.

There are some women who are insecure and there is nothing you can do to gain their trust. On the other hand, there are males (and females) who act in a way that can make their partners insecure and uncertain about the relationship. Not that I condone snooping on the phone, but I would like to know.

 

[Billtx49]

There can not be love without a foundation of trust. Question is, do you want a spy in your life? Plate status only if I came across that.
The only worse thing is if she gets your friends or a relative to spy on you for her…
Bottom line, if you don't trust her pr she doesn't trust you, It's toast already.

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

"My friend told me you were snooping through my phone, which would explain why you've been acting weird lately. What bothered you about what you found?"

That hard for you?

 

[sazc]

"My friend told me you were snooping through my phone, which would explain why you've been acting weird lately. What bothered you about what you found?"

That hard for you?

'DBAD'!
he's trying to retain the poontang and ask....can you rephrase your statement in the form of a northern american question? please?

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

'DBAD'!
he's trying to retain the poontang and ask....can you rephrase your statement in the form of a northern american question? please?

I would either ask that or some variation of that unless the girl was too sensitive with that directness. The one thing that society was right with when it comes to relationships is communication is key. This is one way to have that communication. I don't see how it would make her want to break up with him. She would definitely be taken aback a bit, but it's to be expected.

I suppose you are asking for a more indirect approach, which would be something like (and I don't like this as much but it can still work):

"You've been acting strange lately. Anything on your mind?"
If she says no, you would say "you sure?"
If she says she is sure but her body language says otherwise, then you say "[Name], you can't hide anything from me, I know you by now. What's wrong?" Eye contact the whole time. She should spill the beans by then.

If she doesn't, then I would just stare at her for a few seconds and then say "ok" like it was no big deal, disregard the situation completely and pretend like it never happened, and then go back to doing whatever it was I was doing before. At that point she would regret not telling me and wouldn't try to make me beg like that again (unless of course she was crazy or what the guys here would call, a 'BPD'). And often times if you do this, they will end up telling you what was wrong later on in the day.