Girl lied about her age, how would you react?

[Velox]

Hi!

I have been seeing this girl since February. She said she was 28 but now she just confessed that she is really 40 years old. She looks young so I couldn't tell by her looks that she was that old. Now, I'm much younger than her and I would never have started dating her if I'd known her real age. But as we've come far in our relationship, the age isn't the big issue right now. The big issue to me is that she has lied about her age. And the life story she has fed me just can't be right for a 40 year old. I don't know if I could ever trust her again. She could have lied about many other things.

How do you deal with this as a mature man?

 

[iqqi]

Wow 40, and getting away with saying she is 28.

Great genetics THERE, lol.

 

[STR8UP]

Just goes to show how concerned some women are about their age.

And why wouldn't you have started dating her if you knew she was 40? If she looks that good I wouldn't give a damn. Probably wouldn't get serious with her but that's another matter.

 

[KontrollerX]

A mature man either removes a liar from his life or transitions the liar to mere fvck buddy status.

Whether he makes it clear to her that her status with him has changed or not is irrelevant.

As she has lied to you on a huge matter so no longer merits or deserves your being honest with her about anything.

So to stress the point and make myself as clear as I possibly can a mature man either removes the liar from his life or transitions her to fvck buddy status and the one thing he never does again is invest in her for any real form of relationship involving loyalty, emotions and mutual respect but if his feelings are too strong for her and he cannot control them and believes he will fall into a relationship with her he should remove himself from the relationship immediately.

He simply does not have sufficient emotional control of himself to regard her as a mere fvck buddy without getting attached.

I don't believe in fixing relationships. Working through reasonable communication problems yes, trying to fix unfixable things like lying no.

Once a line is crossed through incredible disrespect, disloyalty or deceit the relationship is simply broken beyond repair.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

... I don't know if I could ever trust her again. She could have lied about many other things.

How do you deal with this as a mature man?

1. Deal with your personal trust issues concerning little things.
2. Deal with the BIG things which actually impact your relationship if and when they come up.

 

[guru1000]

Tell her you lied too, you are only 21.

 

[STR8UP]

I don't believe in fixing relationships. Working through reasonable communication problems yes, trying to fix unfixable things like lying no.

I've been saying this for a long time. If a relationship is "broken" there is no fixing it. Time to bail.

 

[( . )( . )]

A 40 year old woman can pass as a 28 year old?

I take it your either blind or dont get out too much.

How do you deal with this as a mature man?

Take EVERYTHING a woman says with a grain of salt. This goes ten fold for a woman youve only just started fvcking.

 

[jophil28]

A mature man either removes a liar from his life or transitions the liar to mere fvck buddy status.

Whether he makes it clear to her that her status with him has changed or not is irrelevant.

As she has lied to you on a huge matter so no longer merits or deserves your being honest with her about anything.

So to stress the point and make myself as clear as I possibly can a mature man either removes the liar from his life or transitions her to fvck buddy status and the one thing he never does again is invest in her for any real form of relationship involving loyalty, emotions and mutual respect but if his feelings are too strong for her and he cannot control them and believes he will fall into a relationship with her he should remove himself from the relationship immediately.

He simply does not have sufficient emotional control of himself to regard her as a mere fvck buddy without getting attached.

I don't believe in fixing relationships. Working through reasonable communication problems yes, trying to fix unfixable things like lying no.

Once a line is crossed through incredible disrespect, disloyalty or deceit the relationship is simply broken beyond repair.

THis is one of the most important post on this entire board.

If all men integrated this advice into their way of dealing with bad behavior from women we would eliminate 95% of all the heartache and heartbreak.

We men are not equipped to deal with compulsive liars,cheaters and personality disordered women because of our upbringing which taught us that women are carers and nurturers and all things "sugar and spice" - this can easily transform itself into a belief that women are always innocent, kind-hearted , honest and caring . Of course this plays into women illusions about themselves too.
It only takes ONE relationship with a woman who lies , cheats and manipulates to shatter this fantasy and toss a man into a sea of doubt anger and confusion. .

Kontroller's post flies in the face of conventional counseling wisdom which preaches "communication" and "conflict resolution" ,all of which lean in favor of SOs who are acting badly because they get second chances and third chances and so on..
However - my experience tells me that liars will always lie, and cheaters will always cheat- it is what they do..

Kontroler is right and the counseling profession is wrong.

I am iffy about a woman who lies about her age- women have been secretive about that subect for eons. It is like being late for a date - women do both of these things because it has always been OK for them to do so.

No sure whether this 'age lie' is a dealbreaker all by itself.. IF she lies about other aspects too then DUMP her for sure.

Nowadays I look for "the patterns" over time..

 

[Yahooey]

A seed of doubt has been planted and it is growing. Not good for a relationship.

 

[Velox]

It seems the general opinion here is that you would have dumped her. I thought it would be. The more I think about it, the better this advice sounds.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

It seems the general opinion here is that you would have dumped her. I thought it would be. The more I think about it, the better this advice sounds.

If this is the common mindset for guys, I doubt that any of them will ever get into a LTR if they get spooked because a woman lies about her age. Which brings up a question, how many of you ever lied to a woman about:

• Your age
• Your occupation
• Your education
• How much you make
• How many women you've dated
• Whether or not you're seeing anyone while you're seeing her
• Whether you've ever cheated on another woman
• That you plan on marrying her

Better hope women you sarge don't hold the same mindset as you guys.

 

[jophil28]

If this is the common mindset for guys, I doubt that any of them will ever get into a LTR if they get spooked because a woman lies about her age. Which brings up a question, how many of you ever lied to a woman about:

• Your age
• Your occupation
• Your education
• How much you make
• How many women you've dated
• Whether or not you're seeing anyone while you're seeing her
• Whether you've ever cheated on another woman
• That you plan on marrying her

Better hope women you sarge don't hold the same mindset as you guys.

I agree - women lie about their age and their weight - always have.
Lying is not the best thing a woman can do to strengthen an LTR however lets put this in perspective.

Firstly she lied to make herself MORE attractive and appealing to YOU.
Secondly - what harm was done.
THirdly - she did not lie about the 'biggies' - seeing other guys behind your back, her STD status, her criminal record and so on.

This one lie about her age would NOT be a dealbreaker for me BECAUSE she was not trying to conceal any sinister activities or some dark secret from her past.
I cant see that her revelation that she is 40 impacts negatively on the quality or the viability of your LTR.

Usually I am a real "all or nothing" guy on character issues and ethics BUT I just do not see the PROBLEM here.

IF it bothers you, be vigilant about her truthfulness, and if a pattern of deceit emerges then YES, dump her.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

...
Firstly she lied to make herself MORE attractive and appealing to YOU.
Secondly - what harm was done.
THirdly - she did not lie about the 'biggies' - seeing other guys behind your back, her STD status, her criminal record and so on. ...

All true, but these guys are too afraid of the possibility of getting hurt in the future to realize any of these things. She'd probably be better off with someone else so it would be beneficial to her if he'd just break it off.

 

[Smack]

I agree - women lie about their age and their weight - always have.
Lying is not the best thing a woman can do to strengthen an LTR however lets put this in perspective.

Firstly she lied to make herself MORE attractive and appealing to YOU.
Secondly - what harm was done.
THirdly - she did not lie about the 'biggies' - seeing other guys behind your back, her STD status, her criminal record and so on.

This one lie about her age would NOT be a dealbreaker for me BECAUSE she was not trying to conceal any sinister activities or some dark secret from her past.
I cant see that her revelation that she is 40 impacts negatively on the quality or the viability of your LTR.

Usually I am a real "all or nothing" guy on character issues and ethics BUT I just do not see the PROBLEM here.

IF it bothers you, be vigilant about her truthfulness, and if a pattern of deceit emerges then YES, dump her.

It is certainly true that women lie all the time about things. Some are pretty harmless and irrelevant, soon forgotten about and nothing too serious.

A woman lying about her age is not uncommon, especially as they get older. When they're in their 30's, no matter how good looking and wrinkle free they are, they are still seen as less attractive than a woman in her 20's by most men. The number makes a huge difference. 29 is far better than 30, even though they are practically the same. Now, had she only been 30 or 31 and tried to get away with her late twenties, in my books that's a fairly minor lie and not a total deal breaker, for she fears the automatic reaction that guys get when they know she's in her 30's - they prefer someone in her twenties. She doesn't want to lose points over something that she has no control over and has covered up fairly well.

But 40 trying to get away with 28!? I don't think so. She greatly understated her age - so much so that I'd have trouble believing her about anything in the future. That is a huge lie and a huge red flag. Similar to a guy saying he's a millionaire when he only earns a hundred grand.

Anyone who suggests that he still get into an LTR with this women is not thinking about the future. With such a big age difference, things will be awkward for them in the future. It will not be long before she loses her youth and the wrinkles appear, whilst he is still fully youthful. At 40 she probably wants to settle down and marry and have kids. Or does she already have kids? (After all, there is no reason to suggest that she does but just 'forgot' to mention them.) You're at two different stages of life, so will naturally want different things. Find someone who's also at your stage of life who wants similar things, who you can achieve your dreams together with, who will still be youthful in years to come.

 

[jophil28]

She greatly understated her age
Similar to a guy saying he's a millionaire when he only earns a hundred grand.
.

Yeah - good point.

I would not have a problem with her lie about being 40 vs 28- however I am 52 and the math is all different for a guy my age.

However, now it is up to the OP to decide, on balance. whether she is a keeper.
Did he say that he wanted a wife, kids, picket fence , green minivan etc in the near future ?. Perhaps a 40 year old is not a good candidate for a starring role that movie.

I am wondering whether a woman would stay with a guy who held himself out to be a millionaire but later 'confessed ' that he only made $100K..

 

[jophil28]

Hi!


And the life story she has fed me just can't be right for a 40 year old.

What does this mean ? Give me more info ..

 

[Latinoman]

I am 40...so, my reaction would have been very different than if I was 27.


If I was 27...I would NOT get involve in a relationship with a 40 year old woman. At 27...I was very picky.

If a woman that is 40 misrepresent herself and lied to me by telling me she was 28..., I would dump her in the spot. That would shatter her self-esteem and you know what? I would not care. Especially if she drafted her story to be that of a 28 year old woman. That is very pathetic.

It is like somebody mentioned above...the equivalent of a man saying he is worth 1 Million bucks, but in reallity he is worth 50,000 dollars.

And by the way...how can a 40 year old woman past for a 28? That's impossible. Unless you are very inexperience.

 

[thedeparted]

Don't waste your youth on a middle-aged woman. You should not be in LTR's with 40 y.o's. You should be seeing their daughters. As for the lie, it's egregious. Round up or down a year, an inch, or a couple of pounds, no big deal. But a dozen years? That's **way** out of the ball park. There will be a lot more issues with a 40 yo woman trying to pass as 28 to pickup younger men. And they won't be pretty.

So here's to you, Mrs. Robinson, Jesus loves you more than you will know...
But we don't...
So go go go...

:moon: <-- not mature, but still satisfying

 

[Velox]

The more I think about this, there are 2 things that matter in this case. 1. She is much older than I thought she was. 2. She lied to me about it. I might have been able to accept the age difference, but such a big lie is more difficult to accept.

I don't want to get too deeply into her life story, but she has told me she hasn't had many relationships. This seems very strange for a woman of her age and looks. Why isn't she married and has children already? She has also told me what she has been doing for the last 6 years or so, and I've been thinking she went to school before that. But now I realise I have no clue whatsoever what she did before the last 6 years.

I feel like I need answers to my questions before I make a final decision. There is only one person who can give me those answers, so I have decided to ask her about it.