Girl says she likes me but doesnt want a relationship

[The_Shnitz]

Ok. this is a girl i know well because she lives in the same dorm as me and is in my group of friends. I know she fancies me in a sexual way because when we are together we make out a lot and she has given me a bj. It is so easy and natural with her, i can talk to her for hours and her personality and mine click so well and we have talked about a relationship and it all seems fine, untill the next time i see her when she loses interest in a relationship again. Aparently she had a bad experience with her last boyfriend and is not keen on another relationship. in fact she doesnt want a relationship with anyone i think, but i KNOW that she likes me. When we are together for any length of time it is like we are boyfriend and girlfriend but then we are apart for a while and she says something like 'its not a good idea for us to get together'. This is driving me nuts! we are planning to live together next semester at uni with a bunch of other friends, and i think this is part of the problem. She doesnt want the awkwardness of having had a relationship and still live with me, but it is already awkward. How can i get with her? she even sends me text messages saying little stuff like 'hi' etc, even when the last time i saw her she said she didnt want a relationship. so i know she likes me. HOW CAN I GET WITH HER?

 

[Dirtheart]

I was in the same position last year...identical situation in fact. The girl in question was like my best friend, always texting and calling me and wanting to get physical, but as soon as a relationship came into the equation, she ran a mile. It turns out that she fancied me physically (still does apparently), but I was too AFC and too "nice" for her to consider me LTR material.

Unfortunately it sounds like you are a time filler until "Mr Right" comes along. In my scenario, she ended up going back to her ex- (stereotypical "jerk" who even hit her once).

My only advice is that which is given on this board quite a lot...back off and play hard to get, as a friend, fvck buddy and a potential lover. Removing these options is the only real way to gain her interest.

 

[NRM]

I think the best that you can do is treat her like a girlfriend. Go on dates with her, make out with her, progress like a normal relationship should. If she really wants to make it official, she'll ask for it.

 

[JT47319]

Just fuck her. Keep the emotional baggage and relationship out of the equation.

Contrary to popular AFC belief, not every girl needs or wants a relationship in order to fuck. Girls love sex just as much as guys do.

Not to mention that when you ARE fuck buddies, it's easier to go down the road of relationship, if that's what you really want. As opposed to leaping from the "Friend" zone into a full on raunchy honeymoon.

 

[Seeph]

I had the EXACT thing happen to me this past year at college. We ended up being fyck buddies like JT said and we started dating until she moved back home.

JT is right.

 

[Pimp-sicle]

Bro I thought you were smarter than this?? She doesn't want a relationship WITH YOU! Your right, it might be the akwardness of living together next semester or the fact that she see's you getting a little attached to her. In either case, who cares, your getting action right?? If you actually do like her and have feelings for her, then you might want to take a few steps back before you become AFC over her @ss. Have other girls on the side until you see her start to fall for you.

In either case, don't ever push a girl for a relationship. If she wants that with you, she'll let you know, trust me on that.




PIMP

 

[becker]

Originally posted by Dirtheart


My only advice is that which is given on this board quite a lot...back off and play hard to get, as a friend, fvck buddy and a potential lover. Removing these options is the only real way to gain her interest.

Are you saying that you should just lay off completely and not even be a friend to the girl on any level?

 

[ph00k]

hey schnitz, this situation is one that alot of us have faced.

in my personal experience of late, i had exactly the same thing going with a chick, great personal rapport, alot in common, getting physically hot and heavy and she loved doing it. When r'ship talk came into play, she basically said 'nah i'm a tightass christian, you're not, so no soup for you'.

for the first few months i just kept hassling her, seducing her, and believing that SHE REALLY DID WANT A R'SHIP because we worked out so well, and that the only reason she had for not wanting a r'ship was because i wasn't christian

BUT:

the sooner i realised that she didn't want a relationship -fullstop-, and didn't rely on the excuse that it was just this one christian barrier, the sooner i got over her. The last month or so i've given her jack attention, just backed off, respond that i'm busy etc, and she has kept on trying to get back into my life by initiating conversations and trying to ask me if i want to do anything.

The key to this, is to remove as much affection / care you have for her. Its f**** difficult to do and takes ALOT of willpower--- BUT IT MUST BE DONE!. (Of course, the easy solution is more women on the side). so while i'm a n00bie poster, from my experience the best advice is definitely to back off a little --- not entirely, but enough so you keep them wanting more

Funny how I have her eating from the palm of my hand now because i've backed off. she wants to do something tonite, and i will oblige -- but if she refuses to play ball (no pun intended) and get seduced in my bed, i'm going to ask her to leave (i've done it before and she came crawling back hours later for bed time)

heh

Its amazing what happens when you put some of this DJ stuff you read into actual practice...

 

[The_Shnitz]

Thanks for the replies guys, seems like i gotta pull back and go find some other chicks while she decides to get jealous.

The thing is right, at the moment it is the summer break from uni and she lives quite far away from me (i have gone and seen her once since the three weeks we have been off) and so i wont see her probably untill the beginning of october but she still sends me regular text messages like 'hi, hows it going? xx' and stuff, anyway...i was wondering what i should do about this? should i ignore some of the messages, or give her an actual ring? or reply straight away and if i reply should i seem interested or what?

Im thinking that if i am going to up her interest level by being uninterested i shouldnt be replying to texts?

 

[The_Shnitz]

i have a new question here that hasnt been answered yet, please give a reply. cheers

 

[squirrels]

Whenever a girl says "abusive situation" or "bad experience", it's an immediate red-flag. No, it's not her FAULT that these things happened to her, but if they were bad enough they will FOREVER skew her idea of relationships.

When you go back to school, be BUSY with something other than her. If she calls, answer, as long as you're not busy (wink wink ). Invite her up for some fun once or twice.

If she really wants to be your steady girl, she will make it known to you naturally in the course of the relationship. If she doesn't, respectfully pull back, because it seems like you're not looking for "just a F-buddy", and like it or not, that IS what she is right now.

I know what this is like...I met this girl in a club and we were going for a little while, seeing each other every week, making out with/going down on each other all the time, then one day I went on a business trip and I found myself thinking about her way too much and felt like I was being used for sex, so I cut ties completely, figuring if she was that interested she'd call and see what happened to me.

It's been two months now and NO CALL. All I have left of her is some stains on my couch.

If she's not "the One", you can't MAKE her "the One." She has to choose that path for herself.

 

[Chaghatai]

Bottom line: SHE has to ask for the relationship

 

[slick_romeo]

Originally posted by The_Shnitz
but i KNOW that she likes me. When we are together for any length of time it is like we are boyfriend and girlfriend but then we are apart for a while and she says something like 'its not a good idea for us to get together'. This is driving me nuts! HOW CAN I GET WITH HER?

First lesson: give up the chase. I am the prize. I do my own thing.

i'm on a roll...listen Shnitz...you gotta realize you are playing the f*ck-buddy roll....review the first lesson & get back to me when you can post something like: "Shagged all nite long - stamina tips for DJ's"....

 

[The_Shnitz]

Ok, so should i go out and fVck another girl to show the girl i have other options? wouldnt she then just dump me straight and ill have no more option with her? or would she be jealous enough to finally get with me?...or perhaps i should be showing a lot more interest in other girls when im around her...yeah, thats the ticket, get close to another girl, or girls and show less interest in her....should i fVck some other girls? is it a good idea if i want to get with THIS girl? I really love this girl, she is fantastic.

 

[backbreaker]

was anyone stopped to think that if you are getting Head from the girl for crying out loud, that you DO have a relationship with her? You may not be officialy dating, but you go out, you have sex, hell there are people who date that don't have sex. So let her think she is getting her way by "staying out of a relationship" while you just laugh and keep ****ing her and dating ot her women, until she is smart enough to realzie the dumb mistake she is making.

 

[Austin Allegro]

It sounds like you are getting oneitis. You need to stop worrying so much about this woman who has already said she doesn't want a steady relationship.

Go out with other women because you like their company and find them attractive - NOT because you want to show this other woman you have options. That is just another symptom of oneitis.

Keep on with the girl but maintain detachment - ie DON'T mention the subject of a relationship AT ALL, don't answer texts/calls/emails straight away, don't always be available. Cut off times you meet her by saying you have to go somewhere else.

Bottom line is she'll either get more attracted to you and want a closer relationship, or she'll get fed up and move on. Either way you have nothing to lose. Trying to push her into a relationship will just end up with her moving on anyway.

 

[The_Shnitz]

thanks for the replys guys