girl seing another dude

[pyros]

so... what do you do if you're 'dating' or getting to know a girl but you suspect she's also seing another dude?

she has not said this directly, but sometimes she cannot meet and gives me vague excuses, so I do not dig more eventhough it annoys me you know. Cause if I spend time, money, gas etc to meet with her but she's also fuc-king some other dude, I prefer not to waste my time with her.

Do not tell me to spin plates, thanks.

 

[Brighty]

Spin plates.

Seriously.

You'd be surprised how little this would bother you if you had others women you were seeing, but clearly there's something about this girl that you want to keep her on lock... so why don't you? Have you two fvcked? How long have you been seeing each other? How old are the two of you? What's an example of a vague excuse she's given you?

It could be nothing at all. But even she is seeing someone else, honestly man if you're not exclusively dating and you didn't set the boundaries for that, it's not really fair to her. If you want to have her all to yourself, then put a proverbial ring on it and bring up the subject of exclusively dating and/or taking your relationship to the next level.

 

[GS750]

Act as if there is no other dude in the picture and don't worry about it. If you get all jealous about it, it will backfire. She's gonna do what she's gonna do regardless.

 

[Between_The_Lines]

Yes, what Brighty said, spin plates. Sorry man, there isn't a magic line or set of lines you can use that will open up her eyes and convince her to drop the other guy(s) (supposing there are any) and run straight into your arms. I think the best you can do is subtly suggest you too have options, but still show strong interest in this one. From the few lines of info you've provided regarding your situation, it's clear in which direction the power dynamic is tilted (so far). She's might not even be sweating how this one turns out (thus the "vague excuses"), so spin plates until she starts to raise questions like "so, where is this headed?" "what are we?' or let her go and find someone who you are more convinced isn't wasting your time.

 

[Brighty]

Yes, what Brighty said, spin plates. Sorry man, there isn't a magic line or set of lines you can use that will open up her eyes and convince her to drop the other guy(s) (supposing there are any) and run straight into your arms. I think the best you can do is subtly suggest you too have options, but still show strong interest in this one. From the few lines of info you've provided regarding your situation, it's clear in which direction the power dynamic is tilted (so far). She's might not even be sweating how this one turns out (thus the "vague excuses"), so spin plates until she starts to raise questions like "so, where is this headed?" "what are we?' or let her go and find someone who you are more convinced isn't wasting your time.

Good points, but it seems like the OP is already somewhat emotionally compromised and doesn't want to spin other plates. I think the best course of action isn't to get her to come to you eventually (if she ever does, who knows how long you could be waiting in limbo here), but just take charge of the situation and bring up the topic and tell her how you feel (no, not about the jealousy or the other guy, just tell her in your own words that you obviously are feeling something clicking here and want to take the relationship further). If you two get along well enough and are already "dating" each other, that's not an odd conversation to be having at all... it's pretty standard.

That way you get your answer and depending on how she reacts you either know to move on or try exclusively dating with this girl and see where it takes you, but living in your current limbo situation can't be very fun for you... So just fix it.

 

[Between_The_Lines]

Good points, but it seems like the OP is already somewhat emotionally compromised and doesn't want to spin other plates. I think the best course of action isn't to get her to come to you eventually (if she ever does, who knows how long you could be waiting in limbo here), but just take charge of the situation and bring up the topic and tell her how you feel (no, not about the jealousy or the other guy, just tell her in your own words that you obviously are feeling something clicking here and want to take the relationship further). If you two get along well enough and are already "dating" each other, that's not an odd conversation to be having at all... it's pretty standard.

That way you get your answer and depending on how she reacts you either know to move on or try exclusively dating with this girl and see where it takes you, but living in your current limbo situation can't be very fun for you... So just fix it.

Completely agree, and that's when you have to look out for responses like "I don't know/not sure" "let's take it slow" "let's just see where this goes" "let's go with the flow" "baby steps". If she tries to hit the brakes in any form, that's definitely side-eye worthy, especially if you guys have been seeing each other for awhile as Brighty brought up. If that happens, that brings you to a crossroads and at that point you probably ought to consider throwing her to the backburner or letting her go altogether since it would point to not enough interest on her end to blossom into a LTR.

 

[In2theGame]

so... what do you do if you're 'dating' or getting to know a girl but you suspect she's also seing another dude?

she has not said this directly, but sometimes she cannot meet and gives me vague excuses, so I do not dig more eventhough it annoys me you know. Cause if I spend time, money, gas etc to meet with her but she's also fuc-king some other dude, I prefer not to waste my time with her.

Do not tell me to spin plates, thanks.

If you suspect that she is messing around with another guy then what you do is simply back up and keep meeting different women. She's not taking you seriously (atleast not yet) so you dont take her seriously. When you dont call her or pick up or answer her texts right away she will suspect you will be out with someone else and that will raise her interest level in you if your the better deal. However, I wouldnt waste my time if shes not into you 100% from the get go.

 

[Tictac]

Girls spin plates too.

 

[bcollarmechanic]

Girls spin plates too.

yes and more than guys do