Girl lost interest because I over escalated?

[Kal0051]

Was with this girl last week, we went out for the second time. Afterwards we went back to my place and I tried to escalate. We made out but she stopped me after a few minutes, saying that she doesn't move that quickly and if we continued things would happen. Eventually I gave up and drove her home. I later realize I pressured her a bit, so I called and left a message apologizing. She wrote me a email the next day saying thanks for the message and that she did feel pressured.

Anyway, I called her the other day and asked her out for this weekend. But I haven't heard from her yet, which is odd 'cause she's always been eager to get back to me. I've thought about calling her to see what's up but I have the sinking feeling that she's lost all interest.

What do you guys think? And what should I do (other than spin more plates)?

 

[The Comeback Kid]

I later realize I pressured her a bit, so I called and left a message apologizing.

That'll do it. Unless you did something seriously bad (i.e. cheated on her and she caught you, made some really ill-advised reference towards her family, etc.) you should not be apologizing. By apologizing, you came off as too much of a "nice guy" and you're giving her the power.

What should you do next? I'm sure others will have better advice about this part, but give it some space and hit her up in a week or so, with plans ready to go (know the place, time, etc.).

 

[Igetit!]

Was with this girl last week, we went out for the second time. Afterwards we went back to my place and I tried to escalate. We made out but she stopped me after a few minutes, saying that she doesn't move that quickly and if we continued things would happen.

So when you were just hugging and kissing,she was ok with it,but when you tried to "push things further",that's when she gave you the "I don't move that quickly" line. Well,RIGHT AFTER she said that to you,what happened? What did you do?


Did you continue the kissing,or did you continue trying to escalate with her repeatedly telling you no? (Please be accurate in answering this.)



Also,when you "gave up" and took her home,what was the atmosphere like between you two? Was everything cool and calm,like it was on the date,or was there some tension there?



Were you upset or angry,or silent as you drove her home?

I later realize I pressured her a bit, so I called and left a message apologizing. She wrote me a email the next day saying thanks for the message and that she did feel pressured.

Hate to say this,but you apoloziging probably made things WORSE.



Her accepting the apology doesn't mean she'll automatically want to go back out with you again.

Anyway, I called her the other day and asked her out for this weekend. But I haven't heard from her yet, which is odd 'cause she's always been eager to get back to me. I've thought about calling her to see what's up but I have the sinking feeling that she's lost all interest.

DON'T CALL HER TO SEE "what's up". Besides,you should already know what's up. You made her feel uncomfortable...and don't think that you apologizing just instantly made those feelings you caused in her to just go away.

What do you guys think? And what should I do (other than spin more plates)?

To be honest,I don't know if she still has any interest still or not...but if she does,then info in my signature WILL RAISE IT.


READ WHAT I SAID: I didn't say my sig info would create interest or attraction,I said it would raise it. So in other words,if there's still ANY INTEREST STILL THERE WITH HER it'll be raised.


So try it out.



But if her interest indeed has been lost,then at least you'll know and be able to move on instead of wasting time.

 

[Kal0051]

So when you were just hugging and kissing,she was ok with it,but when you tried to "push things further",that's when she gave you the "I don't move that quickly" line. Well,RIGHT AFTER she said that to you,what happened? What did you do?


Did you continue the kissing,or did you continue trying to escalate with her repeatedly telling you no? (Please be accurate in answering this.)

we were kissing and at one point she stopped me and said we should stop because one thing would lead to another and she doesn't move that quickly. I continued to kiss her while she was telling me she wasn't a ***** and hasn't been with that many guys. I tried kissing her a couple more times, each time she pulled away sooner than the last time.

Also,when you "gave up" and took her home,what was the atmosphere like between you two? Was everything cool and calm,like it was on the date,or was there some tension there?



Were you upset or angry,or silent as you drove her home?

She kept asking me if I was angry when I brought her home. I wasn't angry so I just told her that (it was only the second time afterall). Although, she did seem funny, her explanation was that she was tired and only went out with me because she promised herself she wouldn't cancel on me again (she canceled on me once before).

Hate to say this,but you apoloziging probably made things WORSE.



Her accepting the apology doesn't mean she'll automatically want to go back out with you again.

yeah, that might not have been the best move.

DON'T CALL HER TO SEE "what's up". Besides,you should already know what's up. You made her feel uncomfortable...and don't think that you apologizing just instantly made those feelings you caused in her to just go away.


To be honest,I don't know if she still has any interest still or not...but if she does,then info in my signature WILL RAISE IT.


READ WHAT I SAID: I didn't say my sig info would create interest or attraction,I said it would raise it. So in other words,if there's still ANY INTEREST STILL THERE WITH HER it'll be raised.


So try it out.



But if her interest indeed has been lost,then at least you'll know and be able to move on instead of wasting time.

I'll take a look at your sig and try it out.

 

[Igetit!]

we were kissing and at one point she stopped me and said we should stop because one thing would lead to another and she doesn't move that quickly. I continued to kiss her while she was telling me she wasn't a ***** and hasn't been with that many guys. I tried kissing her a couple more times, each time she pulled away sooner than the last time.

And there's your mistake.

You two were kissing,then she stopped you because she didn't want things to escalate too fast out of fear of you thinking she's a slvt.


YOU IGNORED HER CONCERN,and continued kissing her WHILE SHE WAS TELLING YOU THIS.


And each time you tried to kiss her,she pulled back sooner and sooner.



You disrespected her.


She didn't feel heard or listened to while you kept trying to kiss her,and the reason she didn't feel listened to was because you didn't listen to her.



It was almost as if you were deaf.



She repeated herself over and over again,and you continued as if she had said nothing.


Huge error man.

She kept asking me if I was angry when I brought her home. I wasn't angry so I just told her that (it was only the second time afterall).

Well,if I could detect a "possible anger" with you through the internet,you know she could actually being on the date with you.

Although, she did seem funny, her explanation was that she was tired and only went out with me because she promised herself she wouldn't cancel on me again (she canceled on me once before).

Hmm. And I take it this explanation of hers came after her telling you "no" a hundred times while you were trying to kiss her,right?

I think this was just an excuse because she was uncomfortable wanted to go home,although I could be wrong.


The "WHOLE POINT" of escalating is to increase a physical/sexual interaction with a woman at a pace that MAKES HER feel comfortable.




Most guys are ready to sleep with a hot girl the instant they see her.



With women,it starts at maybe handholding,then a hug,a kiss,then ect,etc,all the way up to sex.



The title of this thread is correct. You over-escalated. You went faster than she was comfortable with.



Like I said,try out my sign info and see if it helps.

 

[Kal0051]

Like I said,try out my sign info and see if it helps.

k, but do I call her after the 5 days if I don't hear from her? Or just accept that I made a mistake, learn from it and move on?

 

[Igetit!]

k, but do I call her after the 5 days if I don't hear from her? Or just accept that I made a mistake, learn from it and move on?

Yes. It's ok to call her.


The thing is this:the 5 days start from the last time you two have had contact.



So if the last time you spoke to each other was Monday,then the 5 days start from then.




Just give her a little space. This way it'll...


1)Show her you're not need and have a life of your own.

2)Cause any negative feelings (if there are any) to die down.

3)Increase her interest (that is,if there is any).


If she calls you before the time is up,then fine...BUT follow the sign info.

Don't jump up and down and act like you just won the lottery if she calls and hints at you two seeing each other again.



But if she doesn't call you,then you can call her and suggest you two getting together. If she gives you an excuse WITHOUT MAKING AN COUNTER OFFER,I'd just say,"Alright,I guess I'll talk to you later".


Then I'd end the call and just move on.

 

[Kal0051]

lol, it's not like I ignored her when she was telling me why she wanted to stop. We did talk in between kissing, that's when she told me her concerns. But since there wasn't anything I could do to eliminate her concerns and it was late, so I just brought her home.

 

[drak_ool]

But since there wasn't anything I could do to eliminate her concerns ...

Wrong. There are options here. You could have talked you way out of the situation. Don't outright deny that you two will have sex that day, because then you will find yourself in a dead-end street, everytime you ll try to escalate later that night, she ll bring up what you told her. Instead make her feel like she is in control ("it's ok, we don't have to move faster than you re comfortable with"). You can even turn this all the way around by jokingly acting offended that she tinks you re a rapist or something, trying to take advantage of her. This will start playing games with her mind.

Then go back to kissing her, etc. Everytime she says something, you go back to the above. As long as you LISTEN to her, it s ok if what you say and what you do are two different things.

Another mistake guys tend to make (and I m often guilty of this) is to try to get in her pants (literally) too fast with the wrong girl. If you have a slvt, or at least a "liberal" girl, then you don't have to worry about this. But in your situation, you should keep to kissing, hugging, teasing, kino for a while, until she gets really worked up. You ideally want to escalate the sexual tension in a growing crescendo, so that when you get to the panties there will be no fight over them. And of course the best is to pull the panties down with the pants, so she can't have second thoughts about it later, but you need a high level of sexual tension before you can do that

 

[ima str8 up pimp]

Was with this girl last week, we went out for the second time. Afterwards we went back to my place and I tried to escalate. We made out but she stopped me after a few minutes, saying that she doesn't move that quickly and if we continued things would happen. Eventually I gave up and drove her home. I later realize I pressured her a bit, so I called and left a message apologizing. She wrote me a email the next day saying thanks for the message and that she did feel pressured.

Anyway, I called her the other day and asked her out for this weekend. But I haven't heard from her yet, which is odd 'cause she's always been eager to get back to me. I've thought about calling her to see what's up but I have the sinking feeling that she's lost all interest.

What do you guys think? And what should I do (other than spin more plates)?

You might (probably) have messed up the aforementioned relationship completely. I have been in your situation, well at least the part where she said "I'm not a freak, I'm not easy. Blah blah blah blah blah blah.."

For the next time this is what I do every time, I have had sex with over double digits many different personalities, monetary and social backgrounds I'm your certified player, dark brown mexican banging white, ghetto, rich, mexican even one black, smart, stoner... doesn't matter.. Every girl, I repeat, every girl is the exact same when I'm making out with them right before sex the first time with them, I've sexed many girls within the first few days or a few even hours of meeting them and that's the first and only challenge when it comes to sexing...

Scene: Making out in your room/her room... the park, her backyard, your brothers/mother/sisters room, doesn't matter...


Her: Wow you move fast, I'm not easy you know.. I have morals.
Pimpin': I know baby. I understand.. (even lying and pretending genuine concern look in her eyes.) Stop, but don't stop you know?
making out... I'm persisting, going not stopping holding my ground, elevating every second, projecting sex over and over... I'm gonna score the td no matter what.. pushing pushing pushing..
Her: I have to teach you patience.. hehe "we can't have sex on the first time we hang out I'll look like a slut" (actual words out of many girls)
Pimpin': I understand, okay.. I'm comfortable right here though if you are, you're beautiful, you look so good, lets just stay right here.
Her: Okay..
Continuing to make out ect ect. touching going going... still holding my ground the same.

Staying right here she will eventually **** you...I do not care who it is.. she'll do it.. if not she'll do it next time if you just hang in there with the same feeling, you hold on to it...
You showed her insecurity and straight weakness by giving up, if it was rather early in the relationship she's gonna look for a more dominant male because she can we're in the United States brother...

Catch the B!tch in a trap for the heat of the moment you know? I'm trickin' a ho from head to toe and stackin' my loot from head to boot!! You Know? haha I'm fittin' to take you on a mackin' journey...

Jorge Gonzalez

 

[Kal0051]

I agree that I probably messed up too much to fix it. Whatever, it's too bad, this girl gave good head too.

 

[ima str8 up pimp]

I agree that I probably messed up too much to fix it. Whatever, it's too bad, this girl gave good head too.

Then that's all that matters, you got yourself a little something something. Learn from it and apply to the next one. Chuch.

 

[Kal0051]

Well, thanks guys but I think it's over with this girl. She hasn't tried to get back in contact with me in almost a week (before she'd contact me in some way within a day or so). Ended up deleting her contact info, just got to go out and find more girls.

 

[909pua]

hey man, read my post in this thread

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=165470

this is how to properly escalate. it seems to me you skipped some steps. jumping straight to kissing is skipping. try it out again if she still has any interest in you.

 

[Kal0051]

hey man, read my post in this thread

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=165470

this is how to properly escalate. it seems to me you skipped some steps. jumping straight to kissing is skipping. try it out again if she still has any interest in you.

I did escalate properly on the first date, got to the point where she gave me head. So I thought I was good to kiss her on the second date without freaking her out.

 

[909pua]

maybe she just doesn't want you to think that she's a slvt like what others in here are saying. i dont know what your intentions are but if you want to keep having s3x with this girl you need to take her out and just spend time with her and stop acting like a horn dog (advised by some DJs in here). otherwise just drop it and move on if you don't see anything going with you and her.

 

[Kal0051]

maybe she just doesn't want you to think that she's a slvt like what others in here are saying. i dont know what your intentions are but if you want to keep having s3x with this girl you need to take her out and just spend time with her and stop acting like a horn dog (advised by some DJs in here). otherwise just drop it and move on if you don't see anything going with you and her.

nah, she lost all interest. So just gonna cut my loses and move on. Lesson learned for the next girl, right?

 

[909pua]

yup..good job...how did you come to the conclusion now that she lost interest?

let me ask you something, have you ever made her orgasm? and tell us the truth...if you haven't then you don't have something you can give her, hence which is what alot of girls are looking for in guys that they let slip in their panties...

 

[ima str8 up pimp]

Indeed. Take a look at my last relevant post again if you'd like to. I honestly don't believe anyone could fail with that advice, doesn't matter the girl. Learn and apply, next one you'll be ready. I'm steady working on a decent piece of asss as we speak, I need a lay, as soon as possible it'll happen if we just keep it up.

 

[ima str8 up pimp]

You might (probably) have messed up the aforementioned relationship completely. I have been in your situation, well at least the part where she said "I'm not a freak, I'm not easy. Blah blah blah blah blah blah.."

For the next time this is what I do every time, I have had sex with over double digits many different personalities, monetary and social backgrounds I'm your certified player, dark brown mexican banging white, ghetto, rich, mexican even one black, smart, stoner... doesn't matter.. Every girl, I repeat, every girl is the exact same when I'm making out with them right before sex the first time with them, I've sexed many girls within the first few days or a few even hours of meeting them and that's the first and only challenge when it comes to sexing...

Scene: Making out in your room/her room... the park, her backyard, your brothers/mother/sisters room, doesn't matter...


Her: Wow you move fast, I'm not easy you know.. I have morals.
Pimpin': I know baby. I understand.. (even lying and pretending genuine concern look in her eyes.) Stop, but don't stop you know?
making out... I'm persisting, going not stopping holding my ground, elevating every second, projecting sex over and over... I'm gonna score the td no matter what.. pushing pushing pushing..
Her: I have to teach you patience.. hehe "we can't have sex on the first time we hang out I'll look like a slut" (actual words out of many girls)
Pimpin': I understand, okay.. I'm comfortable right here though if you are, you're beautiful, you look so good, lets just stay right here.
Her: Okay..
Continuing to make out ect ect. touching going going... still holding my ground the same.

Staying right here she will eventually **** you...I do not care who it is.. she'll do it.. if not she'll do it next time if you just hang in there with the same feeling, you hold on to it...
You showed her insecurity and straight weakness by giving up, if it was rather early in the relationship she's gonna look for a more dominant male because she can we're in the United States brother...

Catch the B!tch in a trap for the heat of the moment you know? I'm trickin' a ho from head to toe and stackin' my loot from head to boot!! You Know? haha I'm fittin' to take you on a mackin' journey...

Jorge Gonzalez

This is the one above and quoted.