Girl say's she's scared to hurt me and moving to fast?

[VladPatton]

The guys have excellent advice on this one! The fact that she freaked out after that public kiss should immediately tell you she feels embarrassed by your affection towards her. That's zero respect for you and the relationship.

She wants space? She's confused? No problemo. Start being too busy for her. Stop talking about any possible future, or feelings with her. It is utterly pointless/useless. It's like trying to start a fire with wet paper. Her bųllṣhit about being not ready and confused is girl talk for: "get the hell away from me, man, you're crampin my style!"

Cut her loose, let her deal with her douche ex bf, and go about your business. Not worth it, man.

Good luck!

 

[Trump]

Anyways, I've been dating this girl for a month, we've had sex and everything was going great. All of a sudden last weekend we went to hang out, made a mistake and kissed her in front of her friends, made it awkward for her.

Yeah bro you gots to be careful with those PDA, especially when she hasn't told anyone you guys are having sex. You let the cat out of the bag because of your own horniness.

So we got lunch yesterday, talked. I told her I noticed things have been different and whatnot.

Yama hama...you told a girl you are having sex with that "you noticed things have been different?" Why the heck would you tell her this? You just increased her value 10 ten fold.

Her response was that she wanted to distance herself from me because she has strong feelings for me. She basically told me that "She's scared of hurting me", and "we're moving to fast" and "she wants some space".

My reply would be "while you are needing some space I still need to have sex, should I hire an interim girl to sleep with?"

I told her to do what makes her happy and that she couldn't hurt me.

I don't know what to do, she's a lot of fun. I've been losing sleep over this girl and have been stressed out. I have a bad case of oneitis.

I don't know how you guys have sex with hot girls so fast, and then act like this.

Girls don't care about what comes out of your mouth, girls care about money and sex. You are giving her good sex, she won't leave. You have money to spend on her, she won't leave. Anything that comes out of your mouth won't make her stay.

 

[Darth]

"She's scared of hurting me", and "we're moving to fast" and "she wants some space".

Wow, I think those are the 3 most classic BS lines ever written- right there on page 3 of the Pretty Girl's BS manual, 1st edition, (c) 1987.

Not even very creative! It is obvious that she can't be taken at face value.

 

[Niftyone]

I have money and the sex is great. She's jut being a dumb young girl, and doesn't know what she's going to miss out on.

 

[TillTheEndOfTime]

******WARNING ******** TRANSLATION IN PROGRESS******

"moving too fast and don't want to hurt you"

*****COMPUTING*******
*****TRANSLATION COMPLETE******

*BEEP* *BEEP*

Translation: "You're boring, dependable and lame. I'm slowly distancing myself from you to help my conscience when I dump you for another guy. That way, I'm not really a slvt because we're "not connecting""


If you want any hope of retaining the relationship, try the following as a last ditch effort, but be prepared to lose her forever. Go in with that mindset and you'll leave the relationship like a champ or get something more out of it:

Call her up one day or just talk to her. Tell her that you think she is right and thank her for being so honest and considerate. Then tell her you don't want to see her anymore. Either one of two things will happen:

1) She was really set on leaving you and you made it easier for her. You're better off with it ending if that is the case, think about it.


OR

2) You drive her nuts, she wonders what you have going on and she starts chasing you.

Either way, it is win-win in my opinion.

 

[casaanova]

Fbuddy relationships all have an expiration date (the point where she realizes she isn't getting any serious commitment and gives you an ultimatum), and there are things that can speed up this process:

1. Cuddling after sex
2. Her staying overnight
3. Kissing her in public

When you left the day you chilled with her friends, I guarantee you her friends got in her ear and most likely talked negative about you (PDA in general is beta), and you immediately got bumped from Fbuddy status to potential relationship/long-list-of-guys-that-want-to-date-me status. After it got to this point you should've just Nexted her entirely.

"my ex keeps trying to talk to me" = I'm starting to talk to my ex again. Don't let her tell you any different. Low value guys probably talk to her every day and she's completely indifferent to their advances

 

[DonDiscovery]

yep, you guys got this one covered; he intruded into a part of her life which he wasn't socially acceptable enough for, and this is his punishment

 

[floydb25]

Cas: Good point. Girls generally dont want to be seen with someone whom their friends view as low value. Or, as they perceive it to be. Even if she might like you (a lot), if she THINKS her friends won't - she won't either. A lot of them have a herd-like mentality, and they DO talk, gossip, and seek the approval of their friends behind your back. All of those comments they receive DOES determine how they will act towards you. Nevermind that their friends dont have their best interests at heart, sabotage and compete all the same, but *****es are dumb like that. Some of their friends are guys, as well.

Especially if you come off as not high status - showing too much interest and affection, acting needy, insecure, weak, etc - they won't want to be seen with you around their friends.

Another thing, which was touched upon earlier, is her not wanting to be seen as taken in public, so that she can keep her options open. Her friends probably know her ex, and she doesn't want them telling him about your public affection. Or him seeing you with her. Or other guys in general. Her friends probably asked what was up with you and her, and she probably told them you were just friends - to save her own ass, and keep her options open / maintain her social status. Then she immediately told you she needs space and blah blah - while she weeds through her other options (ie, her ex).

10-1, if you kept it private, she would've been all for it, and never said anything. She would've probably slept with you, and the whole nine - only to deny it, and continue repeating that you're just friends.

Don't doubt any of this. *****es do this kind of crap all the time. Very sneaky, conniving, and under-handed - while wanting to be perceived as wholesome and genuine. Many of them are players and status *****s. Feelings my ass. It's not all just a coincidence, either. *****es are smart.

For whatever reason - most likely her ex - she doesn't want to be seen with you in public. That's basically saying she doesn't respect you. **** that. :nono:

 

[Niftyone]

******WARNING ******** TRANSLATION IN PROGRESS******

"moving too fast and don't want to hurt you"

*****COMPUTING*******
*****TRANSLATION COMPLETE******

*BEEP* *BEEP*

Translation: "You're boring, dependable and lame. I'm slowly distancing myself from you to help my conscience when I dump you for another guy. That way, I'm not really a slvt because we're "not connecting""


If you want any hope of retaining the relationship, try the following as a last ditch effort, but be prepared to lose her forever. Go in with that mindset and you'll leave the relationship like a champ or get something more out of it:

Call her up one day or just talk to her. Tell her that you think she is right and thank her for being so honest and considerate. Then tell her you don't want to see her anymore. Either one of two things will happen:

1) She was really set on leaving you and you made it easier for her. You're better off with it ending if that is the case, think about it.


OR

2) You drive her nuts, she wonders what you have going on and she starts chasing you.

Either way, it is win-win in my opinion.

So when should I do this? What exactly should I say, "we've had a good run and thanks for the time together, but I think you're right and we're both just going to end up hurting each other. So we should go our separate ways."

Think I should mess with her and post some pics of me with another girl so she knows that I do have options?

 

[cordoncordon]

So when should I do this? What exactly should I say, "we've had a good run and thanks for the time together, but I think you're right and we're both just going to end up hurting each other. So we should go our separate ways."

Think I should mess with her and post some pics of me with another girl so she knows that I do have options?

No no no no no no no no no no No no no no no no no no no no No no no no no no no no no no!

You are making this much much too serious and NOT fun. You said in your very first post that you told her you were fine with 'whatever' as long as she was happy, and then a sentence later you turn around and say you are losing sleep over it? Obviously you are not fine nor happy with 'whatever'.

You need to stop dramatizing everything and just be. Relax. Do not contact her. Don't ask her out. She wants her space? Give it to her!! If she calls or texts and you answer, you are great and happy and all is well. But under no circumstances are you too give her any ultimatums or drama filled goodbyes.

 

[Niftyone]

Ok will do, just be happy. Thanks again guys.

 

[Niftyone]

I went to see her today, she wanted to grab lunch and talk. So I said sure. We ended up just talking about random things, tried to neg her like I usually do and be playful and she was responding a bit. However, I could tell she didn't want to kiss me. I was going to go in for the kiss at the end, but she turned her head as we hugged. Does this mean I'm friendzoned? Maybe I should invite her over one of these nights to "watch a movie" or go get a drink with her. Any words of wisdom on this?

 

[nismo-4]

When a woman says she wants space, that means she doesn't want you in it. Nor does she want anything to do with your ass.

Didn't I tell you to go ghost? She's using you as an ego boost. Stop feeding this f**kin' attention wh0re!

BTW, you were friendzoned LONG ago.

 

[Niftyone]

Yeah, I should have listened to you nismo-4. So by going ghost, I don't respond to anything she says at all, even if she wants to hang out. Or do I just say I'm busy? What does going ghost do to her? Give her the impression that she is going to lose me?

 

[nismo-4]

Yeah, I should have listened to you nismo-4. So by going ghost, I don't respond to anything she says at all, even if she wants to hang out. Or do I just say I'm busy? What does going ghost do to her? Give her the impression that she is going to lose me?

It does, but only if the girl still has some attraction toward you. At this point, I'd just go mess with other women, since I see no salvaging of this one.

Going ghost is for a man to get a woman out of his mind. Women always have options, so if one guy leaves her, it won't take her very long to get another one. That's why you need to have options too.

 

[Niftyone]

She just texted me, "We should totally go the the city on sunday". We were talking about pier 39 and whatnot. Think she just wants to go as friends? How should I respond to that?

 

[JoeMarron]

The forum cant hold your hand through every interaction. You've gotten plenty of good advice. Trust your instincts and go with it. If you wanna go go ahead if you have something better to do then dont go.

 

[TillTheEndOfTime]

Dude. She turned her head when you went into the kiss? That is first date sh1t right there. You have been together for how long?

It is only a matter of time before she breaks it off with you at this rate. You need to give her the line I mentioned.

Say something along the lines of:

"I've thought about what you said before about moving too fast and you're right. It IS a bit scary. Let's see other people".

Be prepared to lose her or else don't do it, but I think you're on your way to dumpsville anyway. Her other option probably bailed out and that is the only reason she is being nicer to you.

Stop being a chump and lap dog waiting for her attention and rock the damn boat already.