Girl Trouble

[SolidGold]

Hey gang.

So here's what happened. Been dating this girl for 4 months now. Nothing official, ocasional sex and I'm really starting to really like this girl (she's totally in love with me).

The thing is: she found out I was still talking to other girls I met before started dating and feels betrayed. Nothing happened with them since we started dating, I just talked to them, but she is really pissed and wants to never see me again.

Any advice? Thanks

 

[Harry Wilmington]

First off: :crackup:

Why am I laughing? Because you're allowing her to think you did something wrong - which you didn't - instead of turning this into an opportunity to make her your girlfriend.

You say you're not official with this girl, right? So, technically, that means you are still entitled to talk with anyone you like, or date other people. If she gets upset with you that you're still talking to them, it's her way of saying "I thought we were exclusive" or it means she feels as though you two should be exclusive. If you don't feel the same way and aren't ready to have her as your girlfriend then it doesn't matter either way...

BUT, if you are looking to make her your girlfriend, the secret is to use this incident to get what you want. Here's an example of how I might have handled it:

HER: I found out you were talking to those girls you used to talk to!
ME: Yeah, and?
HER: How could you do this! I feel betrayed?
ME: Hmm, interesting, and why would that be?
HER: Well... because... I thought you were just seeing me, and not still chasing after other girls!
ME: Well... no offense, but as far as I know we've just been dating. We haven't made anything official yet, and as far as I know I figured you were probably still talking to other people as well.
HER: What would make you think that?!?
ME: I dunno, we never had a conversation about making this thing official, so I figured maybe you weren't trying to do that sort of thing yet (see, saying this now puts this whole thing on HER and off of YOU)
HER: Well, I still don't like that you're talking to them.
ME: I hear what you're saying... so, what does this mean? Are you saying you're trying to make this thing exclusive?
HER: I mean, I guess I thought we already were... but you're right, we haven't really talked about it.
ME: Are you saying you want to have that talk now?

At that point, you guys get to talking, negotiate terms of what her being your girlfriend would mean, then tell her you're cool with trying it out and seeing how it works. But the point is, you've now turned an incident where she was being all mad at you, into a discussion about it being a misunderstanding of where you two were at and where you both want it to be.

The moral of this story is, never let how a woman reacts to something take control of the situation. Always remain the calm, rational one who isn't affected by her emotional outburst, and understand that she is only going to react the way you ALLOW her to react. Hope this helps - oh, and for more killer tips like this click on the link in my signature to check out my daily podcast!

 

[SolidGold]

First off: :crackup:

Why am I laughing? Because you're allowing her to think you did something wrong - which you didn't - instead of turning this into an opportunity to make her your girlfriend.

You say you're not official with this girl, right? So, technically, that means you are still entitled to talk with anyone you like, or date other people. If she gets upset with you that you're still talking to them, it's her way of saying "I thought we were exclusive" or it means she feels as though you two should be exclusive. If you don't feel the same way and aren't ready to have her as your girlfriend then it doesn't matter either way...

BUT, if you are looking to make her your girlfriend, the secret is to use this incident to get what you want. Here's an example of how I might have handled it:

HER: I found out you were talking to those girls you used to talk to!
ME: Yeah, and?
HER: How could you do this! I feel betrayed?
ME: Hmm, interesting, and why would that be?
HER: Well... because... I thought you were just seeing me, and not still chasing after other girls!
ME: Well... no offense, but as far as I know we've just been dating. We haven't made anything official yet, and as far as I know I figured you were probably still talking to other people as well.
HER: What would make you think that?!?
ME: I dunno, we never had a conversation about making this thing official, so I figured maybe you weren't trying to do that sort of thing yet (see, saying this now puts this whole thing on HER and off of YOU)
HER: Well, I still don't like that you're talking to them.
ME: I hear what you're saying... so, what does this mean? Are you saying you're trying to make this thing exclusive?
HER: I mean, I guess I thought we already were... but you're right, we haven't really talked about it.
ME: Are you saying you want to have that talk now?

At that point, you guys get to talking, negotiate terms of what her being your girlfriend would mean, then tell her you're cool with trying it out and seeing how it works. But the point is, you've now turned an incident where she was being all mad at you, into a discussion about it being a misunderstanding of where you two were at and where you both want it to be.

The moral of this story is, never let how a woman reacts to something take control of the situation. Always remain the calm, rational one who isn't affected by her emotional outburst, and understand that she is only going to react the way you ALLOW her to react. Hope this helps - oh, and for more killer tips like this click on the link in my signature to check out my daily podcast!

Harry,

The thing is, we have talked about that subject. From the very beginning I was totally honest to her. I didn't want a relationship for the moment. The fact that I'm not a fan of the "relationship-thing" and that she is going on an 3-month internship abroad in December just made it clear that the relationship wasn't on the arise. But she did, and she told me that I was exclusive (I just hide the fact that she wasn't and she assumed she was).

To add insult to injury for her, she learned about it because one of the girls told her that at a party they both attended. And she told her in front of everyone. And that girl (which I had just said that I wasn't interested in and never wanted to speak again) told her a fake story: that she wasn't interested in me and that I was constantly asking her out to the point that she was tired of me (complete bullsh*t). This facts made her completely humiliated and pissed with me.

 

[Harry Wilmington]

Ah, gotcha. Well, the fact that she's believe this girl over you, who she's supposed to be all ga-ga over, indicates that she may not have been as interested as you think, and she was looking for an excuse to dump you.

Also: there's never a full-on need to tell a girl your agenda in relation to if you're a "relationship guy" or not. Plus, anytime you tell a girl she's not going to be able to have you, it only makes her want to have you, lol. So you giving her the whole "you won't be my gf" speech meant she was going to work extra hard to make you change your mind.

Anyway... if you weren't trying to be in a relationship with her anyway, what's the big deal now? She's not trying to talk to you, so you essentially got what you wanted. You can't keep having sex with a girl and think both of you can handle it being just like that - inevitably, one of the people in the situation is going to want more than that, regardless of what's agreed upon in the beginning.

 

[SolidGold]

As a matter of fact, this girl (to my surprise) was her friend. And the truth is I was starting to really like her. I was trying to clean myself from other girls in other to give her the exclusiveness she gave me. And, in my opinion, this girl went to tell everything because of jealousy (I had just told her I didn't want to speak to her again).