Girl Wants to Move to My City

[jaymbrs]

About 2 weeks ago I went home to Dallas for a wedding (2 hour flight) and at the wedding met an amazing girl. An old coworker of a friend. Great looking, my age, no kids, lives by herself, and the sex was ridiculous. We only got to hangout for 3 days and then I had to fly back to where I live now in Atlanta. Within 3 days she books a flight to come out to see me. She's not scheduled to get here for another 2 weeks. We've been on the phone every day just talking, really getting to know each other. Before I know it, she's jokingly mentioning how she may just give in to the urge and not fly back home. Again jokingly. But the conversations have escalated to where it seems like she's actually considering the idea of moving out here at some point. Not necessarily move in with me but she mentioned how she's flexible with her job (works in retail) and could just find a job out here.

I'm really feeling this girl and really like her personality. I figured I don't have anything to lose by encouraging her thinking of moving out here.

Unless you guys think I'm missing something here.I don't have the feeling of being backed into a corner or anything. As far as I can tell, she just wants a change in her life.

She's 32, works 50 hour weeks and as far as I can tell she's trying to settle down. I kinda am too, BTW.

Thoughts?

 

[skinnyguy]

You met her at a wedding and she’s hot. She’s kinky in bed. She wants to be with you. This doesn’t even necessitate a post.

Even if it doesn’t work out, she can always move back.

 

[Billtx49]

Great looking, my age, no kids, lives by herself, and the sex was ridiculous.

as far as I can tell she's trying to settle down. I kinda am too, BTW.

Thoughts?

Sounds good. She’s aggressively pursuing you and sex is good also. As far as the settling down aspect, that’s a degree of compatibility …
She’s pushing it fast though, so keep your eyes wide open.

 

[jaymbrs]

You met her at a wedding and she’s hot. She’s kinky in bed. She wants to be with you. This doesn’t even necessitate a post.

Even if it doesn’t work out, she can always move back.

One part of me looks at it this way. But the other side of me, like @billtx49 mentioned, wants to take precaution. There's a lot of crazies out there.

 

[sosousage]

One part of me looks at it this way. But the other side of me, like @billtx49 mentioned, wants to take precaution. There's a lot of crazies out there.

they all are crazies, you know

 

[Billtx49]

Moving too fast, something isn't right there

Yep, not saying it is, but that combined with the ridiculous sex is a possible bpd or whatever signature move.

 

[jaymbrs]

Yep, not saying it is, but that combined with the ridiculous sex is a possible bpd or whatever signature move.

Yea man she's a bit nerdy. Told me she enjoys cosplay and **** like that. I'm not really into that so I imagine she's dated a bunch of nerdy guys and has finally stumbled on a different kind of guy who has gotten her interest. I was the one who approached her BTW. I mean in our talks she keeps mentioning how she gets nervous talking to me because I'm not like the guys she's used to talking to, etc.

 

[Spaz]

When a women moves too fast then she's gaming for a score.

It's not you per se, could be anyone that falls into her path, so happens it's you.

I'd be extra careful if I were you.

 

[Tilex]

Just out of curiosity, do you like Atlanta more than Dallas?
You mentioned you went home to Dallas, so I'm assuming It's your hometown.
Sometimes people move for work related reasons and they don't always like the city they move to.

 

[sazc]

@jaymbrs

Take a moment and sit down and contemplate what YOU want, and what your timeline looks like. Once you've figured that out, commincate it to her.

I'm not saying "don't xyz" but don't get swept up in the honeymoon and endorphins of it all. Real relationships take work and the first step in that work is being honest about what you are looking for, and your timeline. It's better that she know upfront where you are, and that you know the same of her.

That said, I agree with the sentiment that she's moving WAY too fast. She might be BPD but she may also be allowing herself to get swept up in the romantic projection of having a new man in her life. Everyone does this to an extent - it's how we handle screening and then the post honeymoon period that really determines our success.

I'd slow down and have her fly out one weekend. If that goes well, you fly to Dallas a few weekends later. If you make it 6 months doing that, and the draw is still there, no red flags, compatibility, etc, then, contemplate more and talk to her about what that would look like.

Good luck

 

[Glassguy]

OP- I understand you have know this woman before the sexcapade started 2 weeks ago.....

But its been 2 weeks dude. There is entirely no reason to push something like this so soon. She wants to spend her money and fly out and fvck your brains out for a day or two? Cool.

Slow down. These things that are forced and rushed never work out and you'll get trapped. Before you know it, things will fall apart and she will be blaming you for moving to Atlanta and shaking her life upside down.

 

[Trump]

I'm really feeling this girl and really like her personality. I figured I don't have anything to lose by encouraging her thinking of moving out here.

Only hurt feelings and money is she decides to come after you if it doesn’t work out.

Unless you guys think I'm missing something here.I don't have the feeling of being backed into a corner or anything. As far as I can tell, she just wants a change in her life.

She can change from Coke to Pepsi.

She's 32, works 50 hour weeks and as far as I can tell she's trying to settle down. I kinda am too, BTW.

Thoughts?

Of course she is trying to settle down. If she was 24 do you think she would trying to settle down? Priorities change and they get older.

 

[Poonstra]

I'm gonna be a bit blunt and say:

THIS SITUATION HAS FRESHLY AWAKENING ONEITIS WRITTEN ALL OVER ITSELF.

Do not let her move to you so soon. Once the tingles disappear it will crash and you will be blamed.

 

[jaymbrs]

Just out of curiosity, do you like Atlanta more than Dallas?
You mentioned you went home to Dallas, so I'm assuming It's your hometown.
Sometimes people move for work related reasons and they don't always like the city they move to.

It's hard to tell because I haven't really gone out a whole lot in ATL due to work hours however I will say I've struck out with 3/3 girls already. Not a norm for me. Plus I'm hearing from multiple guys who live here say ATL women are like NYC women in that they want to know your income before they want to know you. I can sense that TBH but like I said I work a lot and haven't ventured out as much as I did when I lived in Dallas. And I don't think it's a coincidence I get numbers almost every time I go back to Dallas. The conversations flow a lot better with the women and they're not as guarded.

 

[jaymbrs]

@jaymbrs

Take a moment and sit down and contemplate what YOU want, and what your timeline looks like. Once you've figured that out, commincate it to her.

I'm not saying "don't xyz" but don't get swept up in the honeymoon and endorphins of it all. Real relationships take work and the first step in that work is being honest about what you are looking for, and your timeline. It's better that she know upfront where you are, and that you know the same of her.

That said, I agree with the sentiment that she's moving WAY too fast. She might be BPD but she may also be allowing herself to get swept up in the romantic projection of having a new man in her life. Everyone does this to an extent - it's how we handle screening and then the post honeymoon period that really determines our success.

I'd slow down and have her fly out one weekend. If that goes well, you fly to Dallas a few weekends later. If you make it 6 months doing that, and the draw is still there, no red flags, compatibility, etc, then, contemplate more and talk to her about what that would look like.

Good luck

Def going this route. She has continued to joke about living in ATL but I think she's starting to sense I'm not 100% on board since I keep reminding her she hasn't even been here once and doesn't know my living situation (which won't disappoint anyway).

OP- I understand you have know this woman before the sexcapade started 2 weeks ago.....

But its been 2 weeks dude. There is entirely no reason to push something like this so soon. She wants to spend her money and fly out and fvck your brains out for a day or two? Cool.

Slow down. These things that are forced and rushed never work out and you'll get trapped. Before you know it, things will fall apart and she will be blaming you for moving to Atlanta and shaking her life upside down.

This is what I def fear. I'm a pretty cautious guy but have been accused of being too cautious sometimes. Which is something I think about whenever reflecting on why all my friends are getting married and I'm still dating around.