Girl is slow to give it up. What do I do?

WillieSacks

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Ok so I met this chick a month or so ago at a party. Called her up 5 days later, I'd call her, she'd return my calls or whatever. We went out on a date. The date was cool. Everything went well or whatever. So anyways we go on a second date to play pool. I can tell she's feeling me, she laughs at my jokes, compliments me on how cute I must have been when I was a kid or whatever.

Anyway everything seems cool but for some reason when I put kino on her she's reluctant to be receptive, like I put my arm around her and she's slow to put her arm around mine, stuff like that. She eventually gets to it but it seems like she's not sure.

I notice a red flag one time when we were having a conversation. I was talking to her and I guess I said something like 'do you want me to call you later since you're driving' and she goes 'whatever bye' and hangs up on me. WTF. I try to ask her what that was all about and she tells me not ot bring up old stuff or she won't talk to me anymore (this was through text)

Anyway I let it slide and go on a 3rd date with her, I want to make a move b/c it's the 3rd date and I want to see where we stand. Hte 3rd date, we go window shopping and she's really touchy feely like hitting me when I crack on her and what not. SHe even says that I was the first guy to ever take her out on a date (other than prom or dance) and I go 'theres a first time for everything.' So anyway the date ends at her friends place and I decide to leave so she follo2ws me out and she gives me a big hug and she lets to then I try to kiss her and she goes 'no' like a little girl and head buts me and I'm confused as hell. SHe even told me that she doesn't like playing games and I could tell she was feeling me. SO it was awkward, it was the first time that ever happened to me, I was lookign at her like WTF. I like you and you like me, so whats the problem. SHe goes "I don't know, I guess I just wasn't ready, don't take it the wrong way, I like you but it just hapened so fast and I wasn't ready" and basically she just kept saying I don't know and don't take it the wrong way. So basically, talks have died doiwn the past couple of weeks b/c of that. I've been messing with this other chick I banged on the first night to keep my head clear but we still talk. It's just that I'm very impatient when it comes to that. We've been talking for 5 weeks and I still haven't even made out with her.

I haven't been able to bring her to my crib b/c there's no privacy and I don't go to her place b/c of the same $Hit. Anyway I talked to my boy and he said that it seems like she's just intimidated by me. BTW she's 19 years old and I'm 21. It seems like every girl I've dated under 21 has some screw loose but every girl 21 and over I've dated, I've made out with or had sex with on the 1st date. COincidence?

I haven't gone out with her since, b/c I'm reluctant to spend money on some chick that isn't giving it up. If it means anything it seems like she has low self esteem. I say stuff like 'I like you' and she says stuff like 'nobody likes me' stuff like that.

The other day I asked her if she just wanted to be friends and she was surprised that I asked her that. She was like "I still want to talk to you and if I didn't want to talk to you, I'd tell you"

I was even talking to her saying that if she was messing with someone else, it wouldn't be my business anyway and she said that it would and it would be shady if she didn't tell me.

She seems like a good girl to me but she's taking things too slowm that's why I'm messing with other people on the side but still taking to her. What would you gusy do?
 

Kraken

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Maybe right now she's making a post that says 'Guy is moving too fast for me. What do I do?'

It seems to me you're deciding to make your moves based on the amount of time that has passed, as opposed to the general feeling you get by guaging her IL. Don't try to force anything, wait until you feel she's settled in a comfort zone before you try anything else.

As for kino, you can make it more subtle by incorporating it into things you say (i.e. just a touch on the shoulder) instead of more obvious things like putting your arm around her shoulder.

Be patient and you will be rewarded.
 

WillieSacks

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You're right about the kino, the subtle stuff does work. I just recently finished having a conversation with her by text (since I'm at work and on the phone at work) it basically was....

Me: You're different from other girls I've dated

Her: Hows that

Me: Well I've never talked to a girl this long (1 month and a week) and didn't know where we stood

Her: Is that bad? I just want to make sure I'm making the right decisions

Me: Most girls aren't like that, but that's not bad at all.

Her: well you did say I was different

Me: That's one reason why I asked if you just wanted to be friends. I was starting to get confused.

Her: Sorry.
 

OddTech

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Hmmm, I had this experience before. Basically, this girl isn't interested in dating around. She is the type who goes, "the first guy I fall in love with is the one that I married." She's here for the long haul.

If that is the case, you should consider whether this type of relationship is something you want. If not, then you should consider forgetting her. From what you say, she does sound like a quality girl, so it might be worth waiting for.

Her esteem issue and indecisiveness is a red flag. Be aware of problems that could appear in the future.
 

b's nuts

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had a girl like this, took me like 2 weeks to make out. Ended up nexting her (but you can't really tell them thats the reason). She wanted to still be friends, but I hate messing with girls im not going to screw, and she has been a pain in my ass ever since. Damn, how easy it would be if they would just put out!
 

WillieSacks

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I've thought about just dropping her altogether but she seems like g/f material but . But right now I'm just keeping her on the side and messing with other chicks to keep my head clear. Of coure I'm not telling her this. Does anyone know what I can do to speed up the process. thanks?
 
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If you want a wh@re then go chase a wh@re - I don't see where your dilemna lies.
 

WillieSacks

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Originally posted by PuertoRican_Lover
If you want a wh@re then go chase a wh@re - I don't see where your dilemna lies.
With all due respect, I think you do know what I'm saying bro. After 3 dates (3 weeks of talking) she's still reluctant to even kiss me. We've been talking for about 5 weeks and I don't want to waste anymore time and money if it ain't worth it. No girl has ever taken this long to respond to my advances. So I'm trying to figure out if I should just hang in there or cut it shore?
 
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Just be blunt with her and ask her what it is that she is looking for - is it love - a ltr - a sex partner - someone to spend time with? It seems that you want a sex partner then this is not the one; however if you are looking for what she is looking for then you are a match.

Do not spend any more money or time on her until you do know what she wants with you - period. It seems you want this girl above the others so you are trying to be patient but your patience is wearing thin.
 

dietzcoi

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Lots and Lots of Red Flags..

Not affectionate
Indecisive
No self esteem
Generally screwy

This is girlfriend material?

Step back and look at this without emotion. That is why you asked us the question... you are too close to her.

She is not going to be what you want. Move on

Dietzcoi
 

captn caveman

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Even if you get her, with the behaviour you have been showing,

It will be a problem relationship, making you want to go for the over 21's again!

What you have in hand is a mama's girl, wanna-husband bf girl, or just some girl who will put you into LJBF category soon...

Considering you get her, you will have a relationship which will make you invest much more than you are getting out of it.. Exceeding all the set borders...

Make her invest in you..

Make her pay...

Make her realize that this chump will not put up with this ****...

Make her see that you are good trade...

Make her want results of her investment..

And, pull back.. turn away from her, basic kino, but no movement for the kiss... No movement to her body except arm and shoulder... while, this is important, showing sexual signs to other females, so she knows you are not a chump, but a man, with sexual desires, but just that you do not feel the need to attack her.
 

BMW

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Originally posted by WillieSacks
Ok so I met this chick a month or so ago at a party. Called her up 5 days later, I'd call her, she'd return my calls or whatever. We went out on a date. The date was cool. Everything went well or whatever. So anyways we go on a second date to play pool. I can tell she's feeling me, she laughs at my jokes, compliments me on how cute I must have been when I was a kid or whatever.

Anyway everything seems cool but for some reason when I put kino on her she's reluctant to be receptive, like I put my arm around her and she's slow to put her arm around mine, stuff like that. She eventually gets to it but it seems like she's not sure.

I notice a red flag one time when we were having a conversation. I was talking to her and I guess I said something like 'do you want me to call you later since you're driving' and she goes 'whatever bye' and hangs up on me. WTF. I try to ask her what that was all about and she tells me not ot bring up old stuff or she won't talk to me anymore (this was through text)

Anyway I let it slide and go on a 3rd date with her, I want to make a move b/c it's the 3rd date and I want to see where we stand. Hte 3rd date, we go window shopping and she's really touchy feely like hitting me when I crack on her and what not. SHe even says that I was the first guy to ever take her out on a date (other than prom or dance) and I go 'theres a first time for everything.' So anyway the date ends at her friends place and I decide to leave so she follo2ws me out and she gives me a big hug and she lets to then I try to kiss her and she goes 'no' like a little girl and head buts me and I'm confused as hell. SHe even told me that she doesn't like playing games and I could tell she was feeling me. SO it was awkward, it was the first time that ever happened to me, I was lookign at her like WTF. I like you and you like me, so whats the problem. SHe goes "I don't know, I guess I just wasn't ready, don't take it the wrong way, I like you but it just hapened so fast and I wasn't ready" and basically she just kept saying I don't know and don't take it the wrong way. So basically, talks have died doiwn the past couple of weeks b/c of that. I've been messing with this other chick I banged on the first night to keep my head clear but we still talk. It's just that I'm very impatient when it comes to that. We've been talking for 5 weeks and I still haven't even made out with her.

I haven't been able to bring her to my crib b/c there's no privacy and I don't go to her place b/c of the same $Hit. Anyway I talked to my boy and he said that it seems like she's just intimidated by me. BTW she's 19 years old and I'm 21. It seems like every girl I've dated under 21 has some screw loose but every girl 21 and over I've dated, I've made out with or had sex with on the 1st date. COincidence?

I haven't gone out with her since, b/c I'm reluctant to spend money on some chick that isn't giving it up. If it means anything it seems like she has low self esteem. I say stuff like 'I like you' and she says stuff like 'nobody likes me' stuff like that.

The other day I asked her if she just wanted to be friends and she was surprised that I asked her that. She was like "I still want to talk to you and if I didn't want to talk to you, I'd tell you"

I was even talking to her saying that if she was messing with someone else, it wouldn't be my business anyway and she said that it would and it would be shady if she didn't tell me.

She seems like a good girl to me but she's taking things too slowm that's why I'm messing with other people on the side but still taking to her. What would you gusy do?
why don't you respect her instead? If you don't want to get married to her, then leave her alone. Obviously, she shouldn't be with a person like you in the first place.
 

Jake Steed

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This is pretty clear cut. Bottom line--she likes you, but is afraid. She's only 19, dude. She's one of those rare girls who hasn't actually fvcked the whole football team by age 16.

She doesn't seem shady at all to me. I think she's being honest with you. I agree with your friend, she's just intimidated by you because you're older, can go out and drink and party. She has no idea what she's doing. Why is it that so many guys on this thread automatically think this girl is crazy or has some sinister motive? Do I sense some bitterness here?

Willie, it really depends on what you want here. Do you JUST want to fvck her? Or are you open to the possibility of a relationship with her? You have to decide what you want because rest assured this girl wants a real, committed bf. She sounds like the type of girl who you can trust in a relationship, I think (well, as much as you can trust a 19 yr old child).

You need to be honest in your interactions with this particular girl. If you are open to the idea of a relationship, take a deep breath, relax yourself, and just go along for the ride. Don't pressure her overly. Next date, just have fun with her and enjoy her company. Don't make any aggressive moves. If things go well, on the next date after that, go for the kiss. She's young and inexperienced and you can't expect her to suck you off right away.

If you just want the fvck, make sure it's clear to her that you aren't looking for a relationship so she can make her decision if she wants to hook up with you or not. My guess is she probably wouldn't. But trust me nothing is more of a pain in the ass as a girl who hooks up with you under the misunderstood assumption that you're going to be her boyfriend when you don't want that. It becomes a real pain in the ass and not worth it anyways.

You're smart to still be seeing other girls. Good for you. You're also smart in not spending money on this girl. However, there are still cheap and free activities you can do with her that don't cost money. I think if you want her, you should still take her out and have fun with her. You SHOULD be enjoying this girl's company on SOME level other than sex, because she's definately not going to be the type of girl to fvck your brains out right away. It's going to take time.

Jake
 

WillieSacks

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I think you summed it all up for me Jake, thanks for the quick response. Everyone, (except BMW) thanks for the advice. I really appreciate it.
 

Vandermast

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The search function does come in handy for same old questions & similar situations. Thanx PuertoRican- Lover and Jake Steed. I am going to make it clear on what I want b/c I don't want to hurt a nice girl I am seeing by giving off a misunderstood assumption that I want something serious. Now that I realize it, she does like me but is afraid & it's not b/c of interest b/c it's there already.
 
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